Living a lie.. hell?

[astray13]

Am I doomed to hell for lying? I'm young in my faith and having trouble with this as I don't know what to do.

A few years ago while me and my fiance where dating, she was away one night to stay with one of her friends. We had rented an apartment together and I decided to get drunk while she was away. Her sister, not knowing she was gone, came by and I offered her a drink. Long story short, we ended up having relations.The guilt got so bad I eventually confessed that I had an affair, but when she asks who with, I always tell her some woman I met in a bar. Me and my fiance made up eventually, and even when she is mad and throws it up to me, I still tell her it was some woman in a bar. I don't want to ruin the relationship she has with her sister.

I am not saved yet, but I will be in 2014, will I go to hell for keeping this lie going? I can't come clean on this as it would not only wreck our relationship, it would literally tear a family apart and I don't want that. It is rarely brought up, but even when it is, I still maintain that it was the woman in the bar. Is this wrong? Will I go to hell if I maintain it was a woman in a bar after I get saved/baptized? I know there is some instances in the bible of people lying and still going to Heaven, such as Abraham.

God judges the heart, right? I've heard of people interpreting lying/deceiving in the bible as lying to lead others away from God, but not sure if I believe this. I plan to repent as the guilt eats me alive, but I swore years ago I would take this horrible choice to the grave. Any input would be MUCH appreciated.

 

[GrayAngel]

Hello, astray, and welcome to the forums.

First, I just want to point out the problem with the question, "Will I go to Hell for _____?" God doesn't send people to Hell for being gay, for stealing, for murdering, or anything. There's a laundry list of things we've done wrong, and God being our judge will hold us accountable for all of our actions when we're done.

I should explain that I do not believe in Hell as a simple place of fiery torture. I believe that it is God bringing justice to a world of chaos. Hell would be harder on people who've done more evil, and easier on people like Gandhi who have shown kindness to their fellow man.

So when you ask if you will go to Hell for this lie, the answer is no. If you do go to Hell, it will be because you didn't accept the only One who could save you from it.

Now with that out of the way, I have to admit that you are in a very delicate situation. Since your wife is still throwing this mistake of yours in your face, that tells me she still hasn't completely forgiven you. Would coming clean help anything? Other than defusing the bomb (the possibility of your wife finding out through someone else), and potentially releasing tension between the three of your involved, I'm not sure. It definitely has a lot of potential to do harm. I can't tell you for certain what the correct way to handle this situation would be.

There is one thing you can try. I don't know your wife, but depending on her character, this may help. Ask her a hypothetical question: "What if someone made a terrible mistake and it would really upset you to find out about it? Would you appreciate that person telling you the truth, even though it would cause you pain? Or would you prefer never to find out about it?"

If she says that she'd prefer to remain in the dark, then she'll give you permission to do so. However, if she says that she'd want to know the truth, tread carefully, but you may have the opportunity to confess.

 

[GrayAngel]

[Duplicate post. For some reason, it posted my one reply twice.]

 

[Rattus58]

Am I doomed to hell for lying? I'm young in my faith and having trouble with this as I don't know what to do.

A few years ago while me and my fiance where dating, she was away one night to stay with one of her friends. We had rented an apartment together and I decided to get drunk while she was away. Her sister, not knowing she was gone, came by and I offered her a drink. Long story short, we ended up having relations.The guilt got so bad I eventually confessed that I had an affair, but when she asks who with, I always tell her some woman I met in a bar. Me and my fiance made up eventually, and even when she is mad and throws it up to me, I still tell her it was some woman in a bar. I don't want to ruin the relationship she has with her sister.

I am not saved yet, but I will be in 2014, will I go to hell for keeping this lie going? I can't come clean on this as it would not only wreck our relationship, it would literally tear a family apart and I don't want that. It is rarely brought up, but even when it is, I still maintain that it was the woman in the bar. Is this wrong? Will I go to hell if I maintain it was a woman in a bar after I get saved/baptized? I know there is some instances in the bible of people lying and still going to Heaven, such as Abraham. God judges the heart, right?

God judges the heart, right? I've heard of people interpreting lying/deceiving in the bible as lying to lead others away from God, but not sure if I believe this. I plan to repent as the guilt eats me alive, but I swore years ago I would take this horrible choice to the grave. Any input would be MUCH appreciated.

