wildernesse said:
She should do whatever works to keep her marriage together and get her husband to behave within the Biblical parameters a Godly wife is afforded.
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- Thread starter PuNkChIcK
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She should do whatever works to keep her marriage together and get her husband to behave within the Biblical parameters a Godly wife is afforded.
Didn't you two just get married, like 2 weeks ago?
Did he constrain you before your wedding?
I suggest anger managerment counseling immediately.
Did he constrain you before your wedding?
I suggest anger managerment counseling immediately.
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Talk to your pastor about this on your own first. Then, if you can, get your husband to talk to the pastor by himself, then go together. This is serious. Right now, he may not be able to listen to your reasoning with him, and embarrasing him would likely make things worse. If he's irate over washing dishes, what would he be like if he found you told family/friends?
Perhaps he feels you were demanding that he wash the dishes, and feels you were unjustified. You feel he's unjustified in refusing to wash the dishes. I sense there's more behind this than even you two may be aware of.
If he continues to cause any physical harm, your pastor can probably suggest some places to go.
Enslow
Perhaps he feels you were demanding that he wash the dishes, and feels you were unjustified. You feel he's unjustified in refusing to wash the dishes. I sense there's more behind this than even you two may be aware of.
If he continues to cause any physical harm, your pastor can probably suggest some places to go.
Enslow
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I agree w/what everyone here says. And I do have a feeling it will get worse. You deserve better. I know that after your mom died, you would probably feel you needed stability and support, so you grabbed on to whatever seemed like the best thing at the time. At your age, you're really still growing in many ways, and doing it alone really would stink.
I'll cut to the chase: you may have to leave him. No relationship is worth being abused for. Seriously, sometimes you're just better off alone than with someone that hurts you.
As far as him grabbing your wrists--I have an idea
. You call yourself "PunkChick," right? Here's what you do. Buy spiked bracelets. THAT'LL teach him to grab your wrists. He might then just grab something else, but it's a quick fix, ya know?
http://www.extremecostumes.com/uvband.htm
These are in rubber, so it would probably just make him uncomfortable and not hurt him to grab your wrists.
I'll cut to the chase: you may have to leave him. No relationship is worth being abused for. Seriously, sometimes you're just better off alone than with someone that hurts you.
As far as him grabbing your wrists--I have an idea
. You call yourself "PunkChick," right? Here's what you do. Buy spiked bracelets. THAT'LL teach him to grab your wrists. He might then just grab something else, but it's a quick fix, ya know?http://www.extremecostumes.com/uvband.htm
These are in rubber, so it would probably just make him uncomfortable and not hurt him to grab your wrists.
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49erfan:yes, we got married on August first...we had planned to wait two years, and out of the blue rushed into it, something i now feel was a mistake
enslow:I suggested that to him, and he thinks nothing is wrong and that it isn't that big of a deal, which it isn't, he siad he'll change and I believe that he will.....
enslow:I suggested that to him, and he thinks nothing is wrong and that it isn't that big of a deal, which it isn't, he siad he'll change and I believe that he will.....
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cutekid 4 Jesus
Regular Member
Just hope and pray he does,but keep in mind men who trivialise aggressive behaviour...not a good thing.
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charligirl
Senior Veteran
desi said:
I can see why this could be suggested as a solution, but I have to say I don;t see this as either a 'christian' answer, or a simple answer to this situation.
I know of nowhere in the bible where it would advocate speaking to a 'gossip' or where some sort of underhand 'whispering' campaign is a scriptual solution. I actually see this as quite manipulative and if I was an agressive man I would just get even more angry that my wife had gone behind my back.
The christian answer is firstly to go toGod...pray, pray and pray, then talk to your husband (at a good time) and explain how much it has upset you, if he doesn't respond then perhaps go to your pastor. Did you do any marriage courses? there are some great seminars on tape, or some churches offer newlyweds marriage courses which covers Godly headshipand submission as well as conflict resolution and communication.
Marriage isn't easy and both parties take 'baggage' in and often have un realistic or twisted ideas of love and marriage based on what they have witnessed as they grew up. But God does love marriage, and if you are both willing to seek Him and place him in the middle then you can work it out... take it to him in prayer and keep praying for His will to be done and for God to bless you BOTH and bring you through this to resolution.
IF after this it doesn't get better and he starts to become physically abusive then I think you should look at moving out until he is willing to face the issue and seek councelling... you'd still be married and working at your marriage, but there is nothing that says you have to stay under the same roof as an abusive spouse.
But pray throughout, it's the Holy Spirit that convicts and brings about change.
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PuNkChIcK said:
Please go to a minister on your own at least. Then pray and hope your husband will take your concerns seriously after that. I sense a breakdown of communication on top of the wrist-holding. Dangerous combination.
Enslow
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LadyBird
Dance Me to the End of Love
I was reading a book called "Men are like waffles, women are like spaghettie" and the authors suggested that when you argue, that you set boundaries. Like don't throw things, don't hit each other, don't mention divorce...even hold each others hands if that will help you to control yourself. But if you husband grabs your wrists...holding hands might not be a good idea. Perhaps you need to just really tell him that what he is doing is wrong or even more that he physically is hurting you and that he is hurting your marriage. Crying usually gets the point across to a guy. Tell him that people who love each other don't bruise each other or physcially abuse one another. And maybe you should even set some arguing boundaries or guidelines. Just some thoughts...I am praying for you and your marriage. If you ever need to talk, don't hesitate to PM me. Good luck to you Punkchick.
