Loneliness and God

[methodsofdance]

I'm 21 years old and for the past 3 years I have felt very lonely in the sense that I lack affection and love and I really desire being in a relationship. It's been progressively harder to bear, because I was praying for a partner a lot with faith that I'll find somebody good for me. I used to go to church every Sunday and when I sat down I saw plenty of couples of people in my age that started gathering in front of me, as if God was trying to make a joke out of my situation, whatever would be the reason for that. It felt really bad. I've heard multiple times from priests and other people that God allows loneliness to me to make me look for him, or that he tests my faith, or that he never promised me wife, which is probably the most ridiculous one, as if it mattered at all whether God promised me that or not. It's a natural and normal need to have and because it hasn't been fulfilled for quite some time it raises a lot of questions. Does God really care for me? Does God love me? How long will I have to suffer? Does God want to make me feel depressed? Does he even exist? I really don't want to abandon faith completely but I don't even have the strength to pray anymore. Maybe you had similiar experience to me?

 

[Joyous Song]

I'm 21 years old and for the past 3 years I have felt very lonely in the sense that I lack affection and love and I really desire being in a relationship. It's been progressively harder to bear, because I was praying for a partner a lot with faith that I'll find somebody good for me. I used to go to church every Sunday and when I sat down I saw plenty of couples of people in my age that started gathering in front of me, as if God was trying to make a joke out of my situation, whatever would be the reason for that. It felt really bad. I've heard multiple times from priests and other people that God allows loneliness to me to make me look for him, or that he tests my faith, or that he never promised me wife, which is probably the most ridiculous one, as if it mattered at all whether God promised me that or not. It's a natural and normal need to have and because it hasn't been fulfilled for quite some time it raises a lot of questions. Does God really care for me? Does God love me? How long will I have to suffer? Does God want to make me feel depressed? Does he even exist? I really don't want to abandon faith completely but I don't even have the strength to pray anymore. Maybe you had similar experience to me?

I felt this way at 21 all the way till I reached my thirties and met my husband. I also know I couldn't have met him before this. The actual meeting depending on much happening in both our lives. This is even visible in part when he first saw and realized I was the "One".

I know its hard, you likely still need to do something, as I and my husband did to make you prepared or perhaps she/he needs to do something first. It took over ten years of waiting but it was worth the wait. So I can recommend to you to keep praying and building that relationship with G-d, so you can find Shalom, or inward Peace. If you can find this then you be ready when He sends you the one He called you to be with. Just realize He moves differently than we do, and there are reasons we sometimes have to wait.

 

[Abide with me.]

I'm 21 years old and for the past 3 years I have felt very lonely in the sense that I lack affection and love and I really desire being in a relationship. It's been progressively harder to bear, because I was praying for a partner a lot with faith that I'll find somebody good for me. I used to go to church every Sunday and when I sat down I saw plenty of couples of people in my age that started gathering in front of me, as if God was trying to make a joke out of my situation, whatever would be the reason for that. It felt really bad. I've heard multiple times from priests and other people that God allows loneliness to me to make me look for him, or that he tests my faith, or that he never promised me wife, which is probably the most ridiculous one, as if it mattered at all whether God promised me that or not. It's a natural and normal need to have and because it hasn't been fulfilled for quite some time it raises a lot of questions. Does God really care for me? Does God love me? How long will I have to suffer? Does God want to make me feel depressed? Does he even exist? I really don't want to abandon faith completely but I don't even have the strength to pray anymore. Maybe you had similiar experience to me?

