Love.

[JaapAap]

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[Goodbook]

Hmm.
I wouldnt say being in love is like eros that just sounds a bit like codependency, or possesion, or even lust and obssesion.

I would say it definitely has intense feelings of joy and feeling like you floating on air. And I think its a mutual thing.

Cos you can love someone but they dont necessarily love you back in the same way. A mother can love a child but the child cannot love the mother in a reciprocal way even though they both bond and love each other..the mother shows the love and thr child responds. Or vice versa...can it be said the child is 'in love' with the mother when she is holding him or her? Or is it the mother is 'in love' with her child. Or baby.

Love is defintely tender thing, you would be careful neer to break it and treat with the utmost care like its precious. Just as you would not dare drop a baby. Love is paying attention to detail.

 

[SarahsKnight]

That's actually a difficult question. Ive had a lot of female friends over the years. Some were breathtakingly beautiful and I loved them, but I wasn't "in love" with them. They were buddies. There was no attraction. Then, there was one girl I remember, she was also a "friend", but I absolutely fell in love with her. She was skinny as a rail. Had a mouthful of braces and about as many curves as a mop handle. And she was as pale as a sheet, with jet black hair, and freckles. But there was something about her that made me trip over my own feet every time I was around her.

You were once in love with Shelley Duvall?

_________
EDIT: ... Oh, wait. The freckles part rules that out I guess. =P

 

[MehGuy]

You were once in love with Shelley Duvall?

_________
EDIT: ... Oh, wait. The freckles part rules that out I guess. =P

You were once in love with Shelley Duvall?

_________
EDIT: ... Oh, wait. The freckles part rules that out I guess. =P

You were once in love with Shelley Duvall?

_________
EDIT: ... Oh, wait. The freckles part rules that out I guess. =P

Lol. I kinda had a crush on her. The 1970s80s version that is, lol.

 

[bort]

*blind post

One sounds like romance and the other doesn't

 

[TheGirlOnFire]

Hmm.
I wouldnt say being in love is like eros that just sounds a bit like codependency, or possesion, or even lust and obssesion.

I would say it definitely has intense feelings of joy and feeling like you floating on air. And I think its a mutual thing.

Cos you can love someone but they dont necessarily love you back in the same way. A mother can love a child but the child cannot love the mother in a reciprocal way even though they both bond and love each other..the mother shows the love and thr child responds. Or vice versa...can it be said the child is 'in love' with the mother when she is holding him or her? Or is it the mother is 'in love' with her child. Or baby.

Love is defintely tender thing, you would be careful neer to break it and treat with the utmost care like its precious. Just as you would not dare drop a baby. Love is paying attention to detail.

Oh yeah you both you and your fall in love, it's not the same as falling in love as a man. But you become their world and they become yours....I do think that's why it's hard for some mothers to let go or let other people love their child....

 

[Dante116]

Hmm.
I wouldnt say being in love is like eros that just sounds a bit like codependency, or possesion, or even lust and obssesion.
I would say it definitely has intense feelings of joy and feeling like you floating on air. And I think its a mutual thing.
Cos you can love someone but they dont necessarily love you back in the same way. A mother can love a child but the child cannot love the mother in a reciprocal way even though they both bond and love each other..the mother shows the love and thr child responds. Or vice versa...can it be said the child is 'in love' with the mother when she is holding him or her? Or is it the mother is 'in love' with her child. Or baby.
Love is defintely tender thing, you would be careful neer to break it and treat with the utmost care like its precious. Just as you would not dare drop a baby. Love is paying attention to detail.

It is based on the four words for love in ancient Greek. I really recommend reading the C.S.Lewis book on it, but I will say that what is commonly referred to as 'being in love' is almost entirely from Eros and is separate to affection love, friendship love or agape (but of course, not exclusive).

It is not lust (or a physical element referred to as Venus, in contrast to Eros, rather than lust) which can take place later, but with real Eros, Venus does not need to come into it, and in fact can be often delayed by it if it comes about.

He describes (I would say accurately) in the book:

Very often what comes first is simply a delighted pre-occupation with the Beloved–a general, unspecified pre-occupation with her in her totality. A man in this state really hasn’t leisure to think about sex. He is too busy thinking of a person. The fact that she is a woman is far less important than the fact that she is herself. He is full of desire, but the desire may not be sexually toned. If you asked him what he wanted, the true reply would often be, “To go on thinking of her.”

