major problems when i pray

[drummingman]

at times when i pray certain things i get into real hard battles. the things that cause me the most probelms when i pray are praying for forgivenss for my sins, telling God i love him with all of my heart and soul, asking the Lord to always bless my drum practicing and a few other things. it has gotten to the point where im afraid to pray these things because of how hard it can be on me. all the bad thoughts that i get when praying these things and feelings like im doing something wrong with my body when i pray these things and if i mess up the words can cause me a lot of problems. a lot of the times if i mess up the words in any way that causes me problems as well. the thing is that when i get bad thoughts and when i feel like i have done something wrong with my body and when i mess up the words when im praying these things i feel like i have to pray them over again. and then the cycle of having to pray it over and over again because of messing up the words or because of bad thoughts or because of feeling like i have done something wrong with my body can start. and then it can get harder and harder to pray these things. in these monents my ocd are at the worst that they are in my life at this time.
im not sure what to do about this because i want and need to pray these things and the other things that i talked about. but each time i do i really run the risk of getting into a MAJOR battle. i cant emphasize how hard it is on me when im dealing with these battles when im praying when they come. thats why i have become afraid to pray these things that i want and need to pray. i cant see a way to be able to pray these things that i want and need to pray without possibly getting into a major battle that causes me a lot of pain.
last night i just did not pray these things in the belief that God understands why i did not pray them. The Lord always understands these things im sure of that in my heart.
i could really use all of your advice on these things. thanks

 

[GraceDaily]

I've been there! I'm not sure of a long term solution, maybe someone else can give you better advice but as far as not praying because God knows the reason you are not, how about just thinking about it, have it in your mind without actually thinking of the words, not putting it into a sentence, if that makes sense?

 

[drummingman]

Thanks for your thoughts Grace.
As is when i go to close my prayer in any way i have problems. My ocd really starts working one me when i go to close my prayer in any way. It makes my prayer life really hard. I really need help with these things.

 

[SoldierOfSoul]

I have the same problem, when I pray I sometimes have to say certain words multiple times that I think I don't say right, I really have no idea how to stop it. I have been doing this on and off for years, at certain times it is worse. It does seem to be getting a little better lately the closer I have been getting to God, but I don't know sometimes. I just hope God will deliver me from this very strange trigger. I'm really new at this accepting OCD thing though, I just recently accepted that I have it, I always knew something wasn't right with me, but now I know why. I don't blame God and I don't blame myself, I understand that this is a mental disorder, and the enemy uses it to his advantage, but I will continue to seek God through His Son Jesus Christ. I will conquer this, and you will too!

 

[drummingman]

thanks soldier.

 

[drummingman]

Im still really going through a very hard time when i pray. It seems that however i go to close my prayer that is one of the main times that my ocd gets real hard.
Anyone have anymore thoughts?

 

[SoldierOfSoul]

You must come to realize that this is just a manefstaion of your condition and not a spiritual problem. Like I said I have some of the same problems when I pray, sometimes I just talk to the Lord in prayer in my head, so I don't have to go through the rituals when I actually pray outloud. I know the Lord hears my heart wether I say it out loud or not. I am not saying that is what you should do but it has helped me.

 

[drummingman]

i have gotton to where i am afraid to say my nighty prayers because of fear that my ocd will cause me a lot of problems. there are nights that i dont pray because of fear that my ocd is going to beat me up. but im not going to never say my nighty prayers. i want to be able to talk with the Lord at night before i go to bed, im just afraid of what my ocd may do when i say my nighty prayers.

 

[jameseb]

You must come to realize that this is just a manefstaion of your condition and not a spiritual problem. Like I said I have some of the same problems when I pray, sometimes I just talk to the Lord in prayer in my head, so I don't have to go through the rituals when I actually pray outloud. I know the Lord hears my heart wether I say it out loud or not. I am not saying that is what you should do but it has helped me.

SoS summed it up quite nicely - realize that this is just a manifestation of OCD, and not a spiritual deficiency within yourself. I too have had the same problems you two have mentioned. Where as I used to wonder "what in the heck is wrong with me?!", I have come to take comfort in both the understanding of OCD, and that I have brothers and sisters who are also affected as I am. Take some comfort in knowing that you are not alone. May our Father put your (and all of ours) mind at ease.