Looking for ideas for coping.

[mikey_peterson]

HI, this is my first post here, so I doubt any of you guys know me, so I'll let you know something about me.

First off, when it comes to my username, I'm usually fairly careful about distributing my actual information online, so "Mikey" and "Peterson" are both word play of my actual name, so don't mind that. My parents moved to the US when I was 2 years old, and I've been taught to speak English as my only language (I've even been something of a translator for my folks.) I'm currently 20, just turning 21, living in Lansing, Michigan. I've got a beautiful wife and a baby girl even more beautiful than her. I've been a faithful servant of God for all my life - though as an angry teenager, I did turn away from the congregation for a couple of years. Now I'm trying my best to serve Him and to understand the world, working a nice customer service job and paying the mortgage, I consider myself a pretty regular, fairly successful guy.

Well, that in mind, I can also tell that my wife had a miscarriage 4 months ago and I've been talking to her about how to get past that. She doesn't seem to. She's slowly detoriating from real life - she can't hold her job, doesn't go to Church and doesn't want to play with our daughter. She cries a lot and I've found her drinking alone. Well, this is not her problems I'm posting for here - we're in line to get her to a psychologist and my folks are helping a lot around the house. I'm, selfishly, posting about myself.

See, after seeing that powerful woman fizzle like that, like a burnt-out cigarette, I've started to think about the world and existence from another angle. And truth be told, my faith is slowly bleeding away with her. I can't discuss with my Father from the congregation, he's old school, the "go-to-church-or-I'll-punch-your-teeth-in"-type, he doesn't believe in sob stories. So I'm asking my peers right here.

How can I re-establish my faith in Jesus? I'm trying so hard, but it's slipping away. I read the Bible now almost daily, much more than I did while my life was perfect, looking for answers... I only find my heart refusing and struggling faith. And like my faith in the Holy Father drifting away with the misery of my wife, my will to live or rather to strive is escaping as well. I don't find happiness anymore, not without her or Him by my side. Now I've got my job and my duties, but no love of life.

Any of you guys have any ideas that could get me back on track?

 

[green wolverine]

I'm very the loss of your unborn child and can understand how devastating it can be.

One great resource that has gotten me through a lot of down times is Matthew Henry's complete commentary of the Bible. He was Puritan pastor and wrote a commentary on the entire Bible as the name implies. The great thing about it is that God gave him great insight and understanding on our plight in life as well as God's goodness towards us. I would urge you to read his comments on your favorite portions of scripture, especially the Psalms such as the 23rd, 34th, 37th, 73rd, etc., etc.

Here's a link to it online:

Matthew Henry's Commentary on the Whole Bible [Volume Index] | Christian Classics Ethereal Library

Hopefully your wife can get in a support group to deal with the loss of the baby.

 

[TeChNoWC]

The fact that you are reading your Bible more now than when your life was 'perfect' in one way, if you want to look at it positively, means your life is far better now than what it was. God is pushing on you to get to know more about Him because He loves you and has a plan for you.

All of this is catapulting you to go to another level in your relationship with God, and He will use you to help your wife. When you are made weak, then He is made strong.

 

[Johnnz]

That's a huge loss.

If your faith had only a "Believe it, live by faith" basis then events such as you are facing won't provide much in the way of resources and insights for either of you. If that's the case, then here is a point in your life that can be really life changing - scepticism or a much better founded belief.

Many Christians desert the church and often their faith too when life causes them to outgrow their religious simplicity. But some, as I did, began of a continuing journey of discovery that has deeply enriched by life and the lives of many others as Ihave discovered God in greater reality, both intellectually and experientially.

John
NZ

 

[BlessEwe]

I am so sorry to hear of your families loss. For me when difficult things have happened and found myself in a valley, I found it very hard as most of us run from pain. We avoid it as much as possible.
Look at the disciples while in the boat during a storm they all freaked out, except for Jesus who slept in peace. He told them to have faith, and of coarse I find this interesting because as humans they had to see it, touch it and struggled to find the faith and peace in it, just as we do today. I feel this parable is about showing us to jump into the arms of Christ during these moments turn it all over to Him and find the peace that He is in control.

I am so glad to hear your wife is seeking help, and your family is jumping in as well.

Hold on to Christ, know who you are as a christian. Stand up and allow Christ to comfort you. Let Him heal you pain.

Corrie Tenboom is a great one to check out... The Corrie ten Boom Museum - "the Hiding Place" or com She lost her whole family to the nazi's and her testimony is heart moving.

God Bless

I also wanted to say as well that 4 months really isn't very long. The grieving process is on a individual basis, and if she doesn't grieve and stuffs it, for sure it will come out in a different way to cover the pain. meaning continued heavy drinking, ect. Hospice is a wonderful way for her to express what she feels in support groups or a counselor, there are couples groups as well.

 

[Criada]

It is at times like this, when God seems a million miles away, and life is hard to understand, that our faith is tested, and grows. You are bound to feel bad.. you lost a child too, and on top of that, you have 'lost' the woman that you loved in a way.
But.. you are holding on. That, I think, is sometimes all that God requires. Keep reading your Bible, praying and trusting, even when you don't 'feel' anything. All the heros of the Bible had desert experiences, times when they couldn't hear or comprehend God. And in those dry times they put down deep roots, so that when they came out of the desert, out of the valley, their faith blossomed like desert flowers after the rain.
It is a tough time, a testing time, but you are doing ok, brother.

Praying for you and for your wife.