Ok... I am probably not the right venue for this and I'm not big on giving advise... but I've got a suggestion for you... Repentance is heartfelt and sincere. If you've already repented to God this indiscretion, and you've made up with your fiance of the indiscretion, work on getting her to quit throwing it in your face.. reminding an alcoholic of how great it is to have a drink isn't the best road to redemption.

Now here is why I'm not the right guy for this, cuz I'd be telling the sister that it never EVER happened and I'd not be burdening your fiance with this bit of news either and that I'd PUSH it out of my mind FOREVER.... Is this lying... technically yes... would I ever spill the beans to the fiance.... not in my life and I'd be asking God for his forgiveness and for him to wipe her mind of the incident for all the love and adoration I'd be bestowing on her... suspiciously of course... but you can build on it...

Life is beautiful... keep it so... and that takes work... takes sacrifice... but Love is something to cherish and be proud of and be jealous of it... in the manner of speaking that you'd never give it up. When you work through the hard times, you appreciate the good times together and life has meaning.... because in my opinion, you've earned it!

Good luck with this... Love is a powerful elixir.

Aloha...

 

[talitha]

Astray13, what you are doing is putting yourself through a bit of hell by not telling the whole story. That's the thing with lies. And, well, there is also the possibility that your fiancee's sister will not be able to hold it in forever and will confess. Maybe on the eve of the wedding after a few drinks with the bride..... This is part of what some of us mean when we say that God doesn't put people in hell; they choose to go there - to a place where He is not.

I don't understand when you say you're not saved, but you will be in 2014. For me, salvation is kind of like when a fetus becomes a baby - who can say with exact certainty when that happens? You are talking like a Christian right now - someone who has the Holy Spirit shining light within, convicting you of sin and prompting you toward doing the right thing.....

 

[bling]

I would first say: "Get some good one on one spiritual councelling".

There is the sinful life you lead before your conversion and the new life (huge change) you lead after being converted. That was your old self.

 

[paul1149]

Astray, take a look at this verse from Paul.

For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. -2Cor 7:10​

He's referring to a Christian in Corinth who had been shacking up with his stepmother (1Cor 5), but who had repented (2Cor 2). The implication of this verse is that God does not hold our sins against us once they are repented. Repentance simply means a sincere rethinking" (pentir = "to think"). It does not mean we need to beat ourselves up, and this verse definitively excludes that. Paul would have us repent and be forgiven and set free rather than carry the burden within ourselves.

If you look at 2Cor 2, you'll see how lavishly Paul accepts that sinner back and gently protects him from criticism and shaming. James 1.5 corroborates this by assuring us that God will give wisdom without reproaching us for having lacked it.

If you have repented this before the Lord, you need not fear hell. Remember, it is the Precious Blood that drives our salvation. There is no confessed sin that is able to negate its power. Do not let this sin, or any other issue, prevent you from coming to Him and securing your salvation. Jesus will accept you just as you are, as long as you give your heart to Him.

Then the question becomes what to do about the situation in human terms. I think this has to be determined in situ, because people are different and every situation is different. I think Talitha's point about the sister is a good one. Undisclosed, you will be at her mercy forever. If she's ever the type to retaliate, she will have the ammo, and you will be more vulnerable as time goes on and you continue to build on the current foundation.

You also may be underestimating the family's ability to heal once this is disclosed. Or maybe not.

If you are inclined to reveal what happened, one possibility would be to speak to the sister, to try to get insight on what impact it would have.

 

[dhh712]

Am I doomed to hell for lying? I'm young in my faith and having trouble with this as I don't know what to do.

A few years ago while me and my fiance where dating, she was away one night to stay with one of her friends. We had rented an apartment together and I decided to get drunk while she was away. Her sister, not knowing she was gone, came by and I offered her a drink. Long story short, we ended up having relations.The guilt got so bad I eventually confessed that I had an affair, but when she asks who with, I always tell her some woman I met in a bar. Me and my fiance made up eventually, and even when she is mad and throws it up to me, I still tell her it was some woman in a bar. I don't want to ruin the relationship she has with her sister.

