Losing my mind...

[OutOfPlace_Christian]

Hello everyone So I'm a 21 year old female and have been feeling depressed...or rather fighting depression for a couple of years now. Five years actually but going on six. I know someone is going to suggest getting help but I don't trust anyone. I have actually seen a psychologist before but I'm finding that it is useless talking to people who have not gone through it because they are most likely to see things from their perspective and well...where I'm from, mental disorders aren't taken seriously. As a matter of fact I only realized how serious depression is once I started going through it myself. So I'm pretty much here venting (thanks for letting me vent ). I feel like I am losing my mind at this point because I feel like everyday I have to pretend and find a way to live up to everyone's expectations including God. God and Jesus expect me to "Be holy" and pretty much obey all his commandments and it feels like if I don't do a b c or keeping on doing a b c then I could potentially go to hell, parents want an obedient, church - going daughter (I'm forced to go to church a lot and if I don't go, it sometimes turns into an argument or me being called a disappointment...I have had a strong dislike towards church for a long time and it seems to be getting worse), society, outside family and friends also expect me to be a certain way (I think I stopped caring about that part...well....kind of) as a result I feel like a disappointment and can't take the pressure anymore. I pretty much live a double life. Smile at the world and behind closed doors cry a lot if I can, feel drained and tired and just want to stay in bed, feel like I don't belong in this world, feel worthless, feel like a disappointment, alone (yes I do talk to Jesus but it feels like I'm talking to myself or the walls most of the time so I get tired and don't even bother to pray about it sometimes cause now I feel like I am complaining to Jesus so I would rather tell myself to shut up and stop crying) and have resorted to cutting myself for years now which I have found to be rather therapeutic. I know that it is dangerous but sometimes I can't help it and get desperate to feel even slightly better one way or another. I have actually started to isolate myself a whole lot more now than ever before. I have thought a about suicide before but...I am too scared to go to hell so might as well stay and finish the race. I'm just mentally, physically and most importantly spiritually exhausted from fighting battles against demons all the time since the battle isn't really between the flesh right? I pretty much realized that after getting sleep paralysis a lot and feeling an evil presence in my room but Jesus took care of that part at least. I'm thankful for that. So....yeah. That's pretty much it. Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[Tempura]

You knew it, someone is going to suggest you to get help!

The thing with professional help is, sometimes one has to just try repeatedly. Not everything will work, but eventually something will, and those things that didn't work, will pave way for the kind of help that will work. It can be an elimination process. One other thing is patience. I "quit" getting help several times, because I was impatient and rebellious in a way. I downplayed the help I was getting, and my answer to everything was "I know better". Sometimes I did, but at certain point I had to humble myself, because I got in such a bad condition that I had no choice. In time, I got better to a point where I could live without constant depression, anxiety, insomnia, self-hate or fear. After a long crapshoot and partaking into the process myself (quit some destructive habits), even some of the meds worked, and I also started to get along with my therapist/psychologist as well.

So get that help, as much as you can, because at some point it will work. People will take you seriously if they are good at what they do. But we should never lie about what we do or feel. If you cut yourself, tell them. Like you said, you live a double life. Many depressed people do, and so did I. I didn't tell the truth to others, sometimes even pushed them away, and then cried by myself how I'm alone and nobody understands me. It makes absolutely no sense to do this, but many of us do. That's why it's good how you at least acknowledge it. It's a start.

I also started to read the Bible and really think about it. At some point I was sure I would have to kill myself, so I prayed for God, prayed for Jesus to help me out of it. I didn't feel it then, and it took a long time, but I believe I was carried over the worst. There were times I just had to endure, to not die, but at my lowest point I kind of made the decision to have faith. Just like in getting help, it's an active form of hope. And I made it personal. I was trying to understand God and myself. I still do.

------------

You say you have to be holy, and you say you have to do a-b-c. Why? Is it the same trap many religious people, often myself too, fall? When we're in that trap, it becomes about us. It becomes about us and our performance. It becomes an act, rituals with no other purpose than to soothe our fear of hell. That kind of faith will not last, and if it does, it can destroy more than it can ever build.

Look at what Paul said:

"So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."

