- Jan 12, 2009
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I am new to this kind of forums... I have so many questions, and it seems so few answers... I am what's considered a "Christian" because I believe in Jesus Christ and I believe that there was a man, a human, an entity, the Son Of GOD that did in fact die for our sins... To believe in something like that, something in which most people think is impossible, an act so selfless for alot of people who could even care less, for me, that gives me all the hope in the world. However, sometimes even with that knowledge, I feel lost...
At the moment, I feel lost... In my head, in my heart and in my soul...
I'm not sure if I could explain it all entirely, but I will try... because I feel that I need help... and I pray to GOD everynight, but feels like he doesn't hear me...
At the moment, so many things are going wrong in my life... When they happen, I tend to fall apart inside. On the outside, I seem strong. I keep responsabilities up, I do what I must to keep going, to stay alive, to keep everyone feeling strong and make them believe everything will be alright, but deep inside, I feel like I've done something wrong for this things to come about...
My dad was shot 3 times in the face, a few months back... He used to work in a Pawn Shop... and 2 African/Haitian American boys came in and robbed the store. They were going for Money and somehow knew where the Guns were located in the store... One of the boys pulled a gun from his own pants and pointed it at one of the store employees... My father faught the boy, trying to keep him away from the other Employees, and in turn was shot 3 times... He survived, but lost an eye and alot of coordination in his body... Yes, I know, it was a GOD send, it was the blessings of GOD that he survived... He shouldn't have...
Then, a month after, my brother got into a serious car accident... He got a bit too close driving next to a big rig/huge truck, I wasn't sure the kind... The truck smashed him on the side and his car flipped 5 times and smashed into the Guard Rail... Yes, he should have died too, luckily, no one on the road hit him afterwards, and he survived with a few broken ribs and a minor concusion...
Later, my mother has to go in for a Knee Surgery, because apparently something about the Cartelige on her knee had faded/weakened over time, and they had to remove alot of area from her knee, and she hasn't been the same ever since... I suppose that's nothing as severe as the other 2, but she is scarred for life on her knee and it pains her everyday that she can't go out and do any of the active things she was used to...
After a few months of all of this, in succession, my sister comes to my family and explains that she is now in a Relationship with another woman... She is a lesbian. I don't know all of your general views on homosexuality, but, in my family that's a kind of big deal... It's distressing to say the least on most of the family, and made me feel a bit weird... We accept her, of course, because we love her and she is family, and always will be, but that doesn't change the fact it's changed us all somehow...
And last but not least, there is me... Oh, me...? No, nothing has happened to me yet... At all... Almost ever... So, I feel as though I am somehow the cause of this... Why does everyone around me suffer and not me? I should feel blessed, I'm sure... but it feels as if I'm stuck in some weird bubble, and I'm not allowed to live life normaly, because if I try, someone will get hurt...
~~~~~~~~~
- Where I am now in life... It's been a few months from all these massive changes in my life, and I am struggling to get used to them... I try to be a positive person, but my views always skew and I tend to see the negative side of all things... My communication with GOD has dwindled over the past few months... I can't find the energy to Pray as I once did... and I feel that, even if I do, somehow my prayers are missed in translation...
I find myself now, in a relationship with a great girl... She's 20 years old, beautiful, smart, fun, exciting.... But, the problem? She is a "woman of the world" ... I myself, am 24 and I am a Virgin... I don't particularly believe in "Marriage before Sex", because nowadays, you are lucky if a Marriage will last you 6 months... However, I try to keep to the Bible and GODs standards... I want to be with a woman who will love me for me, and who understands me for me, and is a good person and maybe someone I can see myself with, married and with kids in the future....
However, this girl, who is still a good girl regardless, is a "woman of the world". She believes and strives heavily for Materialistic things of the world, and to date, has had well over 20 boyfriends, and about, if not half of them has had sexual relations with... I feel like I'm lost and going the wrong way... Right now, she is going through a hard time in life, and I feel like, staying with her will keep me down the wrong path... She wants to have sexual relations with me, and I'm not sure if I should... We have been dating 3 months, but she has wanted it since 2 weeks into the relationship....
I feel as if I'm trying to save myself for something important, but maybe I'm being irrational, dillusional? I'm lost in my mind, in my heart and in my soul... I don't know where to begin, where to continue, and what to look for... How do I know if I'm going the right way...? How do I know if I'm going in the wrong direction...? And how can I not look back...?
