Living together

[The Nihilist]

Bottom line, I think Hazelnut is right. If you think premarital sex is unqualifiedly wrong, (I never have, but that's a discussion for E & M,) then you should not be living together.

 

[tessas212]

DH and I lived together before we were legally married. We moved in together knowing that spiritually we were already married. We intended to be married, one day when we could afford it. Some financial things kept us from marrying until later, but we knew we were ready to be together. It never created anything bad. We learned how to live together and deal with each other's habits. We did not fight any more than we used to. It only created good and even more hunger to actually be considered married by others and the government.

A legal document does NOT make a marriage - TWO people do. A marriage is about a promise, and that promise should be as strong as it possibly could be. No paper should be able to strengthen that promise. That is co-dependency. A paper doesn't make a marriage last, two people do.

 

[dayhiker]

I don't have a problem with living together ... my GF and I do on the weekends, which is really nice .. but its kinda nice also to have the weekdays apart.

 

[Alice_Of_Legend]

DH and I lived together before we were legally married. We moved in together knowing that spiritually we were already married. We intended to be married, one day when we could afford it. Some financial things kept us from marrying until later, but we knew we were ready to be together. It never created anything bad. We learned how to live together and deal with each other's habits. We did not fight any more than we used to. It only created good and even more hunger to actually be considered married by others and the government.

A legal document does NOT make a marriage - TWO people do. A marriage is about a promise, and that promise should be as strong as it possibly could be. No paper should be able to strengthen that promise. That is co-dependency. A paper doesn't make a marriage last, two people do.

I agree with the statement fully

 

[jut199]

Just to give an update. We broke up about 4 mos ago. I really think living together is not a good choice. It's like playing with fire eventually your going to get burned. If we did it according to how God intended it, I think we would've made it through, but that's just my opinion.

 

[SionDS]

I think I read that the Amish had special beds made for young teens who were dating. It had this space where you could put a wooden board down the middle of the bed. The two teens would be separated on each side of it and wear all of their clothes.

The idea was for them to have a taste of married life without any sexual contact, just so they could see if they were compatible.

 

[PASTOR'S WIFE]

The Bible says to not let your good be evil spoken of. I keep hearing "I THINK" This and I think that. Our thinking doesn't change the mind of GOD. Our opinions and our thinking HAS To line up with the Word of God.
If people are living together because it is cheaper, WELL why not get married? A simple wedding can be a marriage license and standing before a minister. It doesn't have to be a big wedding spending money that you don't have.
Living together before marriage is not a good Christian example. The tempatition is too strong.
It would be no different than going in a gay bar saying you are getting a coke or going to a regular bar and getting a coke. The people you have talked to about Jesus would automatically think the worse.

Something happened to me a few years ago. I lived in the town and went to church and even taught Sunday School. My husband was youth leader. Well this bar had closed down and was converted into a thrift shop. I didn't even think twice about it. My mom and I went to the thrift shop. Later, I was telling some of my church friends that the bar had closed and was no a thrift shop and she said yes, I saw you coming out of there the other day and wondered what you were doing there. I did some fast explaining. She had a right to question me as the positions we held in the church. I explained and she understood and it was all settled. I thanked God for letting me tell her about my "new find - thrift shop". Needless to say, the bar sign was still up but there was a thrift shop sign up too otherwise I would not have known to go there.

 

[jut199]

The Bible says to not let your good be evil spoken of. I keep hearing "I THINK" This and I think that. Our thinking doesn't change the mind of GOD. Our opinions and our thinking HAS To line up with the Word of God.
If people are living together because it is cheaper, WELL why not get married? A simple wedding can be a marriage license and standing before a minister. It doesn't have to be a big wedding spending money that you don't have.
Living together before marriage is not a good Christian example. The tempatition is too strong.
It would be no different than going in a gay bar saying you are getting a coke or going to a regular bar and getting a coke. The people you have talked to about Jesus would automatically think the worse.

Something happened to me a few years ago. I lived in the town and went to church and even taught Sunday School. My husband was youth leader. Well this bar had closed down and was converted into a thrift shop. I didn't even think twice about it. My mom and I went to the thrift shop. Later, I was telling some of my church friends that the bar had closed and was no a thrift shop and she said yes, I saw you coming out of there the other day and wondered what you were doing there. I did some fast explaining. She had a right to question me as the positions we held in the church. I explained and she understood and it was all settled. I thanked God for letting me tell her about my "new find - thrift shop". Needless to say, the bar sign was still up but there was a thrift shop sign up too otherwise I would not have known to go there.

The temptation is way too strong and once you live together there is nothing to look forward to once you do get married. I think I learned a harsh lesson through this all.

If anyone is thinking about moving in together really ask yourself why not get married first. If both of you don't want to commit to marriage then there is no reason to live together. If both of you want to get married, then get married and then move in together. My ex told me before we lived together that she would marry me tomorrow, and I probably would've but I figured that was foolish, since we hadn't done this and that, plus, I really thought it would be best to live with her first. I was wrong.

