I would consider it wrong, on the basis that Jesus taught that was sin to even look upon a woman to lust. On past experience, I don't think lust is not mere sexual desire, the sort of "oh I rather fancy her, I'd sure like to date her" or even "I'd like to marry her someday" but more when you get to the point where you'd really like nothing more than to just stare at her or part of her or imagine what she looks like her clothes off or imagine yourself in bed with her or imagine sex with her. At least, that's what I when I lusted experienced, and not necessarily all at the same time. It's whatever situation where your imagination practically runs away with the idea at his/her expense.
But on a more Biblical basis, how far off is lust for unmarried women from lust for married women? Should sex with many women at different times, or any woman be allowed so long as they're unmarried, or married to you? As Paul says, "Don’t you know that
your bodies are a part of Christ’s body? So should I take a part of Christ’s body and make it part of a prostitute?" (1 Cor 6:15; emphasis mine) If Christ condemns lust for married women because it too is adultery, why should lust for unmarried women be any different?
People have said that "Everything is permissible", but may I remind you of Paul's next words: "Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is helpful. Everything is permissible for me, but I will not be brought under the control of anything. Food for the stomach and the stomach for food, but God will do away with both of them. The body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body." (1 Cor 6:12-13) The reason Paul gives in both passages? We are for God, not for desire or passion. What needs are you guys talking about? The needs that the Western world revolves around? For us Christians, is not God our bread and drink?
Masturbation in no way helps. I did masturbation paired up with viewing softcore porn, and I never came with any satisfaction afterwards. At some points, I just really couldn't care so I came even knowing that but felt little from that. I didn't want more from it those times, but still felt nothing. Masturbation isn't like an itch you need to scratch, but more like Mass Effect 3, infamous ending and all. Masturbation wasn't release, more like a good drag that was way too short, and you felt like you wasted your time. I didn't even need it, except for my brain convincing me I did, because after a while, I would just have an emission. I never needed it before I started masturbating (and I only started a year or so ago). No, excess sperm wasn't the problem.
I'm not saying sex is bad. Sex is good and a God-given gift to people for marriage. Our sexual appendages are for marriage, the awesome and special relationship that God offers as a gift to those he has chosen for it. But not all are chosen for it, and indeed it may be even better if we didn't seek marriage. Let's look below for a bit.
Having talked about divorce and how God's instituted marriage should not result in divorce, Jesus is questioned by his disciples. "If the relationship of a man with his wife is like this, it’s better not to marry!" Notice how Jesus answers however. "Not everyone can accept this saying, but only those it has been given to. For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother’s womb, there are eunuchs who were made by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves that way because of the kingdom of heaven. Let anyone accept this who can." (Matt 19:10-12, c.Matt 19:1-12)
It seems apparent that Jesus is responding directly to their statement, and so that last example he gives I want to draw attention to: "eunuchs [...] because of the kingdom of heaven." Is he suggesting that it is good or okay for men to get castrated or women to have a hysterectomy for God? Not necessarily - we've encountered this sort of language before from Jesus when he said "And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of the parts of your body than for your whole body to go into hell." (Matt 5:30) Instead, I want to suggest that he describes what Paul suggests for the Corinthians, "I say to the unmarried and to widows: It is good for them if they remain as I am [that is, unmarried]. But if they do not have self-control, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with desire. [...] I want you to be without concerns. An unmarried man is concerned about the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the things of the world—how he may please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or a virgin is concerned about the things of the Lord, so that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the things of the world—how she may please her husband. Now I am saying this for your own benefit, not to put a restraint on you, but because of what is proper and so that you may be devoted to the Lord without distraction." (1 Cor 7:8-9, 32-35; edit mine).
You have drawn attention to this self-control bit, and I honestly understand, having come from this myself. But surely this is no way to go about asking for marriage, whacking it off wherever you whack it off, saying to God, "If only you gave me a spouse, then I wouldn't need to do this and I'd have self-control." Do you truly think that will solve your problem? The problem is not with our hormones or sex drive, but with our hearts!
