The relationship I have with this woman has certainly been a complex one, the details being too inticate to possibly try and explain thoroughly here, but questions still linger and I do not have a sense of contentment with the situation.
Essentially, this woman and I became friends through a bizarre string of circumstances, having come from two completely different worlds, and we later discovered that we had feelings for each other. After we explored things, we found that we are essentially perfect for one another, although the matter of our circumstances and age make it wholly impossible for us to look at marriage, although we were becoming all too comfortable with the idea. It got pretty intense, and the more we explored, the more we found that this had to be from God somehow, although the timing is completely horrible. We both believe in courtship, in that we don't actively seek potential spouses, but rather depend on God, that He should bring one to us. In trying desperately to discern His will ourselves on the matter, we became infatuated and obssessed, and the relationship started taking a big impact in our spiritual lives. We became disctracted.
Funny thing is, we want to get married one day, but she wants to put everything on hold for a couple years to wholeheartedly pursue her relationship with Christ. I feel the same way in my spirit, but it's weird because why would God drop such an amazing woman in my lap, just to take her so sudenly away? I don't understand how we should drop everything for a few years and not develop a relationship, only taking it slower this time. To just be close friends and one day say "Hey, let's get married" seems a little unrealistic to me. I really need to concentrate on my relationship with God right now because my circumstances demand great faith and trust on my part. But this issue still perplexes me and is bothering me greatly. I want to love her still, and tell her how much I adore her, and I know that while God requires my utmost attention, I don't see the purpose of why He would allow such an amazing woman to enter and leave my life so suddenly, the relationship being so open ended like this. It's not over, to say, but the romantic element if it has been terminated, so to speak. So I sit wondering what the heck just happened. I know I should trust in God with this situation, but how do I move on considering that I'm so bewildered and have no peace about the situation? Should I somehow force myself to let go, or try to love her, but a little more...gently, I suppose? We compliment each other so well and have so much in common it's a little unsettling. How we met almost seems like something in a fairy tale. Bleech. If it seemed like just another romance, I should have an easier time letting go, but somehow there is this very real possibility that she may be my wife. I prayed that God would make it clear if the relationship was not His will at all, but I have been given no such assurance. I pleaded that He would help remove feelings, but again, no such luck. So, I'm wondering what just happened here!
Essentially, this woman and I became friends through a bizarre string of circumstances, having come from two completely different worlds, and we later discovered that we had feelings for each other. After we explored things, we found that we are essentially perfect for one another, although the matter of our circumstances and age make it wholly impossible for us to look at marriage, although we were becoming all too comfortable with the idea. It got pretty intense, and the more we explored, the more we found that this had to be from God somehow, although the timing is completely horrible. We both believe in courtship, in that we don't actively seek potential spouses, but rather depend on God, that He should bring one to us. In trying desperately to discern His will ourselves on the matter, we became infatuated and obssessed, and the relationship started taking a big impact in our spiritual lives. We became disctracted.
Funny thing is, we want to get married one day, but she wants to put everything on hold for a couple years to wholeheartedly pursue her relationship with Christ. I feel the same way in my spirit, but it's weird because why would God drop such an amazing woman in my lap, just to take her so sudenly away? I don't understand how we should drop everything for a few years and not develop a relationship, only taking it slower this time. To just be close friends and one day say "Hey, let's get married" seems a little unrealistic to me. I really need to concentrate on my relationship with God right now because my circumstances demand great faith and trust on my part. But this issue still perplexes me and is bothering me greatly. I want to love her still, and tell her how much I adore her, and I know that while God requires my utmost attention, I don't see the purpose of why He would allow such an amazing woman to enter and leave my life so suddenly, the relationship being so open ended like this. It's not over, to say, but the romantic element if it has been terminated, so to speak. So I sit wondering what the heck just happened. I know I should trust in God with this situation, but how do I move on considering that I'm so bewildered and have no peace about the situation? Should I somehow force myself to let go, or try to love her, but a little more...gently, I suppose? We compliment each other so well and have so much in common it's a little unsettling. How we met almost seems like something in a fairy tale. Bleech. If it seemed like just another romance, I should have an easier time letting go, but somehow there is this very real possibility that she may be my wife. I prayed that God would make it clear if the relationship was not His will at all, but I have been given no such assurance. I pleaded that He would help remove feelings, but again, no such luck. So, I'm wondering what just happened here!
