Lost and scared

[Lost55]

Hi.

I’ve Lead a very bad life, broke commandments and been very selfish. I’m so ashamed of myself. I have a physical illness and things keep happening to stop me from getting a diagnosis. I had a vision 8 months ago, it was apparently coming from god saying that I would get an illness and nobody would feel or see it but me and it’s happened. I am tormented, I’m praying to God and Jesus every day but I’m still experiencing evil happenings such as seeing and hearing the number of the beast everywhere I go. Every time I ask god I’m my thoughts a question I get the answer where I look wether it be a car reg e.g YE5, a shop or road name etc. The question I ask him is “am I going to hell”? I want to accept Jesus as my saviour and love god but feel I’ve done to much for him to listen and I’ve angered him by going to doctors and hospital appointments to get treatment. Every time I’ve been to my appointments the number of the beast have come up. I feel like god doesn’t want me to get medical treatment and trust in him for healing. I’ve been diagnosed with 3 physical things that all lead to an underlying condition but can’t seem to get the answers due to stumbling blocks stopping me from getting the right diagnosis. There have been far too many coincidences for me not to be tormented. I’ve read duetronomy 28 and feel like I’m cursed. I’m trying my best to please god and Jesus but feel I’m too late. I want god and Jesus’ forgiveness but I can’t stop thinking I’ve crossed the line. I used get horrible thoughts about Jesus sometimes and hate myself for it. The thoughts weren’t coming from me. I want to be forgiven and trying my best to repent. I’ve prayed to god so many times, I feel so lost and tortured. I feel that I shouldn’t seek medical advice because it’s lack of faith in god and because I keep trying to get the right medical care. I went to doctors earlier and when I got in my car the temp was 6 degrees with 66 miles left for fuel. My daughter came back with her homework and told me got 666 and writing a paper on the pit (coalmining). These are just 2 examples of things I’m coming across multiple times a day. I feel I’m been tortured I don’t want This, I want to be forgiven. I love god and Jesus and hate myself for what sins I’ve committed in my life. I started going back to church a few months ago after this vision and nothing seems to be helping x I fear the lord and am trying to change. I’m sick of failing him x please help x I’ve read deutoronomy 28 and feel like I’m cursed. X

 

[Anhelyna]

Lost55

Firstly welcome to CF

Perhaps you would get more help for your problems if you made a post in Christian Advice Christian Advice

My main suggestion is , however, go and get an appointment with your GP and get the physical problems sorted out. God does not want you to suffer in this way so please go and get help.

Also please take time to talk with your pastor

 

[mukk_in]

Hello, welcome to CF. For starters, I'm not sure that God has given you a vision of your own suffering. Visions and prophecies generally concern God's will and His kingdom (Habbakuk 2:3). Remember that Satan has a lot of counterfeits out there (2 Corinthians 11:14). We've all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Roman's 3:23). So, you're not alone. Please stay here and grow in His assurance and grace. Peace in Christ.

 

[Lost55]

Thank you. X

 

[sunshine100]

Hello and welcome

 

[Lost55]

Hello x

 

[Sm412]

I was an alcoholic for 12 years, hit a pedestrian with my car while driving drunk, drove drunk frequently after that, gambled, used drugs, slept with prostitutes, and denied God through atheism.

God, the Holy Spirit, and Jesus Christ are infinite love and forgiveness. I am forgiven, and if I am, you are as well. Christ died for the forgiveness of ALL sins. All means all. You are loved in the eyes of God.

I would suggest getting help for depression and anxiety. Don't take this the wrong way, but please do a full mental health evaluation. I only say this because I struggle with mental health myself, and can see it in others. There may be something deeper going on there.

As far as seeking treatment, we must use all tools available to us. Ultimately, are not those tools provided by God? One of those tools is medical treatment.

God bless. You will be in my prayers. Message me if you want to talk privately.

 

[Lost55]

I’m living with a non Christian, we aren’t married either but engaged.
I was married before but now divorced as was in an abusive relationship for 10 years and used drink to cope. My kids have really been affected by this and even though I don’t drink now, I’ve had loads of blips and treated my current partner like dirt at times and with the abortions, unwanted thoughts which are pure evil and everything else, I just cannot seem to forgive myself. X

 

[Lost55]

I cannot seem to pm you as I don’t m ow how

 

[Lost55]

I feel like because we are not married god disapproves of this. But then I know he sent me my partner as my partner is a good man

 

[Sm412]

I wouldn't rush to call your thoughts "evil," because they certainly aren't. From what you're telling me, you've been through a lot of trauma. As a counseling psychology major, my interpretation is that what you're experiencing now, both in behavior and thinking, is the direct result of said trauma. A 10 year abusive relationship will break anyone. Consider your thoughts for what they are: a natural reaction to trauma. I've been through lots of trauma myself and for a long time my thinking and behavior was negatively impacted. The good news is, it can be changed.

As human beings we have to utilize God's tools. So while you're hitting this issue spiritually, which is great, you must seek help from other sources. I recommend seeing a professional counselor to work through it. It will be a big step, and may seem scary, but as a person with mental health issues, finding the right counselor whom you trust leads to amazing results. Find a person who listens non-judgmentally and empathizes with you. The feeling is AMAZING. And definitely see a doctor for your physical ailments. God will not frown upon you seeking professional services. These are the tools which He has laid before you.

