LUST + new Christian = HELP!!

[Dania]

well hi again CF SDA

i have another issue

well i think this topic get IGNORED!!! and its sort of disappointing how older people who supposed go through these stages ignore the issue in youth adults, especially GIRLS as if its impossible.. when the reality is, majority of them are CONTROLLED by it and ave been overcomed by it even..

LUST... have u even been challenged by it? overcome it?

well i have a terrible issue with this sin here.. horrible..

i have the book by Joshua Harris entitled "Not Even A Hint" - how to guard your heart against lust.

i have found out that my "LUST" aint the "average" struggle.. i kinda feel defeated and i am praying about it, but i just wanna find out if anyone has overcome this issue.. and could help me out..

ISSUE:
well u know when teens etc lust and feel guilty its sort off out of sexual frustration scratch: i feel as if i am being too open here... ) as in. the individual want sex .. u know what i mean???

for example a person who is virgin and longs for the experience or someone who has experienced sex and long for it... so lust in this sense is the longing for sex huh...

thats not the case with me.. i dont feel the need to have sex at all.. :o i know that there is nothing that i am missing out on..

sigh.. the issue is lust itself...i have found out that its the actual FANTASY in itself that i would like... not the action.. out of habit from i was very young.. maybe 10 or so i would fantasize about crap like that .. having been thru the experience i concluded that it wasnt all that but i stuck with lust.. u get wat am saying...
DOES ANYONE HAVE THIS ISSUE.how do i overcome lust when its just fantasy and not a sex drive issue.. like having seen some attractive dude of so..

 

[Jimlarmore]

The mind is the largest sex organ of all. It's in the mind that the battle of the will takes place. Fantacy seems to be always better than the actual act. When the mind is idle it is easy to let these fantacies play out in the mind. The best way to deal with this is by prayer. What I have found is when my mind starts to go down that road I have to turn to source of my strength and that is Christ. Here's what you do, when a thought enter's your mind just pray to Christ please remove this/these thoughts from my mind Lord and forgive me. He will immediately remove them. He has never failed me once when I ask in that way, not once.

Try it and see if what I say isn't true.

God Bless
Jim Larmore

 

[NightEternal]

It is hard to offer you advice from the perspective of a male. Maybe some of the women here can give you some practical help.

I say this because the 'lust' dynamic is usually different with males and females. We are commonly more visually driven and women are normally more emotionally driven. It's just the way we are wired. I'm no expert, but it seems to me that lust for a woman is a lot more complex and involves a lot more than just 'feasting the eyes on an attractive guy'. It might be more of a desire for closeness, intimacy and love that compels the lust drive.

This may also be more in regards to older women than teenage girls. Teenage girls are usually much the same as males in that they are driven to lust visually by a 'hot' guy.

Of course, that isn't the case in every situation, or we wouldn't have Playgirl magazine and Chippendales male revue strip shows selling out across the country and women in heat wildly trying to stuff dollar bills into the briefs of the dancers.

For what it is worth, the lust problem was never a hugely major issue for me in my life, although it was very much present like it would be for any red-blooded male. I used to play in a hard rock band years ago, and strippers and exotic dancers were always present in the clubs we played it seemed. Not a very good environment to try and stay pure in your thoughts.

Some practical steps I take these days are to just avoid situations or places that will inflame the desire. That means no more beaches where string bikini's and butt-thongs are the norm. Beaches are off-limits for me when we go on vacation to the Bahamas, Fort Lauderdale or Hawaii. My wife usually goes swimming by herself.

It was tough to give up, but better to forgo tropical paradise beaches than be driven mad by the sight of exposed, sun-tan lotion glistening female flesh in abundance. Never mind the women who had no problems laying on thier stomachs with thier bikini top completely off to avoid tan lines!

That means no second looks at the porn magazine racks at the convienience stores. That means a filter on the internet to block porn websites. That means making a WIDE circle around the XXX adult area of the video store. That means plenty of ice-cold showers. That means lots and lots of prayer.

It takes discipline and commitment. but sexual purity can be achieved through simple steps and measures.

You're still young and what you are experiencing is completely normal as a teenager. It's tough, I know. I would never want to go back to those years for anything. It seemed like the hormones would just completely overwhelm you at times.

 

[RC_NewProtestants]

Well I don't know how to help you as a guy I know we all grew up with lust. Probably always hoping to find a lust filled girl too. I believe the statistics are that every 6 seconds a guy thinks about sex. Seems pretty accurate to me. As President Jimmy Carter admitted he lusts in his heart. We all do it. We all live with it. The problem seems to be mostly the carrying out of the lust filled actions. And at least at that point we seem to have some control. Maybe the fear of some pretty nasty diseases makes that control even easier.

You are not alone, but I also don't think there is some kind of cure out there either.

 

[Dania]

It is hard to offer you advice from the perspective of a male. Maybe some of the women here can give you some practical help.

