Looking from the Outside In

[USCGrad90]

Lately, I feel like I'm an outsider at my own church even though we have been members about 10 years. My wife heads up the nursery and my kids go to the Youth group and are highly involved, but I don't feel like I really have a place there. I've tried going into a class, volunteering in the nursery, have led the committee that revised our Constitution and Bylaws, and have offered support and suggestions for Men's ministry events, etc.. but still don't feel I have a place there. The women's ministry is very active, but the men don't do a lot unless it involves an event that requires money to go eat or pay to get in a function somewhere. I really am not motivated or excited to go on Sundays. Nobody seems to notice when I am not there. My pastor just announced his resignation to take a position in another state, so I don't think I can talk to him about it. The associate pastor is a good guy, but on occasions when I've needed serious advice, he hasn't returned my calls or emails. I work with some of the deacons, and all that I know are good men, but I don't feel comfortable confiding in these guys. Is this a normal stage in life or is it a sign I'm doing something wrong? Any advice is appreciated - especially from anyone who's been there.

 

[DeaconDean]

Let me say this, your situation is not unique.

I was going through this about 8 years ago in my own church.

I honestly believe it is part of scriptures fulfilling thermselves wher it states "the love of many will wax cold" and it really is just symtomatic of the church today.

My advice, pull up roots and find another church.

God Bless

Till all are one.

 

[jamantc]

Brother, I know where you're coming from. As you know, from my thread, I have been going through some things at our church as well. I will keep you in my prayers my friend! God is great and moves in ways in which we could never understand. Prayers until you say stop!

 

[Tigger45]

I know how you feel bro. The first ten years after being born from above the Lord blessed me with just the right church for my growth in the Lord and as we moved from location to location. But then I went through ten years of wondering in the wilderness. The tough thing for you is that it sounds like your wife and kids seem to be well plugged in to this congregation. I think sharing your feelings with other men within the congregation is a good place to start. Then at least if they seem to really not care then you know it's not just something your wrongly presuming.

 

[iambren]

The sub-groups of the church won't let any new blood in so they have stagnated and become dead. A pastor who wants to keep a healthy church will do things to till the field so the church can breathe.

 

[SoulBap6]

USCGRAD90

After I was saved I had a burning desire to serve the Lord. My wife and I went into many different , programs in the Church, sounds like what we did, it seemed I was on the outside. I ask God to show me where I should be and I talked to many of my Brothers in Christ, We were going though Pastor Changes to, it led me to my Ministry today I went into out reach of our Church first to a prison, Rescue Mission and Veterans Home taking the Gospel to these places. I have to be Honest be careful what you ask for God will put you to work. There is a Shortage of workers in the field. The blessing our great; at first I was afraid I had to step out of my comfort zone, after I did take that first step God has blessed my life. Pray ask God and you will find the plan God Has for you. In Christ Love

 

[Jimmy P]

Don't feel bad...

I was at my Baptist church for 17 yrs when the Pastor gave me the boot...why? I have long hair...uh oh, sinful lol...
It just happens I guess...and he said since I had long hair, that I was a homosexual and rebel against God...alrighty then...

But it all worked out...got away from there, done studying and got closer to God...so Pastor did me a favor...and I held no ill will towards him...even though his wife and him said I could never come back, because I was a germ and I contaminated the church...geesh...

That was back in 1989...

 

[USCGrad90]

Thanks for all of the advice. I actually went in this morning with an open spirit, waiting to see where I could plug in. The autistic child I shadow was back, so I spent most of the morning with him. Amazing what a child with a simple view on life and smile can do to help perspective. My wife and daughters were out of town, so I invited my son's best friend to lunch with us and had a good time with the boys. Late in the afternoon, we had a church-wide Thanksgiving dinner and I stepped in to help set up coffee, ice, and beverages. Got some nice comments from the ladies in the kitchen. I still want to see how church can change and what I can do, but looking for the little things, helped make it a good day. I appreciate the prayers and sharing from everyone.

 

[Tigger45]

That's great, thx for the update! I pray things keep moving in a positive direction for you at this church.

 

[Willie T]

Sounds like you are making some changes for yourself. Oops! Did I come right out and spill the beans? Can it be possible that it actually depends upon US, and not THEM?

What a novel concept.

 

[Jimmy P]

USCGrad, you want to see what you can do?

You helped an autistic child, took the boys to lunch, you helped with the dinner...bro, you have already done...may seem like small stuff to most people, but not in the eyes of our Father...those 'little' things you did are just as big as anything any of us do...we are all equal in His eyes...
Don't worry so much about the church building, remember, all of us, God's children are THEE church...and you doing things such as this, are counted...and to think how good you must have made that child...remember, children had a special place in the heart of Christ and you did good bro...I believe you put a smile on the face of our Savior

Keep doing these ways...rewarding for you, for whom you help and pleasing to God Himself...