Dear Method, your story is heartbreaking and I can identify with you totally, I really feel for your pain, it's so terrible to be lonely especially when you feel so self conscious about it as I have done, feeling like everyone was looking at me for being alone when they weren't.
You say you prayed to God to bring you a partner, and that other people say that your loneliness was God's way of bringing you closer to him, I can understand you wanting your loneliness to end more than wanting God, it have felt like this, but it was my experience that it was only through finding God that I then found lasting happiness with my wonderful husband. But please don't make the mistake that I did and wait till your mid 4O's to ask God to come into your life like I did, because I suffered every kind of loneliness and humiliation till I finally did, it was a hard lesson but I had to ask God to simply guide me, I handed all my pain over to him in return for doing his will not mine, please don't give up, even if it takes time to fill yourself up with God you're doing the right thing, God will bring you what he thinks you need in the end, and you must pray in the thrust that he loves you, some people never make it and are miserable forever with the choices they, not God made, you have the whole of your life ahead of you, none of us eascape life's trials, even those who are in relationships, maybe God is shaping you to become the best kind of a partner anyone could desire in order to give you lifelong happiness.
I pray God will give you acceptance until that time comes.
God bless you and keep praying with all your heart for what God wants you to do, remember, his will be done, not yours.

 

[methodsofdance]

I felt this way at 21 all the way till I reached my thirties and met my husband. I also know I couldn't have met him before this. The actual meeting depending on much happening in both our lives. This is even visible in part when he first saw and realized I was the "One".

I know its hard, you likely still need to do something, as I and my husband did to make you prepared or perhaps she/he needs to do something first. It took over ten years of waiting but it was worth the wait. So I can recommend to you to keep praying and building that relationship with G-d, so you can find Shalom, or inward Peace. If you can find this then you be ready when He sends you the one He called you to be with. Just realize He moves differently than we do, and there are reasons we sometimes have to wait.

Thank you for the answer. Building the relationship with God feels almost impossible now..I feel like he left me or doesn't care about me and I just can't stand that feeling.

 

[methodsofdance]

Dear Method, your story is heartbreaking and I can identify with you totally, I really feel for your pain, it's so terrible to be lonely especially when you feel so self conscious about it as I have done, feeling like everyone was looking at me for being alone when they weren't.
You say you prayed to God to bring you a partner, and that other people say that your loneliness was God's way of bringing you closer to him, I can understand you wanting your loneliness to end more than wanting God, it have felt like this, but it was my experience that it was only through finding God that I then found lasting happiness with my wonderful husband. But please don't make the mistake that I did and wait till your mid 4O's to ask God to come into your life like I did, because I suffered every kind of loneliness and humiliation till I finally did, it was a hard lesson but I had to ask God to simply guide me, I handed all my pain over to him in return for doing his will not mine, please don't give up, even if it takes time to fill yourself up with God you're doing the right thing, God will bring you what he thinks you need in the end, and you must pray in the thrust that he loves you, some people never make it and are miserable forever with the choices they, not God made, you have the whole of your life ahead of you, none of us eascape life's trials, even those who are in relationships, maybe God is shaping you to become the best kind of a partner anyone could desire in order to give you lifelong happiness.
I pray God will give you acceptance until that time comes.
God bless you and keep praying with all your heart for what God wants you to do, remember, his will be done, not yours.

Thank you for your answer a lot. I'm not sure what to do regain trust in God. There is just no way I can improve that relationship while I feel so horrible. How many years will I have to go through this nonsense? Faith seems to be some kind of a wind up and I'm far from trusting God in his will or his plan for me. This is a huge spiritual crisis. Anyway, I'm not abandoning faith completely. Thank you for the prayers, I really appreciate this.

 

[bèlla]

I’m sorry you’re hurting. Singleness happens for many reasons. There’s no predefined level of experience or maturity. Plenty of people marry early. I doubt an 18 year old could run circles around someone 10 years older.

We try to make sense of the reasons we’re alone and spiritualizing it is rarely helpful. Look at your statement. Is your aloneness and lack of love in respect to a partner? Or do you struggle to form relationships?

In my experience, singleness is rarely the result of a divine force holding out. There are practical reasons people struggle to find a suitor. Addressing the stumbling blocks is wise and a proactive step towards the end you’re seeking.

