Some people asked Billy Graham similar questions:
Q: Our son says he can't see anything wrong with living with his girlfriend, which is what he's planning to do. He says they'll probably get married some day, but living together has become so common that he doesn't think we ought to get upset. What would you say to him? Mrs. M.W.
A: Dear Mrs. M.W.,
One thing I'd probably tell him is that he would only be hurting himself by doing thiseven if he doesn't realize it right now.
Why do I say this? The reason is because this kind of relationship provides a very weak foundation for his future marriage. You see, the one thing that's missing in a relationship like this is commitment. At any time, either one of them could simply walk away, because neither of them really would be committed to the other person. But if they don't take marriage seriously now, what reason is there to think they will take it seriously once they are married?
Marriage involves commitmenta solemn vow of a husband and wife to be faithful to each other for the rest of their lives. This vow isn't just between the two of them, but between them and God. This is why the Bible says, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh" (Matthew 19:5).
But I'd also want to point out to him that an even larger issue is at stakeand that is his relationship with God. Right now, he is turning his back on God and wants nothing to do with Him. But he needs God, both for this life and the next. Pray for your son, that he will face his sin and open his life to Christ.
Q: My boyfriend and I are living together right now. My parents are upset about this, but personally I don't see anything wrong with it. I know people in your generation might look down on things like this, but times change and no one thinks anything about it now. What do you think? M.W.
Dear M.W.,
The real question isn't how your parents see this, or how your friends see it, or even how you see it. The real question is this: How does God see it? What is His attitude toward what you are doing?
I'm sure if we were talking you'd probably tell me you don't really care what God thinksbut shouldn't that be your real concern? God made you, and someday you must stand before Him and give an account of your life. God also gave marriage to us, and He doesn't want us to take it lightly. This is why one of the Ten Commandments says, "You shall not commit adultery" (Exodus 20:14).
But God also loves you, and He knows what is best for you. One reason He gave marriage to us was to safeguard us from the dangers and unhappiness of this kind of relationship. You may feel happy right now, but one thing will always be missingcommitment. Without a firm commitment to each othera commitment made before God and before othersyour relationship will always be insecure and unstable. God has something better for you.
My prayer is that you will turn from your sins and open your heart to Jesus Christ. Jesus said, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full" (John 10:10). Life's greatest joy comes from knowing Him and following Himand this joy can be yours, as you give your life to Christ.
And from the BGEA Christian Guidance Department (a group of trained advisors and pastors):
Q: Is there anything wrong with living with my boyfriend if we plan to be married someday?
A: Living together without marriage is becoming more frequent as our society moves further and further from its religious and moral roots. We can assure you that you will never find lasting happiness by continuing to live this way.
For one thing, when you have this kind of relationship outside of a marriage covenant, you have no commitmentand without commitment, a full measure of trust and security does not exist. Love becomes little more than an emotional feeling toward each other, and when the emotions fade there is nothing to keep you together.
More than that, you are forgoing Gods lasting peace and satisfaction by refusing His best for your life. God has given marriage to us for our happiness and security, and when we follow His rules for sex and marriage we can experience real joy. When you treat love and sex casually you are going against His perfect plan, and it will inevitably bring unhappiness.
The Bible stresses: "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral" (Hebrews 13:4). The Bible also says that God so strongly condemns fornication and adultery that those who practice these sins will be excluded from God's kingdom (1 Corinthians 6:9-10). However, the Lord is willing to forgive such sins and transform the lives of those who have committed them (1 Corinthians 6:11).
We urge you to surrender to Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord and trust Him to forgive and cleanse you from your sins. This is what it means to become a Christian. The Holy Spirit then will live in your heart guiding and empowering you to honor God in every area of life.
The apostle Paul wrote, "I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13). You will need to separate from the one with whom you are living, recognizing that you have no right to live as husband and wife without marriage. You cannot, of course, have Christ as your Lord and continue in such a relationship. We would suggest that you seek the counsel of a pastor in your community for further support and direction.