We can't, and we never will, be holy. We will always be sinners. It's about where our heart is. Do you believe Christ died for our sins, for our behalf? Do you believe He is a savior, instead of a tormentor? Do you believe He is the good shepherd, like He said, the kind who gives His life for the sheep? Because that's why Christ came. Not to give us more chains, not to make us think we can be perfect, but because we needed God himself to save us, because we never could. We needed Christ to live a sinless life and die on our behalf, carrying our sins in His sacrifice. This way, God gets all the glory, Christ alone is the savior, and none of us can pretend to be better then the other under God's grace, even though many of us still rebel and make themselves to be something special, holy or good.

When Christ reprimanded people, it wasn't because He hates us. He made it clear how each and every one of us is a sinner, and if we manage to not do something bad, we're often still thinking about doing bad things, making us sinners in our hearts. When asked: "who then can be saved", He replied that to a man it is impossible, but to God all things are possible. So do not stare at your burdens, your fear of hell or your sins. Christ took them. Accept it, and give it all to Him. We do not have power over God, so how could our sins have more power than the sacrifice of Christ? The prodigal son is a good reminder.

And who were the people Christ reprimanded the most? Religious people like pharisees. Many of who Christ Himself said to be the ones who tie burdens on people's backs, without touching those burdens themselves. He said many of them are wolves in sheep's clothing. But with Christ, the burden is light: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

I also believe that God is not the father who gives us scrorpions or serpents when we ask for bread or water. I believe He is called "father" for a reason. It's in the Bible that the relationship of a father and child on earth is representative to what God is for us. If I had a father who hates me and beats me every time I do something wrong, and tells me that I deserve death, what comes out of it? I would fear for my life, I would be crippled, I could not love or trust anyone. But if I have a father who's loving, patient and wants me to grow up well and to love my neighbour, He will not beat me or threaten me with death. He will guide me, and pick me up if I fall, and be there when I need His support. That kind of love produces good fruit, and Christ talked a lot about good fruit. I believe God loves us, and that God truly is love, pure love. It's us who rebel against it. We stare at our sins and barricade the doors from the grace that sets us free from it, because we want to give so much power for ourselves. We find it so hard to believe that Christ actually died for us, and we try our hardest to do it ourselves, to somehow earn that grace which is already freely given. Sometimes we just have to "surrender", and accept that grace. That way, we become grateful and relieved, and if we do something good to others, we do it with a happy heart, not out of fear. That kind of fruit is a good fruit.

I hope I didn't ramble too much. Said a prayer for you, hoping for guidance and comfort to come your way. I hope you manage to get help and lay some of your burdens down, and hang on to hope. You are loved, and you are free to love as well. God bless.

 

[OutOfPlace_Christian]

WOW! I almost cried. :') Thank you for the advice and words of encouragement. It feels good talking to someone who understands. I really appreciate the prayers too <3

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

How did that evil presence feel like?

I always feel like there's something near me..but it turns out to be nothing..its such a weird feeling..

But I know how you feel...im going through anxiety,depression and feeling alone too.

 

[Noxot]

yeah but Christians that are like this are fakes so they should not be trusted or listened to. they are a bunch of cowards that think that the devil is God and they refuse to admit or understand they their heart is evil. they try to force people to believe in God with threats, which you can never love God when you are threatened by God. they killed Jesus because he said this kind of stuff to them:

Matt 23:13-15 (KJV)
But woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye shut up the kingdom of heaven against men: for ye neither go in yourselves, neither suffer ye them that are entering to go in. Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye devour widows' houses, and for a pretence make long prayer: therefore ye shall receive the greater damnation. Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye compass sea and land to make one proselyte, and when he is made, ye make him twofold more the child of hell than yourselves.

and

Luke 11:39-54 (YLT)
And the Lord said unto him, `Now do ye, the Pharisees, the outside of the cup and of the plate make clean, but your inward part is full of rapine and wickedness; unthinking! did not He who made the outside also the inside make? But what ye have give ye as alms, and, lo, all things are clean to you. `But woe to you, the Pharisees, because ye tithe the mint, and the rue, and every herb, and ye pass by the judgment, and the love of God; these things it behoveth to do, and those not to be neglecting. `Woe to you, the Pharisees, because ye love the first seats in the synagogues, and the salutations in the market-places. `Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, because ye are as the unseen tombs, and the men walking above have not known.' And one of the lawyers answering, saith to him, `Teacher, these things saying, us also thou dost insult;' and he said, `And to you, the lawyers, woe! because ye burden men with burdens grievous to be borne, and ye yourselves with one of your fingers do not touch the burdens. `Woe to you, because ye build the tombs of the prophets, and your fathers killed them. Then do ye testify, and are well pleased with the works of your fathers, because they indeed killed them, and ye do build their tombs; because of this also the wisdom of God said: I will send to them prophets, and apostles, and some of them they shall kill and persecute, that the blood of all the prophets, that is being poured forth from the foundation of the world, may be required from this generation; from the blood of Abel unto the blood of Zacharias, who perished between the altar and the house; yes, I say to you, It shall be required from this generation. `Woe to you, the lawyers, because ye took away the key of the knowledge; yourselves ye did not enter; and those coming in, ye did hinder.' And in his speaking these things unto them, the scribes and the Pharisees began fearfully to urge and to press him to speak about many things, laying wait for him, and seeking to catch something out of his mouth, that they might accuse him.