 

[dayhiker]

jut, thanks for the update.

I did think of a question while erading your posts. If you'd married would the issue that cause you to break up also got bigger over time and caused your marriage to berak up? I realize its speculation.

thanks
dayhiker

 

[jut199]

jut, thanks for the update.

I did think of a question while erading your posts. If you'd married would the issue that cause you to break up also got bigger over time and caused your marriage to berak up? I realize its speculation.

thanks
dayhiker

I really don't think so, since we would've had God on our side. Instead, we let sin in and it took over. I think we could both feel it, but we wanted things to be our way and didn't want to listen. I remember being in church and God placed it on my heart to do the right thing and move out if I really wanted to be with this girl, but I denied it and justified my actions. Plus, her uncle who I look up to said that we should do the right thing and either get married or not live together. We both didn't want to listen. What's cool about all this though is that I'm now the closest I have ever been to the Lord, and I think I learned a big lesson. It hurts really bad that we broke-up, but I am also experiencing closeness to the Lord which I have never really felt.

 

[PixieSunbelle]

I enjoy living with my boyfriend. I consider our relationship to be stronger than when we lived apart. We fight a lot less than when we were apart. I think being apart (even though we weren't all that far away) really strained us. I would call and he wouldn't answer and really now that we're together we don't worry about such things since I wait for him to come home.

I don't care about stats. They don't mean a thing to me. We do what's right for us, not for other people. Like someone else said, its about what the couple thinks and feels- not some paper.

As of right now my boyfriend and I aren't ready for marriage mainly due to financial reasons. I am jobless and he is working for a furniture company as a PT. While its okay money; its not great. Both of us have school loans... and credit cards which mine when over the limit from not paying it when I was layed off of my previous job. Now if he goes to the military we'd just go get married because we'd also be given a place to live... but neither of us are hasty with that.

I enjoy living with him beforehand.... i have him coming home to look forward to. At home I was way more depressed because I'd just wait for the day he'd pick me up...

 

[twins15]

I enjoy living with my boyfriend. I consider our relationship to be stronger than when we lived apart. We fight a lot less than when we were apart. I think being apart (even though we weren't all that far away) really strained us. I would call and he wouldn't answer and really now that we're together we don't worry about such things since I wait for him to come home.

If you would call and he wouldn't answer, could that mean there were deeper problems with the relationship than the fact that the distance was tough? It seems to me like now you can wait for him to come home is not the solution to that problem, it's him answering the phone.

Count me in the camp that it is always a bad idea to live together before marriage. Question.... if you are living together but not married, then what is the point of going through and actually getting married? Why not just continue to live together unmarried?

 

[PixieSunbelle]

If you would call and he wouldn't answer, could that mean there were deeper problems with the relationship than the fact that the distance was tough? It seems to me like now you can wait for him to come home is not the solution to that problem, it's him answering the phone.

Count me in the camp that it is always a bad idea to live together before marriage. Question.... if you are living together but not married, then what is the point of going through and actually getting married? Why not just continue to live together unmarried?

Him answering the phone is actually changing though, that's the funny thing. He answers when I do actually have to call. The problem with answering the phone is just that.... he hates the phone. The distance, no matter how small was not an issue with him. He didn't mind it after all, he has the car and the license and he could get me when he pleased. I hated waiting. As soon as he'd drop me off at home; i'd want to leave. So really, the biggest issue was that I was ready to move out but not on my own completely. The easiest solution was to just stay with my boyfriend. It was slow and over time. I would spend a weekend, then a week, then two or three. Then I started to work on an internship with his mother so I just stayed and never left. lol, his mom likes that we're still here though. I heard her say so
lol, my boyfriend is ready to move out though.

As for if we'll get married. I don't know. Right now, my boyfriend is just happy being together. He hates to be rushed and pestered. We did pick out our wedding colors for when the time does come. We don't have money though... so i'm sure it will probably take at least another 2-3 years. I'm sure we'll still be together then. I do want to eventually get married to him though whether we have a wedding or not.

Either way, there's plenty of legal reasons to still get married despite the fact we live together now beforehand.

 

[twins15]

Him answering the phone is actually changing though, that's the funny thing. He answers when I do actually have to call. The problem with answering the phone is just that.... he hates the phone. The distance, no matter how small was not an issue with him. He didn't mind it after all, he has the car and the license and he could get me when he pleased. I hated waiting. As soon as he'd drop me off at home; i'd want to leave. So really, the biggest issue was that I was ready to move out but not on my own completely. The easiest solution was to just stay with my boyfriend. It was slow and over time. I would spend a weekend, then a week, then two or three. Then I started to work on an internship with his mother so I just stayed and never left. lol, his mom likes that we're still here though. I heard her say so
lol, my boyfriend is ready to move out though.

Right, I hate talking on the phone too (what guy doesn't?), but I will still make the sacrifice to talk to my girlfriend on it every night. If you are ready to move out but not be on your own, find another roommate. These things are definitely sacrifices (my girlfriend and I are moving to the same town but we will be getting different places... it would be a whole lot easier to get a place together, but the sacrifice shows that we love each other and that it will be so much better when we are married).... I know how you feel, it stinks to be away from someone you love, even just for the night after they drop you off, but love is worth the wait for the extra sacrifice.

