Lonely

[sbbqb7n16]

How do you help someone who feels constant lonliness, inadequacy, and boredom?

Now this isn't just because I'm all alone and dumb. I am constantly surrounded by people, however I always feel that when I get around a group, everyone else leaves.... I am ranked like 2-3rd in my class, am a starting football player back-up Quarterback and running back, try hard to work out and am in pretty good shape, a leader in my youth group at church, am considered a "prayer warrior" for friends in need of help, one of the founders of my FCA, made a 1340 on my SAT's.... so it's not like I don't have anything going for me. But I always feel inadequate, like there's something I'm not doing good enough, or something that I'm doing good but could do better. I also constantly feel like my friends don't like me, like they don't want to be around me, and that I bug people. But even though everyone tells me just the opposite, that doesn't change how I feel. What's wrong? Why would I feel this way? What's goin on?

Oh and yeah I know the verses like "I shall never leave you nor forsake you." and I constantly think about them. But yet nothing changes. The feelings remain....

 

[Blessed-one]

um.... have you tried finding out exactly why you have this kind of feeling? where does it arise from? howcome you feel your friends don't like you? were they lying when they said the opposite? or is it just you?

*praying*

 

[sbbqb7n16]

That's just it... I have no idea! I don't know what could be wrong, what could cause it (other than Satan of course)

 

[carmen]

I think at some time or another a lot of people struggle with rejection.
Everybody is rejected by somebody sometime. I have found knowing
that God loves us unconditionally. Gives us a firm anchor. So that when rejection comes our way we know we have someone who will never reject us.

People who reject people are simply not loving as Christ loves the church.
Otherwise they would not reject but show Christ love. These people may have issues of rejection themselves and if you have rejection in your own heart it will in turn come out by word or deed. satan likes to use this as an offence to hurt you. So you reject yourself other people and finely God.

 

[sbbqb7n16]

Yes rejection happens, but should it be a constant thing? Like everyday?? That's how I feel.... and I don't even know why, which makes me mad about it kinda

 

[Auntie]

sbbqb7n16,

I struggle with these feelings from time to time. The best thing that I know to tell you is to ALWAYS reinforce the truth that you know to be true. Let *facts* speak louder than *feelings*. Every time these negative thoughts and feelings begin to hound you, counter them with the truth of God, the Word of God.

Sometimes we can have negative "tapes" playing negative messages in our mind. If we listen to these tapes long enough, they can create a sort of deep groove in our mind. You might be caught up in a never ending loop of negative thinking. You simply must counter these thoughts daily, and break yourself out of this habit of thinking.

None of us can be perfect, only Jesus is perfect. If we look at ourselves under a magnifying glass, we will always find plenty of things to find fault with. We must accept ourselves as imperfect human beings, after all, that is why Jesus died on the Cross for us. We can strive for perfection, but I believe it is just as important to strive for love and acceptance of ourselves and others.

Try to see yourself the way Jesus see's you.

 

[carmen]

Hey you have made me think back to my old school days. Have you thought of sowing seed. I had three girls at school that everybody stayed away from. The first was a girl that was very poor. The second was a christian girl who didn't fit in. The third was a girl in a wheel chair who was so badly deformed. The Lord lead me to all three when I look back. I sowed love and friendship in to all three. Had a great time and enjoyed their friendship . When I look back I was the one who was so truely blessed by God to be used to heal three very lonely hurting people.

 

[Blessed-one]

Originally posted by Auntie_Belle_Um
Sometimes we can have negative "tapes" playing negative messages in our mind. If we listen to these tapes long enough, they can create a sort of deep groove in our mind. You might be caught up in a never ending loop of negative thinking. You simply must counter these thoughts daily, and break yourself out of this habit of thinking.

i used to have the same feeling in church, and feeling rejected by fellow Christians made me feel even worse. I started avoiding them. Of course, that didn't help with the problem at all. It took quite a while for me to realise that it was just me who were making myself worse. Once i realised that, everything just sort of flows, and all i could do was thank God and berated myself for wasting so much time when i could've made the situation better.

i wonder whether it may be the same with you?

 

[mel3]

Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. Satan loves to see us feeling inadequate and strives to keep us in a place of disharmony and restlessness. You sound like you have alot going for you. I am curious has a doctor ever diagnosed you with a chemical imbalance. For me, it feels like I have this pending cloud of doom that always seems to hang over my head. When you feel yourself unhappy than do what you can to replace them with happy thoughts. I read somewhere too that you need to make yourself smile becuase when you do it is almost physically impossible to remain depressed. Fool yourself into feeling better. Each time you smile your brain sends endorphines that produce good and positive emotions. Fake it til you make it applies here. Try it, ya might like it. I like the suggestion someone gave on using the Word of God as your weapon. We are all to put on the whole armor of God and fight the enemy. Sometimes our enemy is not but as far as one can look in the mirror. Try telling yourself everything you might would say to a friend who is feeling down. Be a friend to yourself!

 

[wblastyn]

I have social anxiety and depression. I constantly feel alone, inadequate, and bored. I hardly talk to anyone in real life, which compunds the loneliness. I wrote out some Bible verses about never being alone, blah blah but it never really helps, it might for a second but all the pain comes rushing back. I've also had suicidal thoughts, but never acted on them.