I say this because the 'lust' dynamic is usually different with males and females. We are commonly more visually driven and women are normally more emotionally driven. It's just the way we are wired. I'm no expert, but it seems to me that lust for a woman is a lot more complex and involves a lot more than just 'feasting the eyes on an attractive guy'. It might be more of a desire for closeness, intimacy and love that compels the lust drive.

This may also be more in regards to older women than teenage girls. Teenage girls are usually much the same as males in that they are driven to lust visually by a 'hot' guy.

Of course, that isn't the case in every situation, or we wouldn't have Playgirl magazine and Chippendales male revue strip shows selling out across the country and women in heat wildly trying to stuff dollar bills into the briefs of the dancers.

For what it is worth, the lust problem was never a hugely major issue for me in my life, although it was very much present like it would be for any red-blooded male. I used to play in a hard rock band years ago, and strippers and exotic dancers were always present in the clubs we played it seemed. Not a very good environment to try and stay pure in your thoughts.

Some pratical steps I take these days are to just avoid situations or places that will inflame the desire. That means no more beaches where string bikini's and butt-thongs are the norm. Beaches are off-limits for me when we go on vacation to the Bahama's or Hawaii. My wife usually goes swimming by herself.

It was tough to give up, but better to forgo tropical paradise beaches than be driven mad by the sight of exposed, sun-tan lotion glistening female flesh in abundance.

That means no second looks at the porn magazine racks at the convienience stores. That means a filter on the internet to block porn websites. That means making a WIDE circle around the XXX adult area of the video store. It means lots and lots of prayer.

It takes discipline and commitment. but sexual purity can be achieved through simple steps and measures.

You're still young and what you are experiencing is completely normal as a teenager. It's tough, I know. I would never want to go back to those years for anything. It seemed like the hormones would just completely overwhelm you at times.

WELL I THINK YOU ARE RIGHT EXACTLY!
THAT WOMEN AND MEN ARE TRIGGERED DIFFERENTLY.. AND I THINK THIS IS WHY THE BOOK AND YOU ADVICE ARE THE SAME AND THEY DONT HELP ME AT ALL.. THE AUTHOR OF THE BOOK IS MALE.. SO ARE YOU..

I DONT GET OFF WHEN I SE A HOT GUY.. THE PORN.. I CAN SUBMIT MYSELF TO BUT I CAN CONTROL IT.. I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN IT EVEN..

YOU ARE RIGHT WHEN IT COMES TO THE EMOTION INTIMACY THING... THATS MY TRIGGER..

I WILL TRY OUT WHAT Jimlamore HAS SAID.. THO I MUS ADMIT WHEN IN THE MOMENT I JUST DONT FEEL LIKE I WANNA COME OUT OF THAT DITCH THATS THE BIGGEST PROBLEM.. SIGH . I HAVE SORT OF BLOCKED IT OFF FOR EVEN MONTHS AND THEN FINALLY I JUST !!CRASH!! DOWN AND LIKE... LOL U KNOW AS IF I STARVED MYSELF FOR SO LONG AND THEN AFTER SO LONG I JUST EAT DOWN THE WHOLE PLACE.. THATS HOW ITS LIKE..

BUT I WILL TAKE THE ADVICE.. I'LL TRY THAT

 

[JonMiller]

In all honestly, the biblically recommended help for this issue is to get married. This is in the letters from Paul.

Of course, finding someone to get married to isn't an easy thing either.

Jon Miller

 

[Dania]

no cure RC.. i hope your wrong cause i really wanna get rid of that.. lets say everyone from time to time lusts... well lets say i am an addict... this is why its is a trouble to me..

i was trying to find programmes etc addressing this issue and i am kinda disappointed that it is not addressed more indepth... its a major problem.. major major.. so why dont ppl spend more time addresing it..?
i think older ppl are so afraid of talking about sex to young ppl.. and with that the ALLOW the devil to pervert sex in the minds of younger folks.. as if its off limits and taboo and wrong..and remember our sinful nature. as paul mentions in Romans 7.. when u realise something is a sin this is when u find yourself sinning even more.. like its controls u! so i think urgent reformation is need in the approach of the leaders to the topic of sex.

a question: if lust is wrong how do couples have sex?
is it that premarital lust or adultrous lust is wrong.. can a man not want his wife?

 

[JonMiller]

Basically, sex and intimacy aren't sins. We don't need to remove it from ourselves. It is the improper implementation of sex and intimacy which is sinful.

As such, the way to remove ourselves from temptation that is over-powering us is to get married. What some people do to try and remove the desire for sex and intimacy from themselves is harmful (not saying that that is what Jim is suggesting). I am just saying that some people go overboard when trying to remove this temptation and cause more harm for themselves.

Jon Miller

 

[Dania]

In all honestly, the biblically recommended help for this issue is to get married. This is in the letters from Paul.

Of course, finding someone to get married to isn't an easy thing either.

Jon Miller

i repeat.. my issue isnt the want for sex... it is not my hunger for the action.. its just a habit.. to think about it. maybe an addiction

 

[NightEternal]

Being married isn't a sure-fire cure for the wandering male eye or lustful fantasies though Jon.

