Lifelong Singless - Goals

[Stanfi]

This is something that I have been thinking about. When we are single, and plan to get married. We have goals that usually include buying a house, getting married, taking care of your family. Having a job to support the family.

What about if you are a lifetime single? What should your goals be? Should you buy a house, if you really don't need to? Just so you can say "I own my own house?"

I believe that I will be a lifetime single, and I seem to have trouble deciding what kind of long term goals I should be setting. Right now, I just seem to be aimlessly wandering..........

 

[Tumbleweed64]

Hmmm, that is a very interesting question Mr. Stace I would have to say my goal right now is just to a better person, and to get, "back on track" with our Lord~but I also hold onto the hope that someday I will be able to have a place to call my very own

 

[Stanfi]

Hmmm, that is a very interesting question Mr. Stace

Yeah, I know Tumbleweed,, thinking about it gives me a headache...

 

[HoosierCanuck]

Hi Mr. Stace.

Well, I just celebrated my one-year anniversary of buying my own house. However, I have to say that owning one's own home isn't for everyone. My friend will also likely be a lifelong single and she DEFINITELY shouldn't buy a home because she has too many potential health issues (diabetes for starters). I have another friend who is a lifelong single in her 40's who has chosen the mission field. I don't know that she can say she has a home.

Lifelong goals overall....good question. I guess for me, it's get back on track with God and let Him decide. However, I know He has given me free will too. AAAAAAAArgh!!! How confusing!

My 'advice' (for lack of a better word) would be to figure out what things you like and pursue them. Travelling? You don't need to be married to travel. My mum has been many places in the last 3 years that she's been single. Group tours are good if you don't like to travel alone. I like to travel alone though because I like to spend time alone with God seeing things that he has created outside of Indiana.

Sadly, I view married life as too stagnant....get married, buy a house, have kids/job, grow old, retire, die. booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooring.

 

[archigeek]

I ask myself the same sort of question fairly often. I was married and am divorced. Many of my goals that I once had just don't really apply since I'm single, and yet to be healthy you really need to have goals. Understanding what you want and becoming comfortable with it, and accepting that it is ok for your goals to change is an important part of life. It is important to understand that your wants are important to your health.

Lately what I've been trying to do is to step back from the old standard goals and accept that I can have my very own goals and they don't need to comply with anyone elses idea of what is a normal goal, since those largely revolve around supporting family, which I may do, but won't be doing any time soon.

So the big question is, what do you want?

Right now I'm considering supporting the education of my nieces and nephews since I'll likely not ever have kids of my own, and I have 10 (and soon to be 11) nieces and nephews! My idea is to just fund college for them to a small degree. It's as simple as that.

Another goal of mine that has grown in importance recently is world travel, a form of education for myself. I've now been to eight countries outside my home country (USA) on five trips in the last four years, where I'd only been to two before that. In a country where we are largely ignorant of what people are like elsewhere in the world, I have taken it upon myself to get smarter!

And yet a third goal that stems from a very rewarding experience helping build a church, is to perhaps get more involved in that sort of thing on a regular basis. I have some experience in building design, construction, and contract analysis. It was immensely rewarding to put my skills to use on something important!

In any case, it's good to have your very own goals whether you are a lifetime single person or not! Having your own goals is good for your mental health.

Regarding owning a house just so you can say you own a house, try owning one because it's cheaper than renting an appartment. In the US, tax laws are so geared in favor of home owners over renters that it makes no sense to rent if you can afford to buy. So go for it!

 

[Stanfi]

I do believe everyone needs goals, it's just not healthy to wander aimlessly around. I guess the question is to decide what 'I' would like to do, and to be honest, I am really not sure.

I did do some travel by myself this summer and had a really nice time. It is good to have the freedom to do what you want when you want on a vacation, and not have to compromise with others.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

Actually, Mr. Stace, the fact that you have God in your life doesnt' make you *aimlessly* wandering. This is what I see in my mum. She is 56 years old, single again for the 2nd time and for the last three years, appears to me to be *aimlessly* wondering. She is not a Christian. She appears to me to be looking all around for that elusive happiness and dodging a lot of responsibilities closer to home (keeping up her house, etc...). It's hard to explain unless you truly know the situation. I guess for me, I'm still trying to figure out what career will ultimately fit me and benefit others the most. Maybe it won't be the career but the *extra curricular* activities after work (charity work, etc....) I guess in that regard I'm a little *wandering* myself. I've decided since I'm staying single to focus on other stuff...work, hobbies, helping out elsewhere when possible. It sometimes seems like there is a void there but I know there is nothing I can do about it so I really try to move on and keep busy. It keeps me from getting too depressed most of the time.