A problem in English is it lumps four Greek words/concepts into one. While they are all loves, the term 'falling in love' is almost invariably Eros talking. While you can develop an affection or friendship, few people describe what happens from that as 'falling in love'.

 

[William67]

You were once in love with Shelley Duvall?

_________
EDIT: ... Oh, wait. The freckles part rules that out I guess. =P

Shelley Duvall was curvaceous compared to the girl I was in love with.

 

[Goodbook]

What is the 'falling' bit?
I thought OP said what is the difference between loving someone and being in love. Not much i dont think.

Just the latter is mutual affection I suppose.

 

[Dante116]

What is the 'falling' bit?
I thought OP said what is the difference between loving someone and being in love. Not much i dont think.
Just the latter is mutual affection I suppose.

If we want to break it down, the former (loving someone) is rather catch-all and encompases all loves. It is a rather vague thing to say and can apply to an affection for a pet, between friends, the adoration of a lover and so on.

The common use of 'falling in love' describes only Eros love - that is the type of love that seeks only one person, even at the cost of your own happiness, and pushes for it regardless of the cost. The 'falling' bit is how it happens or the process, which is generally not consciously done.

 

[Evie1980]

What is the difference between loving someone, and being in love with someone?

May I ask - why are you asking this question?

I may be a little cynical here, please forgive me as a I am a little older now, but I believe that being "in love" is usually something someone says when they either want to be in a relationship with someone (when I was a teenager and in my 20's I was in love with every other guy I met) or they want out of a romantic relationship (thus saying "I am no longer in love with you"). Love therefore sounds like a destination that one goes to and in a sense it is as we allow ourselves to think about the how much we love them. It is a destination our mind lets our heart take. For some it may only be a holiday. For others it could be like moving house.

Loving someone is different. I have never said to my mum, dad or other family members that I was in love with them. I just have always loved them. There are people outside of family members I genuinely just love. You could never ask me to move on from it. Would I like (or had liked) some of these to turn romantic? Of course. But just because they haven't doesn't mean I have given up on my love for these people.

This is what it means to me. If someone said they were in love with me and I would have to ask them if they would still love me if they were no longer in love with me. Because I know that I am not always the easiest person to love. There are many, many moments that they could, and would, go "out" (or the opposite of in) of love with me.

Blessings

 

[Goodbook]

I think people needlessly complicate things with all the greek words.
Im not greek.

And I doubt that way back in OT times there was even a distinction.

Lets try the biblical definition of love in corinthians chapter 13. We are christians arent we? We ought to be looking in the Bible and to God to show us what love truly is. Also am I 'in love' with Jesus? Absolutely. I am part of His body. so I suppose I am 'in'.

 

[TheGirlOnFire]

What is the 'falling' bit?
I thought OP said what is the difference between loving someone and being in love. Not much i dont think.

Just the latter is mutual affection I suppose.

the saying is not staying balanced in love, it is falling, losing your self to love. and you feel a little crazy You are under the influence of your hormones that are making you feel, all at once, euphoric, endangered, and exhausted. Let's call these the Three E's of falling in love. Researcher Donatella Marazziti of the University of Pisa, Italy helps us to understand the euphoria we feel in the early stages of romantic love. She says, it is more than two hearts igniting, when people fall in love. Their hormones ignite as well. The nerve transmitters adrenaline andphenylethylamine (PEA-also present in chocolate) increase when two people are attracted to each other that puts them in emotional overdrive. Additionally, the relaxation, feel good hormone serotoninlowers, causing you to obsess about your lover and consistently reflect back on the romantic times spent with him or her.

Falling in love produces a biological state that is a high similar to being on cocaine. More interestingly, Donatella Marazziti (link is external)discovered that falling in love also alters testosteronelevels in men and women. This is the male sexhormone that makes men hunters and gatherers and more able than women to be sexual without an emotional commitment. Increased testosterone levels in women during the early stages of romantic love make them more sexual and aggressive. While decreased testosterone levels in men make them more emotional and receptive at this time. This finding makes me smile. I have heard more than one man say through the years, "What happened to her sex drive? When we first went out, she was sexually wild? I couldn't keep up with her. She tricked me." If you yourself have felt this way about your female lover, now, you know that it was her hormones that made her into a girl gone wild.

