Loving a cheater?

[desperatelyseekinganswers]

I'm in love with my boyfriend of 8 months. We live together and everything has been perfect. The other night while I was using his cell I read and incoming text. It said simply "i love you" nothing else. I read more and there were multiple texts for random girls. the "i love you" is what broke my heart. I've said that to 4 people I've been in relationships with. It's not a phrase I so freely throw around and I think that why I feel it's special everytime I tell him that. There's meaning behind it.
Anyways.
He swears he hasn't been with anyone else. As in met them to hang out, associate, or even be physical with. But I must say the emotional cheating hurts just as bad.
I want a future with him and he's made it clear he does too. I've already let him into my life. My family knows and adores him. Saturday night, the day I found this out he called his parents, whom he's hidden from me and never let me meet, and he told them about me, and that he was in love and wants them to meet me. Tonight I'm suppose to meet them and I am happy he's making the changes I've wanted him to for so long.
Can we survive. I'm constantly reminded of Paul speaking to the Lord and I would forgive him seventy times if neccesary but who's to say it doesnt keep happening?
I need strong advice from people with morals and values like my own. My friends from college arent too helpful being they're not christian.

 

[waxlion10]

Can you survive?
Probably.
Can you thrive?
No, not if trust isn't the basis of your relationship.

You can forgive him and still break up with him, if that would be the best course of action for you to take. Forgiving doesn't mean someone is excused from the consequences of his mistake.

I find it suspicious that he has "hidden" his parents from you for this long and tells you that he's never been with anyone else...

Also, you're happy he's making the changes you've wanted in him for so long. If he's just changing to make you happy and make you stick around, then they're not really internal "changes" but external modifications of behavior for an extrinsic reward (you).

I don't know what your morals and values are, and I'm not going to judge you two for living together, but that may be a source of some problems. Acting married without the commitment of marriage (please correct me if I'm wrong), especially after only eight months, can be a recipe for disaster...

as you are finding out now. I'm so sorry

 

[explodingboy]

I'm confused... what has he done wrong?
Without contexts I single comment of "I love you" to me personally, means nothing. It could be his stalker, a friend, a drunk friend, an ex-lover, a mistress, a ex-friend secret admirer who is currently drunk.. the list is pretty endless. I realize you hold such words highly and apparently count how many times you say them, where as I say it to pretty much everyone.. and anyone else who I feel is being left out of the group hug.

I can't really comment about the parents because there could be any number of reasons as to why you haven't met them, more to the point, does he actually talk to you about his family at all?

Ultimately, I'm intrigued by the fact your living together, because I didn't think pre-marital cohabitation was particularly approved of in any Christian denomination?

 

[Luther073082]

I'm confused... what has he done wrong?
Without contexts I single comment of "I love you" to me personally, means nothing. It could be his stalker, a friend, a drunk friend, an ex-lover, a mistress, a ex-friend secret admirer who is currently drunk.. the list is pretty endless. I realize you hold such words highly and apparently count how many times you say them, where as I say it to pretty much everyone.. and anyone else who I feel is being left out of the group hug.

I can't really comment about the parents because there could be any number of reasons as to why you haven't met them, more to the point, does he actually talk to you about his family at all?

Ultimately, I'm intrigued by the fact your living together, because I didn't think pre-marital cohabitation was particularly approved of in any Christian denomination?

Ditto

I'm not going to just ignore these texts. But I'm not going to get twisted about them til I find out whats going on.

Save the emotions til you have a very good idea of whats going on here. The more emotional you get about it, the more you will just start to jump to conclusions.

 

[JdwB10]

Things can look one way, and be something completely different. My boyfriend(soon to be fiancee) is so spontaneous and has MANY close, even best friends, who are female. Many of whom he cares for strongly. That can look like something really bad, when in reality, it isn't anything to be upset over.

RECIEVING a text that says "I love you" and SENDING text that says "I love you" are two completely different things. As said before, there are many things that could be; family, a close, close friend, even a guy friend who's just joking around. Don't punish him for something you can't prove. Don't take this lightly, but if he's never done anyting in the past to worry you, why be worried now?

 

[roseglass6370]

I agree with the above post. That text could mean any number of things. It could be just a close female friend. I have a lot of female friends who have close guy friends that they say "I love you too" and mean nothing of it outside the realm of friendship. HOWEVER, if you are uncomfortable with that, its something you need to discuss. In those cases, your feelings should always come first if he really loves you.

RECIEVING a text that says "I love you" and SENDING text that says "I love you" are two completely different things.

^^ I totally agree. My boyfriend still occasionally gets texts from his crazy ex that say any number of random things. He doesn't respond unless he gives me a heads up and lets me read them, and therefore, I trust him. Talk about it.

You didn't say what the other texts said, but if they clearly point towards disloyalty then I'd break things off with him. But that's just me. I refuse to put-up with cheating. Otherwise, don't be so quick to judge the situation.

Again, TALK ABOUT IT.

 

[Bootstrap]

RECIEVING a text that says "I love you" and SENDING text that says "I love you" are two completely different things. As said before, there are many things that could be; family, a close, close friend, even a guy friend who's just joking around. Don't punish him for something you can't prove. Don't take this lightly, but if he's never done anyting in the past to worry you, why be worried now?

I once set up a tech support office in the United States while I was living in Germany, and I called my mother (who lives in the States) on the company phone. Someone walked in to the office, I said "I love you", and hung up the phone to talk to him. He said, "is that your wife?" and I answered "no". He looked kind of uncomfortable. I realized what he was thinking and explained that it was my mother ....

 

[DarkLegend28]

I tell my friends that I love them all of the time. I don't understand how you can go off on that on the basis of one text that was sent TO HIM.

 

[Blank123]

i'm assuming that judging from these statements:

I read more and there were multiple texts for random girls

He swears he hasn't been with anyone else. As in met them to hang out, associate, or even be physical with.

that there's probably more to this story than him just getting one text from some random person.

If he is emotionally cheating though then you have every right to break up with him. relationships need to be founded on trust. and if you can't trust him then there's not much to go on. breaking up doesn't mean you don't forgive, you certainly can forgive and protect your heart in the process.

but i would try to find out the whole story before making a decision. I would also be curious why its taken so long to meet his parents, but as has been stated already the true explanation could go either way, it could be innocent or it could just be that he was hiding you. let me ask you... have you met any of his family or friends in the entire time you've been together? if you haven't then chances are he is hiding you.