I recommend balance and patience. Avoid the doldrums and get out and live. Joy is incredibly attractive. You’ll draw many through your energy and positive outlook. Explore your hobbies and interests and make well-roundedness your goal.

Companions add to our lives. They aren’t our orbit. You must learn to thrive without him. He can’t be your reason.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[methodsofdance]

I’m sorry you’re hurting. Singleness happens for many reasons. There’s no predefined level of experience or maturity. Plenty of people marry early. I doubt an 18 year old could run circles around someone 10 years older.

We try to make sense of the reasons we’re alone and spiritualizing it is rarely helpful. Look at your statement. Is your aloneness and lack of love in respect to a partner? Or do you struggle to form relationships?

In my experience, singleness is rarely the result of a divine force holding out. There are practical reasons people struggle to find a suitor. Addressing the stumbling blocks is wise and a proactive step towards the end you’re seeking.

I recommend balance and patience. Avoid the doldrums and get out and live. Joy is incredibly attractive. You’ll draw many through your energy and positive outlook. Explore your hobbies and interests and make well-roundedness your goal.

Companions add to our lives. They aren’t our orbit. You must learn to thrive without him. He can’t be your reason.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

Thank you for the answer. I think it's already too late to avoid the doldrums and I can't just go out and be happy to draw others' attention because I'm not fake and I don't feel that way at all. I used to be happier and I never had any problems with my self-esteem or any of that, still I didn't manage to meet the right girl. My hobbies might look nice from the outside, but I don't really gain any happiness from them. In fairness, everything is starting to lose sense and I don't really know where it leads, perhaps somewhere dark. You said that companions aren't our orbit, well, humans are social animals, and I'm a very sensitive and emotional man at that. I lack affection and love. I never felt that I received it from God. During the prayer he seemed absent, like he never existed at all. I have already accepted the fact that it is absolutely logical that I feel that way, I'm not blaming myself a bit.

 

[SANTOSO]

I'm 21 years old and for the past 3 years I have felt very lonely in the sense that I lack affection and love and I really desire being in a relationship. It's been progressively harder to bear, because I was praying for a partner a lot with faith that I'll find somebody good for me. I used to go to church every Sunday and when I sat down I saw plenty of couples of people in my age that started gathering in front of me, as if God was trying to make a joke out of my situation, whatever would be the reason for that. It felt really bad. I've heard multiple times from priests and other people that God allows loneliness to me to make me look for him, or that he tests my faith, or that he never promised me wife, which is probably the most ridiculous one, as if it mattered at all whether God promised me that or not. It's a natural and normal need to have and because it hasn't been fulfilled for quite some time it raises a lot of questions. Does God really care for me? Does God love me? How long will I have to suffer? Does God want to make me feel depressed? Does he even exist? I really don't want to abandon faith completely but I don't even have the strength to pray anymore. Maybe you had similiar experience to me?

Dear brother,
I understand that you are discouraged because you are lonely and felt that there is anyone show affection to you.

brother, start first extending your hands to people or open your thoughts and hearts to others a pace a time — pray that God guide every relationship. Then you wouldn’t be alone.

Show your love and affection to others first—pray for whatever reactions or responses that God guide your step.

In your time of despondency, don’t blame God for everything ; pray against the devil who stand against you having blessing from God.

Be reconciled to God. Start your new journey trusting His leading you in His steadfast love and joy.

 

[Rescued One]

How Introverts Can Make Friends Who ‘Get’ Them
Want to add some new faces to your inner circle? You don’t necessarily have to head to the nearest party or networking event. Chances are there are already people in your life who you’d like to get to know better. Someone interesting, someone like-minded. So start by taking inventory of your acquaintances — that new person at work, a friendly neighbor, someone in your writers group whose work you admire. Identify one or two of these people to reach out to.

