Hello! I visit here once in a while and was hoping maybe you could clear things up for me.
I accepted Jesus as my personal savior in highschool but since then, have at best been, a christian seeker. Believing in him, looking at him from far, but reluctant to go close. As the hopelessness increased, I turned to the word for answers, seemed to hear from him but till now, dont feel like I know him. Please dont tell me things like draw close to him and he will draw close to you, or about praise and worship and thankfulness because I have read about all that countless times.
What troubles me now is this - what if christianity is just a mental exercise, the outcome of which depends solely on the person carrying on the exercise? Both closeness to god and answers to prayer depends entirely on the faith and positiveness in the mind of a person. If not that, then it is because it is not god's will. Makes me think christianity has a convenient explanation for every possible situation. If it is not lack of faith or sin or disobedience, then it is because god's will was otherwise. And for people like me who want to believe but have trouble doing so because we think too much, the answer is you need to be like little children.
For people with faith, when they dont have prayers answered, after a period of time, they get the mental strength to accept. They become mentally prepared to accept the situation through the exercise of prayer. The peace they feel then will be attributed to god's grace to accept his will. It may also be looked upon as a character building exercise, like Paul's thorn.
I am not trying to start some sort of a debate. I would just like to get answers to clear my doubts away so that I can believe. And it is not like I want to see god to believe but I do wish I can at least hear from someone who has physically felt god's presence presence. If there there is someone here like that, can you please share? But then again, there is a part of me wondering what if it is under the influence of some substance.
I have heard drugs and alcohol make people see things, make them feel happy and peaceful. So I cant help wondering if christianity is a mental exercise which triggers impulses in the brain similar to alcohol and drugs making people feel happy and peaceful in a better way than substance abuse.
Do I sound crazy? Am I beyond help? I just want to believe in the being who is all love but I have all these crazy thoughts.
Can someone please talk to Jesus about me and tell me if he has something to say to me?
I am sorry that you are having a hard time believing. I know somebody like that too. He really really wants to, but it's so hard when you can't. I know that God is working on him trying to show him different things, but it's not helping as much as he wants to. He says that all those things are possible coincidences. One time God gave him a dream. In this dream, he was flipping through pages of stuff (like on a computer screen or something) and he knew that the source of that "computer" was God himself. (In the dream he knew that).
So he was flipping through all kinds of dreams, signs and miracles to find something that would convince him to believe, but he couldn't find anything...
It's like God gave him a dream to show him that: you expect a miracle to help you to believe, but you just looked through all these and you couldn't find anything convincing enough...
It's the hardest for those who can't believe. And God knows it. And He will help, but it takes time.
All I can say is: DO YOU WANT GOD? This is the key question. If your answer is yes, most likely you will find Him eventually. Keep hanging in there. Keep searching. Listen to his answers. If something answers your inner question, don't think it's just a coincidence (although you probably will anyways), but try to see it as an answer. God speaks sometimes through a story, a movie, a song, a verse, person, thoughts, ideas... He speaks in different ways.
Take Me To Heart (Quarterflash)
You won't forget my eyes
Ooh, deep inside you realize
You're gonna see me Wherever you go
You're gonna hear me On your radio
There you are In your car
And suddenly You hear me
Do you want me Do you want me
Take me to heart
Down the hall Through the walls
You hear a voice that's calling
Do you want me
Do you want me
Take me to heart
Don't deny the miracle
Take me to heart
What more can I say
Take me to heart
Surrender's just a motion away
Imagine that God is a Being in space and that He hears each thought and word. And just try to communicate. It might be a while before you hear back from Him. But at least, learn to realize that you can have a conversation with a real Being. (Don't think of God in terms of a religion, but in terms of, say, your REAL Father, who is up there somewhere.) Imagine that your real Father has left you here on earth to learn something, to become something, to grow into somebody. And imagine that He is watching over you all this time, just to make sure you are going in the right general direction. Talk to Him from that perspective. OR if it's easier, imagine that Jesus is your best friend, somebody you knew from before, but that you had amnesia and forgot about him. Imagine that you are trying to connect with your best friend. He is watching over you, He is trying to connect with you and sort of kind of like remind you of your previous relationship, or rekindle your previous relationship. Perhaps if you see it that way, it might help........?
You know, it's kind of interesting, that you sound just like that girl in the Song of Songs. Here is what she said. I do believe that Song of Songs is prophetic. It's not just a story, but an illustration of the REAL seeker's journey towards God.
The person wakes up, realizes that they want to know God, realize that it's time to seek Him, and then they are having the hardest time finding Him. You might be at that stage. I went through it too (although briefly). It's the hardest stage of all. But after it comes great joy.
Son 5:6 I looked for him but did not find him. I called him but he did not answer.
Son 5:8 O daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
if you find my lover, what will you tell him? Tell him I am faint with love.
The stage of doubts is not fun. But it will pass eventually. Try to hang in there. This song has helped me. Perhaps, in some way it will help you?
