Longing for God

[azzy]

I thank Jesus that He gave you that special place to worship. Like you said, there are secrets of which only He knows and of which we would not desire to speak even to those closest to our hearts.

'Other Zone' nice way to put it With me they say that I am not present but sleeping in Him unaware of all that surrounds me. How ever we see it, the time is His and His is the pleasure to receive our undivided attention. Don't we owe Him that?. He created us in love, brought us into this world in love, gave His blood so we could be pure , how not to loose ourselves in Him?

Giving to all and still only His, captured in the secret room of His deep desire for intimacy. Divine mystery which I will never fully fathom but which we can live in His grace.

Thank you for sharing, you are a beautiful soul in Him.

Grace

Am I allowed to post here?

The Other Zone thing sounds the same as a sacred space,a place where pagans(the ones who believe in a Goddess of some type)set aside for thier devotion to her.

All This sounds very witchy ,to me anyway.I could see these same things said
on a pagan site,about peoples experiences with thier Goddess,thier love and devotion to her,and the closeness ,and of coarse ,all the secrets that come with her.

But I know you are talking about the Lord.

 

[Graceful]

deleted

 

[ILoveYeshua]

remember my friends, that we shall give an account for every idle word, so watch them carefully.

 

[Graceful]

Am I allowed to post here?

The Other Zone thing sounds the same as a sacred space,a place where pagans(the ones who believe in a Goddess of some type)set aside for thier devotion to her.

All This sounds very witchy ,to me anyway.I could see these same things said
on a pagan site,about peoples experiences with thier Goddess,thier love and devotion to her,and the closeness ,and of coarse ,all the secrets that come with her.

But I know you are talking about the Lord.

I appreciate your concerns but indeed we were speaking about God . I love no one but Jesus alone and His Father to whom He has lead me. There is no other God beside our God who is the Father of Jesus.



Grace.

 

[Servant4Yeshuah]

I appreciate your concerns but indeed we were speaking about God. I love no one but Jesus alone and His Father to whom He has lead me. There is no other God beside our God who is the Father of Jesus.



Grace.

Thank You Graceful.

It is hard to call Sacred places by an earthly names, so I apologize for my very flimsy and even lousy ways of trying to say these Spiritual things.

I love and worship Yeshuah and Abba Father alone by the power of Spirit most Holy.

 

[Graceful]

Thank You Graceful.

It is hard to call Sacred places by an earthly names, so I apologize for my very flimsy and even lousy ways of trying to say these Spiritual things.

I love and worship Yeshuah and Abba Father alone by the power of Spirit most Holy.

You are welcome ... we are only human and often we speak like human. May we all rejoice in His love, who is God above all and beauty like no other.

Holy Trinity, One God who created the whole world. Heavenly Jerusalem, Holy City of the Most High awaits our longing souls. We love You Lord

Grace

 

[Servant4Yeshuah]

The child grew in strength, but was very quiet. At the age of 2 she was sent to the first foster home and this continued with a few months here and a few months there until she was 4 years of age. She was unusually quiet and many found this disconcerting. In truth she had learned not rely on anyone because she was moved so often. She thought it was better to keep her feelings to herself. What the foster families did not know was that she was indeed very sensitive, and affectionate. At this foster home, the mother wanted to adopt the child, but they already had too many children to afford another. The child wanted to stay here as well, for it was the first time she felt truly wanted and she had begun to flourish. When she was moved from this home, she retreated further inwardly. At the age of 4 1/2 she was moved into yet another foster home. This one turned out to be a nightmare. Unspeakable abuses occured. Finally the courts brought the foster parents up on charges of abuse, due to the many bruises, cuts, contusions and more that they had discovered from the pediatrician report to the child's social worker. Other abuses had occured which the child had incredible pain and shame from. She retreated further into her shell.

In the Spiritual realm

Theophilus was having a hard time protecting his charge. The enemy, since he was foiled in his first attempt to slay her, had been busily plotting her demise. Theophilus complained to Abba, " How will she ever learn of You if these things continue." Abba replied, "This things have happened because many have chosen to sin. They have hurt this innocent one by their choices. Evil will not prevail, Theophilus. You must not look at the circumstances."
Theophilus continued, "How will she learn of love with so much hurt and pain."
Yeshuah extended His nail scarred hands, "She will understand love more than many because of her sufferings." Abba joined in "Evil will not triumph. Her wounds will be healed, and her scars will heal others. What was meant for evil will be transformed by Yeshuah's love into good."

