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angelsgirl
Guest
How old was your baby when you first left them with someone else (grandparents etc) overnight?
What about during the day?
Just curious!
What about during the day?
Just curious!
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Hadassah
Well-Known Member
Well, when my mom was here, she looked after JD at night some so we could get sleep, as some days he had some serious gas issues and we had to hold him nearly the entire time.
As far as leaving him for a couple of hours, we did that when he was about 3 weeks old. DH and I went shopping with my MIL and left JD here with mom.
The last time he was away from us for 3 hours at my inlaws, and I went and fetched him after. We had an awful sleepless night and my MIL offered to help out, so I took her up on it last Sunday. I have him 24/7 all the rest of the time though. I'm not sure if I would let him spend the night at Oma and Opa's just yet though...
As far as leaving him for a couple of hours, we did that when he was about 3 weeks old. DH and I went shopping with my MIL and left JD here with mom.
The last time he was away from us for 3 hours at my inlaws, and I went and fetched him after. We had an awful sleepless night and my MIL offered to help out, so I took her up on it last Sunday. I have him 24/7 all the rest of the time though. I'm not sure if I would let him spend the night at Oma and Opa's just yet though...
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I left my daughter for the night with my mom and dad for the first time when she was 3 months old. My friends were shocked (and it was very difficult for me, I missed her terribly and had to stop myself from phoning every hour)...but it was the BEST thing I could have done. Now she is 2.5yrs old and absolutely loves going to granny and pom's house. She goes for 2 nights at a time (about once every 5 or 6 weeks) and cries when she has to come home. Because she started going to them from such a young age she got used to it very quickly. She asks all the time if she can go to granny's house.
I wouldn't leave her with other people for the night though. I think it also depends on the grandparents. My parents are still very young and active and so it's not exhausting for them to have her for 2 nights. I know some of my friends have older parents who just wouldn't cope with their grandchild for just one night. I also have a very good relationship with my parents. My mom is my best friend. Some days I just need a break and it's great to have my mom around to be able to help out. My sister lives in Austria and is always commenting how she wishes my mom lived closer so she could take my nephews for a couple of nights.
You must just do what you are comfortable with. I have one friend who has an 11 year old and an 8 year old. They have never spent a single night away from her. She won't even leave them with her hubby for the night. For example, if there is a church women's weekend away she will come during the day but go back home at night. That works for her and that's great, but I don't know how she doesn't burn out...call me selfish but I love the occasional night to myself. When my daughter is away hubby and I will go out to supper, watch a movie, I have a lovely long bubble bath.....ah, all this talk reminds me I need to arrange for my mom to take my daughter again
I wouldn't leave her with other people for the night though. I think it also depends on the grandparents. My parents are still very young and active and so it's not exhausting for them to have her for 2 nights. I know some of my friends have older parents who just wouldn't cope with their grandchild for just one night. I also have a very good relationship with my parents. My mom is my best friend. Some days I just need a break and it's great to have my mom around to be able to help out. My sister lives in Austria and is always commenting how she wishes my mom lived closer so she could take my nephews for a couple of nights.
You must just do what you are comfortable with. I have one friend who has an 11 year old and an 8 year old. They have never spent a single night away from her. She won't even leave them with her hubby for the night. For example, if there is a church women's weekend away she will come during the day but go back home at night. That works for her and that's great, but I don't know how she doesn't burn out...call me selfish but I love the occasional night to myself. When my daughter is away hubby and I will go out to supper, watch a movie, I have a lovely long bubble bath.....ah, all this talk reminds me I need to arrange for my mom to take my daughter again
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marezee
cheeriokeeper
let's see...with my first born, we left him with my best friend when he was about 2 months old...it was our anniversary.
after that, he was about 9 months old...valentine's day.
these were only for a couple of hours.
My boys are now 6, 5 & 2.5, and they have yet to spend the night at anyone's house! LOL!
after that, he was about 9 months old...valentine's day.
these were only for a couple of hours.
