Lily: The Book

[Kaylee4Christ]

I wrote this book last year (in the fifth grade) and a few friends of mine have been urging me to write here. So, I decided that I would start by writing down my first book that has gone anywhere. I got it hardbound by a special company!

Lily BY: Me (Kaylee)

Dedicated to my dog Maisy

There once was a girl named Lily. Lily was 11 years old, and very smart for her age. She had two best friends in the whole wide world: her sister (younger by three years), Ellie, and their dog, Maisy. Maisy was a border collie mix, and the combination of Maisy, Lily and Ellie was a smart one indeed. Lily was tall for her age, with long brown hair and penetrating green eyes. Maisy and Lily had been friends since the day they first met. They loved to spend time together.

One day, while Lily, Maisy and Ellie were playing fetch, Ellie commented "Either its just me, or Maisy's getting fat!" "No, I've noticed that too. And I wonder why she's been acting so strangely lately," Lily replied thoughtfully. Lily suddenly realized what was wrong with Maisy. "Maisy's going to have puppies!" Lily shouted. She and Ellie ran and told their Mom, who was ecstatic at the news. They put Maisy inside the house and rode in their car to the pet store. There, they purchased special nurturing food for Maisy and her puppies. They were so excited, however, that in their rush to get back home, they accidentally purchased an extra can - of cat food! They had a good laugh about that, then donated it to the Humane Society on their way home, where it was greatly appreciated.

More later. . . . .

 

[Kaylee4Christ]

The next day, Lily's dad took Maisy and Lily to their veterinarian's (Dr. Macy) office for a special visit. Lily was asked to sit patiently in the waiting room while Dr. Macy checked up on Maisy and ran special tests. While Lily waited, she received a cherry (her favorite) lollipop from the receptionist, Mrs. Holly. "Thanks for the lolli' , Mrs. Holly!" Lily giggled. "You're quite welcome, Lily!" Mrs. Holly replied in her wonderful, Lily thought, sing-song voice. Lily sat, waiting, sucking on her lollipop, for fifteen minutes. Finally her dad came out with Maisy. "So what's the diagnosis from Doc, Dad?" Lily asked eagerly. "Maisy's going to have. . . . brace yourself. . . . 5 puppies!" Lily's dad said happily. Well, they hugged and squealed, and realized they probably looked like complete nuts so they stoppped awkwardly. Lily's dad signed some papers at the front desk and the three walked out, stifiling giggles.

That night, Lily stayed up late thinking about what she could name the puppies. She couldn't believe she had to wait a month for Maisy's puppies to show up. Finally she fell into a fitful sleep, dreaming of puppies.

Over the next forty two days, Maisy got fatter and fatter, and she ate more and more. Finally, one morning when Lily went to give Maisy her daily feed, she found not 5, but 6 newborn puppies! Lily was so excited, she almost ran for her parents. But, realizing that the puppies didn't want loud noises, she called softly "Mom! Dad! Hurry up and come down! Maisy had her puppies overnight!" "Where are you?" Lily's mom called back. "I'm in the pantry!"

Lily's parents and a sleepy looking Ellie arrived on the scene momentarily. "Wow, Maisy's tummy popped!" Ellie exclaimed, rubbing her eyes in disbelief. Lily's dad staked claim to a white puppy with dark spots. "This one looks like a dalmation, so his name is. . . . Pongo!" he said, to Ellie's delight. Lily's mom picked up one that looked slightly like Maisy. . . except Maisy was black with white patches, and this puppy was white with huge black patches. The puppy was named Renae because Lily's mom had a friend by the name of Renae and she liked that name.

Ellie was playing with two puppies. When asked "What are their names?" she replied happily, "Dipstick and Patch." Dipstick was black with a white ring around his tail that looked like he had accidentally dipped his tail into white cake frosting. He was chasing his tail, trying to figure out whose it was. Patch was simply white with a black patch above her eye.

Lily had staked claim to two puppies herself. They were named Nick and Nikki simply because she thought the puppies were cute, the names were cute, thus Nick and Nikki. They looked like twins. Nick had a black saddle marking on his back and the rest of his body was white. Now Nikki was a total and complete opposite. Her saddle marking was white and the rest of her body was black. Nick and Nikki soon curled up next to each other to keeps warm. Pongo and Patch joined them, and Dipstick and Renae jumped on top.

The whole family enjoyed playing with the puppies, and the puppies enjoyed playing with them. Lily's mom's friend Renae loved playing with the puppy Renae. The pups grew to be playful but well-behaved members of society.

More. . . . . .

