making plans to seperate

[joaddi3]

I don't usually post over here but this caught my eye. I'm really sorry for what you are going through and I understand a little how you feel. People don't understand. That's true for every marriage. Nobody but the people in the relationship can fully understand. When there is trouble in a marriage and you try to put it into words you only scratch the surface of the situation. In your case your husbands weight and eating habits. I don't have your particular marital problem but when I try to voice my own to others I know I can't possibly express the big picture, the complete effect things have on me, my physical, mental and emotional health, the compilation of things that just make life unbearable. I can't express it because there are no words. I'm sure this is the case with you as well.

People want to find easy solutions to complicated problems. They want to give textbook answers to things that aren't found in any textbook. And they are often unfit to offer advice but do it anyway.

Anyway, I wish I had something more to offer.

i appreciate your post and just know that i'm not mad at anybody. i know that most people have good intentions, and you are right--there just aren't words to describe exactly what's going on...

 

[AMOG]

First, let me offer this.

When you make a vow to support someone in sickness and in health, that presupposes that there will actually be some times of health.

In a normal relationship (that thing we think we will have when we marry) one can reasonably expect that there will be times when one is sick and when one is healthy. Also through accident or disease, or at the end of life, there may be a protracted period of "unhealth" before the end.

But in all these cases... the sick person does not chose to be sick and strives to recover even if recovery is not medically possible.

When a person chooses food, or alcohol, or drugs, or whatever over a spouse, we often call it an "addiction" or "sickness", excuse them, and then feel justified in guilt-triping the spouse into sacrificing the rest of their life to care for an individual who is suddenly, by their own choice, infirmed, just as if they had come down with terminal cancer, ALS, or fallen of a horse and become paraplegic.

It's not the same thing. Not by a mile.

People chose addiction. Period. If it were not so, then how would it be possible for all those recovering 12 steppers to have finally "made a choice" to turn their life around. The addicted must DECIDE to break the cycle of addiction, even if they do that by turning it over to a higher power. To not do that and remain in an addicted lifestyle is to make a passive choice to do nothing.

In this situation I would not recommend leaving immediately, but most spouses, in my experience, stay well beyond the call of duty. In fact, leaving him may be the wakeup call he needs to straighten out and it could end up saving his life so that he will be there to see his kids graduate and have their own kids.

Secondly, How can anyone say that because he is still living in the house, he has not abandoned his family??? That is the most superficial, shallow definition of abandonment possible!

Just because someone shows up at work and sits at their desk, that doesn't mean they are doing their job. I have met some government employees that have managed to "retire at their desks" but in most normal situations, this will lead to you being fired from your job.

By the same token, you can live in the same house with someone and totally abandon them. Don't believe it? read the stories on this very BBS. It is full of examples.

Again, moving out isn't the first, optimal course of action. It is a last resort, but it IS the permissible, even I think, the responsible course of action once other avenues have been exhausted.

my .02

 

[AJ29]

I really feel for you! I am sorry that you are going through this!

Noone WANTS to get a divorce! You are no exception to that.

From what you have said, you have done what you can to help your husband and be supportive of him. You understand what it takes to lose weight, and by cooking healthy meals and snacks (which are rejected) there is little more you can do other than force it down his throat (which, from what you have said, will only worsen the situation by adding MORE calories to his diet because it will be food that he eats in addition to the fast food he picks up on his way home).

Your husband is not a Christian. He obviously doesn't really value his marriage vows. After 11 years, there is little hope for change. I gather he didn't just gain 200lbs in the last week or 2 - this has been an ongoing issue for you both.

I commend you for your efforts in trying to help your husband. I really do!

The fact of the matter is, that without 2 of you committed to this marriage (and for him to refuse to do something about his own health is a pretty sure indication that he is no longer committed), and without the hope that things will change, there really isn't a marriage to work on.

We are not perfect, we live in a fallen world, yadda yadda... that means none of us will have the perfect marriage.

If you now feel that you are at the point where you - in your capacity as a loving human being - can no longer work at your marriage, then you need to leave with your head held high, knowing that you did your best. Sure - your best isn't perfect - but it is still your best!

