Looking for advice on what a Christian should do...

[Principal Moo]

Hello everyone,

I'm going to share some very personal information here with hopes that I can get some advice. I apologize for what you're about to read and, moderators, I'm sorry in advance if I break any rules.

I have a sister that is 11 months younger than me. When I was 7 years old, my parents got a divorce; my mother and father fought all the time, so my mom left for another man (my eventual stepdad...and they stayed married until he passed away last year). My sister and I lived with my mother and stepdad, and soon after the divorce, it was revealed that my father had abused my sister. I never really knew the severity of the abuse; all I remember is my father once telling me (when I was older) that he touched my sister in the shower, but it was so minor, that the judge did not feel that it was very bad, so he simply required that my dad get therapy. The therapy seemed to work as my sister and father eventually grew very close and have a good relationship now.

My sister received some counseling growing up, but she did not seem to be too affected by what happened to her. However, I have noticed a change in her the past few years (we are now 39 and 38 years old, respectively). For example, she is a huge conspiracy theorist...almost to the point that she makes me uncomfortable with some of the things that she says.

However, the worst part of it is that I believe my father has been lying to her about what happened when we were children. I believe he is doing this to protect the relationship that he now has with my sister and to hide some things from his current wife. The lies are against our mother and it is now affecting my sister's relationship with my mother; she recently went to my mother's home and called her all sorts of unkind things and accused her of things that were not true. It was so bad that the neighbors called the police because my mother was crying so loudly. This is especially troubling because, as I mentioned, my stepdad passed away last year due to prostate cancer and my mother is now alone.

My mother is no saint; as I mentioned, she left my father for another man. But, she is not guilty of some of the things that my father has apparently told my sister about our her and I now have two ways to prove to my sister that she is being deceived. In other words, if I were to tell my sister to research two lies that my father has made against our mother, it would prove to my sister that my mother did not do the things that my father is accusing her of. I won't describe the two lies unless it would help in your advice for me.

Here's the reason for this post: I would like to know what a good, Eastern Orthodox Christian should do in this scenario. Do I tell my sister to research two of the lies so that she can know the truth, with the potential outcome of ruining my father's current marriage? Or, do I not say anything and continue to let my sister believe that my mother is a horrible person?

I honestly don't know what to do and any advice that you can provide, even a prayer, will really help.

 

[Edmond Smith]

You should let your dad know that you know the truth. Don't be threatening, don't argue, but have your facts straight when you speak to him. Show him the damage that is being brought on to your sister because of the lies he has spread about your mother. Put your dad in the position to take responsibility for his actions toward your sister. He is the one that lied, he should be the one to correct the action. Whatever you do don't threaten him. If you do, it will not turn out well for you or your sister. Not that he would do anything physical, I don't know him so can't make that call, but I do know what happens when you pin someone into a corner. They always come out fighting. And it can be all turned against you. That's one thing you don't want.
Speak to him in front of your sister. Let her know your standing up for her and your mother. That way your dad, cannot turn it against you, if he is that type of person.
Not knowing the lies, which is fine, and not knowing your father, this can be a hard thing to advise. If you are Born Again, then that is the biblical move you should make. Go to the offender, let them know they offended. If that person isn't remorseful or repentant for what they have done. Then leave him be, get someone else that knows the truth, and confront him again. Showing that there is more than one who knows the truth and he should make right their wrong. If they do, then leave it be and let things work toward the way God wills it. If he doesn't and is to prideful for what he has done. Then, if your dad attends the same church, get your pastor involved, telling him everything. So that he can pray and study up on what to say.
If it comes down to it, and it comes to the point that your sister has to learn the truth. It shouldn't be from you. Ask your pastor to help you, he'll know what to do and handle it correctly. You would not be passing off any responsiblity, your father would be doing that. You would be protecting your relationship between your father, mother and sister.
You don't want to be the one to be a stumbling block to anyone. The Word tells us to not let our good be looked upon as bad. You want to do what is right, and it's a complicated situation. Doing it the biblical way is the right way. Being led by God.