 

[Kaylee4Christ]

Pretty soon, it was the puppies' first birthday. Lily, Ellie, and their mom baked two wonderful delicious-looking cakes:One for them and one for the dogs. As soon as Lily put the dogs' cake on the floor, Pongo, Nick and Dipstick, total and complete hogs that they were, dove for it all at once, splattering cake crumbs everywhere. At first Lily's mom looked angry, then she started to laugh and soon everyone was laughing, even Baby Callie, who had been born about 9 months ago. Callie laughed and clapped her hands along with everyone else. She smashed her hands into her piece of cake and put what she had collected into her mouth and chewed-mouth wide open, of course.

After Dipstick, Pongo and Nick slunk away with full bellies, Nikki, Patch and Renae moved in for the kill. They sorted through what was left until they each found something edible to scarf down. That evening, Lily noticed something while she was putting the puppies to sleep in their doggie beds: Dipstick was missing! Before she got too upset, she first checked the house and yard for any sign of Dipstick. But her search only confirmed what she had feared. Dipstick wasn't anywhere to be found. Lily ran upstairs and told her parents "Dipstick is gone!" Her parents jumped out of bed. Lily and her dad rode in their car up and down the street, calling for Dipstick, but there was no bark in reply to their calls.

They moved on to the next street, and the next, while Lily's mom stayed home wide awake with the sleeping Ellie and baby Callie. Later that night, Lily's dad and a sleeping Lily arrived back at home. "Did you find him?" Lily's mom asked anxiously. "I'm afraid not," Lily's dad replied sadly. They both looked at the sleeping Ellie curled up in a chair by the window, her eyes tired from searching. They wondered how they would tell her. "We've got to tell her sometime, hon," Lily's mom said gently, laying her hand on her husband's shoulder. "After all, he is her dog." "Mmmm," he said.

Lily's dad carried Lily up to her room, tucked her in and planted a kiss on her cheek. Then we went downstairs and carried Ellie upstairs while Lily's mom followed close behind holding Callie. They each tucked their daughters in and gave them a kiss on the cheek. Later that night, as Lily's dad turned his room light off, he said to his wife, "It's been a looong day."

More coming. . . . .

 

[goldenviolet]

yeah!!!!! we have a new writer in the house! ooha-ooha!

 

[Kaylee4Christ]

The next day, a Saturday, was a windy autumn day. Lily's whole family was out looking for Dipstick, even the dogs. Lilly's mom, Ellie, Callie, and all of the young dogs were searching their neighborhood on foot, while Lily's dad, Lily, and Maisy were searching for Dipstick in the park. They were all desperately calling Dipstick's name, and at first, it seemed like he was gone. . . . forever. That first day, there was no sign of Dipstick anywhere.

Days turned into weeks, and week turned into months. Finally, in April of the following year, Lily's phone rang. Ellie was quick to answer it first. The caller sounded like an older woman. "Hello?" Ellie asked when she picked up the phone. "Hello, young lady. My name is Mrs. Wilcox. I am calling in reply to the fliers about a missing dog," Mrs. Wilcox cooed. Ellie rolled her eyes. She was 9 now, and had no patience for little old ladies who treated her like a kindergarden baby. "Who is it?" Lily asked from where she was sitting on the couch. "It's just some old lady who says she's got information on the location of Dipstick," Ellie answered, covering the mouthpiece. They had gotten many calls during the past few months about Dipstick, and all of them were phony. "Give it to Mom," Lily said. She had said that line many times during the past few months too. "Excuse me, ma'am, but I think you should discuss this with my mom. Let me go get her," Ellie said. "Of course, darling," Mrs. Wilcox said.

While Lily's mom talked, Lily and Ellie played with Callie, who was now a year old and able to strut around like she owned the place. When Lily's mom finished talking, she said to the girls, "Okay, I want that junk in the trunk and some snacks in a pack. We're going to pick up Dipstick!" A half an hour later, they arrived at Mrs. Wilcox's house. Mrs. Wilcox shooed them inside and offered them milk and cookies. Then she disappeared briefly, returning with Dipstick on a leather leash. Dipstick sat down obediantly by Mrs. Wilcox'x chair when she ordered "Sit." Ellie said "Dipstick!" gently. Dipstick perked up his ears, and when he realized who it was, he exploded. Dipstick jumped on Ellie and barked, his leash trailing behind him. Ellie cried and hugged him.

While Lily and Ellie played with Dipstick on the floor, Lily's mom handed the reward money to Mrs. Wilcox. "No thanks, hon. I don't deserve it, nor need it," Mrs. Wilcox said. "But thank you for thinking of it." "Are you sure?" Lily's mom's eyebrows burrowed in confusion. "I'm quite sure, darling. I only called to let someone-you-know that you could have him back," Mrs. Wilcox said with a sparkle in her eye.

"Well, okay," Lily's mom said. She handed a twenty dollar bill to Mrs. Wilcox.

"Thank you."

