lost and dying

[Fire Of Zion]

i just got off the phone with my mom. she wants me to come home from my dad's house on sunday when I want to stay two more days. we got into another fight over me living with my dad and stepmom and i cried so hard. my mom's a wonderful person but this is all killing me and i have to get this off my chest. im crying into the phone how much i feel so horribly and how i want to be respected as a person not treated as a piece of property shared by her and my father...i told her how i want to be treated like i have a mind and a heart...she turned it around completely telling me i should wait until im 18 to make those choices and how i should give it up to God and wait. I CANT! i am very serious that i cant! what am i supposed to do, just sit back and let her and my dad and the courts fight over me and treat me like nothing???? like im a doll who just lets kids make me bend over, jump, dance and sit when im told???? this is killing me so much! i barely eat, ive slept allright lately...now i know why suicide is so common these day in our age group. i won't kill myself but sometimes i just want out so bad! im sorry about this but i have to talk to someone...

 

[Macca]

i just got off the phone with my mom. she wants me to come home from my dad's house on sunday when I want to stay two more days. we got into another fight over me living with my dad and stepmom and i cried so hard. my mom's a wonderful person but this is all killing me and i have to get this off my chest. im crying into the phone how much i feel so horribly and how i want to be respected as a person not treated as a piece of property shared by her and my father...i told her how i want to be treated like i have a mind and a heart...she turned it around completely telling me i should wait until im 18 to make those choices and how i should give it up to God and wait. I CANT! i am very serious that i cant! what am i supposed to do, just sit back and let her and my dad and the courts fight over me and treat me like nothing???? like im a doll who just lets kids make me bend over, jump, dance and sit when im told???? this is killing me so much! i barely eat, ive slept allright lately...now i know why suicide is so common these day in our age group. i won't kill myself but sometimes i just want out so bad! im sorry about this but i have to talk to someone...

You are going through a tough period, and there are no easy solutions, unfortunately.
You are of an age where, if you believe God's word you must honour you parents. Of course this is difficult when they are at odds with each other.
The only thing I can suggest is that you work out a plan of spending tome with each parent that fits in with your schooling and other essential committments.
Put it all in God's hands, pray about the situation.ask God for the wisdom to do the right thing.
If you need an intermediary try the pastor of your church with you and your parents.
Sorry I can't offer any esay solutions, and I hope this does help.
Macca.

 

[JVD]

That's a tough situation. Unfortunately you are caught in the middle.

It sounds like you agreed to stay a certain time and now want to extend that time. I think you should stay the time that was previously agreed. That is part of learning to keep your word even when it hurts you personally.

On the other hand, your parents apparently put you in this situation of being shuffled between two homes. That is not your fault at all. Don't blame yourself for it. Try to do what you can to make the best of a bad situation, and depend on God for your stability...he is your ROCK!

 

[KidDitto]

None of this is your fault. Do you hear me? NONE of this is your fault. They could not make it in marraige and you are not responsible in anyway. It doesn't make you different or a reject or worthless. You are a wonderful person with gifts and feelings and a bright future ahead of you.

Now, they are divorced and each one wants you, sometimes it may feel as though you are being used as something to hurt the other.


You are not a thing. It is not your fault. You were thrown into this position and it is a huge problem. It is bigger than you can cope with, it is an adult problem placed on a kids shoulders.


I am very sorry.


This is not fair to you and to your developement as a happy kid.


Life is hard enough:
"Do the kids at school like me? Is this outfit cute? Are they talking about me? What do I want to be when I grow up?" All things that one deals with at your age.


But to be faced with the tug of war and you are the rope is too hard to deal with at your tender age.


Perhaps you can sit and write a letter to each. Not an explosion of anger but from a place where it is hurting you. Tell them how this makes you feel like an object and it is eating you alive.

Seek a good counselor. Does your school or church have one?

And cry. Get those emotions out. Cry to God for help and ask him to comfort and direct you.

He will.


Again, this is an adult problem. It is not your fault and you should not have to shoulder the weight of all of this.

Keep the faith

 

[Fire Of Zion]

my mom told me not to make this my problem and to keep myself out of it but how can i? its still where i live and my dad pays child support that i live on! how do i keep myself out of this????

 

[Fire Of Zion]

i have calmed down since i wrote this...im a lot more...saner

i agree with all of you
i can honestly say that i can never be angry at God no matter what happens. I can never bring myself to hate him or turn against him because i know he is behind me all the way and i know what is happening has something at the end of the "race" that i will use to better myself and to learn... i just wish my mom understood as well as you did... thx

 

[Cerulean_Butterfly]

Hey sweetie... I know what your going through. Maybe not with your parents but with thoughts of suicide and giving up. If you ever need a friend I'm here... just PM away!

