Lonely, gay but holy

[Darelle Michaels]

I am new to this forum community. I Am a gospel singer and worship leader who is struggling in each way because it’s just my desert season and I know God’s Timing is different than mine. However, there’s one problem I can take shake. I have been attracted to men since I was a Little kid. I experimented a little when I was 15, but now as a man of God in ministry I do not entertain that lifestyle. THE issue is that everyone expects a man of God to be married. I have no desire to be with a woman. Shoot, if I was to go after men, I wouldn’t even want one in my house lol. I like living alone, I have never had penetration sex and I don’t want it. I keep my SSA to myself so no one knows but I feel guilty for not trying to date females. Is it wrong to just want Ministry and to hide your temptations from the world? I don’t wanna testify about my same sex attractiom and I also don’t want a woman just because she’s a “help mate”. Is it so selfish to just want a ministry/career alone? Music has always provided what I needed and I have my dogs for companionship. Why is there so much stigma on a man staying single in the church?

 

[Tom 1]

I am new to this forum community. I Am a gospel singer and worship leader who is struggling in each way because it’s just my desert season and I know God’s Timing is different than mine. However, there’s one problem I can take shake. I have been attracted to men since I was a Little kid. I experimented a little when I was 15, but now as a man of God in ministry I do not entertain that lifestyle. THE issue is that everyone expects a man of God to be married. I have no desire to be with a woman. Shoot, if I was to go after men, I wouldn’t even want one in my house lol. I like living alone, I have never had penetration sex and I don’t want it. I keep my SSA to myself so no one knows but I feel guilty for not trying to date females. Is it wrong to just want Ministry and to hide your temptations from the world? I don’t wanna testify about my same sex attractiom and I also don’t want a woman just because she’s a “help mate”. Is it so selfish to just want a ministry/career alone? Music has always provided what I needed and I have my dogs for companionship. Why is there so much stigma on a man staying single in the church?

Yeah that's pretty common in the UK also. I think it's well-meant but there's a pressure on people in church to get married and have kids. It's less of an issue here in Romania, for example, although marriage is the norm here there's much more acceptance of the basic reality that we're all different, and that people can make their own decisions.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

don't get married.

devote your talents, gifts, abilities, and resources to the work of the LORD.

 

[Ken Rank]

I am new to this forum community. I Am a gospel singer and worship leader who is struggling in each way because it’s just my desert season and I know God’s Timing is different than mine. However, there’s one problem I can take shake. I have been attracted to men since I was a Little kid. I experimented a little when I was 15, but now as a man of God in ministry I do not entertain that lifestyle. THE issue is that everyone expects a man of God to be married. I have no desire to be with a woman. Shoot, if I was to go after men, I wouldn’t even want one in my house lol. I like living alone, I have never had penetration sex and I don’t want it. I keep my SSA to myself so no one knows but I feel guilty for not trying to date females. Is it wrong to just want Ministry and to hide your temptations from the world? I don’t wanna testify about my same sex attractiom and I also don’t want a woman just because she’s a “help mate”. Is it so selfish to just want a ministry/career alone? Music has always provided what I needed and I have my dogs for companionship. Why is there so much stigma on a man staying single in the church?

There is no mandate that everyone in leadership positions be married. Paul wasn't, right? Jesus himself, did not marry. Need an excuse? Just say, "I am trying to walk as my messiah did!" when asked why you never got married. And then just serve the Lord.

 

[Darelle Michaels]

don't get married.

devote your talents, gifts, abilities, and resources to the work of the LORD.

Thx bro...that’s how I feel for real. I never wanted the “American Dream” with a wife and kids, big house. Nor do I wanna March the gay pride parade wit some dude I be shackin up with. All I’ve ever wanted was music, ministry and the anointing. I’m glad not everyone thinks I’m crazy

 

[anna ~ grace]

You have a very unique, sometimes difficult, but very holy calling. God bless you for saying no to acting on your ssa, staying celibate and chaste, and striving to serve God!

No, you don't have to marry. Trying to marry and be with a woman physically when you have zero interest would likely cause more harm than good, to you, and to her.

 

[anna ~ grace]

Chastity and celibacy are actually totally valid callings. One doesn't have to marry.

 

[Darelle Michaels]

Chastity and celibacy are actually totally valid callings. One doesn't have to marry.