Which brings me to the next step…

2. Go ahead, make the first move.
Many introverts (me!) wait for others to come to them. Having survived our share of awkward interactions, we may worry about rejection. “What if I ask her to get coffee and she says no?” Or worse, “What if he gets to know me better and doesn’t like who I am?” The process of making new friends can fill anyone with self-doubt, even the most confident among us. And if you’re an introvert who has experienced significant rejection (as many of us have), you may feel like simply giving up.

In college, I learned a hard lesson about waiting for other people to come to me. Back home, I felt comfortable with my childhood friends, who I’d known for most of my life. When I went away to college, I quickly found myself in a sea of strange faces — alone and lonely. I looked around and wondered how everyone else had become friends with each other so quickly. They were all reading from some Friendship Instruction Manual that I didn’t have....
The Introvert's Complete Guide to Making Friends Who 'Get' You

I haven't been in Europe for decades. I'm thinking that your churches don't have as many members as American churches. Here in America, young people like mega churches with lots of young people. I never liked large parties and small talk. I want conversations about God or sharing information about a certain topic. I want to feel like I learned something when it's time to go home. So I've never made many friends. My mother didn't want any friends, so she didn't set an example.

 

[Abide with me.]

Dear brother,
I understand that you are discouraged because you are lonely and felt that there is anyone show affection to you.

brother, start first extending your hands to people or open your thoughts and hearts to others a pace a time — pray that God guide every relationship. Then you wouldn’t be alone.

Show your love and affection to others first—pray for whatever reactions or responses that God guide your step.

In your time of despondency, don’t blame God for everything ; pray against the devil who stand against you having blessing from God.

Be reconciled to God. Start your new journey trusting His leading you in His steadfast love and joy.

I agree, you have to become what you want to attract, even if at first it might feel like faking it to make it, reach out to others and offer your knowledge, help, company, compassion, volunteer to do charity works even if you feel miserable inside, first involve yourself more deeply in a community, and when others see your love and compassion for others they will love you in return, that is the best way to find love.
A great tragedy of life is that we attract what we are, and sadly good relationships don't spring out of a state of neediness, that is something you have to work on for yourself, but you don't have to do it alone, first find fellowship through platonic and heathy friendships with good people, which will begin to change the way you are and then the way you feel, then all good things will follow from that.

 

[methodsofdance]

How Introverts Can Make Friends Who ‘Get’ Them
Want to add some new faces to your inner circle? You don’t necessarily have to head to the nearest party or networking event. Chances are there are already people in your life who you’d like to get to know better. Someone interesting, someone like-minded. So start by taking inventory of your acquaintances — that new person at work, a friendly neighbor, someone in your writers group whose work you admire. Identify one or two of these people to reach out to.

Which brings me to the next step…

2. Go ahead, make the first move.
Many introverts (me!) wait for others to come to them. Having survived our share of awkward interactions, we may worry about rejection. “What if I ask her to get coffee and she says no?” Or worse, “What if he gets to know me better and doesn’t like who I am?” The process of making new friends can fill anyone with self-doubt, even the most confident among us. And if you’re an introvert who has experienced significant rejection (as many of us have), you may feel like simply giving up.

In college, I learned a hard lesson about waiting for other people to come to me. Back home, I felt comfortable with my childhood friends, who I’d known for most of my life. When I went away to college, I quickly found myself in a sea of strange faces — alone and lonely. I looked around and wondered how everyone else had become friends with each other so quickly. They were all reading from some Friendship Instruction Manual that I didn’t have....
The Introvert's Complete Guide to Making Friends Who 'Get' You

I haven't been in Europe for decades. I'm thinking that your churches don't have as many members as American churches. Here in America, young people like mega churches with lots of young people. I never liked large parties and small talk. I want conversations about God or sharing information about a certain topic. I want to feel like I learned something when it's time to go home. So I've never made many friends. My mother didn't want any friends, so she didn't set an example.