Back in the eartly realm
At the age of 5 the child discovered that she was to be adopted. She had visited the family often and on the surface all seemed well, however she was apprehensive. Being a child, she was not consulted, and the adoption went through. For that summer, all seemed well, but when school began, she was teased for not having a "real" family. (In the 1950's the schools were all neighhorhood schools and everyone knew everyone. Parents had told their children that this child was not "regular" and that her family had thrown her away. At that time, these things were considered abnormal and children were often ostracized as a result.) Her adoptive parents began to berate her as well and often referrred to her as "street trash" that had been rescued.

More next post.

 

[Graceful]

with love for a child

Grace

 

[Servant4Yeshuah]

The child was given the name Isabella in the courts around age 5. She would keep this name until Yeshuah gave her another....but that is a different story, my friends.

Isabella attended school in a Catholic parish. Attending church for the first time, she was awed by all that she saw. It was much greater than her and talk of God overwhelmed her and made her feel even less. (Catholic mass was every morning and during the Lenten season it was in the morning and stations of the Cross were done in the evening.)

One day Isabella's class was sitting near a statue of the Sacred Heart. Isabella wondered about the Jesu Christe with the heart of love. No one was speaking about this and she was too shy to ask. She contently looked at the statue and wondered. Later a kindly priest began to talk about the love of Jesu Christe. Something about the way he spoke grabbed Isabella's attention.
Isabella desired love more than anything. After communion (Isabella was too young to receive the bread yet, but they knelt anyway)....

In the Spiritual realm
Theophilus smiled at Abba and said, "I see what You are knitting together"
Abba smiled gently and replied, "Ah, My friend, you do not know the half of it...but you will..."

Yeshuah gazed intently at Isabella and said to Abba, "She wants to be loved"

Abba replied, "Yes Beloved Son. She wants to be loved by You, but she does not know it yet."

Yeshuah continued gazing upon Isabella, and said, "Yes, but she will know today."

In both realms
Isabella kneeled quietly thinking about love. Covering her face by resting on her arms she began to weep softly. She spoke in her heart, "God, if You are hearing me and if it is OK for me to tell You this. If I could have anything I wanted in the world, it would be love. Can You give me that God?"

Yeshuah sighed audibly. Theophilus gazed upon the Saviour. Love raditated out from His face and His chest heaved a great sigh. Abba smiled and said, "She was created for You my son, for love." Yeshuah sighed a great sigh again.

He knelt down beside Isabella and held her so very gently. Isabella felt His presence. She did not know what to do, but for that moment she felt incredible peace and love...and then she heard His voice, "I love you beloved one." Isabella felt as though her heart would burst. The tears continued to flow.
"Jesu Christe..." She asked wanting confirmation of what her heart was telling her.
"Yes, beloved one, it is I. but call me Yeshuah" (Isabella did not know the significance of that name until many years later)
"Lord...Why are You talking to me, I am just a little kid..."
"Because I love you."
"No one loves me:
"I love you"
"Everyone leaves me."
"I will never leave you or forsake you beloved one." (Isabella did not know the Word of God yet, and did not know that this was in the scriptures for the next 6 years)

"Never?"
"Never."
"Promise?"
"Promise"
"Where have You been."
"Always with you...waiting for this moment."
"When can I talk to You?"
"When ever you want...I want you to talk to Me often."
"Why? You are God, I am just a little kid"
"I already told you, because I love you."

From that day. Isabella talked with Yeshuah at night when she could not sleep (which was often. I suffered from insomnia, which Yeshuah cured, but that too is another story)

Next time. The Word of God.

 

[Graceful]

....why don't we see it now, at this very moment so many are reliving similar pains. Lord, why so many of us are blind and choose to abuse others, especially little ones. I guess, so many of us are so, so broken and the abuse continues as it did in the past. I myself have a friend who lived very similar life. She was adopted in similar circumstance (young Italian girl who gave birth and had to give away her child) and then the child was abused by an alcoholic adopted mother and her friends.