God bless u for that...I’m feelin all kinds of good over here...feelin normal again too lol

 

[anna ~ grace]

God bless u for that...I’m feelin all kinds of good over here...feelin normal again too lol

God bless you, man. There are a lot of us on here who struggle with ssa, gender dysphoria, etc. Some are chaste, some of us have married someone of the opposite sex. God calls different people to different things.

 

[MyChainsAreGone]

Have you ever heard Dennis Jernigan's story? He's written a lot of worship songs that are used all over the world...

He has a DVD out telling his story, it's called Sing Over Me.

I recommend it to you. I think you'd really relate to it.

 

[Darelle Michaels]

Have you ever heard Dennis Jernigan's story? He's written a lot of worship songs that are used all over the world...

He has a DVD out telling his story, it's called Sing Over Me.

I recommend it to you. I think you'd really relate to it.

I have never heard of him but I certainly will look him up. I appreciate the advice that is exactly what I wanted from this post!!

 

[MyChainsAreGone]

I have never heard of him but I certainly will look him up. I appreciate the advice that is exactly what I wanted from this post!!

Here's an interview with him...

If you have Amazon Prime, you can watch Sing Over Me on Amazon Prime.

 

[grasping the after wind]

I am new to this forum community. I Am a gospel singer and worship leader who is struggling in each way because it’s just my desert season and I know God’s Timing is different than mine. However, there’s one problem I can take shake. I have been attracted to men since I was a Little kid. I experimented a little when I was 15, but now as a man of God in ministry I do not entertain that lifestyle. THE issue is that everyone expects a man of God to be married. I have no desire to be with a woman. Shoot, if I was to go after men, I wouldn’t even want one in my house lol. I like living alone, I have never had penetration sex and I don’t want it. I keep my SSA to myself so no one knows but I feel guilty for not trying to date females. Is it wrong to just want Ministry and to hide your temptations from the world? I don’t wanna testify about my same sex attractiom and I also don’t want a woman just because she’s a “help mate”. Is it so selfish to just want a ministry/career alone? Music has always provided what I needed and I have my dogs for companionship. Why is there so much stigma on a man staying single in the church?

Since I am not a Pentecostal, I can't address why there is or is not a stigma attached to being single in your church. All I know is that what you propose to do with your life sounds perfectly reasonable to me. If people keep pressuring you to enter into relationships you are not interested in even after you explain yourself to others by telling them that you are not interested in any intimate relationships beyond friendships then I do not know what more you can do or say.

 

[Kris Jordan]

I am new to this forum community. I Am a gospel singer and worship leader who is struggling in each way because it’s just my desert season and I know God’s Timing is different than mine. However, there’s one problem I can take shake. I have been attracted to men since I was a Little kid. I experimented a little when I was 15, but now as a man of God in ministry I do not entertain that lifestyle. THE issue is that everyone expects a man of God to be married. I have no desire to be with a woman. Shoot, if I was to go after men, I wouldn’t even want one in my house lol. I like living alone, I have never had penetration sex and I don’t want it. I keep my SSA to myself so no one knows but I feel guilty for not trying to date females. Is it wrong to just want Ministry and to hide your temptations from the world? I don’t wanna testify about my same sex attractiom and I also don’t want a woman just because she’s a “help mate”. Is it so selfish to just want a ministry/career alone? Music has always provided what I needed and I have my dogs for companionship. Why is there so much stigma on a man staying single in the church?

Hi Darelle,

I can understand your struggle and thank you for being so transparent. I don't think there is anything wrong with remaining single. You are obviously not acting on your homosexual temptations and there is nothing in the Word of God about requiring someone in ministry to be married.

If you are truly a born-again believer, I say, keep serving Jesus, keep seeking Him, keep honoring Him in your choices and in your abstinent lifestyle, and press on, brother! I would also really encourage you to find a sister in Christ who can help you be accountable in this area of homosexual attractions, since a brother in Christ (given your area of temptation) might be unhealthy for you and lead you into sin in your heart. Also, ask the Lord to help you continually overcome this area of temptation. God bless!

If you are not born again, let's talk!

 

[com7fy8]

I have been attracted to men since I was a Little kid.

We were all born in sin, I believe. And because of this, there are heterosexual people who are attracted to people of their other gender, but their attraction is sinful . . . selfish, mainly about using each other for pleasure and other things they want. Born in sin, any of us have had the problem of preference for pleasure, more than for God and loving.