We all need love. And when I finally met Him, I discovered that there is so much love, you wouldn't believe. God has infinite love. And He needs to give it to somebody. And we are the intended recipients. All we have to do is the hard part: connect with Him. Searching is never easy.
Don't give up by Josh Groban:
Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved
Don't give up
It's just the hurt that you hide
When you're lost inside
I...I will be there to find you
Don't give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I...I will shine to guide you
You are loved
Don't give up
For those who WANT God in their heart, it's DESTINY to find Him. So "love will lead you back". After something happened, people and God have separated. But in the future, we will find each other again. God is speaking through songs. Listen with your heart and hopefully you will hear what He is saying:
Love will lead you back
Someday I just know that
Love will lead you back to my arms
Where you belong
Im sure, sure as stars are shining
One day you will find me again
It wont be long
One of these days
Our love will lead you back
Calling you:
Somewhere in the night there's a lost star shining
Sending out a heartbeat to you
Way across the sky there's a faint light burning
Hoping that the glimmer will shine through
Somewhere there's someone
They're reaching out (they're hoping)
Like ships that are lost in the night
They're calling you
Calling you, calling you
Someone in the night is sending out a signal
Gotta get a message to you
Lying in the dark, the shadows make you shiver
Gotta shake off your fright, 'cause they need you tonight
Oh, somewhere there's someone
They're reaching out (they're searching)
For ships that are lost in the night
They're calling you
Calling you, calling you
Way off in the stars, someone is sailing
Right across the sky
You better wake up, you better look right
'Cause one lost star is calling tonight
This is it, come tonight!
Somewhere there's someone
They're reaching out (they're hoping)
For ships that might pass in the night
They're calling you
Calling you, calling you, ...
That's The Way It Is (Celine Dion):
I can read your mind and I know your story
and I see what you're going through yeah
It's an uphill climb, and I'm feeling sorry
But I know it will come to you yeah
don't surrender coz' you can win
In this thing called love
When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is
When you question me for a simple answer
I don't know what to say, no
But it's plain to see, if we stick together
You're gonna find the way, yeah
So don't surrender coz' you can win
In this thing called looove
When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is
(That's the way it is)
When life is empty with no tomorrow
And loneliness starts to call
Baby don't worry, forget your sorrow
'Cause love's gonna conquer it all, ALL!
When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is
Don't give up on your faith
love comes to those who believe it
and that's the way it is.
That's the way it is
That's the way it is, yeah
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is.
Here I Go Again
Here I go again, falling out of line
Falling into someone new
Here I go again, getting out of line
Forgetting there's so much to lose
But I'm holding out for you
Hoping that it's true
I don't want somebody new
Struggling in the dark
Lost when we're apart
No one makes me feel like you do
Here I go again, falling for a line
No one but myself to blame
Everywhere I turn, searching for a sign
A victim to the same old game
But I'm holding out for you
Hoping that it's true
I don't want somebody new (don't want nobody new)
Struggling in the dark
Lost when we're apart
No one makes me feel like you do
Oh, I've been holding out for you
Hoping that's it true
I don't want somebody new (don't want nobody new)
Struggling in the dark
Lost when we're apart
No one makes me feel like you do
Here I go again, Running out of time
Help me think of something new
Here I go again ...
Show me the way (styx)
Every night I say a prayer
In the hopes that there's a Heaven
And everyday I'm more confused
As the saints turn into sinners
All the heroes and legends
I knew as a child have fallen to idols of clay
And I feel this empty place inside
So afraid that I've lost my faith
Show me the way, show me the way
Take me tonight to the river
And wash my illusions away
Please show me the way
And as I slowly drift to sleep
For a moment dreams are sacred
I close my eyes and know that there's peace
In a world so filled with hatred
That I wake up each morning and turn on the news
To find we've so far to go
And I keep on hoping for a sign
So afraid I just won't know
Show me the way, show me the way
Bring me tonight to the mountain
And take my confusion away
And show me the way
And if I see a light, should I believe
Tell me how will I know
Show me the way, show me the way
Take me tonight to the river
And wash my illusions away
Show me the way, show me the way
Give me the strength and the courage
To believe that I'll get there someday
And please show me the way
Every night I say a prayer
In the hopes that there's a Heaven
Magic (Olivia Newton-John):
Come take my hand
You should know me
I've always been in your mind
You know that I'll be kind
I'll be guiding you
Building your dream
Has to start now
There's no other road to take
You won't make a mistake
I'll be guiding you
If We Hold On Together (Diana Ross)
Don't lose your way
With each passing day
You've come so far
Don't throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story
Faith, hope & glory
Hold to the truth in your heart
If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I
Souls in the wind
Must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on to the end
Valley, mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Words are swaying
Someone is praying
Please let us come home to stay
If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I
When we are out there in the dark
We'll dream about the sun
In the dark we'll feel the light
Warm our hearts, everyone
If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
As high as souls can fly
The clouds roll by
For you and I
Those are good ways to look at the whole situation.