I will pray for you as you make your decision. And please, regardless of whether you remain married or not, pray for your husband. It is in everyone's best interests that he is fit and well. Cooking for him and encouraging him directly obviously isn't working, but prayer does work, so I encourage you to keep praying.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

do you not consider being emotionally abandoned abuse??? how about a steady dose of dealing with someone who is pretty much suicidal. ever been afraid to go home from work because you are afraid you will find your spouse dead??? ever wonder what to do with the kids if it does happen??? if so, have you had that haunt you on a daily basis??? ever dealt with someone who could care less whether they live or die, in spite of the fact that they have 3 beautiful children who would be crushed if it happened??? i was not a christian at the time i married him...i was as a younger person, but i had backslid prior to meeting him. his diet was not spectacular when i met him, but it was NOTHING like it is now...if it was, i would never have married him...because of certain people , i have avoided going to my church because i don't want to hear that because i married him, i am now nothing more than his doormat. like i said before, this is not something that i take lightly...that is why i am seeking fellowship with my brothers and sisters here at cf.. God is a forgiving God and he knows my heart.

If you will look back through my posts you will see that I mentioned emotional abuse and fear of injury as real reasons to leave. You will NOT see anywhere in my posts that anyone should be a doormat in a marriage! Your original posts mentioned your reasons for seeking a separation were his weight gain and eating habits.

People don't understand.

And they are often unfit to offer advice but do it anyway.

If this is directed to me I can say the same thing to you. Do you understand what it's like to go through a divorce and feel the spectrum of feelings that come with being a mother to kids who no longer have a father in their lives? She hasn't left him yet. I don't agree that a support forum has to just say I'm sorry you're going through this and not offer food for thought so she can be prepared for what actually happens after separation. Are you going to be there holding her up when she deals with the guilt, because there is always guilt and regret even if it was the right decision.

Unbelievable that in a Christian forum, Im being blasted and reported for not agreeing that obesity and unhealthy eating are grounds for divorce. And because I'm pointing out the pain that comes with the guilt for the children, I'm not being supportive? Geesh. Yes I got divorced; that's why I have a little to add here. (No, let's close our eyes and pretend it won't hurt a bit. That's being real supportive and helpful.)

But in all these cases... the sick person does not chose to be sick and strives to recover even if recovery is not medically possible.

This is not true. When people are depressed they often no longer care. So, depression is now a reason to divorce someone? Also when someone knows they have a terminal illness one of the stages is choosing to die. This may go on for hours, days, or weeks. By what you're saying, that means the spouse has grounds to leave at that point. And at what point is it ok to leave an obese person? 20, 50, 100 pounds overweight?

When a person chooses food, or alcohol, or drugs, or whatever over a spouse, we often call it an "addiction" or "sickness", excuse them, and then feel justified in guilt-triping the spouse into sacrificing the rest of their life to care for an individual who is suddenly, by their own choice,

It's not the same thing. Not by a mile.
While eating can be an addiction, it is not the same thing as a drug addiction or addiction to alcohol. These types of drugs are illegal and often cause people to fall into crime to support their habit. Alcoholics often drive drunk, are sometimes dangerous when they're drunk, and are just unavailable as a spouse when intoxicated.

People chose addiction. Period.
No not really. They make choices that lead them into that lifestyle one step at a time. The person taking their first hit of crack doesn't think they're going to be an addict and end up homeless. You're also forgetting that we have to eat to live. It's not an option. Obese people usually have some emotional issues that go along with it.

Secondly, How can anyone say that because he is still living in the house, he has not abandoned his family??? That is the most superficial, shallow definition of abandonment possible!

If you will look at the other posts you will see that someone stated that the husband had abandoned the family as a statement of fact. An obese person does not automatically abandon a family just by being obese.

People, read the title of the OP-making plans to separate. If someone would've painted a realistic picture of what my life would be like with my kids before I married my ex-h; I might've decided not to marry him or waited longer. Maybe. If I can prepare someone for some of the real pain of separation/divorce or even give her cause to consider one more way, one more prayer, or whatever, then that is real Christian support. Regret and guilt will be there regardless, but if divorce is the last resort after trying everything, then the guilt is less and more manageable. The time for considering the hard issues is better done before separation, not afterwards.

 

[joaddi3]

If you will look back through my posts you will see that I mentioned emotional abuse and fear of injury as real reasons to leave. You will NOT see anywhere in my posts that anyone should be a doormat in a marriage! Your original posts mentioned your reasons for seeking a separation were his weight gain and eating habits.