I am not saved yet, but I will be in 2014, will I go to hell for keeping this lie going? I can't come clean on this as it would not only wreck our relationship, it would literally tear a family apart and I don't want that. It is rarely brought up, but even when it is, I still maintain that it was the woman in the bar. Is this wrong? Will I go to hell if I maintain it was a woman in a bar after I get saved/baptized? I know there is some instances in the bible of people lying and still going to Heaven, such as Abraham.

God judges the heart, right? I've heard of people interpreting lying/deceiving in the bible as lying to lead others away from God, but not sure if I believe this. I plan to repent as the guilt eats me alive, but I swore years ago I would take this horrible choice to the grave. Any input would be MUCH appreciated.

The Bible is very clear that by faith alone we are saved, not by works.

How do you know you are saved in 2014? I don't know of anything Scriptural that states we can know we are saved in the future. We are saved the moment we accept Christ as our Saviour and depend upon His works being imputed onto us instead of our own. Assurance of faith may also be something which is not given to one for a very long while, even if one is saved. It is never a good thing to be too sure of salvation; one must be always diligent in the faith to make sure the wily Satanic forces of the world do not cause them to turn from God's word.

Nevertheless, you mentioned that any input would be much appreciated. I don't think this is something you want to hear; however, it seems to me that this "secret" you have must be disclosed. If someone loves you, they will love you no matter what. I have a horrible secret which I must disclose to the person (if there is one) that I may meet.

Having secrets will only destroy a relationship. Though it may not seem that way now, it can almost be guaranteed that any secret kept will eat away at a relationship until it eventually destroys it. If it is not done at the present moment, it will only make it that much more destructive whenever it does come out (and right now you don't--I imagine--have children; I think it would be the height of selfishness to put something like this away if you do plan on having any).

I do not expect you to follow my advice based on what I have told you. It has to be your decision. I would only tell you to beg for the Holy Spirit's guidance in this.

 

[Rattus58]

Astray13, what you are doing is putting yourself through a bit of hell by not telling the whole story. That's the thing with lies. And, well, there is also the possibility that your fiancee's sister will not be able to hold it in forever and will confess. Maybe on the eve of the wedding after a few drinks with the bride..... This is part of what some of us mean when we say that God doesn't put people in hell; they choose to go there - to a place where He is not.

I don't understand when you say you're not saved, but you will be in 2014. For me, salvation is kind of like when a fetus becomes a baby - who can say with exact certainty when that happens? You are talking like a Christian right now - someone who has the Holy Spirit shining light within, convicting you of sin and prompting you toward doing the right thing.....

It is hard to argue your logic on this and though I'm inclined to blurt it all out come what may, I've also seen some pretty bad juju come out of full disclosure as well... and though you're probably right that if it will survive it will survive and if not, it won't....

Whichever the outcome... Prayers....

 

[graceandpeace]

Tell her the truth.

If you don't, you will never be at peace. And if you don't tell, what if the sister decides to tell anyway? It sounds like you want to do the right thing, but want to justify continuing the lie. I understand wanting to protect someone you care about, but I personally don't see how something that big could be kept quiet forever.

A relationship counselor may prove helpful. Perhaps pastoral counseling as well.

As for hell, it is not for me to judge you, and I am confused about your salvation comment about 2014.

 

[astray13]

First, let me clarify what I meant when I said I would be saved in 2014. I meant that I would be baptized in 2014. I should've caught that error the first time, so my apologies. To better sum up what i was asking: I was asking if I would be doomed to hell if I maintained that it was a woman in a bar after being baptized.

Second, I want to thank everyone for their input. I got the the answer I needed in your posts. Everyone posted quality information that answered my question.

And a little bit more on my situation: The affair took place in 2008. I don't believe there is any way her sister would ever mention it to her. Growing up, they where all each other had because their parents where on drugs and non-existent for the most part. They have one of the closest bonds that I have ever witnessed in my life, and it would absolutely shock me if her sister mentions it and potentially ruins their relationship.

I have decided to pray to God that he remove this burden from me and guide me to do whats best. I always feel guilty for lying, regardless of the lie, and will stray away from it in most cases. However, I can't tell my fiance the truth about this. I swore I would take it to the grave and thats what I intend to do. If the truth where to come out from her sister, so be it, but it won't be me that tells it. This could do more harm than good if she finds out, but I refuse to put my fiance through that when she doesn't have to(And before anyone calls me here - i know its my fault, I screwed up big and I will always regret that. This is also why I swore I'd never drink again).