I appreciate your comment a lot. The problem lies in the limited possibilities of meeting new people. I am not an introvert, I feel really good among people, strangers as well. I'm really confident and have little hang-ups. I've tried academic christian communities before the pandemic but that didn't really bring me any new friends. I'm not waiting for anything to come, I am or at least I was very proactive in searching for new relationships, until I realised it does nothing for me and I was just too tired to continue. It's really worrying me that I never got to be in a proper, healthy relationship with a girl, it's kind of weird to me. I don't know if that comes out of me intimidating others or God just not wanting me to be in a relationship for some unknown reason. In Poland there is lots of young people in churches, we've got academic masses or whatever you wanna call it. Unfortunalety, a huge amount couples come into the church and it's just so ironic I can't really take it seriously... the faith loses any sense and it becomes a joke because of that.

 

[Zonderzug]

You are only 21, why do you think being in a relationship is the best for you right now? Might God be letting you mature a little more just like grape on a vine? God is not making a joke out of your own situation if there are couples around you, you are desiring something that might not be for you, or not yet. You seem to need to mature a lot in your faith because most of your questions are selfish and blaming God. Taking responsibility, being humble, sacrifice, patience, and more, are among the foundations of a true Christian life, but even more telling, the foundation of a HEALTHY relationship. People always automatically assume relationships will work out. If you suddenly have a relationship and it doesn’t work out, you will hurt but in a different way, and you will still blame God. He is not a servant who will give everything you want. Consider joining a Bible Study group if you have not, and learn what Christianity really is and how to live the Christian life.

 

[methodsofdance]

You are only 21, why do you think being in a relationship is the best for you right now? Might God be letting you mature a little more just like grape on a vine? God is not making a joke out of your own situation if there are couples around you, you are desiring something that might not be for you, or not yet. You seem to need to mature a lot in your faith because most of your questions are selfish and blaming God. Taking responsibility, being humble, sacrifice, patience, and more, are among the foundations of a true Christian life, but even more telling, the foundation of a HEALTHY relationship. People always automatically assume relationships will work out. If you suddenly have a relationship and it doesn’t work out, you will hurt but in a different way, and you will still blame God. He is not a servant who will give everything you want. Consider joining a Bible Study group if you have not, and learn what Christianity really is and how to live the Christian life.

Hi Zonderzug. I've never stated that being in a relationship is the best thing for me right now and I'm not sure where you got that from. Need of being in a relationship is absolutely natural, as is having wife and children. It's like a need to sleep or eat - needs that have to be fulfilled, otherwise they have a negative outcome on your health. I think I went through a lot and I am mature enough to be in a happy relationship. I also feel the desire for it, that means it is for me. You think my questions are selfish and that I'm blaming God. I appreciate your opinion, but now let's go back to reality. I was looking for a good, faithful partner (a normal, natural thing). I was praying a lot for it to happen. I am really suffering, because I am very sensitive person. For those reasons I feel serious doubt that God is really good and loving and I'm looking for answers and that is absolutely logical. It doesn't matter if God is my servant or not, he created me with those needs and did nothing about that so far. I think it's great that I am so aware and active, that I ask these questions and look for the answers, that means that my faith is alive. If my faith was dead then I'd say that God is a joke, I wouldn't care to post on this forum and I'd abandon believing forever. You should keep on studying Bible and do it more carefully, maybe one day you will find out what understanding and empathy is.

 

[DragonFox91]

I'm 21 years old and for the past 3 years I have felt very lonely in the sense that I lack affection and love and I really desire being in a relationship. It's been progressively harder to bear, because I was praying for a partner a lot with faith that I'll find somebody good for me. I used to go to church every Sunday and when I sat down I saw plenty of couples of people in my age that started gathering in front of me, as if God was trying to make a joke out of my situation, whatever would be the reason for that. It felt really bad. I've heard multiple times from priests and other people that God allows loneliness to me to make me look for him, or that he tests my faith, or that he never promised me wife, which is probably the most ridiculous one, as if it mattered at all whether God promised me that or not. It's a natural and normal need to have and because it hasn't been fulfilled for quite some time it raises a lot of questions. Does God really care for me? Does God love me? How long will I have to suffer? Does God want to make me feel depressed? Does he even exist? I really don't want to abandon faith completely but I don't even have the strength to pray anymore. Maybe you had similiar experience to me?

