learning how to be supportive

[ladyt28]

Josh died March 1 - a month before his 26th birthday. His sister died 14 years ago at the age of 13 when she was murdered. I never knew Chris and only knew Josh for 11 years but I never had children of my own and Josh was all I ever had. Now both of my husband's children are dead - we will never watch him grow, succeed, get married, or have children. My husband is in such despair! We have found a fabulous church with a fantastic congregation of genuine people, a full time pastor who has as much time for us as we need and we go twice on Sundays and go for the Wednesday service. We have been reading scripture and other books that have Christian encouragement. We have all but turned from secular music and watch a lot more religious tv. I try to be quiet and understanding but sometimes his despair is too much for me to deal with. I don't know what else to do to be the supportive wife he needs. Help!

 

[Nobility]

Hun, I"m sure you are doing the best you can... I'm praying that God will provide all the support you personally need when you are trying to be so strong. Please let yourself grieve as well

It might be good for you to try and get him some counseling, maybe just from a pastor or a counselor at church.. I would imagine after going through this he would be needing to talk, but not know how. I'm praying for you both, and here if you ever need to talk.

 

[ladyt28]

We have been going to our pastor for counseling - nothing routine but he sure is there when needed...and he gives as much time as needed. We were strongly blessed when God led us to this church as the congregation is so genuine and loving. I think the thing that really has my husband down right now is the fact that I had to make a referral to children's protective services after our last visit to his family (a neice and her children). I'm a mandated reporter and the whole thing has us both upset to see things so bad that the referral had to be made. I'm also hesitant to join him on any more visits for awhile as they are going to know who made it and it is not going to be perceived as a loving act but I can't risk those kids getting hurt or worse. Oh well, at least they will be alive to be mad at me.

 

[AWorkInProgress]

Josh died March 1 - a month before his 26th birthday. His sister died 14 years ago at the age of 13 when she was murdered. I never knew Chris and only knew Josh for 11 years but I never had children of my own and Josh was all I ever had. Now both of my husband's children are dead - we will never watch him grow, succeed, get married, or have children. My husband is in such despair! We have found a fabulous church with a fantastic congregation of genuine people, a full time pastor who has as much time for us as we need and we go twice on Sundays and go for the Wednesday service. We have been reading scripture and other books that have Christian encouragement. We have all but turned from secular music and watch a lot more religious tv. I try to be quiet and understanding but sometimes his despair is too much for me to deal with. I don't know what else to do to be the supportive wife he needs. Help!

Keep praying for him and be there as much as possible. I am sure all of this put his faith into conflict. He has to make peace with God first.

Hang in there and try to help guide him back to the light. Don't be afraid to say what is in your heart, he may need to hear it to regain himself.

 

[Nobility]

Aww.. hugs. It's great that he is talking a little I'm praying for peace for you and your Husband..

 

[ladyt28]

We had a good discussion last night that didn't veer off-course into misunderstood intentions, that and then I joined him in the pool. Yes, the pool was fun and it felt good in the heat but it turned into a private moment of fellowship between us. The night ended with us praying together as we lay getting ready to sleep - I felt the spirit of our Lord filling both of us bonding us closer than we've felt in a couple of weeks now. Thank you Lord for Your Glorious Love!

 

[madison1101]

Grieving the loss of children is the worst pain there is. It takes time to grieve any loss, but especially that of children. Prayer is the key, and having a good support system as well. Sometimes, after a while, it helps to seek professional help.

Pray for your husband to find a way to memorialize his children. For some it is doing volunteer work, for others it is providing scholarships. This way, we give of our time and resources to other children who can carry on the lost child's legacy.