some of the supposed Christians are just God haters and don't even know it.

 

[OutOfPlace_Christian]

How did that evil presence feel like?

I always feel like there's something near me..but it turns out to be nothing..its such a weird feeling..

But I know how you feel...im going through anxiety,depression and feeling alone too.

I kept on reading it online as sleep paralysis. It feels like someone is choking you or sitting on your chest so you feel like you can't breathe, you also can't move or scream yet you are aware that you're awake. As for the feeling of an evil presence, all I felt while experiencing all those other things is something is really trying to hurt you and HATES you.
By the way "Far Side Of The Moon", we just have to keep on trusting in the Lord and be strong...even though I just felt like it was easier saying to you than believing it myself I am also trying to follow my own advice. I pray to Jesus to help me with my unbelief. <3

 

[OutOfPlace_Christian]

yeah but Christians that are like this are fakes so they should not be trusted or listened to. they are a bunch of cowards that think that the devil is God and they refuse to admit or understand they their heart is evil. they try to force people to believe in God with threats, which you can never love God when you are threatened by God. they killed Jesus because he said this kind of stuff to them:

Matt 23:13-15 (KJV)
But woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye shut up the kingdom of heaven against men: for ye neither go in yourselves, neither suffer ye them that are entering to go in. Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye devour widows' houses, and for a pretence make long prayer: therefore ye shall receive the greater damnation. Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye compass sea and land to make one proselyte, and when he is made, ye make him twofold more the child of hell than yourselves.

and

Luke 11:39-54 (YLT)
And the Lord said unto him, `Now do ye, the Pharisees, the outside of the cup and of the plate make clean, but your inward part is full of rapine and wickedness; unthinking! did not He who made the outside also the inside make? But what ye have give ye as alms, and, lo, all things are clean to you. `But woe to you, the Pharisees, because ye tithe the mint, and the rue, and every herb, and ye pass by the judgment, and the love of God; these things it behoveth to do, and those not to be neglecting. `Woe to you, the Pharisees, because ye love the first seats in the synagogues, and the salutations in the market-places. `Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, because ye are as the unseen tombs, and the men walking above have not known.' And one of the lawyers answering, saith to him, `Teacher, these things saying, us also thou dost insult;' and he said, `And to you, the lawyers, woe! because ye burden men with burdens grievous to be borne, and ye yourselves with one of your fingers do not touch the burdens. `Woe to you, because ye build the tombs of the prophets, and your fathers killed them. Then do ye testify, and are well pleased with the works of your fathers, because they indeed killed them, and ye do build their tombs; because of this also the wisdom of God said: I will send to them prophets, and apostles, and some of them they shall kill and persecute, that the blood of all the prophets, that is being poured forth from the foundation of the world, may be required from this generation; from the blood of Abel unto the blood of Zacharias, who perished between the altar and the house; yes, I say to you, It shall be required from this generation. `Woe to you, the lawyers, because ye took away the key of the knowledge; yourselves ye did not enter; and those coming in, ye did hinder.' And in his speaking these things unto them, the scribes and the Pharisees began fearfully to urge and to press him to speak about many things, laying wait for him, and seeking to catch something out of his mouth, that they might accuse him.

some of the supposed Christians are just God haters and don't even know it.

Hi there. Yes there are quite a number of "Pharisee" type Christians. I guess we are all just in dire need of Jesus but first need to acknowledge our wrongs and not pretend as if we are "Holier than though". I have no authority to judge so I guess that it is between them and the Lord?