God always loves you. You are very special to him. He made you unique. He always wants what's best for you, tho sometimes we don't understand the process & sometimes it's not easy. Sometimes we have to thru a struggle. Count your blessings. Seek them & you will find them & you will find him as well. Surely you have some blessings? What are they? Pray over them w/ God. Thank him for them. Every day. Wake up in the morning & say them.

For wife/girlfriend: You are only 21. That is so young still! You have your whole life ahead of you. Start making changes now. My guess is you have many abilities, talents, & desires outside of the one for a girlfriend. Develop them. Grow them. Don't wait. Not b/c it'll give your wife or girlfriend, but b/c it's good & healthy for you, because God gave them as a gift to you & wants you to fulfill them & bless you thru them. You want to be the best man you can be. What are your hobbies, interests, goals, dreams, etc?

I struggle w/ a similar problem. I recently learned something interesting on the topic: When God created Adam, he gave him a 'house' (the earth), he gave him responsibilities (caring for animals, for example), God "gave" himself (God makes himself known to Adam very early on), God gave Adam rules (don't eat from the tree), etc. etc. He gave Adam all those things before Eve (a woman). Eve was the very last thing God gave Adam during Creation. God wanted to make sure everything was in place for the woman so her needs & desires could be fulfilled. God wanted to make sure everything was in place for Adam so Adam could care for her & meet her needs & desires.

This is one example. There are many, many others. Jesus was 30s when he started his ministry. Abraham was 75 when God called him. Abraham's wife was waaaay too old for a healthy child; it happened anyways. Moses was 80 around the time of the burning bush. We don't know what's in store for us.
Another example I look to is Joseph. He was betrayed & beaten by his brothers & sold into slavery & jailed for a crime he didn't commit. He eventually became almost as powerful as Pharoh.

Okay, back to my second paragraph to conclude: Good for you for going to church. Keep going. But that being said, maybe it's not a good fit & you could check another church or two out. You should like going. As I was saying, I struggle w/ similar things. A church I go to is all couples my age & younger w/ families & it STINGS so much seeing them, but I like going b/c I love the fellowship (w/ the few fellow single people), I love learning about God, I love going to his house, etc. etc. Up for you to decide if you want to change church, but never give up on going to church.

Along those lines, are you putting yourself in places to meet women? Do you have friends you could meet them thru? Do you have family who could 'help' you (like do they know someone who you could meet. Ask them!)? Do you attend any clubs or events? Basically, are you putting yourself out there? I know it's hard, & sometimes could seem like 'yes I do all these things & try all these things but they never lead anywhere'). Doesn't mean it won't. We don't know God's ways & don't know what he has in store for us.

Also, what are your experiences w/ women? Have you had female friends? Friends w/ married women? Coworkers? Acquaintances w/ women even. A lot older women or a lot younger women? Could be a sign God's teaching you how to function w/ women so you are ready for the one.

 

[Abide with me.]

God always loves you. You are very special to him. He made you unique. He always wants what's best for you, tho sometimes we don't understand the process & sometimes it's not easy. Sometimes we have to thru a struggle. Count your blessings. Seek them & you will find them & you will find him as well. Surely you have some blessings? What are they? Pray over them w/ God. Thank him for them. Every day. Wake up in the morning & say them.

For wife/girlfriend: You are only 21. That is so young still! You have your whole life ahead of you. Start making changes now. My guess is you have many abilities, talents, & desires outside of the one for a girlfriend. Develop them. Grow them. Don't wait. Not b/c it'll give your wife or girlfriend, but b/c it's good & healthy for you, because God gave them as a gift to you & wants you to fulfill them & bless you thru them. You want to be the best man you can be. What are your hobbies, interests, goals, dreams, etc?