Why can love's early stages make you feel personally endangered as well? First, the euphoria that you feel can disorganize you. You are adding a dating relationship to your normal, busy routine. Your normal responsibilities at work and home may fall to the wayside, as you put more energy into solidifying your love relationship. This can make you more anxious than normal. Also, loving asks you to lower your defenses and loosen up your personal boundaries so that you can merge your needs and desires with those of your lover. This process can be threatening and make you feel unsafe. Nonetheless, this is the making of a strong, healthy relationship attachment. It takes time to trust each other and to know that this attachment will not hurt you. No wonder we can feel anxious and unsafe when we first fall in love. There's much to gain and to lose, in the process. The fear you feel is palpable. Many of you may unconsciously create emotional issues and dramas to give voice, and make tangible, the endangerment that you feel.

With all of the hormone changes and fears going on inside of you, it is no wonder you may feel exhausted in the early stages of falling in love. I've heard several people say that they can't wait until the honeymoon period is over so that they can get some rest. It's no wonder that some of you may rush to seal the relationship deal, just to put an end to these uncomfortable feelings.

So you can fall in love to end up being in love.. it's very simple

 

[Goodbook]

Another verse says nothing can separate us from the love of Christ. I think thats in Romans. If we have the spirit of the living God dwelling within us, we are 'in love' and also we love other people with this 'in love' from God.

 

[kittysbecute]

I may be a little cynical here, please forgive me as a I am a little older now, but I believe that being "in love" is usually something someone says when they either want to be in a relationship with someone (when I was a teenager and in my 20's I was in love with every other guy I met) or they want out of a romantic relationship (thus saying "I am no longer in love with you"). Love therefore sounds like a destination that one goes to and in a sense it is as we allow ourselves to think about the how much we love them. It is a destination our mind lets our heart take. For some it may only be a holiday. For others it could be like moving house.

Loving someone is different. I have never said to my mum, dad or other family members that I was in love with them. I just have always loved them. There are people outside of family members I genuinely just love. You could never ask me to move on from it. Would I like (or had liked) some of these to turn romantic? Of course. But just because they haven't doesn't mean I have given up on my love for these people.

This is what it means to me. If someone said they were in love with me and I would have to ask them if they would still love me if they were no longer in love with me. Because I know that I am not always the easiest person to love. There are many, many moments that they could, and would, go "out" (or the opposite of in) of love with me.

Blessings

Good point. I didn't think about that. I have always been confused at how people can suddenly change their heart for a person. I came to the conclusion that real love is a choice. Not a feeling. In spite of feelings everyone is capable of choosing to love or not to love someone.
"In love" does seem in some contexts to be more shallow that real love. Not to say that the foundation of "in love" is never real love of course. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't.

 

[Sketcher]

Jesus loved just about everyone, but we have no evidence of him being in love with anyone.

 

[Dante116]

Good point. I didn't think about that. I have always been confused at how people can suddenly change their heart for a person. I came to the conclusion that real love is a choice. Not a feeling. In spite of feelings everyone is capable of choosing to love or not to love someone.
"In love" does seem in some contexts to be more shallow that real love. Not to say that the foundation of "in love" is never real love of course. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't.

Agape love (charity before the word morphed meaning in English), the sacrificial love, is one that you wilfully do. Loving the unlovable. (I think it is this in the original Greek of the NT in 1 Cor 13:13 - 'but the greatest of these is love' - which is 'charity' in the KJV.)

Those 'natural loves', you have less control over, and come about without you wilfully 'wanting' them (easily seen with eros, but even with friendship-love you often end up not choosing your friends*1). They can become dangerous as well, even affection, even friendship; they can distort and try to take the place of God. But I cannot say that they are not real; I wouldn't even call any of them shallow even if they can be fleeting. They can be a great gift.

*1 To quote that book again: "Friendship is not a reward for our discrimination and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each the beauties of all the others."

 

[Goodbook]

I think maybe you are talking about the crushes people have when they get to know someone and the feelings of attraction that go with it? People call that falling in love, can be a good thing or bad thing if that affection is not returned!!