-JO

 

[Fire Of Zion]

thx...i have to talk to my mom again today when i go back to her house...she might end up yelling at me for being with my dad for...30 min more than SHE wants...

 

[TheThirdLink]

Wow. I'm so sorry.

Like they said, none of this is your fault and it's too big of a burden for you to deal with at your age. This burden was never meant for you to carry.

I will be praying tonight.

 

[Ninjitsu14]

me sorry Elven
Now,I don't want you to give up,I've known you since I first came here!I was afraid to meet new people!But now I know Meleah,and Jo,and talin-Ronyo,and Led,and I still talk with you.

None of this is your fault.I'm going through problems with a debate in my family.My cousin is pregnent,and she broke up with the guy that she had the baby with!My aunt is mad,my Grandma is mad for some odd reason,and I'm worried about my fifteen year old cousin living in the same place,and she is living(sorta with her boyfriend,who is my Cousin Courtney's younger brother)And I'm worried!I'll pray for you,but everyone who comes in,could you pray for my two cousins too?My older cousin is 18,named Courtney,and the younger one is Lauren,and shes 15.

 

[KidDitto]

Sweet child of God

Perhaps a letter something like this in your own words to your mother would help her to see what you are feeling. Pray first. If it feels right then ask God for the best time. If not, then at least you know there are people out here who have heard you.

(Letters are good because she can read it when she wants. She can reread it until she "Gets" your heart. )

Hope this helps collect your thoughts....

Dearest Mom

I know that being divorced is hard on you and it has lead to some really bad fights with Dad. I know that if you did not have any kids you would not have to have any contact with him. You could divorce like teens break up in high school. This makes me feel badly. Like I am the thing that ignites the arguing and the screaming.

It is a huge weight on me and sometimes I am unable to carry it. When I approach you, you tell me to stay out of it. But how can I? Somehow I have become the last bag of coffee that two shoppers are reaching for at the same time. Yes, it is about the “shoppers” working something out, but if there were no coffee then there would be nothing to fight over. You fight where I can hear the words. You fight and I have to see the seething face. It makes me so uncomfortable sometimes I wish I wasn’t born.

Is that what you want? To raise someone who has no self-worth and and agonizing guilt that everything is her fault? Life is hard enough without you placing your adult problems on me. I cannot walk as well as my classmates as I have 300 pounds of your weight on me each day.

Please at least do your fighting without me being able to hear or see it. If Dad is 30 minutes late then tell him later that he needs to respect your time. But I am letting you know to fight about it belittles me. I am telling you to please handle this as adults because I cannot handle it as the daughter. If this does not stop, the constant bickering will change “who I am” or who I grow into. Someday I want to be a happy well-adjusted mother and wife and the examples I am seeing frighten me about the future.

Please hear me. The only one I can talk to is God, but I think he wants to give you a chance to hear me so that we can somehow get past the “divorce” and at least be people who treat each other kindly and with respect. If Dad is wrong, be the bigger person for my sake and handle things differently than you have been. I am hurting. I know you are as well. I hear your pain. Do you hear mine?

I love you mother. You are my wonderful mom and I wouldn't want anyone else as my mom. I will pray for you everyday. Please try.

All my love,

 

[Ninjitsu14]

very good.

 

[KidDitto]

Thanks, I hope it helps if she needs it.


Glory to God!

 

[Fire Of Zion]

wow..that was awesome! thank you so much for the ideas KidDitto...

 

[KidDitto]

Glory to God!

Glad I could help, if nothing else you know those of us on your thread feel for you.

Big Christian hug for you!

We are praying for you!

 

[Fire Of Zion]

thx...
now i just have one last major question that is very confusing to me....
when im at my dad's house, i don't want to leave but when im at my mom's house, i don't want to leave either...i don't even know where to go!

 

[KidDitto]

It is okay to Love each of your parents like crazy. Just enjoy the place you find yourself.

I am not young -- far from it -- and when I visit my Dad I don't want to leave even to go back to my own home. I want to stay there and bask in "our fellowship".

How neat you have two places you love so much!

 

[Fire Of Zion]

i still feel lost...i just want to go somewhere and STAY! i don't like having to go back and forth between houses...i don't want that...i just want tk be a normal teenager who doesn't have to worry about this...I DONT WANT TO BE A POSSESSION SHARED BY TWO KIDS! I am more than that and i know God meant more than that for me...

 

[KidDitto]

It is an awful situation but unfortunately that is your life right now.

Two homes, two people who love you. I am sorry. But praise God you have parents! And praise God they both love you! I lost my mother when I was young. That is much worse.

 

[Fire Of Zion]

mmm yeah... your right... thx