I'm young in my faith and thankful for the responses I received here. I'm still reading the bible and learning as I go, which is why I posted this on ChristianForums, because I wanted to see some input from others that has studied the scripture and get their thoughts on it.

May God bless you all and thank you for responding. I got my answer and I look forward to seeing some of you around the forums.

 

[MLEN]

astray13,

The fact that you are this concerned about whether or not keeping this lie going is appropriate for a Christian to do shows that you also know you must clear the air about it. It is bothering your conscience because you need to be set free from it, yet you are afraid of the possible consequences - and understandably so.

However, it appears that you will need to confess this past and continuing sin (of lying) and get things right both between you and God and between you and your girlfriend. If you ever intend to marry her, starting off with lies is definitely NOT a good place to be at in your relationship.

You must decide if you want to serve God first or your own desires and fears. If you choose God's way, in the end you will be free indeed. Obey and do what's right, and trust God to handle the consequences in whatever way he sees fit for your own good.

Many of us Christians have made mistakes that we regretted and needed to get right with God or another person. Read the story of David when he sinned with Bathsheba (Uriah's wife) and be encouraged (2 Samuel, chapter 12). In the end, David still had a place in Heaven because he humbled himself before God when he confessed his wrongs to God in the presence of the prophet Nathan.

Have courage because doing what is right in God's sight is never wrong. In the meantime, I will pray for you.

 

[astray13]

astray13,

The fact that you are this concerned about whether or not keeping this lie going is appropriate for a Christian to do shows that you also know you must clear the air about it. It is bothering your conscience because you need to be set free from it, yet you are afraid of the possible consequences - and understandably so.

However, it appears that you will need to confess this past and continuing sin (of lying) and get things right both between you and God and between you and your girlfriend. If you ever intend to marry her, starting off with lies is definitely NOT a good place to be at in your relationship.

You must decide if you want to serve God first or your own desires and fears. If you choose God's way, in the end you will be free indeed. Obey and do what's right, and trust God to handle the consequences in whatever way he sees fit for your own good.

Many of us Christians have made mistakes that we regretted and needed to get right with God or another person. Read the story of David when he sinned with Bathsheba (Uriah's wife) and be encouraged (2 Samuel, chapter 12). In the end, David still had a place in Heaven because he humbled himself before God when he confessed his wrongs to God in the presence of the prophet Nathan.

Have courage because doing what is right in God's sight is never wrong. In the meantime, I will pray for you.

Of course I want to obey and serve God, otherwise this wouldn't have concerned me so much. I prayed and begged for forgiveness, and I do trust God. That said, I can't/won't be the one to break the news to my fiance about this and have to live with ruining her and her sisters relationship when it doesn't have to be ruined. If it gets told, it will be her sister that tells her, I don't she will but if she does, so be it.

The reason I was so concerned/worried about this is because that I have since rediscovered my Christian faith. I was curious/worried if I kept this lie would it automatically doom me to hell. At the time the affair took place, I was agnostic and dismissed Christianity. My fiance rarely brings it up anymore, so hopefully once we get married, it will never brought up again, and I will never have to lie about who it to her ever again. That said, I have finally repented and can honestly say that I am no longer eat up with guilt about telling her it was a woman in a bar.

I've showed just how young I am in my faith and how much I have left to learn about God in this thread. I overlooked one of the biggest things that I could have overlooked, and this is something this thread had taught me. We are all sinners and will sin until our time is done, and the only way one can only be saved through faith alone. I've read the bible years ago, but don't remember much of it, and only a short distance in so far, so this thread was very helpful in that regard.

I know I'll sin a lot more in my lifetime, but I pray that God takes mercy on my soul and leads me throughout this life. I'm going to give my best effort to walk as straight of a path as I possibly can, and I intend to leave the past in the past and pray its never brought up again.

Thank you for your input and prayers, I appreciate that. May God bless you.

 

[Rattus58]

Of course I want to obey and serve God, otherwise this wouldn't have concerned me so much. I prayed and begged for forgiveness, and I do trust God. That said, I can't/won't be the one to break the news to my fiance about this and have to live with ruining her and her sisters relationship when it doesn't have to be ruined. If it gets told, it will be her sister that tells her, I don't she will but if she does, so be it.