Lord, You are a Victory and we pray for all little ones . You can do all things.



Grace for all abused children

 

[Graceful]

In both realms
Isabella kneeled quietly thinking about love. Covering her face by resting on her arms she began to weep softly. She spoke in her heart, "God, if You are hearing me and if it is OK for me to tell You this. If I could have anything I wanted in the world, it would be love. Can You give me that God?"

Yeshuah sighed audibly. Theophilus gazed upon the Saviour. Love raditated out from His face and His chest heaved a great sigh. Abba smiled and said, "She was created for You my son, for love." Yeshuah sighed a great sigh again.

He knelt down beside Isabella and held her so very gently. Isabella felt His presence. She did not know what to do, but for that moment she felt incredible peace and love...and then she heard His voice, "I love you beloved one." Isabella felt as though her heart would burst. The tears continued to flow.
"Jesu Christe..." She asked wanting confirmation of what her heart was telling her.
"Yes, beloved one, it is I. but call me Yeshuah" (Isabella did not know the significance of that name until many years later)
"Lord...Why are You talking to me, I am just a little kid..."
"Because I love you."
"No one loves me:
"I love you"
"Everyone leaves me."
"I will never leave you or forsake you beloved one." (Isabella did not know the Word of God yet, and did not know that this was in the scriptures for the next 6 years)

"Never?"
"Never."
"Promise?"
"Promise"
"Where have You been."
"Always with you...waiting for this moment."
"When can I talk to You?"
"When ever you want...I want you to talk to Me often."
"Why? You are God, I am just a little kid"
"I already told you, because I love you."

From that day. Isabella talked with Yeshuah at night when she could not sleep (which was often. I suffered from insomnia, which Yeshuah cured, but that too is another story)

Next time. The Word of God.

with much love and thanksgiving. Words are not needed.

Statue of the Sacred Heart of Jesus in one of the Churches which I visit.​

Grace

 

[Servant4Yeshuah]

Dear Graceful
Thank you

 

[kisstheson]

servant4yeshua,

thank you for sharing your heart and for being so vulnerable here on this open forum. i pray that other's will be touched by your story and be drawn to this very real jesus who is with us in our sufferings.

it takes a lot of courage to post these things. i hope you will be richly rewarded by a generous response from readers willing to experience the fulness of jesus christ.

i eagerly look forward to your next installment.

god bless you,

amy

 

[NorwayUnn]

servant4yeshua, thank you sooo much for blessing us with your beautiful posting.

 

[Servant4Yeshuah]

Dear Friends,
Thank you for your encouragement. I have really been blessed.
If it is acceptable, I would like to continue the testimony.

The Word:The earthly realm
Isabella was adopted into a family. All went relatively well for about a year. Soon Isabella was drawn into the family tradegy of alcoholism and physical and psychological abuse. She had developed insomnia and rarely slept more than a few hours. Most of this was due to fear. Her adoptive father would come home late from work, and drink. Eventually he would become drunk and would wake Isabella up for any infraction in her chores and beat her with a belt. Isabella would wait until he fell asleep before daring to sleep. During this time her relationship with Yeshuah waned, and she began to doubt if she had really heard from Yeshuah. She wanted to believe Him, for she had felt his incredible love, but pain and abuse had all but crowded out the love she had felt. I guess it would be more accurate to say that she did not believe that anyone, especially the Beloved Son of God would love her.

THe heavenly realm
Theophilus approached Yeshuah once again regarding his charge. The enemy was fighting him tooth and nail, determined to destroy this simple child.
Theophilus asked Yeshuah, "My Lord, she is losing her belief in love."
Yeshuah responded, "Yes, and this troubles me, for she desires My love. I shall intervene soon."