If this is directed to me I can say the same thing to you. Do you understand what it's like to go through a divorce and feel the spectrum of feelings that come with being a mother to kids who no longer have a father in their lives? She hasn't left him yet. I don't agree that a support forum has to just say I'm sorry you're going through this and not offer food for thought so she can be prepared for what actually happens after separation. Are you going to be there holding her up when she deals with the guilt, because there is always guilt and regret even if it was the right decision.

Unbelievable that in a Christian forum, Im being blasted and reported for not agreeing that obesity and unhealthy eating are grounds for divorce. And because I'm pointing out the pain that comes with the guilt for the children, I'm not being supportive? Geesh. Yes I got divorced; that's why I have a little to add here. (No, let's close our eyes and pretend it won't hurt a bit. That's being real supportive and helpful.)



People, read the title of the OP-making plans to separate. If someone would've painted a realistic picture of what my life would be like with my kids before I married my ex-h; I might've decided not to marry him or waited longer. Maybe. If I can prepare someone for some of the real pain of separation/divorce or even give her cause to consider one more way, one more prayer, or whatever, then that is real Christian support. Regret and guilt will be there regardless, but if divorce is the last resort after trying everything, then the guilt is less and more manageable. The time for considering the hard issues is better done before separation, not afterwards.

i thank u for caring enough to be straight with me. if u were reported, it wasnt by me.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

i thank u for caring enough to be straight with me. if u were reported, it wasnt by me.

I didn't think so. And just to clarify for others; my posts aren't about condemning you or anyone else for thinking about separating or divorcing. We all know God hates divorce, but that doesn't mean a divorce is always against God's will. It means something went wrong somewhere and we should be sure that there isn't something else we could try to fix it. Or in many cases it means we never should've married in the first place.

 

[FaithfulWife]

I've been working with couples who had infidelity in their marriages for about nine years now, and one thing I FREQUENTLY see is what I would call "the fantasy of what it will be like." For folks who were the loyal spouse, they think their spouse will come back fully aware of the damage they've done and beg for forgiveness. Often there's the fantasy of "they will make up for it" by doing XYZ or "they will realize they want me and CHOOSE ME again!" In real life those are just fantasies. In real life, the disloyal spouse was hurting for years and the loyal spouse was either unaware or didn't do anything about it. In real life, the disloyal spouse often thinks they finally did something for themselves or wishes that their spouse would just forget about it and "get over it!"

For folks who were the disloyal spouse, the fantasy is more like this: The other person is their soulmate and knows them like no one else ever could. What they feel for the other person is true love and they're not really sure if they ever really loved their spouse at all. They will leave behind their spouse, their responsibilities, the arguing, the bills, and EVERYTHING--and live happily and in love with the other person forever. They will get to keep all the assets and get none of the debts. The spouse will just go away quietly. The kids will LOVE the other person because they do. See how that is all fantasy? In real life, the other person cheated to be with them and will cheat ON them because they are a dishonest person. In real life what they feel may be infatuation but will not last in the long term. Not only do they NOT leave the spouse, kids and responsibilities behind but now they have a SECOND bunch of things to worry about: an unhappy mate, step kids who hate them and won't listen, double bills, and NO ONE is happy. In real life, they only get HALF of the assets and still have to pay for half of the debts -AND- now they have half of the other person's financial worries too!

I think what eatenbylocusts is saying is that if someone had told her what it is REALLY like versus the unrealistic fantasy that you think it's going to be like, that maybe it may have changed her mind and made her think differently!

Here's what a divorce is really like:

My kids cried and missed their dad--and he didn't bother to see them but they didn't understand that I couldn't "make" him want them...so they were mad at me and blamed me.

I never, ever, EVER had enough money. We scrimped on everything even though I had a nice, secure job in accounting for the federal government. My ex NEVER paid his child support on time and every month was like pulling teeth to get it.

My ex fought EVERYTHING that was anywhere near fair in our divorce decree and I purposely did not ask for what I thought I really deserved because I wanted out and wanted it to be done. He fought every little detail and even when the judge ORDERED him, he still resisted down to the last moment before he'd be thrown in jail for contempt.

We lost our home. The home that was 4000 sq.ft. and had a pool, that our kids had their bedrooms in, that we knew all the neighbors--because the mortgage was higher than I could afford and he wouldn't pay a dime until a judge forced him.

We lost our business. We had a thriving business with ten employees, but he was the CEO and Pres. of the company, and when he left I just could not do some of the things that were his job. I didn't know how. So client's left the business and then he claimed that I ran it into the ground.