My boys are now 6, 5 & 2.5, and they have yet to spend the night at anyone's house! LOL!
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My first baby was 6 weeks old when I left him with grandparents for a date.
I still haven't left any of my kids overnight, except for during the birth of a baby.
I still haven't left any of my kids overnight, except for during the birth of a baby.
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TCat
Daily surrender
We have friends that watched our children from the time they were babies for a few hours here or there. We left DS on his first overnight when he was 15 months with a friend in exchange a few weeks later we took her little one for a weekend.
Our kids are confident, happy, out-going litle people who are secure enough to stay with our dear friends without undue worry about being seperated from us overnight or for a few hours.
I know one couple who have NEVER left their 15 yr old alone or gone away from him. He has not even gone on an overnight at a friends house because he is so insecure and suffers from severe seperation anxiety. Of course they baby him and convince him that the whole family will fall apart if they are not in constant communication. Poor kid, I feel so sorry for him. The mom, my friend, is always going on about how they give him everything, do everything for him as if that makes her mother of the year.
Our kids are confident, happy, out-going litle people who are secure enough to stay with our dear friends without undue worry about being seperated from us overnight or for a few hours.
I know one couple who have NEVER left their 15 yr old alone or gone away from him. He has not even gone on an overnight at a friends house because he is so insecure and suffers from severe seperation anxiety. Of course they baby him and convince him that the whole family will fall apart if they are not in constant communication. Poor kid, I feel so sorry for him. The mom, my friend, is always going on about how they give him everything, do everything for him as if that makes her mother of the year.
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gracepaints
Guest
I've left my baby with my DH or my MIL for a few hours a time, but only once or twice after he was about 3 months old. I won't leave him overnight until he is weaned.
FTR, leaving your child overnight has ABSOLUTELY NO BEARING on how secure they will be. That's like saying you have to send your kids to school for them to be social and that all homeschoolers are stunted. Your child's security at being away from home has a lot more to do with their relationship with you and how their home life is rather than how often and what age they were made to stay overnight away from you.
FTR, leaving your child overnight has ABSOLUTELY NO BEARING on how secure they will be. That's like saying you have to send your kids to school for them to be social and that all homeschoolers are stunted. Your child's security at being away from home has a lot more to do with their relationship with you and how their home life is rather than how often and what age they were made to stay overnight away from you.
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JulySheMustFly
Legend
Bear was left with my grandmother at 6 weeks for a few hours every other day so I could finish my degree. Bird & Pirate weren't left with anyone other than my husband until they were 3 months or more.
As for overnight. Bear & Pirate were 3 before they were left overnight with my parents. Actually Pirate has not been with anyone overnight yet. Bird was left over night with my parents when she was 10 months old. It wasn't what we would have preferred but with what we had to do that weekend it was the best choice for the situation.
Since then Bird just expressed interest is staying with the grandparents overnight a few months ago and she is 4 now.
As for overnight. Bear & Pirate were 3 before they were left overnight with my parents. Actually Pirate has not been with anyone overnight yet. Bird was left over night with my parents when she was 10 months old. It wasn't what we would have preferred but with what we had to do that weekend it was the best choice for the situation.
Since then Bird just expressed interest is staying with the grandparents overnight a few months ago and she is 4 now.
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jessesgirl
Aspire to inspire before you expire
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I am going to agree with Grace here. Justin is 18 months old, has been left for a few hours and overnight and still has seperation anxiety something awful. It has nothing to do with whether or not you leave them or how often (unless it is daily, then obviously baby would adapt or if that was all s/he knew).
That being said, J was six weeks old when I left him overnight with mom for our anniversary. I was a nervous wreck. It was probably too soon, at least for us. For a few hours, it was actually AFTER I left him overnight LOL...probably closer to nine months or so. I haven't left him overnight since he was six weeks old, I don't think. At least not that I can remember, but when we are back home in TX, it is inevitable thathe stays with grandma for a few hours while we get some down time. Jesse is taking him back to TX by himself this weekend and it will be the longest BY FAR that I've ever been away from him. They are leaving Friday and won't be back til Monday afternoon!