Both realms
Isabella sat sleepily on her bed. Her father had just gone to bed, yet she could not calm her heart to sleep yet. "Isbella" she heard her name being called. Fearfully she got up and went to her father. She wondered what she had done wrong that day. "yes sir, you called me?" she asked him. "No" he replied angrily, "go to bed.". Isabella swiftly returned to her room. "Isabella" she heard again. Perhaps her father was playing a cruel joke on her. She arose fearfully again and went to her parents bedroom. "Yes sir, you called me?" she asked again. "No" he replied with a few expletives and commanded her to retun to her bed or she would receive another beating. Isabella ran to her bed. Burrowing in her covers and shaking from fear she heard "Isabella". She could not bring herself to rise again. She called out in loud whisper,"Who is calling me." "I am" the voice responded. "Who are you?", she asked. "Don't you remember My beloved.", He responded tenderly, "Yeshuah?" she inquired softly, her heart welling up with love, confirming her hopes. "Yes, beloved, I am here with you." Yeshuah touched Isabella's heart with His love and she wept tears of joy. He reminded her of His promise, " I will never leave you or forsake you. Soon you will encounter a teacher beloved, who will teach you my words. Listen to him." Isabella wondered about this. She did not have a bible and the one that was in the house was off limits to her. She had wondered what words of life were in it. Often, late at night Isabella would look at TV to try to calm herself. Most of the time she saw old movies. One day she saw a preacher speaking and her heart leapt within her. She listened to Dr. Graham and her spirit soaked in his words. At the end of the telecast, she wrote down the contact information. Determined, the next day she asked her friend if she could use her address to receive mailings. The friend, who lived with a kind grandmother said yes. She wrote to Dr. Graham explaining as well as an 8 year old can her situation and desire to receive the bible studies.
The bible studies began to arrive and Isabella hungrily devoured the Word of God. Each month she would return her answer sheet (the studies came with a review question sheet that was to be returned with a request for the next study) and await the next study. Each time, she would receive her old answer sheet back with comments, and a new study. Although Isabella's life was still difficult, her faith was growing and her trust in her Saviour grew. On her 9th birthday her grandmother sent her a bible. It was a gift from heaven and Isabella rejoiced over that.

Friends, it is not easy to live a life of oppression without it entering one's life. Next I will write about the Valley of the Shadow of death.

Thanks for listening.

 

[kisstheson]

Dear Friends,
Thank you for your encouragement. I have really been blessed.
If it is acceptable, I would like to continue the testimony.

The Word:The earthly realm
Isabella was adopted into a family. All went relatively well for about a year. Soon Isabella was drawn into the family tradegy of alcoholism and physical and psychological abuse. She had developed insomnia and rarely slept more than a few hours. Most of this was due to fear. Her adoptive father would come home late from work, and drink. Eventually he would become drunk and would wake Isabella up for any infraction in her chores and beat her with a belt. Isabella would wait until he fell asleep before daring to sleep. During this time her relationship with Yeshuah waned, and she began to doubt if she had really heard from Yeshuah. She wanted to believe Him, for she had felt his incredible love, but pain and abuse had all but crowded out the love she had felt. I guess it would be more accurate to say that she did not believe that anyone, especially the Beloved Son of God would love her.

THe heavenly realm
Theophilus approached Yeshuah once again regarding his charge. The enemy was fighting him tooth and nail, determined to destroy this simple child.
Theophilus asked Yeshuah, "My Lord, she is losing her belief in love."
Yeshuah responded, "Yes, and this troubles me, for she desires My love. I shall intervene soon."