That's a work that has to be done whether married or not.

 

[JonMiller]

Desire and lust are different things, you can think of lust as being the perversion of desire. If you think about it, we are told not be jealous but God is jealous... the issue here is God is jealous properly and the type of jealous that we shouldn't be is the improper type.

Many things in this world that are proper get perverted by sin. The same is true with lust.

Jon Miller

 

[JonMiller]

Being married isn't a sure-fire cure for the wandering male eye or lustful fantasies though Jon.

That's a work that has to be done whether married or not.

Nothing in this life will remove us from all temptation. We aren't asked to, and the only people who seek to are legalists who don't beleive in God's grace.

I was just pointing to the one Biblical suggested help against this temptation.

And yeah, I know a thing about lust and addiction (points to pornography addiction). And Jim is right that prayer and seeking God helps, but that making things easier for us by not being tempted as much is good. And to do that we are directed to get married.

Jon Miller

 

[Pythons]

Frankly,

Prayer, prayer and more prayer. When you figure out how to beat Lust make sure you PM me.. I know your battle! I'll pray for you.

Pythons

 

[Dania]

thank you pythons..

 

[RC_NewProtestants]

no cure RC.. i hope your wrong cause i really wanna get rid of that.. lets say everyone from time to time lusts... well lets say i am an addict... this is why its is a trouble to me..

Just as there is no cure for selfishness there is no cure for the thoughts that selfishness produce. It is why Christians need the healing that is salvation. But Salvation in this life is largely based upon the hope for the healing which God will actualize when He comes and we are changed completely.

Just as we may want God to make us totally selfless and loving He does not because we are still sinful humans. We grow as we deal with our selfishness and our desires that is life, but the Christian life includes the hope of being forever changed when the corruptible puts on incorruptibility.

 

[Dania]

i understand and agree with wat u are saying RC! thanks for the upliftment!

 

[tall73]

i repeat.. my issue isnt the want for sex... it is not my hunger for the action.. its just a habit.. to think about it. maybe an addiction

Dania, you may not be aware that there is a section of this larger forum that deals with recovery.

http://christianforums.com/f92-recovery.html

You might find a good deal of helpful advise there.

The first step is to realize that you can overcome sin, even sexual sins and habits:

1Co 6:9 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality,
1Co 6:10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
1Co 6:11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Paul had a church full of adulterers, homosexuals, sexually immoral people who had been washed by Christ.

And some were struggling still in the church. I wish more of our churches today were places where people could deal with real issues like this.

My first piece of advice is to find a Christian woman who is strong in the faith and has experience in life. She has to be someone you can trust. Ask her to pray for you. Don't get into this issue first thing, but just build a relationship. Then as you all start to talk more open up about your struggles and ask for prayer and advice. You need someone to help hold you accountable and to encourage you. Most find that they are less likely to justify their own behavior when they tell it to others. The experience of relating our thoughts to another gives us the opportunity to see how someone else perceives it. We often then realize our self-serving ways.

Jam 5:16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.
Jam 5:17 Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed fervently that it might not rain, and for three years and six months it did not rain on the earth.
Jam 5:18 Then he prayed again, and heaven gave rain, and the earth bore its fruit.
Jam 5:19 My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back,
Jam 5:20 let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.


Finally remember that what you set your mind on is the key.

Rom 8:5 For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit.
Rom 8:6 To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.
Rom 8:7 For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot.



This is where Python's statements come into play. Praying is essential. Reading God's word is essential. Don't wait until you are in the situation to do so because at that time you may not have the will to do so. But start as you begin the day to think on Christ and to ask for strength for the rest of the day.

 

[Dania]

thank you tall73!

very good encouraging info...
i will have to find that woman.. for i dont know many righteous ppl, those who i know are strangers (my new church) and sort of old... sigh they are sort of .. not the sort of ppl you would like to tell that u have problems lik that..

but i will pray about it.. the Lord will provide.

 

[tall73]

thank you tall73!

very good encouraging info...
i will have to find that woman.. for i dont know many righteous ppl, those who i know are strangers (my new church) and sort of old... sigh they are sort of .. not the sort of ppl you would like to tell that u have problems lik that..

but i will pray about it.. the Lord will provide.

There are a great number of old understanding, spiritual women out there. So don't dismiss them just because they are old. They are a source of wisdom and may understand more than you suspect.

Just look for the ones who are nice to young people.

We had one elderly lady in our church who took a young mother under her wing who's family was struggling with drug use, pornography, etc. She was the kindest, most understanding woman you could have found, though most folks looking at her wouldn't have guessed she would be so supportive of this young lady.

She also hosted our Bible study group each week, and put up just about anyone passing through town that needed a place to stay. And she had icecream--maple nut if I recall.

Just pray that God leads you to the right person.

 

[Dania]

note well!! i live in jamaica... people here are sort of different and more rigid that what i see in american christian television...
but i will be on the look out..