 

[Tempura]

I kept on reading it online as sleep paralysis. It feels like someone is choking you or sitting on your chest so you feel like you can't breathe, you also can't move or scream yet you are aware that you're awake. As for the feeling of an evil presence, all I felt while experiencing all those other things is something is really trying to hurt you and HATES you.
By the way "Far Side Of The Moon", we just have to keep on trusting in the Lord and be strong...even though I just felt like it was easier saying to you than believing it myself I am also trying to follow my own advice. I pray to Jesus to help me with my unbelief. <3

You described sleep paralysis very well, that is what it is. I don't recall having one, but I know people who have had it many times. Well, not many as in constantly, but let's say "enough". It's a state where your consciousness is awake, but your body is not. For some reasons weight on the chest and evil presence along with other hallucinations can occur. I certainly don't want to have one, I'd crap my bed. As soon as my body would wake up, of course!

About your "saying to you is easier than believing it myself", even if you weren't talking to me (sorry for butting in), isn't that the case for all of us in many things? It doesn't make things less true, not at all, it just goes to prove how our mindset can trap us. For example, if you had a very low self-esteem, let's say that even self-hate, would you judge another person in a similar situation as harshly as yourself? You wouldn't, and you'd probably feel compassion towards that another person. But when it comes to you, then it's hard, even if the situation is the same, and there would be no less truth involved in having compassion towards yourself. It's like we know what's good, and good things certainly are good and often very simple, but we can easily see those things more clearly when it's not about ourselves.

I can see plenty of value in that, when people struggling with their faith encourage each other. Many times it's the best kind of support. So don't start to feel bad about that. None of us have faith strong enough to move mountains, and if we think we do, we're quickly pulled down from the clouds. Praying for help with unbelief is a very good prayer. It's about being humble and honest in front of God. We all have our limits.

I have no idea why I butted in and rambled an entire novel again. Take care and God bless all of you.

 

[Goatee]

I would definitely see your priest / pastor for 'spiritual' guidance / help. Dont know what denomination you are?

Easy to give advice. Not so easy when its you that has to take the advice! I know!

Prayer is needed. Deep, loving prayer. Doesn't have to be zillions of words. Just one to one with Jesus. Tell him your issues. Tell him you need him. Offer up your suffering to him for those who are in need, including yourself.

When we are feeling bad or down etc we dont want to do ANYTHING!. This is the time when we 'HAVE' to do something and that something is 'PRAYER'. Its so easy to pray when you are feeling great. When you are not feeling so great you need to show God how much you love him and offer that few mins of prayer up to him.

Also, maybe see a doc too as suggested. Don't face life on your own! Even though you feel alone remember one big thing:

GOD IS CARRYING YOU WHILE YOU ARE CARRYING YOUR PROBLEMS!

God bless you

 

[Noxot]

Hi there. Yes there are quite a number of "Pharisee" type Christians. I guess we are all just in dire need of Jesus but first need to acknowledge our wrongs and not pretend as if we are "Holier than though". I have no authority to judge so I guess that it is between them and the Lord?

you are right though I think sometimes we could help each other out too since the Lord is with all of us as much as we let him be.

most of us have various flaws and some souls just find it hard to get along with certain other souls. evil is never a good thing which is why God hates it. I have found that all the evils I so hate are often the very problems I myself still struggle with. 'pharisees' are a type of evil spirit that trys to swallow up as many as they can and we all get tempted by them from time to time and so it is important to not be like them.

but still, no one should be abusing anyone. we should all try to get along best we can. if we can't get along we should try to avoid getting into such bad situations as much as we can. Jesus said his burden is light and he is right. evil really does mess everything up. I am finding that out the hard way again. thanks a lot for sharing your vent, I like those kinds of post for some strange reason. I wish you would not cut yourself.

 

[OutOfPlace_Christian]

I would definitely see your priest / pastor for 'spiritual' guidance / help. Dont know what denomination you are?

Easy to give advice. Not so easy when its you that has to take the advice! I know!

Prayer is needed. Deep, loving prayer. Doesn't have to be zillions of words. Just one to one with Jesus. Tell him your issues. Tell him you need him. Offer up your suffering to him for those who are in need, including yourself.

When we are feeling bad or down etc we dont want to do ANYTHING!. This is the time when we 'HAVE' to do something and that something is 'PRAYER'. Its so easy to pray when you are feeling great. When you are not feeling so great you need to show God how much you love him and offer that few mins of prayer up to him.

Also, maybe see a doc too as suggested. Don't face life on your own! Even though you feel alone remember one big thing:

GOD IS CARRYING YOU WHILE YOU ARE CARRYING YOUR PROBLEMS!

