Lost and confused. Any advice appreciated.

[Desert_pea]

Where do I start

I've been suffering from depression for I dont even know how long but only got help with it a year or so ago and since then have been on antidepressants and have just started working with a psychiatrist since I moved back home with my family two months ago.

Two months ago my boyfriend of three years broke up with me because he became lost and needs some time to sort himself out. He feels that because of the way both of us are right now, we can't be together because we're bad for eachother and we won't get better together. He is so confused about everything and really is in a dark place right now. He was my strength for so long and I am realising just now how much I depended on him and I am just going crazy without him He doesnt even know whether he loves me or not anymore, he doesnt seem to know how feels about anything. I still love him so much and pine for him every day. He says that he doesnt know what will happen in the future, whether we will get back together or not and doesn't give me any hope in that way. He wants me to get better for me, not for him or the possibility of there being an "us" again. He says how can he love someone else if he doesn't even love himself anymore.

I honestly thought God bought him into my life and I thanked Him every day. I felt like I was so lucky to have found this guy and was sure he was the "one". We both just fit together so well. Also God has always come first to me. He is my first love then the ex...

I blame myself for losing him, for my depression and the effect it had on him i.e. making him depressed in the end (although he says it wasnt me, it was other things that happened in his life). I feel like I destroyed the best thing that will ever happen to me.

Its been two months but I feel like I'm losing it more each day. I want him back so badly and for awhile I was ringing and emailing him but he couldnt handle it and now I'm only allowed to contact him via letters because he's just not ready to talk about alot of things. I just don't want a life without him

I have been a christian all my life and he was years ago but has just started to find God again.

I am so confused about some things and was hoping some people might be able to answer some questions for me.

Was it part of God's plan for us to break up or even meet in the first place?

Were we not meant to be? Or is nothing meant to be?

What can I say to my ex to help him through this rough time he is having. I am only allowed to write to him and I want to encourage him, tell him God loves him and to go to him for help. But I don't him to think I'm preaching at him as he still has quite a new relationship with God.

I pray alot but I feel like God isn't listening to me. I don't seem to get any reply whatsoever. What am I doing wrong

I have so many decisions to make now with regards to where I will live, work etc and I've prayed for help in making those decisions but again, I feel like He doesnt want to help me there when I really need it.

Sorry that this is so messy. I would really appreciate any advice or wisdom you could spare however.

Thankyou for listening,

D

 

[lady**bug]

I am going throught the same thing and I have the exact same questions...I hope u find ur answers as I havent found mine..instead of getting stronger I feel as Im getting weaker...I'll pray for you and hopefully u can pray for me..

 

[Johnnz]

Firstly depression is very real and has a profound effect on a person. It's good you are getting help.

Relationships are tricky. Sometimes we believe God 'made it happen' yet it turns out badly. Basically, I think God mostly lets us get on with making our own decisions about many of them. So, I don't think you should get into a 'if God then why' debate.

The break up of a special relationship is always painful, even more so when one party calls it off. You still care, and miss him a lot. He has left you with a big hole in your life. Again, that's life. Broken hearts happen to all sorts o fpeople, Christians and non Christians, for all sorts of reasons. By all means keep in contact, but don't hang all your hopes and dreams on that on eguy at this stage. Long term, unless he also gets into a more stable life pattern he may not be the best person for you. Two depression prone people may not be a good combination.

Sometimes we do have a lot of decsions to make. Other mature people are so important in helping us sort through issues and come to some conclusion we are happy with. Proverbs says 11:14 Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety. KJV

Feel free to ask any more questions.

Bless you

John
NZ

 

[Desert_pea]

I am going throught the same thing and I have the exact same questions...I hope u find ur answers as I havent found mine..instead of getting stronger I feel as Im getting weaker...I'll pray for you and hopefully u can pray for me..

Lady**bug I'm sorry you are going through what I am Thankyou for praying for me - I'll be doing the same for you!!

 

[Desert_pea]

Firstly depression is very real and has a profound effect on a person. It's good you are getting help.

Relationships are tricky. Sometimes we believe God 'made it happen' yet it turns out badly. Basically, I think God mostly lets us get on with making our own decisions about many of them. So, I don't think you should get into a 'if God then why' debate.

The break up of a special relationship is always painful, even more so when one party calls it off. You still care, and miss him a lot. He has left you with a big hole in your life. Again, that's life. Broken hearts happen to all sorts o fpeople, Christians and non Christians, for all sorts of reasons. By all means keep in contact, but don't hang all your hopes and dreams on that on eguy at this stage. Long term, unless he also gets into a more stable life pattern he may not be the best person for you. Two depression prone people may not be a good combination.