I went to bed every night alone. I had no one in my bed and no one to hug me or no one for me to hug.

My kids did not understand all that was going on and blamed me for things because I was there--and it wasn't as if I could tell them that their father loved sex with other women over the internet more than he loved us (although that was the truth), so I held my tongue and took it.

We not only lost my ex, but aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents and in-laws--the whole family was irreparably torn apart.

Since there was only one parent, and I frequently was worn out physically and emotionally, the kids were angry and rebellious and just plain MAD !

All my dreams for the future were destroyed. I thought I was going to be married, owner of a successful business, pass it on to my children or sell it, and retire with my hubby in our big home that was paid off. Instead, I had NONE of those things--not one. I lost it all!

So jo, we are not saying you SHOULD ask for a divorce or even saying that you SHOULDN'T...but don't fool yourself that he will be fair, that he will cooperate, that he will continue to care even the little bit that he is now about you or the kids, that he will help and do his financial share willingly. And I'm not saying this because "HE" is an evil person or just that bad--but rather because I want you to fully realize what you're getting into. It is DEVASTATING in ways that you can not imagine--even when it's biblically sound.

Having said all that, I know that YOU are there and know everything about the situation. I am here and do not know all the facts. So I will pray for you that God will guide you clearly and give you peace over your decision, and whatever you choose, I will continue to love you and value you for the dear sister in Christ that you are!

~Faithful

 

[jwp]

Pretty simple for most people to cut loose a fat guy isn't it? I mean nobody understands fat people. Neither did I until I got diabetes. Guess what, there's a physical state and genetic disorder that is the root cause to this. At 500 pounds he must be diabetic or very very close to it. HE CANNOT CONTROL HIS DISEASE AT THIS POINT IN HIS LIFE. Ok, your fears are founded and you seem genuinely concerned.

If you really love him, get him into the Doctor for a blood test asking about his sugar levels. Then go to a specialist and get a lap band or stomach reduction surgery, he's on his way out unless something drastic is done to save him AND THERES NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP IT SHORT OF A MIRACLE OR A DOCTOR'S HELP.

 

[joaddi3]

I've been working with couples who had infidelity in their marriages for about nine years now, and one thing I FREQUENTLY see is what I would call "the fantasy of what it will be like." For folks who were the loyal spouse, they think their spouse will come back fully aware of the damage they've done and beg for forgiveness. Often there's the fantasy of "they will make up for it" by doing XYZ or "they will realize they want me and CHOOSE ME again!" In real life those are just fantasies. In real life, the disloyal spouse was hurting for years and the loyal spouse was either unaware or didn't do anything about it. In real life, the disloyal spouse often thinks they finally did something for themselves or wishes that their spouse would just forget about it and "get over it!"

For folks who were the disloyal spouse, the fantasy is more like this: The other person is their soulmate and knows them like no one else ever could. What they feel for the other person is true love and they're not really sure if they ever really loved their spouse at all. They will leave behind their spouse, their responsibilities, the arguing, the bills, and EVERYTHING--and live happily and in love with the other person forever. They will get to keep all the assets and get none of the debts. The spouse will just go away quietly. The kids will LOVE the other person because they do. See how that is all fantasy? In real life, the other person cheated to be with them and will cheat ON them because they are a dishonest person. In real life what they feel may be infatuation but will not last in the long term. Not only do they NOT leave the spouse, kids and responsibilities behind but now they have a SECOND bunch of things to worry about: an unhappy mate, step kids who hate them and won't listen, double bills, and NO ONE is happy. In real life, they only get HALF of the assets and still have to pay for half of the debts -AND- now they have half of the other person's financial worries too!

I think what eatenbylocusts is saying is that if someone had told her what it is REALLY like versus the unrealistic fantasy that you think it's going to be like, that maybe it may have changed her mind and made her think differently!

Here's what a divorce is really like:

My kids cried and missed their dad--and he didn't bother to see them but they didn't understand that I couldn't "make" him want them...so they were mad at me and blamed me.

I never, ever, EVER had enough money. We scrimped on everything even though I had a nice, secure job in accounting for the federal government. My ex NEVER paid his child support on time and every month was like pulling teeth to get it.

My ex fought EVERYTHING that was anywhere near fair in our divorce decree and I purposely did not ask for what I thought I really deserved because I wanted out and wanted it to be done. He fought every little detail and even when the judge ORDERED him, he still resisted down to the last moment before he'd be thrown in jail for contempt.