Have you tried talking to a professional?  I know this sounds stupid coming from someone in the same boat but you might have more courage than me.

 

[Blessed-one]

wblastyn,

i was reading the newpapers the other day and saw an article on people seeking professional help in the area of social anxiety. It looks like this way really helps.

knowing and feeling that you're not alone because God is always with you is fine, but God created men to be social. We're supposed to get in touch with others. Often, God speaks through other people, i cannot stress how important it is for you to get out and make some friends, even, with your difficult condition. Maybe what you need is to trust in God to help you with the first big step forward. Lean onto His strength to get touch with the outside world.

*praying*

 

[wblastyn]

wblastyn,

i was reading the newpapers the other day and saw an article on people seeking professional help in the area of social anxiety. It looks like this way really helps.

knowing and feeling that you're not alone because God is always with you is fine, but God created men to be social. We're supposed to get in touch with others. Often, God speaks through other people, i cannot stress how important it is for you to get out and make some friends, even, with your difficult condition. Maybe what you need is to trust in God to help you with the first big step forward. Lean onto His strength to get touch with the outside world.

*praying*

Thankyou

 

[Awake]

I know this feeling all too well.  As you are surrounded by a multitude of people, you feel more alone than ever.  So, you withdraw even further.  The more withdrawn you become, the harder it is to make that first step.  The longer you sit and believe these negative feelings and thoughts, the worse you get.  In the eloquent words of Alexander Dumas,

It is one of those dead seas that seem clear and smooth to the eye; but he who unwarily ventures within its embrace finds himself entangled in a quagmire that attracts and swallows him.  Once thus ensnared, unless the protecting hand of God snatch him thence, all is over, and his struggles but tend to hasten his destruction.  This state of mental anguish is, however, less terrible than the sufferings that precede, and the punishment that awaits it-- a sort of consolation that points to the yawning abyss, at the bottom of which is darkness and obscurity.

I can't claim to have worked my way out of this totally, but I am working on it.  Truth be known, some of the lonliest times I have had was sitting in a church with about 1,600 others on Sunday.  It wasn't until I stopped concentrating on myself and turned my focus to God that I started meeting people in the church.  Could be that my bitter, forlorn, and sometimes ticked off mood showed on my face.  I dunno.  It's still hard for me to meet people, and harder to trust them.  However, I know that if I don't work on it nobody is going to work on it for me.

 

[scott]

You sound very performance driven. Just remember performance doesn't make you acceptable to God. Trust in Jesus work for you, because the fact is you are inadequate we are all inadequate, thats why The God of the universe had to take on human flesh and pay a debt we could not pay. Stop thinking about yourself and just praise God for what He's done for you and accept His love.
Put on the full armor of God
Scott

 

[GodOwnsMe]

wow....
I can sometimes get like 'extremely' sensetive..
and I don't know I don't feel alone but I sometimes
again feel like I had to get everyone to love me.

I've been hurt in the past and like one or two days ago I came
to think about it again....I know it is COMPLETLY washed away but
as I get weak I kinda get caught up in that stuff again.

I've learned that there is absoluly nothing I can really depend on
but God and how he's my best friend in the world.. I'm trying to kinda
get things together again so I'll be praying for ya both
(the two weird named guys )

I am 100% positive that God will be getting us out there so keep
praying and trusting in him.

He can fullfill all of our needs

 

[Rising_Suns]

Hey buddy,

The one thing you should always keep in mind is that all you need is Christ. What other people think about you doesn't hold a coin to what God thinks about you. You seem like a pretty bright fellow..maybe others are intimidated by you..maybe they're jealous....maybe it's all in your head and you're just being paranoid..maybe they're paranoid (it's funny how people see a good Christian and mistake him for something more perverted than they are because he's nicer than the average joe)...who knows...who cares...all you need is God. Just be persistent in your faith and try to act on the word in any way you can...Don't push it on others, but don't hide it either...I try not to give advice when none is asked for...of course there are exceptions, but as a general, i would abide by it...phew...Ok, I'm done with my stream of conscious thought...hope something hit home with you.

God bless!

 

[Dewjunkie]

sbb,

If CF would have been around when I was 17, I probably would've posted the same exact thread (only I was never a QB). I have always been my own worst critic. I am an anal retentive perfectionist. It hinders me sometimes because I get an attitude of "I can't do it perfectly, so I'll not do it". It also sometimes hinders my walk with God, because I don't think I am doing it well enough.

But, that is what the devil wants. He wants us to lose our faith in God making us in His own image, and we can't let him win. Over time, it could take you away from God, and that is what you want to avoid.

Of course, pray. Read your Bible. But also realize that God gave you talents and intelligence and the ability to perform, and as long as you do your very best, and glorify God by doing so, you are as close to perfect as you can be. I finally am able to accept that I can't do everything better than everyone else, and I am o.k. with it. As long as I know that I am using my God given abilities to the fullest, I am satisfied with me. Try to turn your pessimism around and (to quote "The Life of Brian"), "Always look on the bright side of life".

 

[daughter of the king]

bro the longer you sit and listen to what you tell your self the longer you sit and withdraw from every one around you the harder it becomes to stop the thoughts to stop withdrawing and to get out there. i know because i am in the same situation except only one person ever really tells me that every doesn't hate me i have got to the point where i can't stop it. got to get off the net now but i will pray 4 you.
lizzie