But God's love does not have us trying to just use anyone.

So, how are you doing with loving men and women, like the Bible says?

"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4:31-32)

I used to mainly connect with women, and there was lust and fantasizing. But I would say that as I have grown in Jesus and gotten correction and encouragement, now I am enjoying sharing with Christian men and women. I have role model men and women who help me get more real with God and learn how to relate.

But still there can be immoral things going on in me, about women. But as I seek God to make me more real in caring, it is easier to not give in to that and not to be struggling with it, even in my attention. God is able to have our attention where we belong.

My experience is that attraction is a lot about what someone looks like. So, it is not about deeply really getting to know someone. I'll bet it could be somehow similar for you. Yes or no?

everyone expects a man of God to be married.

I'll bet . . . again . . . not all are alike. But there can be the ones who make the big show of how they expect you to get married. But the quiet humble ones are caring about you and praying for how God will bless you. And they are not making some big demonstration, and so you might not know they are there.

Wrong people can be the ones who even can make it seem like everybody's like they are.

But assuming everyone is the same way, can be lazy . . . versus really getting to know people and letting each one speak for oneself.

I keep my SSA to myself so no one knows but I feel guilty for not trying to date females.

Well, I would say you could have a very special time simply sharing with a really Christian lady. But it doesn't need to be on a date. I mean simply share, no agenda, and discover her and benefit from how she loves you. And discover what really should make a lady attractive.

And if you find you have come to trust a really Christian lady, it is possible you might then want to hear what she has to say about you; except - - if you just listen to each other, things like this in general should come up and you can see what she thinks without telling her anything. My opinion now is that if someone really loves you, this does not mean you have to let out every thing about yourself in order to be really trusting someone who cares about you. Because being honest includes making good judgments about what is worthy of our attention.

Music has always provided what I needed and I have my dogs for companionship.

But we all need one another; God has us this way. I mean, we need to share with various others in Jesus. And this might especially include our senior mature couples and widows and widowers who have grown in Christ for decades. These can be the ones who pastor the pastor. And they might be quiet, but not tongue-tied

 

[Darelle Michaels]

Thank you all for your amazing words of encouragement. This has truly blessed my spirit.

 

[com7fy8]

Thank you all for your amazing words of encouragement. This has truly blessed my spirit.

Hi, Darrelle > welcome to Christian Forums

I now think of how I have told people things about my past, and I have been abused. But, also, I have discovered people who know how to love me. And these have been my example of how I need to love any and all people, with hope for any and all people.

So, it is not wise for me to use abusers and church hypocrites as my excuse to get out of how Jesus wants me to love any and all people.

I have had even a pastor say, "We all did that." And others say, "We all do", if I tell them I still need to get real correction about selfish things in me. One lady in prayer meeting said she still can suffer post traumatic because of how she was bullied; but now she forgives them and she can see how now they are not happy. I see how Jesus wants us to feel for wrong people, and have compassion on them, even using our own sin problems to help us understand what is going on in other people >

"He can have compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray, since he himself is also subject to weakness." (Hebrews 5:2)

To me, Darrelle, this means I can use my own sin problems to help me understand what is going on in any other person who has any sort of evil going on inside of that person. Satan's spirit > Ephesians 2:2 > is the same in every person's sin problems. Satan is dominating and dictatorial; so his drives for pleasure are dominating and dictatorial, not how Jesus is "gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." (in Matthew 11:28-30) And any of us can get into nasty reacting about not getting things our own way, or if our love idols are threatened or taken away, or just seem threatened. By the way, I think I have seen how people can fear that gays will change the culture so maybe their children won't have children whom they can use as grandchildren for their own gratification, and so marriage and immorality might not be so available as a source of using people for pleasure. But you can read and feed on things our Apostle Paul says, in 1 Corinthians 7, including how he is so blessed as a celibate, that he wishes that all men are like him > 1 Corinthians 7:7.

But, in Jesus, celibates are members of the body, essential for married people, while married people are essential in the body for us celibates. We can specialize in devoting to Jesus, and help married people become more devoted, while marriage can be a research laboratory for making breakthrough discoveries in how to love in a close relationship, so then married people can help us celibates become more real and mature in how to share as family with various other people in Christ.