We lost our home. The home that was 4000 sq.ft. and had a pool, that our kids had their bedrooms in, that we knew all the neighbors--because the mortgage was higher than I could afford and he wouldn't pay a dime until a judge forced him.

We lost our business. We had a thriving business with ten employees, but he was the CEO and Pres. of the company, and when he left I just could not do some of the things that were his job. I didn't know how. So client's left the business and then he claimed that I ran it into the ground.

I went to bed every night alone. I had no one in my bed and no one to hug me or no one for me to hug.

My kids did not understand all that was going on and blamed me for things because I was there--and it wasn't as if I could tell them that their father loved sex with other women over the internet more than he loved us (although that was the truth), so I held my tongue and took it.

We not only lost my ex, but aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents and in-laws--the whole family was irreparably torn apart.

Since there was only one parent, and I frequently was worn out physically and emotionally, the kids were angry and rebellious and just plain MAD !

All my dreams for the future were destroyed. I thought I was going to be married, owner of a successful business, pass it on to my children or sell it, and retire with my hubby in our big home that was paid off. Instead, I had NONE of those things--not one. I lost it all!

So jo, we are not saying you SHOULD ask for a divorce or even saying that you SHOULDN'T...but don't fool yourself that he will be fair, that he will cooperate, that he will continue to care even the little bit that he is now about you or the kids, that he will help and do his financial share willingly. And I'm not saying this because "HE" is an evil person or just that bad--but rather because I want you to fully realize what you're getting into. It is DEVASTATING in ways that you can not imagine--even when it's biblically sound.

Having said all that, I know that YOU are there and know everything about the situation. I am here and do not know all the facts. So I will pray for you that God will guide you clearly and give you peace over your decision, and whatever you choose, I will continue to love you and value you for the dear sister in Christ that you are!

~Faithful

thank you very much for your post. i realize now that when i posted originally it may have been taken out of context. i'm not leaving my husband because he's "fat". i'm not that shallow and i do love him. it's just the ongoing self destructive behavior that i am unable to tolerate anymore. being unable to control his eating is just an example of his disregard for his health. it is in no way the only reason for our problems.

 

[joaddi3]

Pretty simple for most people to cut loose a fat guy isn't it? I mean nobody understands fat people. Neither did I until I got diabetes. Guess what, there's a physical state and genetic disorder that is the root cause to this. At 500 pounds he must be diabetic or very very close to it. HE CANNOT CONTROL HIS DISEASE AT THIS POINT IN HIS LIFE. Ok, your fears are founded and you seem genuinely concerned.

If you really love him, get him into the Doctor for a blood test asking about his sugar levels. Then go to a specialist and get a lap band or stomach reduction surgery, he's on his way out unless something drastic is done to save him AND THERES NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP IT SHORT OF A MIRACLE OR A DOCTOR'S HELP.

he did go have his blood checked and even picked up his medicine--because i made him go. he refuses to check his blood sugar, or take his medication. as far as surgery goes, he is too afraid and the doctor has said that he would still have to get a little healthier and stable first.

 

[FaithfulWife]

thank you very much for your post. i realize now that when i posted originally it may have been taken out of context. i'm not leaving my husband because he's "fat". i'm not that shallow and i do love him. it's just the ongoing self destructive behavior that i am unable to tolerate anymore. being unable to control his eating is just an example of his disregard for his health. it is in no way the only reason for our problems.

Just so we're clear, I completely understand that. I myself am not a thin person and neither is my dear hubby, yet I love him DEARLY because we both choose to enjoy food and we both choose to still care for our health and ourselves by way of taking daily showers, brushing teeth, dressing nicely, doing our hair, going to the doctor, going to the dentist, taking pills/vitamins we need to take and just in general CARING for ourselves.

From what I can deduce, this is more about someone who has not cared about himself for a long time. I mean in the sense of "I know I'm diabetic and I should monitor my bloodsugar and take pills but I'm not willing to do that." And it's not even so much a difference of medical opinion--like he's doing HOLISTIC things to deal with his diabetes--but rather that he knows he should do something or he'll be sick and die...and he still chooses to do nothing.

Trust me--I do get that!