That being said, J was six weeks old when I left him overnight with mom for our anniversary. I was a nervous wreck. It was probably too soon, at least for us. For a few hours, it was actually AFTER I left him overnight LOL...probably closer to nine months or so. I haven't left him overnight since he was six weeks old, I don't think. At least not that I can remember, but when we are back home in TX, it is inevitable thathe stays with grandma for a few hours while we get some down time. Jesse is taking him back to TX by himself this weekend and it will be the longest BY FAR that I've ever been away from him. They are leaving Friday and won't be back til Monday afternoon!
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~Mrs. A2J~
According to your faith will it be done to you
For overnight it wasn't until my babies were weaned so for Kat she was two years old and Liam was 21 months old. We only left Liam because we thought I was going into labor with our third. Funnily enough though that was a false alarm and when I actually did end up going into labor it was in the middle of the night so Liam came to the birth with us
As for leaving them for just a couple hours it was very rarely as an infant. With our daughter she was 4 months old and it was so we could go to dinner for our wedding anniversary and for our second he was six weeks old and we went to dinner for our birthday's. Our third is almost 4 weeks old and has not been left with anyone. I wouldn't consider leaving my infant with anyone (and they don't even get left alone with Daddy) until breastfeeding is well established and they can take a bottle of pumped milk.
As for leaving them for just a couple hours it was very rarely as an infant. With our daughter she was 4 months old and it was so we could go to dinner for our wedding anniversary and for our second he was six weeks old and we went to dinner for our birthday's. Our third is almost 4 weeks old and has not been left with anyone. I wouldn't consider leaving my infant with anyone (and they don't even get left alone with Daddy) until breastfeeding is well established and they can take a bottle of pumped milk.
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~Mrs. A2J~
According to your faith will it be done to you
I agree. My kids have rarely been left alone (and shock horror are also homeschooled so are with me constantly
) but when they are left with others they have no seperation issues and are very social people.
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sparassidae
In Christ Alone
During the day we don't leave them with someone for more than about 20 minutes until they are about 6 months old. It was more like 12 months with our eldest daughter because she was so shy.
For an overnight it's definitely not until the child night weans, and then a bit. Usually about age 2yrs, although we went away last weekend for our anniversary (just one night) and #4 (20 months) was fine.
All I can say is do what feels right for you, don't feel pressured by anyone else. With our first we had friends who would leave their baby with a friend to go out to dinner and movie from about 3 weeks old, and thought we were mad for not. But it's completely up to you!
For an overnight it's definitely not until the child night weans, and then a bit. Usually about age 2yrs, although we went away last weekend for our anniversary (just one night) and #4 (20 months) was fine.
All I can say is do what feels right for you, don't feel pressured by anyone else. With our first we had friends who would leave their baby with a friend to go out to dinner and movie from about 3 weeks old, and thought we were mad for not. But it's completely up to you!
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yeah, I agree with sparassidae, you need to go with your gut on this one.
I left my DD for the first time during the day when she was 3 months, it was my best friends wedding so I was bridesmaid. It turned out to be a pretty bad day (lovely for her!), DH and I fought bad cos we were so stressed out, I forgot my breast pump so I couldn't pump and it wacked out my milk supply for a few days... ANYWAY...
I can't remember the first time we left her overnight, probably around 18-24months I think, we have only ever left her with her grandparents. Actually, I think it was getting closer to 2 years because we left her to get her used to staying there before her brother was born...
I left my DD for the first time during the day when she was 3 months, it was my best friends wedding so I was bridesmaid. It turned out to be a pretty bad day (lovely for her!), DH and I fought bad cos we were so stressed out, I forgot my breast pump so I couldn't pump and it wacked out my milk supply for a few days... ANYWAY...