So we all can grow in the best of what is in celibacy and the best of what is in holy matrimony > all of us can have the best of "all things" of love > "speaking the truth in love," so that we "may grow up in all things into Him who is the Head---Christ---" (in Ephesians 4:15). This includes how God's one love in us has us in the best of family relating > "as a nursing mother cherishes her own children" and how a father exhorts, and comforts, and charges his own children. Paul was a celibate, yet he could care for God's children the way a "nursing mother" and a "father" care for their children; I would say married people helped Paul to gain and grow in such tender family caring and sharing > you might consider how Paul and Silvanus and Timothy share this, in 1 Thessalonians 2:7&11.

Part of our cure from any sin problem, then, is to become able to share as family in God's love, instead. So, enjoy your doggies, but please do not get isolated with them. Pets can be an idol, a lazy comfort of ones who are not taking on the challenge and the education of learning how to love. God can make us strong enough not to get hurt (1 Peter 3:13), and so we have the sensitive "senses" (Hebrews 5:14, Philippians 1:9) we need, for sharing with others.

We can have different ways of specializing in how we seek pleasure and how we react to not getting the pleasure we treasure.

I think, by now, you have seen how any person can react negatively when you effectively mess with that person getting a pleasure which the person really does treasure. Anyone can get to acting like a lunatic. But, meanwhile, there are people who are getting what they want; and so they can act civil, even very nice to everyone . . . so no one interferes with them doing their own thing.

But even if someone thinks you are a threat, somehow . . . among other things, children can be a love idol, and sexual pleasure is a major treasure; so ones into this can be very aggressive against ones staying single - - not only against gays, by the way. Because deep down inside they can feel threatened that some other culture could have more and more people being single so they can't be used to keep them getting their supply of children and pleasure.

But gays can have love idols, too > the ones they use for what they treasure.

And Jesus says, "if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" in Matthew 5:46.

So . . . "We all do."

 

[Anthony2019]

I've chosen the path of celibacy and have never been happier.

 

[nolidad]

I am new to this forum community. I Am a gospel singer and worship leader who is struggling in each way because it’s just my desert season and I know God’s Timing is different than mine. However, there’s one problem I can take shake. I have been attracted to men since I was a Little kid. I experimented a little when I was 15, but now as a man of God in ministry I do not entertain that lifestyle. THE issue is that everyone expects a man of God to be married. I have no desire to be with a woman. Shoot, if I was to go after men, I wouldn’t even want one in my house lol. I like living alone, I have never had penetration sex and I don’t want it. I keep my SSA to myself so no one knows but I feel guilty for not trying to date females. Is it wrong to just want Ministry and to hide your temptations from the world? I don’t wanna testify about my same sex attractiom and I also don’t want a woman just because she’s a “help mate”. Is it so selfish to just want a ministry/career alone? Music has always provided what I needed and I have my dogs for companionship. Why is there so much stigma on a man staying single in the church?

Darelle--Good for you!!!!!

Remaining single is a gift from God! If you have no desire for women and can refrain form building homosexual relationships- you shall do well.

No it is not selfish to not desire a woman and minister as a single! Do so ! Paul did! Barnabbas did! And you can as well.

I would counsel you ti find an individual whom you can confide in to be an "accountability" partner in your life. YOu do struggle with a serious issue so it is a great benefit to have someone who will not condemn you but love you and encourage you and pray with you and should you fall, help you pick up anmd continue on in grace!

 

[SPF]

I agree and echo pretty much what everyone has said here. I would add though that there is something valuable in being authentic to who you are. I would imagine it's difficult at times keeping your SSA a secret. I wonder if people are missing out on your potential encouraging example. I think keeping your SSA a secret, even in our day and age, is probably still the "safer" route in terms of acceptance. But is it the option that most glorifies God?

Your lifestyle sounds like a positive testimony and a potentially encouraging and edifying thing for people to know. Yet, so long as your SSA remains a secret, there are a lot of people you can't reach and encourage.

I don't know what the right answer for you is, and I am not advising you one way or another. Certainly coming out and being honest and authentic will no doubt generate some level of persecution (which is really sad to have to say). But maybe it would be worth it?

I can just imagine that if it were me, keeping that a secret might get to the point where I felt I wasn't being authentic and was living a secret life - even if I wasn't acting on it.

I would just pray and ask God to reveal to you how He wants you to live and ask Him to show you how to live so as to bring Him the most glory.