Learning from the ones you Lose

[Angelsdance]

This is a tough testimony, because it not only involves my past, but also my present and with Death and life. Please bear with me, here it goes. This testimony Title isn't completely involved with death, but also with life. Losing someone you care about through fights, or backstabbing is just as hard as if they were to die. The only differance is, you have a chance to say goodbye.When I was growing up, I always hung around with the Older generation. My parents age and up, because I was homeschooled all my life, so I went everywhere with my parents and grandmother. During that period of my life, I became very close and very fond with several older couples that have been an inspiration and a joy in my life. They were the people that gave you cookies when you went to their house, and you didn't knock but walked right on in. You were always welcome, and if you were hurt, or sad, they'd be there in a flat minute. These are the people that I grew up with. Well, evidently I didn't think much about them, as they did about me. When I got into my early and middle teen years, these people fell into the back of my mind while I was more concerned with the, "I wanna do this", And "Lemme Do that" attitude. I was selfish and obnoxious and still am to this day. I tried so hard to remember them whenever I was bored, but then something else would come up and I'd forget all about them. I also left God out of my entire life to that point. Oh sure, I was saved when i was 16, but I never fully commited my life To God. Then I turned the marvlous 18. I thought I was a big, bad adult. I thought I could do whatever I wanted too, whenever I wanted too. I soon had a boyfriend, and a bunch of friends, and Finally got my first kiss that age too, and did a little more too. I thought I was on the top of the mountain, I was planning on getting married, I was going to start college, and then all of a sudden, God slapped me smack dab in the face. I realized the man I "thought" I loved, was truly a selfish and arrogant person who wasn't interested in me for my personallity, but only for what I could give him, or what I could do for him. I realized my friends were backstabbing me left and right, and the people I loved when I was younger, had died. Between July and September, I lost a total of 6 people I truly loved to death. 3 friends through arguements and backstabbing, and 1 boyfriend because I saw the truth. It took a major toll on me. I kept questioning God's motives, and My anger towards Him rose high. I blamed Him for ALL my downfalls, my sins, and transgressions. Then one day, this perky kid from where I worked invited me to church. Now, the reason I said perky, was because He was always smiling, always happy, and always bouncing off walls. During that time I thought he was on speed. But I found out he had something better up his sleeve. He had God. When I went to church the first time, It was a complete and total turn about. I was not only shocked at the friendliness and warmth and welcome I felt from the church, but also the genuinely happy people for God. I felt so taken aback, I didn't know what to do with myself. I accepted God back into my life that night, and I'm still TRYING to live For Him, but it is so much more harder then what I realized it to be. I have yet to forgive myself for not spending more time with the people that I lost through death, and I regret not being there for my family when they needed me. My past with my Ex has been thrown back in my face, and so has my ended friendships. But with God's mercy and hopefully with enough faith that I have in HIM, I will overcome any mountains Satan puts in my way. And, with my new found family of friends, I know God will help me keep strong through them and through His love and Mercy He shows me each and every day.

 

[Serenity Now!]

Angelsdance, Amen! What a wonderful testimony. Please try and work on your guilt. I have this problem too, and my pastor says that it's the devil working in me trying to tell me I won't get to heaven because of my sins. We will get to heaven, and every day is a struggle to live for God, because we all are selfish. But we will get there because we've accepted Jesus as our personal Savior! What wonderful news!


Praise God you've accepted Jesus back into your life. May you find some new friends to glorify God with.

 

[Angelsdance]

Amen, I definately agree with you, my guilt of my past still haunts me, but my future with God, will defeat any guilt that Satan has thrown upon me. Because Jesus Christ died to save me from my sins. My Rock, my Salvation!! Thank you so much for replying. God bless you!!!

(*(angelsdance)*)