At some point, they do need to choose it for themselves. It can't be "because they love us enough" or "because our love is enough" but rather they just need to be willing to make the changes necessary FOR THEM. If my ex had wanted a good life with a loyal wife and loving children, all he had to do was admit he had a cybersex problem, be willing to do something of his own choosing that would deal with the problem, and then follow through of his own accord. That's it! And in the end he was willing to walk away from us, the business, and the 4000 sq.ft. house because he wasn't willing to do that.

So . Okay?


~Faithful

 

[jwp]

Ok so we got to the root of this issue, he is DIABETIC and he's in severe or soon to be severe trouble. I can almost guarantee you that without meds, excersice and good diet he CANNOT CONTROL HIS APPETITE. If he continues and it WON'T BE THAT LONG. He is going to develop irreversable nerve damage to his eyes, kidneys, liver, feet, hands, and even his heart. His feet will start going numb first, then his hands, he will go blind, and he will lose kidney function. His digestive system is shot and he needs medication ASAP. He also needs a good dietician. He feels miserable now. P.S. One of the symptoms of High Blood Sugar is extreme irritability, sleepiness, and a general sense of malaise and depression. He will also want to drink a lot of ice water etc.

You are in hot water right now and most likely it's a lot deeper than you think because Diabetes is a stealthy disease it's comes on very subtle. Many people have it for years without knowing it. He must get help, he must take care of his heatlh. Without that, you don't have to stick around to watch him commit suicide that's abusing you and those around him. Let him die a lonely person if that's what he wants. He is choosing what he wants when he says he's not going to follow his doctor's advice.

 

[joaddi3]

Ok so we got to the root of this issue, he is DIABETIC and he's in severe or soon to be severe trouble. I can almost guarantee you that without meds, excersice and good diet he CANNOT CONTROL HIS APPETITE. If he continues and it WON'T BE THAT LONG. He is going to develop irreversable nerve damage to his eyes, kidneys, liver, feet, hands, and even his heart. His feet will start going numb first, then his hands, he will go blind, and he will lose kidney function. His digestive system is shot and he needs medication ASAP. He also needs a good dietician. He feels miserable now. P.S. One of the symptoms of High Blood Sugar is extreme irritability, sleepiness, and a general sense of malaise and depression. He will also want to drink a lot of ice water etc.

You are in hot water right now and most likely it's a lot deeper than you think because Diabetes is a stealthy disease it's comes on very subtle. Many people have it for years without knowing it. He must get help, he must take care of his heatlh. Without that, you don't have to stick around to watch him commit suicide that's abusing you and those around him. Let him die a lonely person if that's what he wants. He is choosing what he wants when he says he's not going to follow his doctor's advice.

your last post is what my nightmares are made of

 

[humble112]

hi

 

[humble112]

are you being seperated

 

[Autumnleaf]

If he is disregarding his health to the point that he might have a heart attack or be hospitalized soon it might be best to legally separate to protect assets, if you own your home.

You can't make him take things seriously although maybe you can coaxe or cajole him into it bit by bit.

Can you talk him into getting the stomach procedure done? That might help solve things.

 

[joaddi3]

are you being seperated

hey humble

 

[joaddi3]

If he is disregarding his health to the point that he might have a heart attack or be hospitalized soon it might be best to legally separate to protect assets, if you own your home.

You can't make him take things seriously although maybe you can coaxe or cajole him into it bit by bit.

Can you talk him into getting the stomach procedure done? That might help solve things.

we are both really scared of that procedure. too many complications related to it i think. my feeling is that it's worth the risk, but he doesnt agree

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Maybe his Dr. needs to be a bit more blunt about where his choices are leading him. Bypass surgery can have serious risks such as death, but untreated diabetes is just a slower way of getting there. If his sugar is uncontrolled he will get all of the wonderful problems that jwp listed and it won't be a pleasant slow decline. I think Dr.'s should have a scared straight program for non-compliant diabetics so they can meet a few people who've had multiple amputations starting at the toes and then higher and higher until both legs are amputated above the knee.

 

[joaddi3]

Maybe his Dr. needs to be a bit more blunt about where his choices are leading him. Bypass surgery can have serious risks such as death, but untreated diabetes is just a slower way of getting there. If his sugar is uncontrolled he will get all of the wonderful problems that jwp listed and it won't be a pleasant slow decline. I think Dr.'s should have a scared straight program for non-compliant diabetics so they can meet a few people who've had multiple amputations starting at the toes and then higher and higher until both legs are amputated above the knee.

i COMPLETELY agree...a little scared straight is good sometimes