We all process traumas in our own ways, and I believe you are being to hard on yourself. The first thing you can practice is positive self talk. At first it seems forceful, but after a while it gets MUCH easier. I do it every day and have for years. After practice, it's easy peasy.

Instead of telling yourself you're evil, say "I am a good person going through a rough time." Force it if you have to. Instead of saying "I cannot forgive myself for what I have done" say "I may have done some things I wish I hadn't, but I still love myself and I am still a good person." Say "I am deserving of forgiveness from myself and God" After awhile, the positive thinking becomes automatic when adversity hits you.

This is the kind of stuff you'll work on in counseling. It's extremely liberating once you get the skill down. It will bring you closer to God as well, as you'll be in a place where you can truly humble yourself before Him.

 

[Sm412]

I am in recovery from alcoholism and bipolar disorder. While God is a huge part of my recovery, I must utilize other tools as well. This includes medication, therapy, and support groups. I believe with all my heart that the heavenly Father smiles upon my strenuous efforts to stay healthy.

I have done many awful things. If I start to hate myself for them, if I get down on myself for them, I will drink again. I will destroy myself.

Tell yourself, forcefully if you have to (it will be less forceful the more you do it) that you absolutely ARE deserving of forgiveness. We all are.

 

[Lost55]

Thank you, I’ve had psychology and counselling. What I feel is definitely spiritual (apart from my physical health) I was at my nannas death bed and horrible words came in my head about the devil and my nana, it was awful. When she was about to take her last breath she looked at me and I felt the wrath of god in her eyes.i didn’t want to think those thoughts but I let them happen. I hate myself for it

 

[Lost55]

I feel like I’ve committed the unpardonable sin with what’s happened with my Nan

 

[Sm412]

I'm so sorry to hear that. That must have been a very difficult experience. Sounds to me like these thoughts are coming from a mental health related source. I know because I've struggled with similar types of thoughts. My recommendation is a full mental health eval. You can get a good idea of what sort of mental/emotional processes are contributing to these thoughts. I'm not a professional (yet) so I can't make a diagnosis, but I know seeing a trained professional will give you understanding and a foundation to work on.

The impardonable sin has to be intentional. Your experience was not. You were suffering. For a reason unknown to you now, you suffer from intrusive thoughts. They are not your fault.

And that's great that you've done counseling! If you decide to go back it will be easier. I know a lot of people who haven't been and are scared for their first try. You're already over that hump should you decide to go

Most importantly, you have what it takes to get through this process through what has happened with someone you trust, and start correcting that thinking. Push the negative out and replace it with positive. You can start right now. Tell yourself "I am worthy of forgiveness from myself and from God" "I am a good person deserving of love" Keep doing it, every time a negative thought creeps in. Eventually you will build new neural pathways in your brain and the skill will be automatic and powerful.

 

[Romansthruphilemon]

Do you believe that Christ died for your sins, was buried, and rose again? If the answer is yes then the following verses apply to you:

Romans 3:22 Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference:

Rom 3:23 For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God;

Rom 3:24 Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus:

Rom 3:25 Whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation through faith in his blood, to declare his righteousness for the remission of sins that are past, through the forbearance of God; to declare, I say, at this time his righteousness:

Rom 3:26 that he might be just, and the justifier of him which believeth in Jesus.

Romans 5:10 For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life,

Ro 5:11 And not only so, but we also joy in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom we have now received the atonement.

My user name is Romans thru Philemon because I am trying to bring attention to the part of the Bible that people should be concentrating on for their doctrine.

All of the Bible is useful for doctrine but once you get outside of Romans thru Philemon you are primarily reading doctrine that is for Israel, not us.

Deuteronomy 28 was specifically given to Israel and does not apply to you today. If you believe that Christ died for your sins, was buried, and rose again, you are a member of The Church, The Body of Christ. You are NOT Israel.

Deut 5:1 And Moses called all Israel, and said unto them, Hear O Israel, the statues and judgements which I speak in your ears this day, that ye may learn them, and keep, and do them.

Deut 5:2 The LORD our God made a covenant with us in Horeb.

Those verses show that Deuteronomy is to Israel. The Church, The Body of Christ was a mystery at that point. Hadn’t been revealed and is not anywhere in Deuteronomy. Deuteronomy is to Israel, not you!
And that’s good news!

Here is another verse that is directly to you today:

2 Corinthians 5:19 To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation.

God is not charging you with your sins today as clearly stated in 2 Corinthians 5:19. Commit that verse to memory. He is dealing with you, and everyone else, on the basis of faith.

Again, do you believe that Christ died for your sins, was buried and rose again? Then you are saved (1 Corinthians 15:1-4).

If you see 666 somewhere just recite these verses to yourself from Acts 16:

What must I do to be saved? And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shall be saved

 

[Romansthruphilemon]

Colossians 2:13 And you, being dead in your sins and the uncircumcision of your flesh, hath he quickened together with him, having forgiven you all trespasses;

 

[Lost55]

Thank you so much, I’m feeling more at ease. X

 

[Sm412]

I hope I was able to help you. My input was mostly from a non-theological perspective, as I suspect this is a multi-faceted problem with multi-faceted solutions.