Both realms
Isabella sat sleepily on her bed. Her father had just gone to bed, yet she could not calm her heart to sleep yet. "Isbella" she heard her name being called. Fearfully she got up and went to her father. She wondered what she had done wrong that day. "yes sir, you called me?" she asked him. "No" he replied angrily, "go to bed.". Isabella swiftly returned to her room. "Isabella" she heard again. Perhaps her father was playing a cruel joke on her. She arose fearfully again and went to her parents bedroom. "Yes sir, you called me?" she asked again. "No" he replied with a few expletives and commanded her to retun to her bed or she would receive another beating. Isabella ran to her bed. Burrowing in her covers and shaking from fear she heard "Isabella". She could not bring herself to rise again. She called out in loud whisper,"Who is calling me." "I am" the voice responded. "Who are you?", she asked. "Don't you remember My beloved.", He responded tenderly, "Yeshuah?" she inquired softly, her heart welling up with love, confirming her hopes. "Yes, beloved, I am here with you." Yeshuah touched Isabella's heart with His love and she wept tears of joy. He reminded her of His promise, " I will never leave you or forsake you. Soon you will encounter a teacher beloved, who will teach you my words. Listen to him." Isabella wondered about this. She did not have a bible and the one that was in the house was off limits to her. She had wondered what words of life were in it. Often, late at night Isabella would look at TV to try to calm herself. Most of the time she saw old movies. One day she saw a preacher speaking and her heart leapt within her. She listened to Dr. Graham and her spirit soaked in his words. At the end of the telecast, she wrote down the contact information. Determined, the next day she asked her friend if she could use her address to receive mailings. The friend, who lived with a kind grandmother said yes. She wrote to Dr. Graham explaining as well as an 8 year old can her situation and desire to receive the bible studies.
The bible studies began to arrive and Isabella hungrily devoured the Word of God. Each month she would return her answer sheet (the studies came with a review question sheet that was to be returned with a request for the next study) and await the next study. Each time, she would receive her old answer sheet back with comments, and a new study. Although Isabella's life was still difficult, her faith was growing and her trust in her Saviour grew. On her 9th birthday her grandmother sent her a bible. It was a gift from heaven and Isabella rejoiced over that.

Friends, it is not easy to live a life of oppression without it entering one's life. Next I will write about the Valley of the Shadow of death.

Thanks for listening.

oh my gosh...dear friend! you have suffered sooo much! my heart goes out to you! your story shows us how compassionate the lord is toward those who ae suffering. and he came through for you in the most generous way! i continue to pray that others, when they read your story will be moved to trust yeshua.

i'm also see that yeshua helped you. despite such difficult experiences, to become better instead of bitter. truly his grace is amazing!

of course i look forward to each new part of your story. except i wish i didn't have to wait so long to read some more!

blessings and love!

kisstheSon

 

[Servant4Yeshuah]

Dear Friends
Here is another installment.

The Valley of the Shadow of Death

Isabella's faith began to grow and she began to feed off of the Word of the Lord. Her life continued to be difficult due to the alcohlism and resulting abuses in her family, yet for a while she was content to hide away and read and talk with Yeshuah. She began to write poetry expressing her joy in friendship with Yeshuah and her heart was at peace. Yet a terrible storm was brewing.

In the heavenly realm

The angel Theophilus sat on the steps of the throne. From here they could see Isabella easly as she finally fell asleep. "My Lord, I hear that the enemy has planned a set of attempts to strip away the faith of Your servant. I heard that he has even planned to kill her.", he said excitedly.
Yeshuah looked at Isabella compassionately,and said, "Yes...I know."
"But Lord, " Theophilus interjected, "She is too young, too hurt and wounded to withstand this kind of trial, why would You allow it?" Yeshuah did not remove His gaze from the young teenage girl "Theophilus, you must remember, love not evil will prevail." Reaching out and stroking Isabella's tousled curls, He continued, "She will learn to trust me completely."

In the earthly realm
Life had become terribly challenging for Isabella. Her adoptive family had a name in their town and no one knew the life she lived inside of the large house on the hill. Coming into puberty was a difficult time for Isabella. Her mother taunted her about her development and her father shouted at her to restrain the growth of her body. This, of course, was not possible.
Unfortunately at this time Isabella's journal was discovered and brought out from it's hiding place. She was brought before her family, and aunts and uncles to account for the love poetry in the journal. Some family members accused her of lewd behaviour and drew pleasure in the shock and horrified look on Isabella's face. Standing in the middle of the room before this group, Isabella's face was awash in tears. "The writings, are not about a man... they are about Yeshuah." Her words hung in the air. The atmosphere grew quiet and then hostile. "This is blasphemy", the shouted at her. "You are crazy street child" they screamed. Berating her for over an hour, they grew weary and commanded Isabella to her room. Isabella threw herself upon her bed and cried in heart wrenching sobs to the only One who loved her. Exhausted she fell asleep.

The next day her father had a business meeting in their home. Isabella withdrew to a quiet room in the house. When she looked up a man faced her and sneered saying, "I heard about your journal...". Isabella cowered in fear. "Your father will never believe you. I am his most trusted confidante" he continued. Isabella knew that her father would not believe her and in that moment she wanted to die.

