Whoa whoa hold the wagon there man. For starters you have not ruined your life. The devil, the world, and the flesh are against us everyday and we live in a fallen world, not to mention the end times, and the odds are stacked against everyone when they are born. You are working, haven't seemed to go off the deep end on drinking yet since you seem to still be (from what can be inferred) functional and mostly just trying to self medicate the depressing feelings you have, and lastly you are seeking a way to better your life. That's a lot. You have a place to live and aren't facing homelessness, you aren't hooked on hard drugs, you don't have an ex wife you lost your children to and there is a massive list of other potential situations that could have been but are not. There is hope yet man, and plenty of it seeing as Christ died for us. Never give up hope and never let negativity take over your thought life. The fight we have is the "fight of faith" (1 Timothy 6:12 - 2 Timothy 4:7). It is a spiritual battle of fighting the very things you are facing right now and putting trust (faith) in God that His hand is on your life and He will never let us down no matter how dim the situation seems.
There is a quote that has stuck with me over my lifetime, and I know it has changed lives.
"A woman's heart (or man's) should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him to find her (or him).
The key to becoming something we are not right now, and to having purpose and escaping loneliness is to have an ambition. Finding our mission in the world in God, and looking out to others who have less than we do that we can help, rather than focusing inwards on ourselves. Feeding the poor, helping in the Church, becoming part of volunteer work or anything of this sort can bring meaning to our life rather than us being the product of going through the motions of eat sleep work repeat. You may not have any friends at work and often people do and that is their social life, but if you are doing more things than just work itself and engaging in other activities then you become connected to people who think like you do, believe like you do, are more likely to be friends of yours who connect on a deeper level and who could even help with advice or just someone to talk to about work even. I wouldn't suggest making it a pattern of unloading work troubles on new friends though for the record. But eventually, we find people who see a need in us and who care if we interact with them and they have God's empathy in them, or things come up in conversations. It may even be you meet people who have similar situations and could learn from each other.
This also applies to finding a partner. A person who is "just seeking someone" exhibits desperation and need, not companionship. It is like the job search situation for younger people or the money game... to get experience you have to have a job, and to get a job you have to have experience. To get money, you have to have money to get started. Homeless people are stuck in this situation having no money. The same is true here. Before being with someone else, you have to be comfortable with being by yourself, and you have to be someone who doesn't need other people. Loving other people first and making friends requires being friendly (as well as being around the right people sometimes) and wanting to invest your time into their wants or needs and interacting with them and showing them they matter to you and God. People who are givers are magnetic (especially in a volunteering position if one can be found for example) and encouraging others can change people's lives. We should have ambition in life for Christ as Christians, and this is one of the more attractive qualities if we are also seeking a person who is Christ centered. We wouldn't be attracted to a person who didn't read the Bible if we are seeking someone who actually enjoys studying God's Word with us eventually. It wouldn't make sense. Seeking God first enables Him to put people in our lives seeking Him as well.
The giving up hope choice is the one that I think is beating you down the most. You can't give up on hope and have hope. You can't think all is lost and find joy in life. You can't believe everything is ruined and find encouragement in yourself to change things. This is the mental battle we have to face head on and refuse to accept foolish lies and dark thoughts of doom we know are not from God and are not good. Faith never gives up, never gives in, never stops believing for better things. (I've been very guilty of this, none of it is "book knowledge")
Imagine a woman you would be interested in for example. Would she believe the nonsense people at work tell her? Or would she think all is lost and drink until she passed out? This is not a judgment or criticism of you, but something that can change your perspective, and changing perspective can change someone's life. Our primary battle is what we believe, and what we believe most should be what God says about us regardless what people say. Yes, this is much easier said than done, but we can do it with God's help, and God's help comes from the Bible. The number one thing God has said is that He loves us enough to die for us personally and for us, we don't have to wait to see it. He already done it and proved our worth, and that we are infinitely valuable to Him (Romans 5:8).