What is lack of self-control associated with? What does Paul say to the Galatians? "Now the
works of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, moral impurity, promiscuity, idolatry, sorcery, hatreds, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambitions, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, carousing, and anything similar. I tell you about these things in advance—as I told you before—that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the
fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness,
self-control. Against such things there is no law." (Gal 5:19-23) If self-control is a fruit of the Spirit, then what is the lack of self-control? And read what Paul says immediately afterwards, "Now those who belong to Christ Jesus
have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, we must also follow the Spirit. We must not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another." (Gal 5:24-26; emphasis mine) We are dead to sin on the cross and alive in Christ! This is a joyous thing, yet should we really consider it null by continuing in our old ways, the ways of the world so we might receive a gift that God withholds from us because he has something better? Then what glory do we do him?
Let's remind ourselves of who our God is, and what our duty is. As Paul says,
"Make your own attitude that of Christ Jesus,
who, existing in the form of God,
did not consider equality with God
as something to be used for His own advantage.
Instead He emptied Himself
by assuming the form of a slave,
taking on the likeness of men.
And when He had come as a man
in His external form,
He humbled Himself by becoming obedient
to the point of death—
even to death on a cross.
For this reason God highly exalted Him
and gave Him the name
that is above every name,
so that at the name of Jesus
every knee will bow—
of those who are in heaven and on earth
and under the earth—
and every tongue should confess
that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father." (Phil 2:5-11)
Again, look at what Paul says:
"For while we were still helpless, at the appointed moment, Christ died for the ungodly. For rarely will someone die for a just person—though for a good person perhaps someone might even dare to die. But God proves His own love for us in that
while we were still sinners, Christ died for us! Much more then, since we have now been declared righteous by His blood, we will be saved through Him from wrath. For if, while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, then how much more, having been reconciled, will we be saved by His life! And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ. We have now received this reconciliation through Him. [...] What should we say then? Should we continue in sin so that grace may multiply? Absolutely not! How can we who died to sin still live in it? Or are you unaware that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death? Therefore we were buried with Him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, so we too may walk in a new way of life." (Romans 5:6-11; Romans 6:1-4; emphasis mine)
Listen to what the apostle John has to say:
"Dear friends, let us love one another, because love is from God, and everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, because God is love. God’s love was revealed among us in this way: God sent His One and Only Son into the world so that we might live through Him. Love consists in this: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the [atoning sacrifice] for our sins. Dear friends, if God loved us in this way, we also must love one another. No one has ever seen God. If we love one another, God remains in us and His love is perfected in us." (1 John 4:7-12; edit mine)
What is faith and repentance if there is no response to our sin? Siblings, I urge you repent and cast away these things! They are of no good compared to our Lord Jesus Christ, and while we follow them, we remain captive to sin! Do whatever is necessary, whether it be site blockers, accountability programs, accountability sites, or removing any access you may have to sin. Follow the metaphor of the right hand that Jesus gives us: "And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of the parts of your body than for your whole body to go into hell." (Matt 5:30)
Above all, follow his own example. Let's remind ourselves of what Christ himself calls us to do: "If anyone wants to be My follower,
he must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life because of Me and the gospel will save it. For what does it benefit a man to gain the whole world yet lose his life? What can a man give in exchange for his life? For whoever is ashamed of Me and of My words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will also be ashamed of him when He comes in the glory of His Father with the holy angels." (Mark 8:34-38; emphasis mine)
Please don't take my words for granted, but look up the passages I've provided! I haven't cherry-picked any. Pray as you read along that God speaks to you through the words in scripture and changes you from the inside out for his will and glory. HCSB's the translation in case there's a few phrasings that don't make sense. I accept there's no perfect translation. I believe wholeheartedly that the words I have provided, at least from the second paragraph onwards, are based on scripture and based on the truth of God, but I know I can slip up in anything like everyone else, friends. So please, if I have made any mistake or any missed point, then feel free to come back at me, either in PM or in post. After all, this is the internet.