I struggle w/ a similar problem. I recently learned something interesting on the topic: When God created Adam, he gave him a 'house' (the earth), he gave him responsibilities (caring for animals, for example), God "gave" himself (God makes himself known to Adam very early on), God gave Adam rules (don't eat from the tree), etc. etc. He gave Adam all those things before Eve (a woman). Eve was the very last thing God gave Adam during Creation. God wanted to make sure everything was in place for the woman so her needs & desires could be fulfilled. God wanted to make sure everything was in place for Adam so Adam could care for her & meet her needs & desires.

This is one example. There are many, many others. Jesus was 30s when he started his ministry. Abraham was 75 when God called him. Abraham's wife was waaaay too old for a healthy child; it happened anyways. Moses was 80 around the time of the burning bush. We don't know what's in store for us.
Another example I look to is Joseph. He was betrayed & beaten by his brothers & sold into slavery & jailed for a crime he didn't commit. He eventually became almost as powerful as Pharoh.

Okay, back to my second paragraph to conclude: Good for you for going to church. Keep going. But that being said, maybe it's not a good fit & you could check another church or two out. You should like going. As I was saying, I struggle w/ similar things. A church I go to is all couples my age & younger w/ families & it STINGS so much seeing them, but I like going b/c I love the fellowship (w/ the few fellow single people), I love learning about God, I love going to his house, etc. etc. Up for you to decide if you want to change church, but never give up on going to church.

Along those lines, are you putting yourself in places to meet women? Do you have friends you could meet them thru? Do you have family who could 'help' you (like do they know someone who you could meet. Ask them!)? Do you attend any clubs or events? Basically, are you putting yourself out there? I know it's hard, & sometimes could seem like 'yes I do all these things & try all these things but they never lead anywhere'). Doesn't mean it won't. We don't know God's ways & don't know what he has in store for us.

Also, what are your experiences w/ women? Have you had female friends? Friends w/ married women? Coworkers? Acquaintances w/ women even. A lot older women or a lot younger women? Could be a sign God's teaching you how to function w/ women so you are ready for the one.

What about Christian youth groups? Plenty of singles there?

 

[DragonFox91]

OP, also, what kind of girl are you looking for? Do you have a type in mind? What is she like? Maybe that's some of it too, you haven't found your type? I know that's been some of my problem. (Which is why I want to introduce myself to my crush so much b/c she's the type I've been looking for for so long!)

Also, I know what it's like to struggle w/ this. I participated in extracirrculars in school. I've always been a 'good' Christian who goes to church & goes to Bible studies & youth groups & such. I went to college, I have a degree, I have a job, etc. etc. I'm doing everything right, but it still hasn't happened for me. I don't mean to be discouraging you, just trying to say, if you need someone to talk to about the problem who truly gets it, let me know & I can listen & understand. I understand the need to hear multiple opinions as well tho. I've always wanted a girlfiend, & it stings to get passed by. I've grown up w/ people, I've seen them go from 'I never want to get married or children' when they're little, to getting their first kisses & proms, & getting married & having children, & it hurts.

What about Christian youth groups? Plenty of singles there?

Single men.

I go to 3 different churches. The singles group my age range, the guy:girl ratio at all 3 combined is around 20:3. Not exaggerating.

 

[SANTOSO]

Aren’t you amazed many single men follow Jesus ? What brings them so dedicated to Jesus ? Some, eventually, married.

Both young men and women knew Jesus is very special to them.

Is it just because Jesus only being thoughtful of their needs that they follow Him ?
No. Something important that drive them.

Many who have been touched the presence of the Lord knew.

Do God withhold someone companion ? No. Otherwise, why He considered Adam and Eve as husband and wife.

The fellowship of love that is in Christ Jesus, that is beautiful. Treasure that !

