Let's make a Dysfunctional Dictionary

[LovebirdsFlying]

It's been done before, but I have fun with it, so I'm hoping people can indulge me in the game....which, by the way, I post here because WWMC is the least likely place where someone will take it too seriously and get offended. This is meant to be purely in fun.

A Dysfunctional Dictonary is composed of words and phrases that sound so pretty when spoken, but there is a hidden motive behind what is said. Some can call it Christianese, but I want to expand it to the general, rather than singling out any group. Families, dating and/or romantic relationships, and certainly the corporate world and politicians come up with their share of it too. ***I don't want to disparage the people who use these words or phrases and really mean it.*** I just want to poke harmless fun at flowery hypocritical speech.

I'll start with some of my favorite entries.

A Dysfunctional Dictionary​

I'll pray for you. (I have no intention of pitching in and helping you with your problem, but I want to make you think I care.)​

We need to pray for so-and-so. (I just heard some juicy gossip about so-and-so.)​

Don't let it bother you. (Don't bother me about it.)​

Bless her heart. (I can't stand that little floozy.)​

I want you to be happy. (I want you to *enjoy* living under my thumb.)​

You have an unteachable spirit. (You're disagreeing with me.)

Because I said so. (I can't for the life of me think of a compelling reason, but since I'm in charge, it's my way or the highway.)​

Please, add to the list. ​

 

[.Sabre.]

So, have you accepted Jesus yet? (You're not a True Christian, so it's all your fault.)
You should pray over it.(I have nothing helpful to say and want to blame you.)
You can talk to me about anything.(Give me a reason to disparage you.)
Could you please help me with (insert task here)? (I want to see you mess it up so I can ridicule you.)

 

[crishmael]

"We need to look at what the Bible/the Word/Scripture says." (You're not agreeing with my interpretation, now I'm gonna show you how wrong you are.)

"Church discipline" (Organized method to drive the weirdos out of the church)

"Meek spirit" (they keep their mouth shut and don't ask questions)

"Male headship" (women need to know their place)

"Stewardship" (the church needs your money. now.)

 

[plum]

It's not a religion, it's a relationship ("religion" just isn't seeker-friendly and P.C. enough these days, so I need it to sound like something else)

 

[crishmael]

"It is what it is" (I don't have anything to contribute to this topic, so let's move on)

"This person preaches the Bible" (what they say agrees with me)

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

I love you in Christ. (I despise you otherwise.)
Son, your mother is worried about.... (I'm the one who's worried, but I'm too manly to admit I have emotions.)

 

[QuakerOats]

'We need to talk.' (my dad says this always means bad news. lol)

'No true Christian...' (self explanatory, I hope).

'because God says so.' (in other words, 'there's really no rationale behind whatever it is I'm espousing.')

 

[Kris10leigh]

'because God says so.' (in other words, 'there's really no rationale behind whatever it is I'm espousing.')
[/FONT]

I was going to say because the Bible says so, same definition.

Also:
Bless his/her soul: (the person drove me crazy when alive, but I'll say nice things now in case the ghost is about.)

 

[.Sabre.]

You're not a bad person, but......(I have a serious beef with you and will never admit it.)

 

[Pogue]

"No offense, but..." (What I'm about to say is really offensive. I just don't want you to react by insulting me back)

"Politically correct" (something I disagree with that might be a bit left-wing)

 

[Kris10leigh]

"No offense, but..." (What I'm about to say is really offensive. I just don't want you to react by insulting me back)

Simon!! (American Idol)

 

[crishmael]

"It's not you, it's me" (the problem really is you, in fact you're such a problem that I'm running for my life)

A similar one to the "No offense" is:

"I'm not a racist, but..." (now that I've covered my rear, prepare for the most racist thing you've ever heard)

 

[Tube Socks Dude]

I'm not perfect just forgiven = I've got a get out of hell free card and you don't, nyah, nyah, nyah.

 

[DavinMochrie]

Well whatever works for you. (you are a lunatic, I disagree with you 100%, but I'm tired of arguing so please go away!!)

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

I'll pray for you. [alternative] (You've worn down all my arguments, but I want to get in the last word while showing off how holy I am.)

 

[lux et lex]

I'll pray for you. [alternative] (You've worn down all my arguments, but I want to get in the last word while showing off how holy I am.)

UGH!!!! My aunt does this ALL the time!

 

[andreha]

I'd like to add some new words, referring to types of behaviour.

ARB - Always Ready to Bicker
SNL - Shows No Love
PWD - Posts While Drunk
AR - Always Right
TNT - Truly No Tolerance

Any more?

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Offering some non-church-related phrases:

It's not you. It's me. (It's you.)
I think we should start seeing other people. (I've found someone I like better than you.)
Yes, dear, I was listening. (Are you talking again?)
I'm going to have to punish you. (I've had a hard day and have to vent my anger on someone.)