Love-sick

[welshchick]

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 7 months, and we're both very much in love with eachother and know that we want to marry each other. We live on the same campus when we're at college, so we get to see each other every day - at breakfast, between lectures, lunchtime, dinner, evening - 24/7 rpetty much. However, now we have finished for the summer, and we've both had to go home (which are opposite sides of the country from each other). I't such a struggle not being with him, i am really missing him so much. We left only 4 days ago, but the last 4 days have been so miserable! All i can think about is him and how much i miss him. We're hopefulyl going to see each other every other weekend, but it's still another 7 days before i'm going to see him next!

Because we got together when we were at college, and have seen each other every day since (apart from Christmas and Easter vacations which were only 2 weeks long - not 3 months as is this summer) we're not used to being apart. I know that it is probably good for us to be apart - it will help to strengthen us, but that doesn't mean that i'm not going to struggle and miss him

I'm sure there are many couples here who have experienced the same in one way or another. How did you deal with being apart? Was there anything you could do that could take your mind off it, even just for a little bit? I'm so miserable without him, i'm completely love-sick

 

[feesha]

my boyfriend left 4 days ago also but if feels like an eternity! the first few days he was gone were the hardest. we've been talking a year but saw each other for the first time this past weekend

i've dealt with being apart from my SO by knowing when i'll see him again. as soon as we planned the second trip and decided when we would be seeing each other after i felt much better. you'll be seeing each other every other weekend, those are great times to look forward to. we also talk on the phone very often and tell each other what we're feeling. something else that helped was taking pictures while we were together. i plan to scrapbook ours.

the first few days were the hardest but you have to adjust and look at the positives . you're so lucky to have your boyfriend and to be in love with him, there are so many people searching for that very thing. so be thankful and enjoy what you have at this time, even though i know it hurts

 

[peanutbutter12]

Heh, it would be sometimes months before I would see my now wife.In fact, over the 9 months we "dated", we only saw each other for 4 weeks total. Once when I visited her, once when she visited me, and two weeks before the wedding that I was staying at her parents house. Yah, it's not easy.

We got by talking every day. We both got webcams and used them every night, then talked on the phone before bed. It wasn't easy sometimes, especially right after one of us would leave (the whole whopping 2 times we saw each other) but it got back to "routine" after about a week or so.

CJ

 

[Counsil]

From experiance I say, "stay with it", my girlfriend and I lived half a country appart in the begining. It was definatly hard, stay in contact, the interweb, phone, any way you can. One day at a time you'll get through it.

 

[lacedinlavender]

It is always hard to be away from your SO, but what always helps me when my fiance and I are apart for an extended amount of time is keeping myself busy. I love to scrapbook, and I don't get a lot of time to do it, so when my fiance is gone and I'm feeling lonely, I'll put out pictures and indulge in my favorite hobby! It's important that you not let your life revolve around your bf, as that can be extremely unhealthy -- you have to have your own hobbies and you have to be able to do other things that give you enjoyment.

Katomi gave you some wonderful advice that you should really pay attention to!

Jen

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

It is hard being away-my bf was gone for three months and that was hard. We wrote each other emals every day, called each other every day, and wrote each other letters. It got better over time....lol

We have been going out for 2 and a half years and I still miss him when he goes away.

 

[Inperfected]

Because we got together when we were at college, and have seen each other every day since (apart from Christmas and Easter vacations which were only 2 weeks long - not 3 months as is this summer) we're not used to being apart.

Seeing each other every two weeks? Well done!

My darling fiance and me had 3 months apart from dec-march. And man it hurt, but you see I was in Tanzania, and learning awhole new culture at the same time, and I do totally understand. We'd seen each other virtually daily (even when I lived an hour away) for 1.5 years!

Let time work it's magic.... I admit I was counting hours and days for the last 3 weeks of my trip, esp the last day... But honestly, just let time work it's magic, you grow to your circumstances.

 

[bumblebee62331]

Get webcams and have conversations, lots of phone calls and emails. Try to enjoy the time apart - I know you will miss him and he will miss you, but it's nice to have some time to yourself and your friends and family. Know that you will see him. I know it's hard, I've been in the same situation when I went to England for a few months and left my boyfriend in Australia - we conversed via emails and I was pretty down, but then I thought to myself "Wake up, you're going to see him in a few months, I can either enjoy myself now while missing him, or be completely down and upset. It won't make me see him any sooner".

It was hard but I tried to really enjoy myself and it actually helped to keep my mind off it, and the time went quicker!

 

[Trigger]

Well, the closer you are to God, the closer you are to each other.

Why not do a co-operative Bible study? Get a devotion book for each of you and talk about it over the phone after you've completed the day's devotion.

Alternately, I heard X-Men 3 is out...

 

[neenee]

I know how you feel... every summer between semesters me and my boyriend spend 4 months apart with no visits because its too expensive ( i live in ontario and he lives in nova scotia). The trick is, enjoy your life. Life doesn't have to be horrible an desolate without your SO. I don't want my boyfriend to be depressed all summer. I want him to have a good time even though we do miss each other incredibly. Just get involved in stuff, enjoy life and don't throw a pity party every night...the time will go by way faster.
GOOD LUCK!

 

[welshchick]

Love is patient, among other things that Paul tells us.

There is no such thing as "love-sick". Love is positive and sick is negative, they don't belong together. It is not the love that makes you sick, and its not really its absence either that makes you sick.

In my opinion alone. what makes you feel terrible is that you have nothing else to fill the "void" with. aka, you did not make sure you took care in your relationswhip to keep up hobbies and friends and what not that were yours and yours alone. Its possible you may have spent too much time together and you became semi dependent on each other. None of that is attributed to love really. Because love can exist whether you see a person for one day a year or every day for a year, and it exists whether you have lots of friends or no friends and lots of hobbies or no hobbies. The difference between each of those things, is how you react when your partner is away. What is there to fill your life while he is not with you, and if there is nothing, why is that? Its something you need to look into. You are still an individual.