God bless you

Thank you for the kind words and advice. I will say this...I don't completely feel alone anymore ever since I joined this forum. While I cry alone sometimes because I know I can't really open to anyone about anything concerning depression or suicide (this feeling comes from conversations by family or friends that push this stuff aside but I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion), I normally remind myself that someone in the world knows how I feel. I think I found them This long walk with Jesus isn't over. Thank you.

 

[Goatee]

Thank you for the kind words and advice. I will say this...I don't completely feel alone anymore ever since I joined this forum. While I cry alone sometimes because I know I can't really open to anyone about anything concerning depression or suicide (this feeling comes from conversations by family or friends that push this stuff aside but I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion), I normally remind myself that someone in the world knows how I feel. I think I found them This long walk with Jesus isn't over. Thank you.

We are all here to help. This is a wonderful forum.

I suffered with terrible depression and have been on meds for approx 13 yrs now. I lost my Mum and Dad within a year of each other and it hit me like a train!!!! Only thing that has helped is my faith! Ok, it has not been easy but my faith is everything even though i have messed up bad over the last year and a half!!

 

[OutOfPlace_Christian]

you are right though I think sometimes we could help each other out too since the Lord is with all of us as much as we let him be.

most of us have various flaws and some souls just find it hard to get along with certain other souls. evil is never a good thing which is why God hates it. I have found that all the evils I so hate are often the very problems I myself still struggle with. 'pharisees' are a type of evil spirit that trys to swallow up as many as they can and we all get tempted by them from time to time and so it is important to not be like them.

but still, no one should be abusing anyone. we should all try to get along best we can. if we can't get along we should try to avoid getting into such bad situations as much as we can. Jesus said his burden is light and he is right. evil really does mess everything up. I am finding that out the hard way again. thanks a lot for sharing your vent, I like those kinds of post for some strange reason. I wish you would not cut yourself.

And thank you too for sharing your thoughts. I try to be open minded no matter what the opinion is. (Totally random but I got excited when I saw the display picture of Gru Love it) I personally do absolutely like peace so I try not get into bad situations but some things you can't control I guess and I also suppose I can't run away from some human beings forever (Even if I do get annoyed by them...with a smile on my face of course. I wonder if that is considered being fake....?)

 

[OutOfPlace_Christian]

NO

You described sleep paralysis very well, that is what it is. I don't recall having one, but I know people who have had it many times. Well, not many as in constantly, but let's say "enough". It's a state where your consciousness is awake, but your body is not. For some reasons weight on the chest and evil presence along with other hallucinations can occur. I certainly don't want to have one, I'd crap my bed. As soon as my body would wake up, of course!

About your "saying to you is easier than believing it myself", even if you weren't talking to me (sorry for butting in), isn't that the case for all of us in many things? It doesn't make things less true, not at all, it just goes to prove how our mindset can trap us. For example, if you had a very low self-esteem, let's say that even self-hate, would you judge another person in a similar situation as harshly as yourself? You wouldn't, and you'd probably feel compassion towards that another person. But when it comes to you, then it's hard, even if the situation is the same, and there would be no less truth involved in having compassion towards yourself. It's like we know what's good, and good things certainly are good and often very simple, but we can easily see those things more clearly when it's not about ourselves.

I can see plenty of value in that, when people struggling with their faith encourage each other. Many times it's the best kind of support. So don't start to feel bad about that. None of us have faith strong enough to move mountains, and if we think we do, we're quickly pulled down from the clouds. Praying for help with unbelief is a very good prayer. It's about being humble and honest in front of God. We all have our limits.

I have no idea why I butted in and rambled an entire novel again. Take care and God bless all of you.

PLEASE! Feel free to butt in. I can never get enough words of wisdom. I have a lot to learn. Who knows...The Lord could be using you to speak to me. So basically what I am saying is...butt in some more :'D It's a c

You described sleep paralysis very well, that is what it is. I don't recall having one, but I know people who have had it many times. Well, not many as in constantly, but let's say "enough". It's a state where your consciousness is awake, but your body is not. For some reasons weight on the chest and evil presence along with other hallucinations can occur. I certainly don't want to have one, I'd crap my bed. As soon as my body would wake up, of course!