I'm lost... I come here now because I'm seeking some answers... or at least some words of wisdom... or something to calm the storm in my existance... Whatever you have to offer, I am more than grateful...
Thank you for taking the time to read through and understand my story and predicament...
~Angel
At the moment, I feel lost... In my head, in my heart and in my soul...
I'm not sure if I could explain it all entirely, but I will try... because I feel that I need help... and I pray to GOD everynight, but feels like he doesn't hear me...
At the moment, so many things are going wrong in my life... When they happen, I tend to fall apart inside. On the outside, I seem strong. I keep responsabilities up, I do what I must to keep going, to stay alive, to keep everyone feeling strong and make them believe everything will be alright, but deep inside, I feel like I've done something wrong for this things to come about...
My dad was shot 3 times in the face, a few months back... He used to work in a Pawn Shop... and 2 African/Haitian American boys came in and robbed the store. They were going for Money and somehow knew where the Guns were located in the store... One of the boys pulled a gun from his own pants and pointed it at one of the store employees... My father faught the boy, trying to keep him away from the other Employees, and in turn was shot 3 times... He survived, but lost an eye and alot of coordination in his body... Yes, I know, it was a GOD send, it was the blessings of GOD that he survived... He shouldn't have...
Then, a month after, my brother got into a serious car accident... He got a bit too close driving next to a big rig/huge truck, I wasn't sure the kind... The truck smashed him on the side and his car flipped 5 times and smashed into the Guard Rail... Yes, he should have died too, luckily, no one on the road hit him afterwards, and he survived with a few broken ribs and a minor concusion...
Later, my mother has to go in for a Knee Surgery, because apparently something about the Cartelige on her knee had faded/weakened over time, and they had to remove alot of area from her knee, and she hasn't been the same ever since... I suppose that's nothing as severe as the other 2, but she is scarred for life on her knee and it pains her everyday that she can't go out and do any of the active things she was used to...
After a few months of all of this, in succession, my sister comes to my family and explains that she is now in a Relationship with another woman... She is a lesbian. I don't know all of your general views on homosexuality, but, in my family that's a kind of big deal... It's distressing to say the least on most of the family, and made me feel a bit weird... We accept her, of course, because we love her and she is family, and always will be, but that doesn't change the fact it's changed us all somehow...
And last but not least, there is me... Oh, me...? No, nothing has happened to me yet... At all... Almost ever... So, I feel as though I am somehow the cause of this... Why does everyone around me suffer and not me? I should feel blessed, I'm sure... but it feels as if I'm stuck in some weird bubble, and I'm not allowed to live life normaly, because if I try, someone will get hurt...
~~~~~~~~~
- Where I am now in life... It's been a few months from all these massive changes in my life, and I am struggling to get used to them... I try to be a positive person, but my views always skew and I tend to see the negative side of all things... My communication with GOD has dwindled over the past few months... I can't find the energy to Pray as I once did... and I feel that, even if I do, somehow my prayers are missed in translation...
I find myself now, in a relationship with a great girl... She's 20 years old, beautiful, smart, fun, exciting.... But, the problem? She is a "woman of the world" ... I myself, am 24 and I am a Virgin... I don't particularly believe in "Marriage before Sex", because nowadays, you are lucky if a Marriage will last you 6 months... However, I try to keep to the Bible and GODs standards... I want to be with a woman who will love me for me, and who understands me for me, and is a good person and maybe someone I can see myself with, married and with kids in the future....
However, this girl, who is still a good girl regardless, is a "woman of the world". She believes and strives heavily for Materialistic things of the world, and to date, has had well over 20 boyfriends, and about, if not half of them has had sexual relations with... I feel like I'm lost and going the wrong way... Right now, she is going through a hard time in life, and I feel like, staying with her will keep me down the wrong path... She wants to have sexual relations with me, and I'm not sure if I should... We have been dating 3 months, but she has wanted it since 2 weeks into the relationship....
I feel as if I'm trying to save myself for something important, but maybe I'm being irrational, dillusional? I'm lost in my mind, in my heart and in my soul... I don't know where to begin, where to continue, and what to look for... How do I know if I'm going the right way...? How do I know if I'm going in the wrong direction...? And how can I not look back...?
I'm lost... I come here now because I'm seeking some answers... or at least some words of wisdom... or something to calm the storm in my existance... Whatever you have to offer, I am more than grateful...
Thank you for taking the time to read through and understand my story and predicament...
~Angel