When you meet the one whom you love to be married, you extend deeper meaning of love into the relationship.

God bless you

 

[aiki]

I'm 21 years old and for the past 3 years I have felt very lonely in the sense that I lack affection and love and I really desire being in a relationship. It's been progressively harder to bear, because I was praying for a partner a lot with faith that I'll find somebody good for me.

What about you being good for the woman you want to find? Are you a good man? Are you a godly man to whom a good and godly woman would want to link herself in a relationship?

The more you focus on a thing, the bigger it will grow in your mind, the more it will occupy your thinking. Because this is true, God warns us in His word to be careful upon what we allow ourselves to dwell. You won't help yourself any, and you won't remain a grateful, positive young man, if you allow your loneliness to turn you morose, and sour, and ungrateful.

I can tell you with certainty that God's priority for you isn't a relationship with a woman, but an ever-deepening relationship with Himself. If you can't find Him totally fulfilling and satisfying, there's no way you will ever find a woman so. But, not being satisfied in God, you will try to find satisfaction in a romantic relationship. And this will lead eventually to disappointment and frustration and damage to the relationship you have with a woman (that can't ever replace the relationship you should have with God).

A woman can tell pretty easily if your motives are her-centered or you-centered. If you're approaching her to stave off feeling lonely, rather than because you think she is wonderful and want to know her better, she's going to see that this is so and be repelled (as she should be). And if the woman you approach in a selfish way doesn't see that you are doing so, watch out! Such a woman will make a terrible romantic interest and definitely a very poor wife! Two selfish people never stay together for long and never happily.

It is worth remembering: "Lust can't wait to get but love can't wait to give."

 

[DragonFox91]

What about you being good for the woman you want to find? Are you a good man? Are you a godly man to whom a good and godly woman would want to link herself in a relationship?

The more you focus on a thing, the bigger it will grow in your mind, the more it will occupy your thinking. Because this is true, God warns us in His word to be careful upon what we allow ourselves to dwell. You won't help yourself any, and you won't remain a grateful, positive young man, if you allow your loneliness to turn you morose, and sour, and ungrateful.

I can tell you with certainty that God's priority for you isn't a relationship with a woman, but an ever-deepening relationship with Himself. If you can't find Him totally fulfilling and satisfying, there's no way you will ever find a woman so. But, not being satisfied in God, you will try to find satisfaction in a romantic relationship. And this will lead eventually to disappointment and frustration and damage to the relationship you have with a woman (that can't ever replace the relationship you should have with God).

A woman can tell pretty easily if your motives are her-centered or you-centered. If you're approaching her to stave off feeling lonely, rather than because you think she is wonderful and want to know her better, she's going to see that this is so and be repelled (as she should be). And if the woman you approach in a selfish way doesn't see that you are doing so, watch out! Such a woman will make a terrible romantic interest and definitely a very poor wife! Two selfish people never stay together for long and never happily.

It is worth remembering: "Lust can't wait to get but love can't wait to give."

The Bolded sounds a lot like what my counselor tells me. It's wise advice & very strong.

I do disagree on a part of the non-bolded paragraph. For that paragraph I didn't bold, the second line, as men, that's something we want to do. We want to approach a woman b/c we want to get to her know better & think she's wonderful & want to spend time w/ her b/c of who she is. We want a real, loving relationship w/ a woman. The lonliness is a symptom of not having that (tho I bet the scars could still linger). Just b/c we don't like being lonely & don't want to be lonely, that doesn't mean we're putting ourselves first or are poorly motivated. Can someone not desire a relationship for many reasons, one reason not wanting to be single? Else why would they be trying to get into a relationship, especially on the man's side where it's probably not gonna fall into their lap & they're gonna have to initiate it?

 

[bèlla]

There’s a difference between desiring a companion and living for companionship. That’s where the loneliness and despondency come from. It doesn’t happen sometimes. It’s always there.

Yours in His Service,

~bella