 

[ArmyMatt]

for starters, he asked what an Orthodox Christian would do, so please respect our forum rules folks.

Hello everyone,

I'm going to share some very personal information here with hopes that I can get some advice. I apologize for what you're about to read and, moderators, I'm sorry in advance if I break any rules.

I have a sister that is 11 months younger than me. When I was 7 years old, my parents got a divorce; my mother and father fought all the time, so my mom left for another man (my eventual stepdad...and they stayed married until he passed away last year). My sister and I lived with my mother and stepdad, and soon after the divorce, it was revealed that my father had abused my sister. I never really knew the severity of the abuse; all I remember is my father once telling me (when I was older) that he touched my sister in the shower, but it was so minor, that the judge did not feel that it was very bad, so he simply required that my dad get therapy. The therapy seemed to work as my sister and father eventually grew very close and have a good relationship now.

My sister received some counseling growing up, but she did not seem to be too affected by what happened to her. However, I have noticed a change in her the past few years (we are now 39 and 38 years old, respectively). For example, she is a huge conspiracy theorist...almost to the point that she makes me uncomfortable with some of the things that she says.

However, the worst part of it is that I believe my father has been lying to her about what happened when we were children. I believe he is doing this to protect the relationship that he now has with my sister and to hide some things from his current wife. The lies are against our mother and it is now affecting my sister's relationship with my mother; she recently went to my mother's home and called her all sorts of unkind things and accused her of things that were not true. It was so bad that the neighbors called the police because my mother was crying so loudly. This is especially troubling because, as I mentioned, my stepdad passed away last year due to prostate cancer and my mother is now alone.

My mother is no saint; as I mentioned, she left my father for another man. But, she is not guilty of some of the things that my father has apparently told my sister about our her and I now have two ways to prove to my sister that she is being deceived. In other words, if I were to tell my sister to research two lies that my father has made against our mother, it would prove to my sister that my mother did not do the things that my father is accusing her of. I won't describe the two lies unless it would help in your advice for me.

Here's the reason for this post: I would like to know what a good, Eastern Orthodox Christian should do in this scenario. Do I tell my sister to research two of the lies so that she can know the truth, with the potential outcome of ruining my father's current marriage? Or, do I not say anything and continue to let my sister believe that my mother is a horrible person?

I honestly don't know what to do and any advice that you can provide, even a prayer, will really help.

I would prayerfully and patiently tell the truth. lies, even if given for "right" reasons (like your dad not wanting to maintain the good relationship he has) almost always will blow up in everyone's face in the end. it's best not to wait, because that often makes stuff worse.

 

[Edmond Smith]

for starters, he asked what an Orthodox Christian would do, so please respect our forum rules, folks.



I would prayerfully and patiently tell the truth. lies, even if given for "right" reasons (like your dad not wanting to maintain the good relationship he has) almost always will blow up in everyone's face in the end. it's best not to wait because that often makes stuff worse.

I agree He should tell his dad that he knows the truth. It's incumbent that his dad is the one who goes to the sister. For he is the one doing the lying, he should be the one that asks for forgiveness for doing that. Doesn't matter who blows up. In the end, the father is the one at fault, not the son. Going to the sister and telling her the truth the brother knows, doesn't mean that she will accept that truth coming from him.It could make matters worse. He could make matters even worse between mother and daughter, we don't know this. But what we do know is that it's the offender, who should ask forgiveness, pay restitution if needed for the wrong committed.

 

[buzuxi02]

You may very well have to confront your dad. I suppose getting him to Confess and repent isn't going to happen. I don't want to have him blackmailed but you may need to use extreme measures or else the wife finds out. All in all its an extremely difficult situation to be in that may never be resolved properly.

Perhaps writing your sister a letter laying everything out and explaining that mom doesn't deserve the abuse.
My prayers for your family.