THE END

By Kaylee

 

[Revelations 22:20]

Awesome story. Sorry I didn't read it earlier. I liked it.

 

[ZOEgirl r #1]

kewl!!!!! I luv it Kaylee!!!!! Can't wait until your books come out in the market!!!

 

[led]

awww, that was cute


more kaylee. give us more

 

[Jesus_Freak728]

good job, kaylee!!

 

[Kaylee4Christ]

Thank you for reading my story and/or replying to it. I am going to see about getting it published and I'm writing a series!

From Kaylee, the author

 

[goldenviolet]

YOU HAVE A FAN CLUB................!!!

 

[Kaylee4Christ]

Fan club? ha ha yesterday I finished my 2501st story of the sixth grade. And it's all about you guys.

Kaylee

 

[ConstanceB]

Sweetheart, you didn't ask for this. I'm like Roger Rabbit, though: there are certain things that just pop out when I kind of wish they wouldn't! I'm offering editorial comments, like I would do for any other professional. (I would like you to review some things that I write, too, OK? Use your "critical" eye; that doesn't mean be critical, but to be precise in your observations & comments so I could make changes. I have a middle school level novel I'm reworking and would love your opinions.)

About your story, Kaylee:

characterization: Your characters are realistic and well-defined -- even the puppies! This is a rare gift.

story (or plot): Your story builds dramatically, and readers are rewarded by your ending. I'm still curiousat the end, though: how did the pup get out of the house? Your readers deserve to know that, and only you can tell us. Decide how, and then early on, give us a couple of very subtle clues (writers call that "foreshadowing") before you reveal it in full.

dialog: Your conversations seem natural and flow well. Look in one of your texts for paragraphing when writing dialog; I noticed one that was incorrect, and you'll see it easy enough.

usage: (a) I believe you mean "furrowed" and not "burrowed her brow". In actual usage, the expression would be "with a furrowed brow," or "with her brow furrowed". (b) "her wonderful sing-song voice" -- sing-song has a negative connotation, like a person who has said something so many times that they kind of sing it sarcastically and automatically and don't think about it. "Musical voice" is probably over-used, though. Try something like, "melodious voice," or "She seemed to sing her words". (You'll think of something better than either of these).

spelling: I found two errors -- obediantly (obediently); and stifiling (stifling). Both of these are commonly misspelled, by adults and even by teachers !

vocabulary: Your word usage was very sophisticated and makes your story seem as though it was written by someone far older. Nicely done! Here's what you did: you took risks, and most all of them worked. Continue to do that! It enriches you, and it enriches your reader. We'd rather see you reaching higher and further and making a mistake now and then than sliding back into familiar, but boring, words and phrases.

punctuation/grammatical tools: Your punctuation/grammar is almost flawless! I saw one over-use of commas, and that is extraordinary, Kaylee. When I'm writing, I almost always have to correct a punctuation/grammatical error in the following drafts.

I taught public school, and I analyzed exit essays for high school students. What we would say about your story is that it has "spark". That means it's not just a "pass" or even an "A" effort; it means that there is something about it that stands far and above most others, something that excites us.
What a great job!

cb

 

[HolyPlace]

From a personal fan of your writing (tigers)...that stroy is great...great job...keep up writing.

 

[Kaylee4Christ]

Here is the ending I totally forgot to add. Thanks for pointing it out. I'm making it up on the spot. Here it is:

Mrs. Wilcox and the three girls grew to be friends gradually, and when Mrs. Wilcox got a little older, she moved to an assisted living apartment close to the girls' home. The girls all got special permission to visit her, and they grew up listening to Mrs. Wilcox's stories of when she was young. The stories fascinated them. Mrs. Wilcox never did, however, tell the girls how Dipstick came to live with her. It was one of her untold secrets, and it died along with her 12 years later. Lily grew old, and brought her younger sisters to Mrs. Wilcox's funeral. Mrs. Wilcox told her daughter to permit Dipstick and his family at the funeral. All the dogs sat quietly during the service, especially Dipstick. He somehow sensed that his old friend was gone now.

The Real End

 

[HolyPlace]

Well..the end is great too.

 

[Kaylee4Christ]

Thanks for replies. CB: I printed out the story and your critique, and showed it to my reading/language arts teacher. He read through it and he was glad that I got a full critique. Thank you very much!!!

Thanks to the rest of you. . . I always love talking to my friends on here.

Your sister in Christ,
Kaylee

 

[goldenviolet]

bravo!!! where's the next one???

 

[Kaylee4Christ]

Working on it. . . .

Kaylee

 

[Kaylee4Christ]

Okay guys-change of plans. I am writing a new story, and until then this one will have to wait, okay? But promise to read it when I post it please! Thanks.

Kaylee