Lusting again...............

[Echoes Peak]

This wasn't as bad as the "Group Hug" in an anal sex thread, but yeah, we need to FOCUS.

<sigh>

 

[Ginsu]

Its in our divine nature to touch.

I'm sorry I have to say this. What magical herb have you been smoking?

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

This thread is disgusting?
SHouldnt it be something that should be disgussed in the men's addiction forum?
Seriously, masturbation is a sick selfish act. Gross.

Yah we have all done it yah... we should all be able to admit it. But seriously as christians, why cant we keep our sexual urges and desires under control?? It makes me so sad to see so many men (and women) who have to deal with porn. It breaks my heart.

As a woman, I would have such a hard time being with a man who looked at porn... Ijust couldnt do it

Philippians 4

8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

 

[superdave]

The Problem is Sign, about 90% of all guys have looked at porn sometime in there life. I am not saying there are guys that haven't looked at it- but they are few and in between. All of my friends have looked at it, or are struggling at it right now.

I wish I knew how the battle is like for girls. I mean, I never have been told that they ever struggled with this problem. When we would have sex talks in our church, we would always seperate gals and guys- and I never got a viewpoint from them. When I found out about a girl struggling with porn- I was shocked for days.

 

[Sketcher]

As a woman, I would have such a hard time being with a man who looked at porn... Ijust couldnt do it

How about one who stopped for a few months/years?

 

[Living4Him03]

I won't put words in Sign's mouth, but I think she meant she couldn't marry a man who is currently looking at porn, addicted to it, sometimes looks, etc. Maybe she didnt mean someone who has recovered from their addiction. I agree though. Although I have looked at porn before (that was for women), I haven't been addicted to it. People get curious, but I don't know that I could marry someone who has not given up that addiction and totally let God heal them from it. I would prefer someone who has never been addicted or regularly looked at it, which includes magazines and videos and whatever else is out there nowdays. It's really sick. Seriously, there is something wrong if all that turns a guy on is porn or really even if he is turned on by it. I'm sorry but it should sicken you not turn you on.

 

[superdave]

Well, it turns you on- IN YOUR FLESH. Porn is disgusting, I have seen things which I wish I NEVER saw. I mean, Even when I was addicted to this sin- I did NOT want to see that. Porn is selfish and dumb. It wastes your time, your energy and money. I have bought magazines in the past for about $10.00 a pop. What a waste of money. I ended up throwing them away everytime- So I threw away just about $70.00- of money that could have been used For other things.

Girls, I don't mean to burst bubbles. But the battle against this- IS HARD! REALLY HARD! I mean, I wake up every morning having to fight my rear off, so I won't do it. It's not that I am addicted to it... it's just that I have a sex drive, that craves to be fed. And I know I am not alone, among the guys. So, girls understand- it's a real battle for us. I have not met a guy once that doesn't struggle with it. And the ones that say they aren't (They have, they are just too prideful to admit it.) I am not marrying a girl, or dating a girl-even until I know for sure that this is not an issue. Because if I look at porn and touch- whats to say that I wont have sex with a girl?


I have found that the issue was not the Pornography itself- It was my relationship with God. When I focus on God, and decide I am not going to be lazy- I NEVER fall into it. But if I wake up, and decide to do what's in the best interest of my flesh- I will always FALL. We are never suppose to be on the Defensive on this issue- We are suppose to be on the Offensive. I just get up and ignore, and fight for my day in spiritual warafare- IT CHANGES the climate of the day. It's amazing... I have realized the truth- WE CAN'T WIN the battle on our own. We need God's Help- I wake up and say, "Daddy, I need your help today! I can't do this on my own- the battle is way too great!" then God comes and fights with me on my behalf. But when I go and say, "I am going to win against this!"- I always loose.

Anyway, I am through preaching

 

[Vilnius]

This thread is disgusting?
SHouldnt it be something that should be disgussed in the men's addiction forum?
Seriously, masturbation is a sick selfish act. Gross.

Yah we have all done it yah... we should all be able to admit it. But seriously as christians, why cant we keep our sexual urges and desires under control?? It makes me so sad to see so many men (and women) who have to deal with porn. It breaks my heart.

As a woman, I would have such a hard time being with a man who looked at porn... Ijust couldnt do it

I am so happy a girl came out and said what you did. Most women never confront males or try to hold them accountable for masturbation. Males are so stuck in a life of lustful looking, fantasizing and masturbating that they can't see the truth of God's word.In contrast, even non-Christian women feel grossed out by men's lust in action--oogling, masturbating, etc. Guys need to hear just how groosed out you girls are about this so they can stop thinking they can get away with "boys just being boys."