You need to fill your time with things that are your strengths as an individuall.

The "sick" part come from lonliness, from boredom, and from impatience and worry (worry, another thing the Bible tells us is fruitless).. and from fear, thats another one you have to look out for. When people are apart sometimes they fear losing the other, which is rediculous if your love is strong and God is at the center of your relationship.

Live your life. Your partner is not with you every day, but that doesn't mean you are dead as a person. Live!

~ ~

That was really helpful, thank you Katomi I hadn't thought of it in that way before, and now i have, i think you are right. I think part of me get's scared that if i fill my time with things to do, then my boyfriend will be upset because he'll think that i'm not missing him as i'm busy doing other stuff. However, to be honest, i don't actually know if he would think like this, although he has some times during the past (its hard to explain, as earlier on in our relationship i didnt miss him as much as i do now, but that was only because we had only just started, but now i've grown so much in my love for him).

I think i also find it hard as he does seem to do a lot of stuff (like he'll actually go to do stuff - like go car-racing, or to a theme park etc) - really interesting stuff, whereas i tend to just go to a coffee house, or for a walk. I know it's sinful but part of me wishes that i was like him having all those exciting things to do, and that it seems he has a much more interesting life when we're apart! Sometimes i feel like i sound boring compared to him! I know that all this is sinful, and i'm trying to deal with it. i don't know if others feel the same sometimes too?

 

[porterross]

Get webcams and have conversations, lots of phone calls and emails. Try to enjoy the time apart - I know you will miss him and he will miss you, but it's nice to have some time to yourself and your friends and family. Know that you will see him. I know it's hard, I've been in the same situation when I went to England for a few months and left my boyfriend in Australia - we conversed via emails and I was pretty down, but then I thought to myself "Wake up, you're going to see him in a few months, I can either enjoy myself now while missing him, or be completely down and upset. It won't make me see him any sooner".

It was hard but I tried to really enjoy myself and it actually helped to keep my mind off it, and the time went quicker!

Right!

My sweetie is in the UK and I'm in Texas. How's that for distance? I don't get to see him until October, but that's part of being responsible adults in this world.

Webcams are good and seeing one another does help.

Is there some volunteer work you can do there to keep your mind off the situation? God may need you there for a reason.

 

[Alenci]

I don't know. I don't really miss my boyfriend that much. Although it still sort of hurts if he doesn't tell me that he's coming home for the weekend or doesn't seem to want to stop by to see me. I know he needs time with his family though. And this week he passed on having a picnic with me and my parents in order to go back and have supper with our group from church up at our college. I have to remind myself that's good. I've only seen him three times since summer started almost two months ago, though. I talk to him a few times a week on the phone, but he has to go outside to get reception. The hard part for me is the negative thinking. It's kind of sick how I can bash myself for days and feel really worthless because I think he's disinterested. I have definitely got to refocus my priorities. I'm not sure that God is still first in my life. And I didn't derive my self-esteem so much from other people before I was in this relationship...

Since when did I become so shallow??!

 

[porterross]

Alenci

You deserve better, honey.

I spent too much time waiting for someone to want me as much as I wanted them and it is fruitless. Please don't let someone who may not fully appreciate you make you feel less wonderful than you are.

If he can't figure this out, it's his loss and some more deserving man's gain.

 

[Alenci]

Alenci

You deserve better, honey.

I spent too much time waiting for someone to want me as much as I wanted them and it is fruitless. Please don't let someone who may not fully appreciate you make you feel less wonderful than you are.

If he can't figure this out, it's his loss and some more deserving man's gain.

No, I think he does. But his work keeps him pretty busy over the summer. And lately things have been weird with him coming home, since his father is recovering from a blood clot. Plus neither of us really shows much emotion or anything; we keep it pretty low key. So it's easy for me to think he isn't interested anymore when I'm away.

 

[Kitangel]

Well, the closer you are to God, the closer you are to each other.

Why not do a co-operative Bible study? Get a devotion book for each of you and talk about it over the phone after you've completed the day's devotion.

Alternately, I heard X-Men 3 is out...

lol - the idea of X Men 3 is good!
I went to that with my fiancee, one weekend he was down.....

I *think* i can kinda see what its like for you. My fiancee and i live 2 hours apart from each other.... "2 hours" one might say is not bad.....but when you have to catch 3 different trains and a tram to see him, its hell. especially when you cant see him weekdays because he has work. Lucky for me he works in IT, so he's constantly on Skype we spend as much time together as we can on the net and on the phone...and thats a great timekiller - if you have an instant messaging service that you both can use to talk to each other.

He visits every weekend, Sat and Sun. it used to be for a couple of hours on Sat, ever 2nd week. Every time he left, it would kill me....and i'd trudge home, and wait out the 14 days on the net with him. eventyally we agreed to seeing each other on the weekends...and now were seeing each other during the week.

 

[KrazyPhish]

*WHINE*
My boyfriend is really far away too I also live on campus with him and am used to seeing him all the time.
We're both at Uni in Melbourne but it's the holidays right now and I've gone back to New Zealand.

I miss him so much.

 

[f U z ! o N]

Alenci

You deserve better, honey.

I spent too much time waiting for someone to want me as much as I wanted them and it is fruitless. Please don't let someone who may not fully appreciate you make you feel less wonderful than you are.

If he can't figure this out, it's his loss and some more deserving man's gain.

great advice! never wait and have to work for someone to want you. i did and it was worthless as well. they either want you or they dont. you definitley deserve better.