My thoughts and prayers are for all of you; 
I am just not able to post more than this right now. Emotionally, I am drained.
My story: On Feb 1st we found out that we were unexpectantly expecting our second child; I really wanted a girl but a boy would be fine also; we have a son, now age 6. April 24th my water broke at 19 weeks gestation and I delivered little Matthew Robert; all 7.5 oz and 9 inches of his beauty body. We buried him on 4/27/07. He was due Sept 29th; the day after my husband's birthday. I got my period again; the 4th one since our stillborn was delivered...it is a painful reminder that I will not be delivering my son at the end of this month.
In the meantime, I remained home and off of work for 4 weeks only to return to work to find that my 83 yr old father needed to be rushed to the ER; taken in for Colon CA surgery and then spend the next 10 days in the hospital and nearly 2 months in rehab while we took care of my mother for 2 months; she does not drive. We looked for a new place to live that would also house my parents and we moved on August 9th.
I haven't had time to grieve and it is hitting me now... decompression they call it; when all the stress falls away and you are left with your thoughts of the "what might have beens"... oh, I also turned 45 a few days after we moved into our new home. The hope for the little girl that I have already named is fading and life is racing by me...I am not complaining and I am very thankful, everything has gone very well, even my parent's are adapting to their new environment...
I am now catching up with myself and I find that I have not even begun to grieve. I cannot find enough time alone! I so desperately need to be alone; have solitude and let myself grieve all this loss...Loss of a child, a future, a playmate for my son, a "normal" family life (with just my husband and children...now we have mom and dad too...) and in many ways the loss of my "self" as I knew it...I am needing to learn about "me" again. My husband was deeply affected by this loss and is dealing with it also.
I guess I am really trying to say that if you read my story and it moves you to say a prayer, I would greatly appreciate it...I am hanging onto hope and love but I feel pretty empty inside. I would love to have another child; I was so looking forward to being a mommy again...and if you can pray for miracles; that would be the one that I would ask God to send me...
(through my tears) I thank you with all my heart...
Love and peace to you all...
I am just not able to post more than this right now. Emotionally, I am drained. My story: On Feb 1st we found out that we were unexpectantly expecting our second child; I really wanted a girl but a boy would be fine also; we have a son, now age 6. April 24th my water broke at 19 weeks gestation and I delivered little Matthew Robert; all 7.5 oz and 9 inches of his beauty body. We buried him on 4/27/07. He was due Sept 29th; the day after my husband's birthday. I got my period again; the 4th one since our stillborn was delivered...it is a painful reminder that I will not be delivering my son at the end of this month.
In the meantime, I remained home and off of work for 4 weeks only to return to work to find that my 83 yr old father needed to be rushed to the ER; taken in for Colon CA surgery and then spend the next 10 days in the hospital and nearly 2 months in rehab while we took care of my mother for 2 months; she does not drive. We looked for a new place to live that would also house my parents and we moved on August 9th.
I haven't had time to grieve and it is hitting me now... decompression they call it; when all the stress falls away and you are left with your thoughts of the "what might have beens"... oh, I also turned 45 a few days after we moved into our new home. The hope for the little girl that I have already named is fading and life is racing by me...I am not complaining and I am very thankful, everything has gone very well, even my parent's are adapting to their new environment...
I am now catching up with myself and I find that I have not even begun to grieve. I cannot find enough time alone! I so desperately need to be alone; have solitude and let myself grieve all this loss...Loss of a child, a future, a playmate for my son, a "normal" family life (with just my husband and children...now we have mom and dad too...) and in many ways the loss of my "self" as I knew it...I am needing to learn about "me" again. My husband was deeply affected by this loss and is dealing with it also.
I guess I am really trying to say that if you read my story and it moves you to say a prayer, I would greatly appreciate it...I am hanging onto hope and love but I feel pretty empty inside. I would love to have another child; I was so looking forward to being a mommy again...and if you can pray for miracles; that would be the one that I would ask God to send me...
(through my tears) I thank you with all my heart...
Love and peace to you all...