Most women are clueless how trapped in lust even most Christian males are. I was as bad as most until I met my wife and she basically said the same thing you did--"a sick, selfish act. Gross." And she felt she was being cheated on when I looked lustfully at other females, or thought about them while masturbating. Funny, Jesus said the same thing in Mathew 5 "He who looks lustfully upon a woman has committed adultry in his heart." And Job, when explaining why he felt he did not deserve all the bad things happening to him, used the example that he had made a covenant with his eyes never to look lustfully on a girl.

To be fair to guys, we do have a much harder time controlling ourselves than girls because we recieve real sexual pleasure just from looking at arousing images of females. And these days guys do not have to seek out porn, they can get all the lustfull thrills they want from mainstream TV, movies, women's magazines and clothing catalogues, swimsuit issues and the revealingly dressed women they see every day. If you are just concerned about porn, you have your head in the sand. Heck, if my wife sees some girl approaching us in short shorts or other revealing clothing, she reminds me to look away. I have had to tell her what makes me stumble, so she can help me. That is why I think it is so important for women to educate themselves and then insist on pure behavior from the males in their lives.

Women can educate themselves, and give these materials to males: All the Every Man's Battle books (for three different age groups-prepuberty, teens and singles, Married), also "Not Even a Hint" and books by the couple Kathy and Steve Gallagher from Pure Life Ministries.

Thanks for a great post.

 

[Living4Him03]

I guess it's true that men face some more challenges with lust because of the images society puts out there. But, looking at porn and masturbating as an excuse for relieving sexual tension is just that an EXCUSE. I want to be with someone who has rid his life of those images and trusts God to bring him a woman to marry, who will fulfill those desires (and he will fulfill mine of course). I'm not clueless at all. I know about it. I've dated Christian and non-Christian guys. I don't think I knew one that didn't touch and very few of them hadn't at least looked at porn at some point. Even I have done that. I think a lot of it is curiousity and boredom and also being fooled into believing that porn is the most desirable thing...that that's the way in which sex is fulfilling. Guys get trapped in that and some women do as well. When I dated a guy who was into porn it was disgusting and I felt degraded just kissing him, even if he didn't mention anything about what he had looked at or seen or whatever. It affected me too. I would go look at "size" galleries of men if you get what I mean. Even that is definately not innocent and not something I should have been doing. We ALL struggle with some type of lust or sexual temptation. It would be really hard to marry a man who is addicted to porn. It IS disgusting and it is a turn off, majorly. I hope that the guys who are addicted or who are struggling with addictions will someday realize that and how much it ruins marriages. I don't have an easy answer though because there simply isn't one. You have to do something about the addiction and learn to see women as God sees them, not as our porn addicted, sin infested society sees women.

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Thank you Vilnius.

And I think thats the problem, so many women are scared to death to say anything about it, but I for one, have been hurt too many times in past realtionships to allow this to happen anymore.

I acknowledge that men have a harder time dealing with these things, and controlling their desires, and I cant even begin to understand how hard it is. So I wont even say that I understand, because I dont. But what I am trying to say, to let these men know, is how much it hurts women. And any woman that says it dosent, is full of it.

L4H was right, I wasnt saying that I refuse to be with a man who has ever looked at porn, or lustfully at woman. But what I was saying, was that I could never be in a relationship with a man who is into that stuff. I cant do it. I consider it cheating... Plain and simple. Looking lustfully at another woman is the same as comitting adultery... and I wont stand for it.

There is nothing else on this earth, that would make me feel less desirable then porn. I would constaly be wondering if while I was with my husband, he was thinking about another woman, or I would be so scared to walk through the mall with him, and think that every half naked woman we see, his mind would wander off...

Vilnius, I think its awesome that your wife helps you out in that area, and I can only hope that someday, whoever I marry will let me in on that area of his life, and allow me to hold him accountable.

I just really wish guys knew what it feels like to be on the woman;s side of things, and how it makes us feel. Or even me feel. It breaks my heart to see any man into this stuff. And if I were a guy, and I could see the pain that it casues so many women, I wouldnt be able to live with myself. But there is no way guys will ever understand how much it hurts women, nor will women ever understand what its like to be in the guy's shoes.

I would do just about anything for this kinda stuff to go away. Anything...

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

The Problem is Sign, about 90% of all guys have looked at porn sometime in there life. I am not saying there are guys that haven't looked at it- but they are few and in between. All of my friends have looked at it, or are struggling at it right now.

I wish I knew how the battle is like for girls. I mean, I never have been told that they ever struggled with this problem. When we would have sex talks in our church, we would always seperate gals and guys- and I never got a viewpoint from them. When I found out about a girl struggling with porn- I was shocked for days.