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Risen Tree
previously Rising Tree
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I posted this on another thread, but it is appropriate here too. I will say strongly that I am NOT advocating you being hurt. But the details of how to go about it being stopped are not for us to decide. I do hope for you that it does not escalate and stops soon. The following is what I see in scripture. Look in your Bible and see what you find. God has given us so many answers there...
What a touchy subject. Talk about being thrown into the fire. But remember that when three were thrown into the fire, four were walking there. God is always with us. I don't advocate violence or abuse or extramarital affairs or anything else like that, but I do trust my Lord completely. This is not saying to be a doormat. I'm suggesting that we allow Someone who knows our husbands hearts and has the ability to change him to work in his life without our intereference. Our job as a wife is to be a gentle and submissive soul, not to tell our husband what to do or to interefere with God's plan. There is a reason, and we should do what God has told us to do and watch for results.
"If the temper of a ruler rises up against you, do not leave your place, for gentleness and calmness prevent great offenses." Ecclesiastes 10:4 "For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps...and while being reviled, He did not revile in return, while suffering He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously." This is from 1 Peter 2. Right after that in 1 Peter 3 it says "In the same way, wives are to submit to their husbands as He submitted to God, His Heavenly Father." How can we have trust in a man who is hurting us? We don't. We have trust in God who is that man's authority. Sarah's husband Abraham asked her to do some things that were just downright wrong. But she submitted to Abraham's God given authority over her and did as he asked and SHE was blessed and protected by God while Abraham was held accountable for his actions. Romans 13:1 says "Let every person be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God."
Our Father knew who we were going to marry before we were born. He allows even bad situations and will use it for our good, if we can stop thinking about what to do and how to get out of it and trust Him and concentrate on God's purpose for that suffering. God is big enough to bring us through the worst situations. He can close the mouths of lions even today. And he can even turn abusive people into Godly men (and women). The abuser is not the problem; satan is. Have faith and search scripture as to why God is allowing this in your life, then obey what God has told us to do and watch for results!
What a touchy subject. Talk about being thrown into the fire. But remember that when three were thrown into the fire, four were walking there. God is always with us. I don't advocate violence or abuse or extramarital affairs or anything else like that, but I do trust my Lord completely. This is not saying to be a doormat. I'm suggesting that we allow Someone who knows our husbands hearts and has the ability to change him to work in his life without our intereference. Our job as a wife is to be a gentle and submissive soul, not to tell our husband what to do or to interefere with God's plan. There is a reason, and we should do what God has told us to do and watch for results.
"If the temper of a ruler rises up against you, do not leave your place, for gentleness and calmness prevent great offenses." Ecclesiastes 10:4 "For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps...and while being reviled, He did not revile in return, while suffering He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously." This is from 1 Peter 2. Right after that in 1 Peter 3 it says "In the same way, wives are to submit to their husbands as He submitted to God, His Heavenly Father." How can we have trust in a man who is hurting us? We don't. We have trust in God who is that man's authority. Sarah's husband Abraham asked her to do some things that were just downright wrong. But she submitted to Abraham's God given authority over her and did as he asked and SHE was blessed and protected by God while Abraham was held accountable for his actions. Romans 13:1 says "Let every person be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God."
Our Father knew who we were going to marry before we were born. He allows even bad situations and will use it for our good, if we can stop thinking about what to do and how to get out of it and trust Him and concentrate on God's purpose for that suffering. God is big enough to bring us through the worst situations. He can close the mouths of lions even today. And he can even turn abusive people into Godly men (and women). The abuser is not the problem; satan is. Have faith and search scripture as to why God is allowing this in your life, then obey what God has told us to do and watch for results!
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Punk-
You need to trust your instincts. Your husband's problem isnt about you, it is about him. He is acting out in unhealthy ways. This most likely wont be something that you can "talk him out of" but instead would require professional help. If he is unwilling to go, you go.
Give your relationship to God and allow Him to work, but at the same time, set standards for yourself and your marriage and stick to them. The fact that you acknowledge that this is making you concerned means there is need to be concerned.
You need to trust your instincts. Your husband's problem isnt about you, it is about him. He is acting out in unhealthy ways. This most likely wont be something that you can "talk him out of" but instead would require professional help. If he is unwilling to go, you go.
Give your relationship to God and allow Him to work, but at the same time, set standards for yourself and your marriage and stick to them. The fact that you acknowledge that this is making you concerned means there is need to be concerned.
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Stanfi
Senior Veteran
I can offer no adivice as how to resolve your situation other than to go to God in prayer, and ask for his guidance. However, I will tell you that what your husband is doing to you in NOT right. This is his instruction from Gods word on how he should treat you.
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
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Sometimes this is the only resort when dealing with an angry aggressive personality. A small voice from experience. Sometimes if they are confronted head on they feel justified in their anger. In this situation passive aggressive is usually most effective.wildernesse said:
As a human being you have the right to voice your opinion. Nobody deserves to be controlled to the point that they become a functioning shell of a person. (I've seen this happen) Jesus was usually passive agressive.wilderness said:
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