The reason I was so concerned/worried about this is because that I have since rediscovered my Christian faith. I was curious/worried if I kept this lie would it automatically doom me to hell. At the time the affair took place, I was agnostic and dismissed Christianity. My fiance rarely brings it up anymore, so hopefully once we get married, it will never brought up again, and I will never have to lie about who it to her ever again. That said, I have finally repented and can honestly say that I am no longer eat up with guilt about telling her it was a woman in a bar.

I've showed just how young I am in my faith and how much I have left to learn about God in this thread. I overlooked one of the biggest things that I could have overlooked, and this is something this thread had taught me. We are all sinners and will sin until our time is done, and the only way one can only be saved through faith alone. I've read the bible years ago, but don't remember much of it, and only a short distance in so far, so this thread was very helpful in that regard.

I know I'll sin a lot more in my lifetime, but I pray that God takes mercy on my soul and leads me throughout this life. I'm going to give my best effort to walk as straight of a path as I possibly can, and I intend to leave the past in the past and pray its never brought up again.

Thank you for your input and prayers, I appreciate that. May God bless you.

Thank you for your blessings!! You can do only what you can do, and prayer and sincerity in your life is what helps to iron out the rough times. Love your wife, Love your Life, and Love God our Creator with sincerity and fervor and live your life as much as Christ would, in this 21st Century... with all of its temptations....

Merry Christmas to you... and Much Aloha...

 

[Emmy]

Dear astray13. God is Love, and what God wants from us is: Love God with all our hearts, with all our souls, and with all our minds. Also: Love our neighbour as ourselves. Jesus points out that on these two Commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets. ( Matthew 22: 35-40) Everything we say or do, everything we advice or stand for, MUST BE FROM LOVE AND COMPASSION. Why do you keep what happened between you and your
sister-in-Law just to yourself? God knows our hearts, and God knows Why you keep quiet. It seems very much like wanting to prevent further pain, and God will know. When Jesus talked to the adulteress after her accusers had all slunk away, Jesus said: " Neither will I condemn you, But Do Not Sin Again."
Accept our Lord`s answer for yourself. Hell is for those of us who do not want to return to God, and only they themselves know the reason. Perhaps you should ask God`s forgiveness, if you have not already done so.
God wants our Love dear astray, freely given and NO condition asked.
Jesus our Saviour will help and guide us, we keep asking God for His Love and Joy, then we thank God and share all Love and Joy with our neighbour:
all we know and all we meet, friends and not friends. It may be strange to us at first, but in time we will change into the children/sons and daughters, which God wants us to become. Keep asking God for Love and Joy, then thank God, and share all love and Joy with all around you.
I say this with love. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

 

[Emmy]

Dear Moderator. Where has my Message to astray13 gone, please?
I am Emmy, sister in Christ.

 

[Emmy]

Sorry dear Moderator, it is here again.

 

[astray13]

Dear astray13. God is Love, and what God wants from us is: Love God with all our hearts, with all our souls, and with all our minds. Also: Love our neighbour as ourselves. Jesus points out that on these two Commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets. ( Matthew 22: 35-40) Everything we say or do, everything we advice or stand for, MUST BE FROM LOVE AND COMPASSION. Why do you keep what happened between you and your
sister-in-Law just to yourself? God knows our hearts, and God knows Why you keep quiet. It seems very much like wanting to prevent further pain, and God will know. When Jesus talked to the adulteress after her accusers had all slunk away, Jesus said: " Neither will I condemn you, But Do Not Sin Again."
Accept our Lord`s answer for yourself. Hell is for those of us who do not want to return to God, and only they themselves know the reason. Perhaps you should ask God`s forgiveness, if you have not already done so.
God wants our Love dear astray, freely given and NO condition asked.
Jesus our Saviour will help and guide us, we keep asking God for His Love and Joy, then we thank God and share all Love and Joy with our neighbour:
all we know and all we meet, friends and not friends. It may be strange to us at first, but in time we will change into the children/sons and daughters, which God wants us to become. Keep asking God for Love and Joy, then thank God, and share all love and Joy with all around you.
I say this with love. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

Thank you for the kind words. I have begged for the Lords forgiveness over this entire situation, and it was an immediate relief to be honest. Merry Christmas to you and everyone else that posted here!