As for if we'll get married. I don't know. Right now, my boyfriend is just happy being together. He hates to be rushed and pestered.

Obviously I have no idea what your boyfriend is like, and I am not suggesting that you get married right now (the money concerns are definitely valid).... but stuff like this is the exact reason why so many couples relationships' that move in together do not work out. "He hates to be rushed and pestered" sounds like he is enjoying the relationship without the "nuisance" of having to actually make a real commitment. Living together is like getting married, only either party can easily walk away at any time. There is no commitment.

EDIT: This is the exact theory behind why people say they move in together before they are married, that they want to see if they will be able to handle the other person and get along with them after they are married.... they want to enjoy married life, only without the commitment, to enjoy the perks of married life without that little "in good times and in bad, til death do us part" thing. Again, if you are already living together, what is the point of getting married?

Either way, there's plenty of legal reasons to still get married despite the fact we live together now beforehand.

I view marriage as a covenental bond between a man and a woman, not something to be done simply because there are legal reasons that it is beneficial. Again, if this is your attitude, why do you really want to get married? Better taxes?

 

[PixieSunbelle]

Right, I hate talking on the phone too (what guy doesn't?), but I will still make the sacrifice to talk to my girlfriend on it every night. If you are ready to move out but not be on your own, find another roommate. These things are definitely sacrifices (my girlfriend and I are moving to the same town but we will be getting different places... it would be a whole lot easier to get a place together, but the sacrifice shows that we love each other and that it will be so much better when we are married).... I know how you feel, it stinks to be away from someone you love, even just for the night after they drop you off, but love is worth the wait for the extra sacrifice.

I don't want some random roommate. Besides all my friends have kids anyways. I certainly don't want to be roommates that include children...
Besides us not having our own place yet; I am perfectly happy the way things are.

Obviously I have no idea what your boyfriend is like, and I am not suggesting that you get married right now (the money concerns are definitely valid).... but stuff like this is the exact reason why so many couples relationships' that move in together do not work out. "He hates to be rushed and pestered" sounds like he is enjoying the relationship without the "nuisance" of having to actually make a real commitment. Living together is like getting married, only either party can easily walk away at any time. There is no commitment.

No. He's a perfectionist. Everything must be done a certain way...lol
We must have a place, money, better jobs, etc before he'll even think about proposing.

I could end this all right now tell him i'm okay with the military and he'd join right up today and we'd have a house and money right now.

EDIT: This is the exact theory behind why people say they move in together before they are married, that they want to see if they will be able to handle the other person and get along with them after they are married.... they want to enjoy married life, only without the commitment, to enjoy the perks of married life without that little "in good times and in bad, til death do us part" thing. Again, if you are already living together, what is the point of getting married?

I never moved in with my boyfriend to "see if I could handle him". We've already spent much time together to know that. And we've certainly been together through our so far good times and bad times. Its just not "official" yet because we don't have the money for a place, for a wedding, or for a honeymoon yet.

I view marriage as a covenental bond between a man and a woman, not something to be done simply because there are legal reasons that it is beneficial. Again, if this is your attitude, why do you really want to get married? Better taxes?

No i was saying besides all the Christian reasons to get married there were legal benefits....

 

[CrystalBrooke]

I've been living with my now fiance for nearly 2 years, we even sleep in the same bed *gasp*. We're getting married in May. We disagree on things and fight, but I'd love to meet a couple who never has. I don't think all relationships are doomed if you live together first..that's a very stupid thing to say. I know plenty of couples who didn't live together first and it didn't work out. Divorce rates are just really freakin high and it's because people don't take marriage seriously and don't want to put the work into it that it requires to keep going.

 

[twins15]

I've been living with my now fiance for nearly 2 years, we even sleep in the same bed *gasp*. We're getting married in May. We disagree on things and fight, but I'd love to meet a couple who never has. I don't think all relationships are doomed if you live together first..that's a very stupid thing to say. I know plenty of couples who didn't live together first and it didn't work out. Divorce rates are just really freakin high and it's because people don't take marriage seriously and don't want to put the work into it that it requires to keep going.

Nobody is saying that a relationship is automatically doomed if you live together before marriage, obviously that is not true, specific examples can be found all over the place. And also divorce rates are high because people don't take marriage seriously and don't want to put the work necessary into marriage. None of this is disagreeable.

If you are living together and sleeping in the same bed, you are at the very least giving off the appearance that you are having sex before marriage. Even if it is not true, you are causing scandal based on that. We are called to bring others closer to Christ and to be good examples, if someone sees another person that is Christian living together, they likely assume they are having sex before marriage, and will then assume that nobody (not even the church) sees anything wrong with it.

No i was saying besides all the Christian reasons to get married there were legal benefits...

Out of curiosity what do you see at the Christian reasons to get married?