Left Out

[smiley1979]

Does anyone feel like you don't belong to any group at church? Does anyone feel like the church only acknowledges youth, young adults, young families and seniors? They never seem to acknowledge adults in the 30-40 age group who are single.
People who are my age (35) are married and have kids. I don't really have anything in common with them. I find it very difficult to fit in at church. I'd like to meet some friends who are closer to my age. Most of the Bible studies I go to are with older people from 50+. I don't really know if there are any people my age at my church but I don't want to leave the church just for that reason because I really like the people there.
What should I do?

 

[iluvatar5150]

Get a hobby. Don't rely on church to be your only social outlet.

 

[smiley1979]

I do have hobbies. I want to meet some Christian friends. Where do you suggest I meet Christian friends? I live in a very small town.

 

[iluvatar5150]

Visit other churches. Join various community groups. Find hobbies that require you to get out and meet people.

 

[friendlysusan]

The folks at New City Church LA downtown have various grow and serve groups. Most people who are in these groups are in the 30's age group. You can join their online community. There are no barriers to stop you just because you are from a small town. check out their website and am sure you'll find your group.

 

[ciaradawn]

I completely understand where you are coming from, I'm in the same category. My church is fairly small (200 members but only 50 or so attend regularly, if that)... Until 3 months ago I was one of the only single women my age besides the teens. I've lived in this town for 4 years and I have been single the entire time up until recently.
First of all, don't discount the older people in your church just because they're older. I've met several women in my congregation that are older than me but have young spirits; I'm sure there are some people like that in your church. Be a leader, step up and create some activities; get people active. You'll be appreciated (although it IS hard work!) and you may end up meeting people in the community who may want to be active in the church but haven't been reached out to.

I know it can be hard sometimes. Remember that the best way to get a friend is to be a friend. So find some people that need some help.

I've considered visiting other churches as well, if only to meet some people my own age and who enjoy lively discussions like I do. I don't think that would be wrong and I don't think you'd be abandoning your own church.

Best of luck to you!

 

[Fangtastic]

If they have a bulletin at your parish try posting a club notice. YOU be the one that starts the action. I know it sounds cliché but I bet you will find others with the same longing and before long you'll be making the change there.

 

[pittsflyer]

I noticed the exact same thing. When ever I tried to have outings with people from church that I knew for a long time they were not having it unless it was a bible study or something related to the church building itself. I remember our pastor talking condesendingly about the difference between the church and everyone else and how everyone else just makes friends and goes out and has fun.

Then they pressure people into doing things they dont want to do, sometimes to the point of boarder line physical hostility.

It has effected my spiritual life but I try to make up for it by talking to people in other countries and mailing bibles or other things to people in need, etc.

I have a significant other which is a big no no in church if you dont have the gestopo paperwork, thats basicly how our govt and family law courts are behaving so why not call a spade a spade. Watch the movie fury and you will see the opinoin our greatest generation had for the SS which is what our govt is becoming.

If you dont tow the line in church its a lonely road BUT its a free road and hopefully its the narrow road.

 

[WingsOfAnEagle]

I've come across the same problems. The church tends to leave out young adults, especially if they're single. It's one of my biggest pet peeves.

 

[Jacob Jilg]

Jesus was in his 30's. If you ask me that's the biggest group in church, lol.

 

[Racetech]

I can relate. My church has around 150 in attendance weekly, probably only a few of us in their 30's all married other than myself I believe lol. I think the singles group they have is geared towards the younger crowd. Not much going on for me though. Lol

 

[Soccer2222]

I can relate as well, which is one reason I kind of stopped going to church, I will have to find another church.

 

[dyingslowly]

Can't give much advice because I'm in the same boat...

I'm trying to be open to friends of all age groups... hopefully I can connect with a few genuine ones.

 

[Sevensong]

I've run into this, too, though it's been a while since I consciously took notice of it, since I don't usually try to make friends at church. I gave up about two years after I was Baptized. Too much was wrong there, and I'm limited in my choice of accessible parishes, unfortunately. The only suggestion I can think of is to find a different church, at least for off-site things, like maybe volunteering. I think the age/family thing will remain, though, unless you specifically start/find a group for older singles, as someone else suggested.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Get a hobby. Don't rely on church to be your only social outlet.

Yeah. Get a hubby.

 

[Thewordistruth]

I'm very surprised at the recommendations to go to another church if you can't find a group you "fit in" to. This may be a direct calling from God to start one in your own church! Talk to God about this and seek in His Word, then approach the elders or leaders in your church and be willing to God for what He may be calling you to!

Also, I recommend to not limit yourself to just who is in the doors of your church. This could be the start of a great outreach ministry to those who are seeking what you are! Both christian and non-believers alike!

Say yes to God's calling and trust Him for the how!

 

[Sir Robbins]

your issue is not just with people in their 30s but mid to late 20s like myself too. I have not been in a church (other than during Christmas) since 2007 up until about 2 months ago. I frequently requested info on groups from several churches ad visited a few only to find none had offerings that "appealed" to me or my target range. Most my age are married and many of them have kids too. The ones who are not are active sexually outside marriage and are also frequent drinkers and had no issue with themselves about it or bragging in the groups. Seems even church groups are a bad place nowadays. I'm leaving it alone again. I say this in fear of becoming 30 and the struggle continuing seeing your thread. I think churches have mentalities just as society does about being a certain age and being somewhere by then. Disappointing for me to see.

 

[AureliaSoleil]

Does anyone feel like you don't belong to any group at church? Does anyone feel like the church only acknowledges youth, young adults, young families and seniors? They never seem to acknowledge adults in the 30-40 age group who are single.

You know? I agree with you. I am in my thirties, married and have children but my single friends have a hard time finding people to socialize with at church. You're not the only one who feels that way. One benefit to attending a larger church is that they have more ministries to serve in and a greater likelihood that you'll meet more people. Pray and seek God for what He wants you to do.

 

[seashale76]

Does anyone feel like you don't belong to any group at church? Does anyone feel like the church only acknowledges youth, young adults, young families and seniors? They never seem to acknowledge adults in the 30-40 age group who are single.
People who are my age (35) are married and have kids. I don't really have anything in common with them. I find it very difficult to fit in at church. I'd like to meet some friends who are closer to my age. Most of the Bible studies I go to are with older people from 50+. I don't really know if there are any people my age at my church but I don't want to leave the church just for that reason because I really like the people there.
What should I do?

Don't get me wrong, I have friends at church. However, most my age now have kids, and I likely never will even though I'm married. I've just resigned myself to the fact that they actually don't have time anymore. It doesn't mean we're not friends. I mostly focus on the reason why I'm at church to begin with and invite them out for coffee or to my home (with their kids) when they get a chance.

 

[JCFantasy23]

I can relate.
I'm not sure why everyone is saying get a hobby, that's not what you're asking - for all we know, you could have tons of hobbies other than church.
I'm not part of a church right now officially, my old one shut down. But with every church I've visited in this area most are much older than I am, or there are some teens in the larger churches, so I see the same situation.