Isabella was devastated. All she knew was that she wanted to die. No one loved her, she felt, and she did not want to live without love anymore. Yeshuah touched His weeping beloved and said, "I love you Isabella. Nothing can ever defile you in My sight. I am with you." Isabella felt that she could not listen to Him. He was too pure, too holy and she was nothing. A child thrown in the streets like rubbish, abused and torn. From that moment she decided that she would die.

It was late at night. Isabella had stolen away and was in the Chemisty lab. She was a good student in Chemistry and now it would finally pay off. She took her key (she was the teacher's student assistant) and opened the cabinets and extracted the bottles of poison. She chose the 2 most lethal and poured out a measure beyond what would be required to end her young life.

Carrying her lethal treasure home, she returned to her bedroom. Isabella knelt down by her bed. She prayed a feverent prayer, asking Yeshuah to forgive her and to let her heart finally find peace away from this life. Yeshuah responded tenderly pleading, "No, Isabella, this is not the way. My Father and I created you for love, My love." "I love you Yeshuah, I truly do, but I cannot live here anymore. I am so sorry my Yeshuah...please forgive me.", Isabella replied sadly. She consumed the poison and laid upon her bed. "Please forgive me my Yeshuah...I just cannot live here anymore" She prayed. The poison began to act quickly. Isabella began to swoon. Yeshuah leaned down to Isabella's ear, to her very heart and said, "This is not the way Isabella. Let Me show you a more excellent way. Live, my Isabella, live and learn of My love." He showed Isabella His wounds. When she looked upon the wound in His side she began to weep. "See how much I love you, " Yeshuah said tenderly, "Trust Me beloved one. Trust Me." "I trust You my Yeshuah", Isabella began.
""Then live, My love. Let Me revive you." he replied. Isabella looked upon Him and the scars of His passion. Her heart overflowed and all she wanted to do was whatever He desired. "Yes, my Lord. Do what you will with me", she said and surrendered herself to Him. Isabella felt herself being revived and then all she felt was His peace.

Waking early in the morning, Isabella felt good. She was amazed. How was it possible? But it was. She whispered..."Yeshuah?" "I am still with you beloved, I will never go." "I trust You" she replied. Somewhere nearby an angel sighed in relief.

(Side note: What Isabella took was lethal. She should have died that night. Even if by chance she lived what she took should have crippled her. The potion should have remained in her system to this day. A few days later Isabella went for her annual complete physcial. Nothing was then or ever found hin her blood stream. Yeshuah alone had saved her.)

 

[Graceful]

Carrying her lethal treasure home, she returned to her bedroom. Isabella knelt down by her bed. She prayed a feverent prayer, asking Yeshuah to forgive her and to let her heart finally find peace away from this life. Yeshuah responded tenderly pleading, "No, Isabella, this is not the way. My Father and I created you for love, My love." "I love you Yeshuah, I truly do, but I cannot live here anymore. I am so sorry my Yeshuah...please forgive me.", Isabella replied sadly. She consumed the poison and laid upon her bed. "Please forgive me my Yeshuah...I just cannot live here anymore" She prayed. The poison began to act quickly. Isabella began to swoon. Yeshuah leaned down to Isabella's ear, to her very heart and said, "This is not the way Isabella. Let Me show you a more excellent way. Live, my Isabella, live and learn of My love." He showed Isabella His wounds. When she looked upon the wound in His side she began to weep. "See how much I love you, " Yeshuah said tenderly, "Trust Me beloved one. Trust Me." "I trust You my Yeshuah", Isabella began.
""Then live, My love. Let Me revive you." he replied. Isabella looked upon Him and the scars of His passion. Her heart overflowed and all she wanted to do was whatever He desired. "Yes, my Lord. Do what you will with me", she said and surrendered herself to Him. Isabella felt herself being revived and then all she felt was His peace.

Waking early in the morning, Isabella felt good. She was amazed. How was it possible? But it was. She whispered..."Yeshuah?" "I am still with you beloved, I will never go." "I trust You" she replied. Somewhere nearby an angel sighed in relief.