The drinking issue does need addressing, and this is from a person who knows first hand that drinking does not help depression, but worsens it. I've tried drinking away troubles and memories and negative thoughts myself in years past, and it only brings everything to the surface. The key to putting it away is recognizing what it is doing to you, and when you look at it, making sure you see it for what it is. It's a rainbow that you are chasing searching for a pot of gold at the end, and it is tricking you every single time. You never get the gold, it never helps, you always end up back at square one and feeling even worse after you chased it than before you ever started using it. It snowballs and eventually you even feel you need it to forget things because you'll start feeling depressed again, but in reality it is feeding the depression and locking you into the negativity and crippling you to being able to do anything to change your life. Seeing it for what it really is can give you the ability to tell it to buzz off, since we grab the bottle because we "feel" like it will "help." But if we see it isn't helping at all, and that it is going to make us feel worse in just a matter of hours, we can correct course and fight off the lying feelings that are tricking us.
Maybe you should start writing your thoughts down so you can identify the things that are crushing you emotionally and begin weeding them out. Write down the phrase "I don't have any time or place for negativity," and hang it on a wall, or put it somewhere you can see it often like the fridge to keep you focused on this aspect of the battle you are in. It can help you recognize when your thoughts are dark and negative and give you and edge in pushing back against the foolish thoughts that hurt you and don't help you. We can't accept negativity in our mind without it destroying us. We can be optimistic and realistic at the same time. We don't have to sacrifice being realistic to be positive. Look up positive quotes or even better, Bible verses and Scriptures that are encouraging and repeat one throughout your day.
The Bible actually tells us to do this. It isn't something I came up with myself, but it tells us this for a reason. We can't live in a self made hell on earth inside our mind. It just isn't sustainable and we have the ability and can make the choice to focus on the right and proper thoughts. Not only the ability, but the responsibility to do so since it is the primary battle we fight in the good fight of faith (trusting God).
Philippians 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.
For my last little stint of thoughts I'm going to offer something a bit unconventional. When we are depressed we have feelings of discouragement. When we are discouraged we can't pick ourselves up off the floor, let alone change our situation, since we simply feel helpless. Now don't take this and run with it into other areas of life, and keep it where it belongs, but this can be useful. Anger is a tool for specific things, not to be used against people, but to address situations. To be angry about the situation is not wrong. You are not where you want to be, where you should be, and you are not pleased with how things have worked out exactly. To have the motivation to change things, you might need to get angry at that bottle you are drinking from that isn't helping you. You might need to get angry at that couch you are laying on that is doing you an injustice and stealing away your time. It may help to get angry that you don't know enough Scripture to combat this situation and the negative thoughts. We are meant to be angry at things that are "not right," but we are not meant to be angry at people in judgment and pride (Mark 3:5). Getting angry about these things can bring on strong motivation and energy to "do something about it."
Get angry at the issues you are dealing with that you have the power to change, and it can help you to be motivated to change them. This is where writing things down about your thoughts can help you change the direction of not only your thoughts, but of your situation by giving you a more clear picture of what you may want, or need, to do in order to change things for the better. Start small, and create new habits. Find better things to do with your time, create projects like ways to memorize Scripture (or any constructive project), get upset your house is dirty and take it by the horns and crush the goal at hand to get it looking nice. See yourself as the treasure God sees you as, and be the person He made you to be.
None of this will be easy, but it is possible, and it is worth it. Sitting in a clean house will feel better. Putting away the drinking will feel better. Knowing Scripture will feel better. Recognizing negative thoughts will feel better. Having literally any productive activity outside of the house will feel better.
If we are going to be positive we have to determine to only allow positive thoughts, constructive thoughts, and optimistic thoughts filled with faith in God. If we allow negative thoughts and ideas, they will continue to flood our mind without restriction and hope will never show its face because we accept the darkness. Faith does not wait for the darkness to take over, but fills the entire place with light and goodness. Goodness only comes through choice, and we are given the power to choose and to fight off foolish and destructive thoughts and ideas.
If I were you, I would start with your own quote. It's a great quote:
"Courage isn't "No Fear" Courage is the ability to do what you fear."
Start taking small steps and start making changes, any changes, toward your goals. Write your goals down, put them somewhere safe, and keep track of them and work toward them. Repeat your quote, face any fear, get angry at the things needing to be changed and crush the opposition standing in your way. God is on your side and you can do this.
Also...
Number one rule:
Never Give Up.