Sometimes we do have a lot of decsions to make. Other mature people are so important in helping us sort through issues and come to some conclusion we are happy with. Proverbs says 11:14 Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety. KJV

Feel free to ask any more questions.

Bless you

John
NZ

Johnnz thankyou! I really appreciate everything you've said.

This is the first time my hearts been broken and its an unbearable pain and I don't think my depression helps.

I am seriously thinking about talking to a counsellor at my parents church about all of this. I know its something I should have done earlier but it scares me.

You know I wish I could just stop loving this guy so that I can move on with my life but I don't know where to start. He's just too wonderful

 

[koban4max]

it must be hard to lose someone you really love..i felt the same way.
my girl left me as well...but ya gotta move on...it's not like god is gonna send ya another one...ya just gotta go through obsticles in life before he sends ya someone..

let the past be past.

 

[Witness.]

Hi Desert_pea,

You have been given good advice, and I agree with most of it, though sometimes bluntness at a time like this is not the best pain medicine.

There is one thing that you mentioned that I really would like to bring up. You say that you are blaming your depression and the things that you did for things not working out. We all go through self recriminations at a time like this. If you are depressed, then the depression will bring that out even worse.

You did nothing wrong! If your relationship has ended, then understand that it was not meant to be. I know, how do you convince your heart of such things, when the heart does not want to hear it. No person is perfect in how they handle a relationship. It is not about doing all the right things, but finding the right person.

If you did all the right things with the wrong person, then you will find yourself trapped in a relationship that was not meant to be. Way too many people in this day and age find themselves in such a position. If you think that the way you feel is bad now, imagine what it would be like after being married and having a family. (I know, that does not help much)

Your thoughts of speaking to a councilor is a good idea. They may not have all of the answers, but many times, it just helps to have someone listen to you, so that you can vent your feelings. It also helps to receive compassion at a time like this.

As far as your choices, where to live, and such. If you can, make your decisions without considering him right now. I have met people who gave up college or other important things in their life, and later regret their decision as time takes away their feelings. Make decisions that will be best for you. I am not trying to support selfishness in any way, but the decisions you make today, can impact you for the rest of your life. If you can wait until your emotions calm down a little, then do so, for when we are emotional, we have blinders on our wisdom.

I wish I had more advice for you, but really, not knowing all of the details, and also not knowing your future, it would be worth the money that you paid for it.

Oh yeah, the important stuff. I almost forgot.

God has not abandoned you! And there is not time that He does not want to help you. It is your perspective that has changed, not His lovingkindness for you. I know that when I am as you are (been there too many times, still there kinda) that it seems as if God is silent, and that He does not care. Always, it is me who is not listening, or too caught up into things, to realize that He is there, under my arm, holding me up so I can continue walking. He is there for you, never doubt that.

We often do not get the answers to our questions of why? Or in time, we do, when we see His wonderful plan unfold in our lives. My first true love was the woman who witnessed to me and brought the truth of Christ to me. After I accepted Christ we broke up. Talk about lots of why's. But Jesus is still in my life, and she is a faded memory. The why was that I needed salvation and was seeking a lover. It took five years to come to grips with that fact. The answer to your why's will be different, but it will make sense.

Please do not let this time in your life cause you to stumble in your walk with Him. Jesus is there, right there by your side. He loves you, and understands what you are going through. He will not let you down. I think this is advice that I need to hear right now, too. He will help you grow through this time, and as you draw closer to Him, you will find that often the sorrow in our lives is a blessing in disguise.

I hope that this helps. You are in my prayers.

John

 

[Anti Existance]

*hugs* Honey its not your fault, we all go thru our ups and downs, and your guy needs a stable person to have a relationship with. I can only offer you a book that saved me from suicide and depression. (got acrobat reader?)

http://home.quicknet.nl/qn/prive/kes/cycle.pdf

May it help to find back your stability, and restore your happyness as it did with mine.

*much love*

 

[Desert_pea]

Guy's thankyou all soooooo much!!!!

Since my first post I havent been getting as upset as I used to every day which is great!

Witness, yes I am very thankful that this did not happen further down the track when we might have been married, had children. That would have been awful

I'm actually starting to feel positive about my future, something I haven't felt in a loooong time and something I didnt feel whilst I was in the relationship.

So thank-you all once again! Your prayers have really helped too

 

[Desert_pea]

Anti-Existance I will also read that book you suggested. Thanks