And you are exactly right!

The church dosent educate peopel at all on this kinda of stuff. And when they do, they seperate the guys and girls... I know, I have been on both sides, the one getting the talk and the one giving the talk. I had to do it this summer at the camp I worked at.

But the thing is... they never mention anything about pornography and masturbation, the c hurch just dosent seem to want to talk about it... why? Probally because so many pastors themselves struggle with it, and we cant be hippocrites can we? Of course not.
It still seems to be such a taboo topic in the church, specially for something that is so out there, and available for ANYONE. Nevermind that they dont even mention that the girls can get into this stuff too... thats a REAL no no....

We (and I mean the church here) are not educating parents about this kinda stuff, and we are also not talking to the kids about it. Porn and masturation are just the beginning...

 

[Living4Him03]

I agree Sign. Amen!

 

[Mϋzikdϋde]

Ok, I never post in here because I don't want the "dad" persona but I can't just sit here and read this without saying something.

For those who think pornography is ok and even healthy, you're wrong. You've bought into the lie that society tries to sell. Pornography isn't about sex. It's about controlling you and your money. The porn industry is a multi billion dollar industry anually. Why do you think that is? Because people can't control themselves. They're willing to spend every last penny to get a fix.
Also, God condemns sexual immorality and lustful thoughts...plain and simple. You can paint it what ever color you want but it's still lust.
I had a friend who once said he could touch without having thoughts of lust. I won't call him a liar but I will call him a freak of nature.
Pornography almost ruined my marriage and that was before the internet. I can only imagine how bad it would be if I hadn't quit. My children have been targeted on the internet. www.dinsey.com the site has been shut down but the sick freaked out perv was after children. Is there a line between child porn and adult porn? It's all lust. What you call sick, someone else is calling normal. It boils down to voyeurism which is basically a control issue and it's all deviant.
I wonder how turned on you'll be the day you go to your favorite porn site only to see your sister or daughter going at it with some "stud".
Because they are all Daughters, Sisters, Cousins, or Mothers of someone.
So it's only sick if it hits that close to home right?

[/rant]

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Ok, I never post in here because I don't want the "dad" persona but I can't just sit here and read this without saying something.

For those who think pornography is ok and even healthy, you're wrong. You've bought into the lie that society tries to sell. Pornography isn't about sex. It's about controlling you and your money. The porn industry is a multi billion dollar industry anually. Why do you think that is? Because people can't control themselves. They're willing to spend every last penny to get a fix.
Also, God condemns sexual immorality and lustful thoughts...plain and simple. You can paint it what ever color you want but it's still lust.
I had a friend who once said he could touch without having thoughts of lust. I won't call him a liar but I will call him a freak of nature.
Pornography almost ruined my marriage and that was before the internet. I can only imagine how bad it would be if I hadn't quit. My children have been targeted on the internet. www.dinsey.com the site has been shut down but the sick freaked out perv was after children. Is there a line between child porn and adult porn? It's all lust. What you call sick, someone else is calling normal. It boils down to voyeurism which is basically a control issue and it's all deviant.
I wonder how turned on you'll be the day you go to your favorite porn site only to see your sister or daughter going at it with some "stud".
Because they are all Daughters, Sisters, Cousins, or Mothers of someone.
So it's only sick if it hits that close to home right?

[/rant]

ahhh what a great post. I dont even want to comment on it because it was too great.l

 

[SoulFly51]

"If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off ... " -Jesus





Seriously though - just don't touch (I know I know its easy to say that). I struggle with the temptation to do that too - especially after spending time with my girlfreind, but I've found that if I pray when the temptation hits me or do something else to get my mind off sexual thoughts I'm able to remain self-controled and pure in thought.

 

[FireRock]

As a female I just want to say something to all the guys here who don't touch or have quit or are trying to quit, or etc.

YOU ROCK!!!

Honestly, from my perspective, that is so awesome to hear! It shows discipline, character, and a lot of other very attractive qualities. Thank you so much, guys! Seriously, I mean it!

I see all guys as my brothers, and I want to help them stay pure, you know? I call out the girls at my church/youth group for being immodest and everything. I'll look at them and say, "where's the rest of your shirt?" or i'll descreetly let them know if something is showing that shouldn't be. It's a big deal to me, mostly because I've had guys confide in me how much they struggle with what girls' wear nowadays and the issues with lust that they have.
Another dumb, cheesy thing I do is whenever I see a not-so-cool magazine (you know the kind I'm talking about!), I'll flip it over and leave it backwards on the shelf, or I'll put a different one in front of it or something. This probably doesn't help as much as I'd like to think it does, but my main thought is that little boys walk past these magazine racks, and that's just wrong!

