Lost cause

[CounselorForChrist]

Proverbs 12:4 ESV
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.

Proverbs 21:19 ESV
It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.

Proverbs 14:1 ESV
The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.

Proverbs 21:9 ESV
It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

Mind you men can be stubborn to but I think stubbornness branches off into pridefulness and selfishness. So its dangerous in a marriage and eventually will end it.

 

[Rora47]

Proverbs 12:4 ESV
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.

Proverbs 21:19 ESV
It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.

Proverbs 14:1 ESV
The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.

Proverbs 21:9 ESV
It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

Mind you men can be stubborn to but I think stubbornness branches off into pridefulness and selfishness. So its dangerous in a marriage and eventually will end it.

Thank you for the scripture... it is always helpful.

I guess in this sense, I am the guy who decided to stay inside. It's been painful however I also understand my own forms of temptation to neglect my role better. Most importantly, it has shown me the ways that my hope has falsely rested on my wife and our relationship instead of on Christ. Overall I would say it has been a trying but positive experience that I am glad to have gone through for those reasons (I only say that because I believe we will not end up divorced).

My wife seems to be doing better as late, and I can only hope this is a permanent change. I want to see a counselor as soon as we can to work out any remaining issues.

 

[Rora47]

I was reading through this again and realized I missed a few points.

What, you think they will shoot her if she gets on your nerves? LOL. The military does not encourage spouses to "use" service to escape their marriage. The military rather encourages strong marriages. Nobody should use military service as a "get out of marriage free" card. Given your attitude, it's just as well you didn't go in.

No, not at all. It's hard to explain unless you know what it's like to be isolated with someone who doesnt use an anchor of reasonable-ness. Eventually your own sense of reason starts to feel like it's leaking out your ears. Initially the military attracted me because of the comradery (and this was a couple years before I met my wife) because I am a team-player and I find it really satisfying to work alongside people who are also committed, not because it's strict and would probably keep me from losing my sense of reason.

So in that sense, I think it would only "protect" me, not necessarily our marriage. When we met with the the pastor who ended up marrying us, I found out he has an interest in military special forces groups (which I had been considering for a number of years) as well as military history. I asked him if there was anything I should watch out for if I did end up enlisting... he said 'don't let them replace your family'. It was interesting advice that I've weighed against my decisions about it because the truth is, in the intense conditions and military environment, many fellow soldiers/Marines feel like family, that is why they call each other "brother".

What ultimately lead me to decide against it is that if I did enlist in this marital condition, between the added hardship to marriage and the fact that I would probably get more emotional support at work than at home, it seems nigh impossible that I wouldn't end up doing that. Since it would only benefit me and not our marriage, which is my real "team", that would have made me a bad teammate since I was putting myself first. Once I was able to see it that way, it becomes clear that it's probably not the right thing to do. However called I might feel the principle outweigh my feelings.

 

[Rora47]

What do you need is what I mean? In the pit of your stomach what ales you ?

I initially responded with a lot more but I misread what you meant. I read this again, and to be honest, I don't really know how to express it. To feel more like we are a team who can trust each other would aile me somewhat. It's hard to let someone get close to you when you know they will end up hurting you, or trying to hurt you in short order because they think you are trying to hurt them or are projecting selfishness on you. Even though they 'know not what they do' so to speak, it's hard to continually experience that and not end up feel like you will only be left crippled... and it's hard not to tap out and take the easy way out of ejecting them from your heart and your life.

I never really thought about my own needs until I just answered this, but now that I think about it, I have come to accept that I am committed to this, vows would mean nothing if we only gave them up when they cost us something. If it destroys me, so be it. I know that seems dismal, or negative, but truthfully, it just means that my only hope is that God has something better in mind. Marriage is something from Him and He is worthy in the sunshine and in the rain. I have it pretty good considering the divorce statistics.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

I may have missed it, how old are you guys?

 

[Rora47]

I am 26 and she is 33.