 

[Stanfi]

HC,

Yeah, I know that with God in my life, the Holy Spirit does lead and guide me, and I am constantly being molded into what he wants me to be. I guess it's weird having that uncertainity of not knowing what God ulimately wants us to do, but I know that is where that trust thing comes in. Plus when God wants us to be and do something other than what we want, it's usually a little frustrating... maybe that's not the right word.


It is sad to see people without God, they are truly lost and wandering..

 

[SugarMag]

If your life is fairly stable and likely to stay that way...buy a home. You will be glad you did in your retirement years.

I also believe your goal should be to helping others, if you don't have a family of your own that needs constant care. I assist seniors who are failry self-sufficient in their own but need a hand doing odd jobs or errands. I also teach literacy and would like to be a Big Sister at some point, but I hear Big Brothers are much more needed.

 

[Stanfi]

If your life is fairly stable and likely to stay that way...buy a home. You will be glad you did in your retirement years.

I also believe your goal should be to helping others, if you don't have a family of your own that needs constant care. I assist seniors who are failry self-sufficient in their own but need a hand doing odd jobs or errands. I also teach literacy and would like to be a Big Sister at some point, but I hear Big Brothers are much more needed.

I probably would buy a home, but I am never sure If I will always be in this area, and right now I am able to live rent free.

I stay really busy, I always have things to do, but I often thing of ministry work. I do have a heart to help the hurting. Perhaps soon, I will find an avenue to channel that desire.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

I'll pray that you do find that avenue.

I know what you mean about not sure if you'll always live in the same place. When I bought the house I was leary about 'settling down' in a way. I can't say that I thoroughly enjoy living in Moron, IN but my parents are here. In the past I think I was 'needed' here to help in an odd way with my much-younger half-siblings and possibly now with my 16-yr old cousin. Seems like there's always a ministry even where we least expect it. I guess though if God wants me to live elsewhere he'll let me know.

 

[Stanfi]

I keep thinking that accepting/ believing that the road my life is on is the one that it is supposed to be on?? Sometimes I think I missed that left turn of Alberque! Maybe that is my own paranoia..

So, with that, it seems often hard to buy a house. To me that seems so permanent.

 

[Jenster]

The thing that I fear about buying a house is the mortgage payments ... and what happens if I lose my job? That's a lot of pressure.

 

[MN John]

I bought, but now I wish I hadn't. It has locked me in too much. In Minnesota you can't sell again in less than 2 years without a huge tax hit and you can't move out and rent it out without the property taxes more than doubling. It ties me down more than I want it to.

 

[NewCovenant]

I had never had specific goals until a couple of years ago, but I read a great book called "Write It Down, Make It Happen." Then I started writing down my goals, and in actuality, some of them have already to pass.

Here's a few:

1. To own my own home again. (I owned a home as a married person, but never on my own. NOW, I have entered into a 3-year lease-to-own on a mobile home. It needs work, but it's almost mine.)

2. To get out of debt; pay off old debt. (Yet still a dream.)

3. To quit smoking for good. (I'm on 4 weeks, 3 days, and counting!)

4. To give up gossip and control my tongue. (Improving; an ongoing goal.)

5. To arrive at a healthy weight and maintain it. (My weight is a constant struggle. I've lost about 10 pounds in the last 6 weeks.)

6. To buy a bycicle and ride it regularly. (hahaha)

7. To take a vacation yearly. (Hasn't happened, even once.)

8. To complete my B.A. in Biblical Studies. (I have my A.A. already.)

9. To see Israel.

10. To start teaching again.

11. To write for publication again. (I published a number of short stories , poems, and newspaper pieces in the past. I have a novel in the works.)

12. To devote more time, at least 30 minutes per day, to God alone. (Ongoing.)

13. To get a state of the art computer. (Done. Now I want a new laptop.)

14. To improve my websites so that I will generate more business. (Ongoing.)

15. To leave my "JOB" and support myself doing work that I love. (Ahh! To dream!)