Life's not fair ... *whinge*

[Soulwings]

It isn't.

I want to die, but as a Christian, I have to live for other people, have to take into consideration what they want from me. And I don't know if y'all know how much that HURTS.

Because I'm technically "mentally ill", and missed finals week due to hospitalisation, I'm going for a medical withdrawal from this whole past semester's uni work. That sucks because I really did put a lot of work into four classes, and two of those classes I need to have, no matter what my major is. So I'll have to retake those and feel like a complete retard for taking them a second time.

Due to the medical withdrawal, I may not be able to take classes this next semester. Consequently, I'll need to get a job. But I don't have my driver's license yet, or my own vehicle. So that's complicated, puts stress on me so I have to get that by the end of the summer.

I'm not thin. That hurts terribly. And that's all I want right now. To be thin. I'm diagnosed with EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified, means I don't have typical ana or mia), and lately it's been getting worse, for which I'm glad, so I can lose more weight, albeit unhealthily. I had an appointment at an ED clinic next Wednesday but today it got cancelled til further notice.

All this piled up together is making me upset. And I don't know what to do. Advice/support? Sorry it was a complete whinge ...

 

[greatman]

Life is so much more important than the matters of this life that we live everyday. You make your problems and issues hard when you constantly think about them everyday. If you would only give your life problems to God and thank him for living. You see when you take care of the spiritual things in life then will God take care of your earthly problems. Remeber when Job went through all the issues of life: his children died, he lost his cattle and land, his wife lost her mind, and he even suffered a very bad skin disease. Through all of this he still thanked God for everything and ended up receiving more in life than what he lost. he did not want to die out of the trouble, and if you were to just die out of your problem then how can you have a testimony to give to someone having the same issues. Thank God in all things as David did and watch the works of God. Repent unto God for our sins present and past, Forgive yourself and most of all forgive others in your past. In the Word of God it says to renew your mind daily in Christ. If you were to give your mind up to God then will the mental illness leave. You must have faith in Christ within yourself and ask God to renew the elements of your mind. remember when Jesus approached the crazed man and casted out the legion spirit, you also can be healed in your mind. there is no doctor on earth who can remove something that is spiritual, so depend on God. Your healing is nigh. Oh yeah, don't foerget to study the bible daily in order to replace what God removes.

 

[prettyrose436]

I'll be praying for you hun!! *hugs*

 

[Soulwings]

It's not necessarily true that if I gave up my mind to Christ, my mental illness would just up and leave. He has a plan through all this, that I believe, and maybe part of his plan is that I suffer from depression, self harm, eating disorders, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, and whatever else there is.

Thanks prettyrose

 

[Judy02]

Totally agree with u hun, depression is a mental condition. Your external circumstances in life could be perfect, but it doesnt mean it automatically makes us feel better, because its a mental problem. Depression is so overwhelming at times, its very difficult to be a "perfect" christian, if there was such a thing, read ur bible etc etc, do the right things, coz depression drains u. Its hard to do simpler things, never mind stuff liked that. Big hugs for u soulwings huni, I know how u feel

Sometimes, I really wish I lived in the US...people over there seem so much more open and less ignorant about mental problems like depression than the british generally speaking, lol. Some people over here still have this "lets pretend the problem isnt real, and maybe itl just go away then" attitude which is annoying, almost like its wrong, and a sign of weakness and failing on your part to admit u have problems or are struggling!

Haha sorry, feelin a lil frustrated myself, my dad just doesnt seem to have a clue what its like! I wish my parents understood it better... Anyways rant over. Hope u feel bit better soon huni xx

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Can you not get a grade of incomplete for any of those classes? Have you looked into your school's services for students with disabilities? I was hospitalized in 2004 during my second semester of school and although I had to have a medical withdrawal from two classes, I was able to get an incomplete in two of my other classes and finish working on those over the summer.

I have also been unable to drive to school because I have post traumatic stress from a car wreck, so I took a lot of online courses up until this year. If you have not already done so, definitely look into distance learning.

 

[Soulwings]

I've got incompletes in all the classes so far, but I'm too stressed to take the exams. The last time I was hospitalised (late May) was because I'd scheduled a chem exam (makeup), and that stressed me out. And three exams yet to take - that's enough to put me in hos yet again. I can't just withdraw from two of the classes, and work on the other two - I wish I could - I've got to either do all the work for all the classes (I think I would flunk out), or withdraw from all of them. All or none situation. Which sucks.

However, I think I will be able to take classes this next semester, which means the stress about the license isn't so pressing. Whew!

Thank you all for your replies I apologise for my complaining, it was just... getting to me.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Yay, I am glad things are looking better!

 

[Soulwings]

Thanks for all of y'all's replies. It means a lot to me.

I have this feeling that God is telling me to give up my eating disorder. I don't know if I can do that, I don't know HOW I can do that, but He's telling me to do so. The same with cutting, and all the other self-destructive habits that I've gotten into.

Ooof.

 

[fallupchik]

hugs for april

 

[Judy02]

Thanks for all of y'all's replies. It means a lot to me.

I have this feeling that God is telling me to give up my eating disorder. I don't know if I can do that, I don't know HOW I can do that, but He's telling me to do so. The same with cutting, and all the other self-destructive habits that I've gotten into.

Ooof.

I am praying for you April! Maybe God wants you to try and submit your life more over to him and trust better? (thats something I really struggle doing right now). I don't know though, that's just a guess - I'm not judging you I know its not easy to end these things and its a battle though hun. Let me know if you ever need to talk. xxx