Living together

[jut199]

My girl friend and I have been living together for about a yr. Is this totally wrong? What if we slept in separate rooms?

 

[Bampot]

I don't see anything wrong with it. Good preparation for married life.

My boyfriend and I are planning on getting a place later on this year. Personally, I think every couple looking toward a long term relationship should live with each other BEFORE signing a legal document and getting married.

 

[jut199]

Thanks for the reply. I think it's been good and bad for us.

 

[Luther073082]

Wait a minute here.

Statistics show that people who live together before they get married have a higher chance of divorce.

Now living together and sleeping in seperate rooms. . .

Biblically speaking there is nothing wrong with it, because the bible only says we shouldn't have sex before marriage. So I'm not going to sit here and tell you that you are in sin.

However that doesn't mean that I think its a good idea.

Especially if you are the only two people living there.

 

[Lokke]

My girl friend and I have been living together for about a yr. Is this totally wrong? What if we slept in separate rooms?

my sister boyfrieund live befojr with m y familie for few days.he have agruement with his familie so my dad he let him. m y sister and him do notheing wrong. he is good person.

 

[Bampot]

I'm not going to base my life off of a statistic. I think it's smart to see if you can live together before you make it binding. I've seen too many marriages fall apart so soon because they found out they just couldn't live together. Not being able to overcome bad habits, making financial decisions, etc.

 

[Luther073082]

I'm not going to base my life off of a statistic. I think it's smart to see if you can live together before you make it binding. I've seen too many marriages fall apart so soon because they found out they just couldn't live together. Not being able to overcome bad habits, making financial decisions, etc.

Their mistake there would be that they didn't discuss these things prior to marriage.

I don't blame you for not basing your life off of statistics. However there is a very good case to be made for not living together. And in general rule with a general person, the argument that it will help you in your marriage is proven to be a false one.

 

[xDenax]

Any couple can live together if they choose to commit to one another. I don't buy the idea that you must live together first. I will agree with Kirk. There has been no evidence that indicates living together results in better marriages or less divorce. Beyond just statistics, there are many reasons that living together doesn't do a couple any good. I learned this in secular University, so it isn't just about religious values.

 

[FearAintFaith]

Its a horrible idea to live together if you can avoid it, separate rooms or not, sex or no sex before marriage. It will only drag things out and make them painful and gather resentments in both of you. If you spend enough time with a person talking and asking questions you will find out how they live their lives without actually living with them. You can ask a person where they squeeze the toothpaste from and where their dirty underware goes when it comes off of them. Yes if you plan on getting married you can be that personal. You can also talk about finances and make some financial choices together without living together. Then there are the spritual aspects of it all to consider and thats a whole other can of worms.

 

[jut199]

Yeah, I don't know. I think it can be ok, as long as there is no sex and you know you really are in love and want to be together for life.

 

[xDenax]

Yeah, I don't know. I think it can be ok, as long as there is no sex and you know you really are in love and want to be together for life.

Then you didn't need to try it anyway. If there were financial issues, then I'd say go ahead and get married. Perhaps I am biased. If I had wanted to live with my husband before we had gotten married, I would have just gotten married sooner! Our house was more than an hour from my University and my parents were supporting me financially. If I had needed to live with him for some reason, I would have just married him. May I ask why the two of you don't just get married?

 

[Luther073082]

Yeah, I don't know. I think it can be ok, as long as there is no sex and you know you really are in love and want to be together for life.

You think it can be ok??

Ever heard the phrase that if there is any question in your mind as to if something is a bad idea, then its probably a bad idea.

For the most part I don't think its a good idea.

 

[The Nihilist]

Their mistake there would be that they didn't discuss these things prior to marriage.

I don't blame you for not basing your life off of statistics. However there is a very good case to be made for not living together. And in general rule with a general person, the argument that it will help you in your marriage is proven to be a false one.

Other statistics show that protestants have a higher rate of divorce than do atheists, so maybe we don't want to make that our criterion for decision making?
The thing is, people are all basically crazy in some way or another, and they're usually pretty good at hiding it. Living together is a good way to find out what it is before she's entitled to half your stuff.

 

[DanC922]

Yeah, I don't know. I think it can be ok, as long as there is no sex and you know you really are in love and want to be together for life.

And if you don't marry, do you really want to have given away the intimacy of living with a woman you're romantically attached to and not married to? If you know you want to be together for life, why not just get married?

While finding reasons for living together may convince you it's ok, the real question to ask is, "Will living together before marriage glorify God and be a good image of Christ and the church as the relationship is supposed to be?"

 

[Luther073082]

Other statistics show that protestants have a higher rate of divorce than do atheists, so maybe we don't want to make that our criterion for decision making?[/qutoe]

Well first of all I did say that I don't blame her for not making her decisions just based on statistics. However I don't think you can make the argument that living together is a good thing for everyone when all statistics show it increases the rate of divorce.

Those same statistics show religious INVOLVEMENT decreases the chances of divorce. The problem with the statisic that you cite is that just because someone claims to be a protestant, doesn't mean that it actually means anything to them.

I don't know the actual number but I would say about 80% of Americans claim to be Christians (do you think thats fair?). But only about 33% of Americans actually go to church on a regular basis.

 

[The Nihilist]

Other statistics show that protestants have a higher rate of divorce than do atheists, so maybe we don't want to make that our criterion for decision making?[/qutoe]

Well first of all I did say that I don't blame her for not making her decisions just based on statistics. However I don't think you can make the argument that living together is a good thing for everyone when all statistics show it increases the rate of divorce.

Those same statistics show religious INVOLVEMENT decreases the chances of divorce. The problem with the statisic that you cite is that just because someone claims to be a protestant, doesn't mean that it actually means anything to them.

I don't know the actual number but I would say about 80% of Americans claim to be Christians (do you think thats fair?). But only about 33% of Americans actually go to church on a regular basis.

No True Scotsman fallacy?
As for living together increasing the rate of divorce, perhaps XKCD can help me out:

 

[Luther073082]

No True Scotsman fallacy?
As for living together increasing the rate of divorce, perhaps XKCD can help me out:

True but until you can find what the correlation relates with, you can't logically argue that living together before marriage is a good thing.

 

[jut199]

Then you didn't need to try it anyway. If there were financial issues, then I'd say go ahead and get married. Perhaps I am biased. If I had wanted to live with my husband before we had gotten married, I would have just gotten married sooner! Our house was more than an hour from my University and my parents were supporting me financially. If I had needed to live with him for some reason, I would have just married him. May I ask why the two of you don't just get married?

Right now we're not sure it will workout. In the past we just wanted to wait another yr, and money was an issue too.

 

[The Nihilist]

True but until you can find what the correlation relates with, you can't logically argue that living together before marriage is a good thing.

Well, maybe. I can't argue that it's more likely to make a marriage successful, but I could argue that instead of it being a causal relation, it's a coincidental one: people who make the decision to live together may just be the kind of people who get divorced.
Or, I could argue that the marriages that do come out of it are stronger, even if they are fewer.
Statistics is nothing but the wicked adulteress of mathematics.

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

Okay here's what I have to say to this. Realize that I'm far from perfect, and will admit to having had premarital sex, although I am trying hard to stop.


The Bible says that we are to avoid every appearance of evil. Even if you're living in separate rooms, going through the same apartment door and not coming out at a decent time may give the wrong impression of what is going on between the two of you. If you both claim to be Christians, this is really a bad idea because it can hurt the witness you may have to others if they assume that you're having sex because you live together and are not married.