I think I've just become blatent towards girls in the fact that they act like they want boys to lust over them, whcih is equally as sick and selfish as the lusting itself. I know I'm just one chic saying this, but I really want to help my bros stay pure, even if some of my attempts are childish and dumb.

There were a couple of guys in my lifetime that have said that they liked me blah blah, and then I found out that they looked at porn or the ucky magazines or whatever and had no problem with it, and my first thought was, "So do they see me that way, too?" I know it might not be true, but it seriously affected my self-esteem, because I felt as though I came across as easy or skanky. Even if that's not at all what those guys thought, that's was their actions displayed. It was sad, and it took me a little while to get over it, but it's all good now.

Sorry for the rant, but the whole lust issue is close to my heart, because it break my heart everyday. Just wanted all you males out there to know that there's at least one chic praying for you, and trying in some abstract way to help you out. Once again, I want to say that all you boys rock! Thanks for being awesome!

 

[Mϋzikdϋde]

The big lie is that guys think they can look at porn and lust over those women and then turn it off somehow when they look at other women. It's a lie plain and simple. Guys that look at porn on a regular basis look at all women with lust in their hearts.

Sure, they won't want to admit that so they'll attack me and say "Just because you had that problem doesn't mean I do"

Ok...so you're special... because 100% of the guys in my accountability group had that problem as did all the guys that were discussed in the multitudes of books we read.

It's like an alcoholic saying, I only drink when I'm awake, so when I'm sleeping I'm not an alcoholic.

The thing that irritates me...no ENRAGES me, is when a guy tries to tell his girlfriend or wife that they should be more like the girls at the strip joint or in the online video clip.

Well, girls...if that's what they ask for just tell them, as you walk out the door, you'll be back after filming. I mean if a porn star is what he wants...

What's that guys? You want your own personal porn star???? Sorry, it doesn't work that way.

Guys...you only think you want that poor, drugged up, dysfunctional, exploited girl in the movie.

The rest of us who have quit, or never begun a life of lust, we have to remember that porn is a fantasy, it's fiction. The women that do it are in the vast minority and they only do it for money...most wouldn't even think about doing it no matter how much it paid. We cannot look at porn or center our thoughts around lust and still respect women the way God wants us to. We'll only address wives because as a Christian no guy should be asking his girlfriend to do anything sexual. Right?

Eph 5:22-33

22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- 30for we are members of his body. 31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Memorize it and try to recite it while you look at porn.
Your wife is supposed to submit to you (spiritually) and respect you, but let me tell you this: You have to EARN that respect. If you disrespect her by trying to drag her into a life of sexual immorality or any other kind of sin, she is not obligated to follow because spiritual leadership is your responsibility. If you fail to live up to that responsibility then she has to step in.

Guys, pornography and sexual immorality is ruining YOU. You will never be the kind of husband your wife deserves or wants until you stop. The only way to stop is with accountability and God.

I'm sorry to keep ranting but I've seen too many women that are close to me get hurt by guys that have problems with lust. They don't deserve it.

...and yes, for those that recognize it's a problem and are trying to stop...YOU ROCK.



This costs money, but if you really need help it's worth it.

www.netmop.com

 

[Echoes Peak]

Muzik....you have said better than I ever could.

I seriously, have NO words, cuz he said it all.

 

[TriptychR]

After years of roller coaster guilt, and after researching the views on this forum and on other sites, I finally decided to stop fooling myself and am on my fourth day of not "killing kittens." I have tried to stop before many other times, but was never able to. This time, however, feels different. I feel I've finally admitted my problem to myself (and now others), and now have a real holy goal in mind.

I'd like to thank all the guys (and even some girls) who've shown me it's all right to admit what I've been doing and that they're struggling/have struggled with the exact same thing. With my priorities straight, I'm actually excited to start defeating my habit once and for all.

 

[Mϋzikdϋde]

After years of roller coaster guilt, and after researching the views on this forum and on other sites, I finally decided to stop fooling myself and am on my fourth day of not "killing kittens." I have tried to stop before many other times, but was never able to. This time, however, feels different. I feel I've finally admitted my problem to myself (and now others), and now have a real holy goal in mind.

I'd like to thank all the guys (and even some girls) who've shown me it's all right to admit what I've been doing and that they're struggling/have struggled with the exact same thing. With my priorities straight, I'm actually excited to start defeating my habit once and for all.

You, are an awesome man and a vision of maturity.
Do you have accountability?

(LOVE the kitten reference BTW) I died when I saw that picture.