About your "saying to you is easier than believing it myself", even if you weren't talking to me (sorry for butting in), isn't that the case for all of us in many things? It doesn't make things less true, not at all, it just goes to prove how our mindset can trap us. For example, if you had a very low self-esteem, let's say that even self-hate, would you judge another person in a similar situation as harshly as yourself? You wouldn't, and you'd probably feel compassion towards that another person. But when it comes to you, then it's hard, even if the situation is the same, and there would be no less truth involved in having compassion towards yourself. It's like we know what's good, and good things certainly are good and often very simple, but we can easily see those things more clearly when it's not about ourselves.

I can see plenty of value in that, when people struggling with their faith encourage each other. Many times it's the best kind of support. So don't start to feel bad about that. None of us have faith strong enough to move mountains, and if we think we do, we're quickly pulled down from the clouds. Praying for help with unbelief is a very good prayer. It's about being humble and honest in front of God. We all have our limits.

I have no idea why I butted in and rambled an entire novel again. Take care and God bless all of you.

PLEASE! Feel free to butt in. I can never get enough words of wisdom especially from people who get it and have gone through it. I still have a lot to learn. Who knows...the Lord could be using you to talk to me So basically what I am saying is...do butt in some more :'D It's a conversation for anyone to join

 

[OutOfPlace_Christian]

We are all here to help. This is a wonderful forum.

I suffered with terrible depression and have been on meds for approx 13 yrs now. I lost my Mum and Dad within a year of each other and it hit me like a train!!!! Only thing that has helped is my faith! Ok, it has not been easy but my faith is everything even though i have messed up bad over the last year and a half!!

Oh! :o I'm sorry to hear that. You certainly are a strong person. You've been taking meds for 13 years?!? Do you feel like it has helped you?

 

[OutOfPlace_Christian]

O

And thank you too for sharing your thoughts. I try to be open minded no matter what the opinion is. (Totally random but I got excited when I saw the display picture of Gru Love it) I personally do absolutely like peace so I try not get into bad situations but some things you can't control I guess and I also suppose I can't run away from some human beings forever (Even if I do get annoyed by them...with a smile on my face of course. I wonder if that is considered being fake....?)

Oh wait...concerning the Gru display picture...I think I mentioned the wrong person. Oops. That was directed to "antletems". Yikes

 

[Goatee]

Oh! I'm sorry to hear that. You certainly are a strong person. You've been taking meds for 13 years?!? Do you feel like it has helped you?

Definitely. I did try to come off them but went back to being bad. Doc thinks i will be on them forever! I dont mind really. Dont want to be where i was all those years ago!

 

[OutOfPlace_Christian]

Yeah. Wouldn't want to go back in that dark place that you tried to get out of for so long. I understand. You really do have incredible strength that you have found through Jesus.

 

[Goatee]

Yeah. Wouldn't want to go back in that dark place that you tried to get out of for so long. I understand. You really do have incredible strength that you have found through Jesus.

Not been easy though! The devil has been pulling me continually for about a year and a half! I had an affair which turned my life upside down! Wife and I still together but looking to split when kid is older. She has made it quite clear that is what she wants.

I understand and accept that as i am guilty as hell. I deserve punishment.

I just thank God for my faith as that is only thing that has helped. Even though i have tripped up many times in the year and a half i have still continued to love God and repent. I pray that i am strong enough to beat my issues. Only with Gods help can this be beaten! Never give up on God. In very tough times it is easy to push God away. No! Its in tough times that we have to reassert our love for God!

 

[OutOfPlace_Christian]

Not been easy though! The devil has been pulling me continually for about a year and a half! I had an affair which turned my life upside down! Wife and I still together but looking to split when kid is older. She has made it quite clear that is what she wants.

I understand and accept that as i am guilty as hell. I deserve punishment.

I just thank God for my faith as that is only thing that has helped. Even though i have tripped up many times in the year and a half i have still continued to love God and repent. I pray that i am strong enough to beat my issues. Only with Gods help can this be beaten! Never give up on God. In very tough times it is easy to push God away. No! Its in tough times that we have to reassert our love for God!

I love how you own up to your mistakes and just let God heal you. As long as you have repented brother and confessed to Jesus. He will indeed cleanse you from all unrighteous. I know that now isn't really the time to be anywhere apart from God because Jesus is coming soon. It scares me actually because...I still feel dirty and unworthy to be taken up. I pray that I will though. That we all will be caught up. If anything...knowing that we are sooooo close...keeps me grounded sometimes and reminds me that I should be focusing on Jesus and watching for him. I pray He comes to get us too.