(Side note: What Isabella took was lethal. She should have died that night. Even if by chance she lived what she took should have crippled her. The potion should have remained in her system to this day. A few days later Isabella went for her annual complete physcial. Nothing was then or ever found hin her blood stream. Yeshuah alone had saved her.)

My dear friend,



I don't really know how to respond, I guess it is just too much to this little heart of mine and I am speechless. You spoke once about the ocean of tears, now I see what you meant. I have never lived through anything like that and I pray that we adults have our eyes open on everything that happens around. May we see children's pain and tears and be willing to safe them from it.

Jesus is all powerful and He can do all things but often He acts through others. Praise the Lord for all miracles that He performs but we need to remember that most of the time He respects our free will. You were saved by Him but there have been many who have died, when they try to kill themselves.

May God protect every child, every heart from such thoughts, thoughts of suicide. May we help Him to be His hands, His Feet, His heart upon the earth.

I hope that this is our mutual prayer, to help those who cry for help so they do not try to kill themselves in desperation. My mother's sister took a lethal portion of poison when she was only 18 and she died that very day. I hope that God was merciful to her and that I will be able to see her in Heaven one day.

My dear friend, I hope that the next part of your story will slowly cover the sadness which comes from what I have read to this moment. God is our true Victory over the evil of this world. Where there is sadness He brings joy and healing . Thank You Jesus for being our Saviour and the Beloved.


Grace

-------------------------------------

 

[daughterofzion]

Yes sometimes its very overwhelming. I long to be as close to Him as He has allowed me to in few moments of my life. Sometimes I long for more than that to the point I want to leave the earth immediately and get lost in His glory. I had a supernatural experience once that was so amazing, the glory of God (His presence) was all around me, and as I stayed in it there was less of me and more of "It". I never wanted to leave, it was like He picked me up gently and set me back down gently.

 

[Servant4Yeshuah]

My dear friend,



I don't really know how to respond, I guess it is just too much to this little heart of mine and I am speechless. You spoke once about the ocean of tears, now I see what you meant. I have never lived through anything like that and I pray that we adults have our eyes open on everything that happens around. May we see children's pain and tears and be willing to safe them from it.

Jesus is all powerful and He can do all things but often He acts through others. Praise the Lord for all miracles that He performs but we need to remember that most of the time He respects our free will. You were saved by Him but there have been many who have died, when they try to kill themselves.

May God protect every child, every heart from such thoughts, thoughts of suicide. May we help Him to be His hands, His Feet, His heart upon the earth.

I hope that this is our mutual prayer, to help those who cry for help so they do not try to kill themselves in desperation. My mother's sister took a lethal portion of poison when she was only 18 and she died that very day. I hope that God was merciful to her and that I will be able to see her in Heaven one day.

My dear friend, I hope that the next part of your story will slowly cover the sadness which comes from what I have read to this moment. God is our true Victory over the evil of this world. Where there is sadness He brings joy and healing . Thank You Jesus for being our Saviour and the Beloved.


Grace


Dear Grace
It took me a long time to write back, because I did not want to respond in anyway that suggest that I am worthy to have survived. I am not worthy of anything my Beloved has done in His humble servant's life. I have often wondered why He rescued someone so damaged and unwanted as I was in my life. As you will find as I write later, my suffering was not over and there were other times that I wished that He had not spared me, yet from that painful day of death, He reminded me to trust Him absolutely. When I reflect on why He had allowed me to live only to suffer for many more years, I remember His words to me during a time of healing, "Your wounds are healed, but your scars will remain, like Mine. They will draw others to me." I did not understand then but He allowed me to work in suicide intervention and rape counseling for a time. I still continue to do this from time to time as I have encountered it in the battered woman's shelter I give time to. I have encountered many others like me, and Yeshuah has allowed me to minister to them. This breaks my heart because I see so much pain and because this forces me to face the pain of these memories in my life. My heart goes out to your mother, to you and her family. It is a terrible pain to endure. I sincerely believe that a person in the suicide state of mind is truly in a state of utter despair and that tears at my heart with gripping pain. I believe in God's infinite mercy and I pray that God comforts your family.