I can't remember the first time we left her overnight, probably around 18-24months I think, we have only ever left her with her grandparents. Actually, I think it was getting closer to 2 years because we left her to get her used to staying there before her brother was born...
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angelsgirl
Guest
I let Maddie stay with my parents when she was just over 2 weeks old, but it was only for about an hour... My SIL was getting married and I wanted to be able to enjoy the ceremony. We took Maddie to the reception with us.
Overnight... Well, I think Maddie will be staying overnight at my parents this Friday night, she will be 9 weeks. It's my BIL's 21st and I didn't think it would be a good idea to have my baby at a party where there would be lots of drunk people. It's a little inconvienent for my parents to babysit at our place, so Maddie will be staying at their house. They live about 40 mins from us. One thing I am really looking forward to is spending some time with my husband. I told him that we should leave the party early and come home and spend some time together!!! I don't think it will happen though!
I don't know how I am going to feel about it all on Friday. I don't breastfeed much anymore so that isn't a problem. But I don't drink, so if i really miss her I can go and get her!
Overnight... Well, I think Maddie will be staying overnight at my parents this Friday night, she will be 9 weeks. It's my BIL's 21st and I didn't think it would be a good idea to have my baby at a party where there would be lots of drunk people. It's a little inconvienent for my parents to babysit at our place, so Maddie will be staying at their house. They live about 40 mins from us. One thing I am really looking forward to is spending some time with my husband. I told him that we should leave the party early and come home and spend some time together!!! I don't think it will happen though!
I don't know how I am going to feel about it all on Friday. I don't breastfeed much anymore
so that isn't a problem. But I don't drink, so if i really miss her I can go and get her!
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PegasusOnFire
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left for the week and my parents came up and took care of Christian when she was 16-17 months old. Mary will be 14 months old when we leave for a week this month and go to Chicago on a missions trip. My parents are again coming up to take care of the girls.
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I didn't know I would need to "defend" our choice not to do overnights until the kids are old enough to ask for it. Its absolutely right for us. We try to get a babysitter so that we can go on dates together because it is important to us and we enjoy it. Sometimes I leave the children at home with daddy and run errands or shop. The rest of the time, they are with me (and/or daddy). We feel we are called to disciple our children and "train them in the way they should go" and that (for us) means that they stay close and learn one on one from us 95% of the time.
Yup, Grace, I used the word train
Yup, Grace, I used the word train
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About 3 months was the age we first had Grandma babysit while we went on a date. For overnight I'd say it was around age 3 that they started to be interested in that sort of thing. Their first overnight was at Grandma's and then they started asking to spend the night at their cousins. They love to go to their cousins' house. At ages 8 and 10 I'd guess that at least once every week or two they go spend a night at the cousins' house.
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OS was left with my mom so I could get some work done (was working part time with a flexible schedule) when he was almost 2 weeks. I had left him home with DH when he was about 4 days so I could go shopping Being in the hospital (which I LOVED) for four days was enough and I wanted to get out
OS had his first overnight when he was five months I believe. It might have been four. DH went away for the wknd and left him with my sister. It was a lot of fun for everyone
YS was one week when I left him for about 1/2 day and that was b/c I was in the ER with OS so my parents watched him. The following day we all got the stomach flu so my mom took YS for the entire day so the rest of us could *do* our stomach flu duties with out having to take care of him.
DH and I go away a few times a year so the kiddo's sleep over grandma's/grandpa's house. They love going there and I've had no issues of them being clingy or too free
Being in the hospital (which I LOVED) for four days was enough and I wanted to get out OS had his first overnight when he was five months I believe. It might have been four. DH went away for the wknd and left him with my sister. It was a lot of fun for everyone
YS was one week when I left him for about 1/2 day and that was b/c I was in the ER with OS so my parents watched him. The following day we all got the stomach flu so my mom took YS for the entire day so the rest of us could *do* our stomach flu duties with out having to take care of him.
DH and I go away a few times a year so the kiddo's sleep over grandma's/grandpa's house. They love going there and I've had no issues of them being clingy or too free
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