last names

[faith177]

I agree I dont know how the taking of names would affect being one flesh, my husband took my last name for a few different reasons one we have older children together that would have had to go through alot of paper work and hassle to change their names, also his last name was given to him from a step dad that adopted him but was abusive to his mom so there wasnt any real love loss over the last name, although now he has forgiven him. The pastor that married us tried to convince us to take my h last name but it just didnt feel right to either of us and my hubby is the head of the house and doesnt feel less because he took my last name.

 

[Swtsnshyn]

I can't wait to get rid of my last name! It has been nothing but a pain in the butt because no one can prenounce it! Even if I had Smith for a last name, I would take my husband's last name. It just seems like the right thing for me to do. And I like it because it is tradition, yes, I am old fashioned.

My name was truly Pain (Payne)! Seriously, my maiden name was Payne, and you can imagine what people came up with. In fact, a guy in high school actually convinced another guy that my name was Morning Agony. I even had a teacher or two get caught up in the "name calling". And like Katelyn, my name was always pronounced correctly by often misspelled.



I think that tradition does have a lot to do with the wife changing her name to her husband's. I know that in some countries that is not the case. I do agree that changing one's name does not establish the headship in a home. I know women who have taken their husband's name but refuse to allow the husband take on the leadership of the family. However, I do think that having the same name does help cement unity, not only between the couple, but in the family too (whether that be her taking his name, him taking her name, hyphenating the two names to create a new name, etc.).




God Bless!
Dawn
Shining brightly for Jesus

 

[Oblivious]

Yes I took his last name. I was honored to do so

 

[jesusfan411]

i can imagine swt my maiden name was pugh pronounced pew. i will leave it at that. you can imagine the insults.

 

[sioleabha]

My maiden name was Dykstra.

Yes, I sooo took his last name.

 

[William Nunn]

The names have very little to do with whether or not they have become one flesh. They will always be two different people joined spiritually, to say that a name change reflect becoming one flesh doesn't quite seem logical to me, because, for example, I could take it a step further and say that the wife should take both the husband's name, and I don't especially want to be called "Josh"

It may not seem logical to you, but I think differently. When I hear two people with different last names, I do not think "family" or "married". You could take that step further into taking WHOLE, but I don't see what point you were making, that doesn't have anything to do with taking last names.

 

[JillLars]

When I hear two people with different last names, I do not think "family" or "married". You could take that step further into taking WHOLE, but I don't see what point you were making, that doesn't have anything to do with taking last names.

But, who, may I ask, are you to judge whether two people are married or a family?

The point is, if you want to argue that women should take their husband's last name because they have become one and the man is the head, why not take it a step further and have the exact same name for both, or even better just call the wife ____'s wife (in my case it would be Josh's wife). Tradition tells us that two people who are family or married will have the same name, God doesn't tell us that, society does, there is a difference.

 

[charligirl]

But, who, may I ask, are you to judge whether two people are married or a family?

.

I didn't read William's post as him judging at all.. merely saying that in this day and age in Western society if you see a couple without the same name you automatically assume thay are not married.

I don't suggest for one minute that it is biblical to take your husband's name, of course it is tradition. Personally it was important for me to take my husband's name because for me it signified a leaving of my parents and my Father's care in particular and starting a new life with my husband who now cares for me.

For me it was also an outward sign to the world that we are married and proud to be so. I particularly didn't want to be identified as a 'Ms' who was determined to keep her name and independance.... which (rightly or wrongly) is often how society views 'Ms's'

I can see the issue could get awkward for children at school.

 

[JillLars]

I have no problem with women taking their husband last names, I was just pointing out that it is a tradition of society, not something biblical, maybe it is representative of two becoming one for some couples, but it isn't biblically required, that's the point I was trying to make. Sorry if it came off harsh.

I will be very proud to take my fiance's name, but just because someone doesn't or because someone hyphenate's their name doesn't mean they aren't proud of their spouse. I think its a little wrong that we automatically assume women who don't want to change their names don't love their husbands or haven't become one. No one on here is doing that, its just that we have been taught this tradition for so long that we can't understand why someone wouldn't want to follow it.

 

[Swtsnshyn]

I don't suggest for one minute that it is biblical to take your husband's name, of course it is tradition. Personally it was important for me to take my husband's name because for me it signified a leaving of my parents and my Father's care in particular and starting a new life with my husband who now cares for me.

For me it was also an outward sign to the world that we are married and proud to be so. I particularly didn't want to be identified as a 'Ms' who was determined to keep her name and independance.... which (rightly or wrongly) is often how society views 'Ms's'

I can see the issue could get awkward for children at school.

I agree whole-heartedly. I was honored to take my husband's name and proud to be called "Mrs." and did not want or like to be identified as "Ms." for the same reasons (right or wrong).



I do not really think anyone has been saying that taking on your husband's name is a negative thing or has a negative connotation. However, whether we like it or not, it is an individual preference. The only people that really need to agree on this issue is the husband and wife.

The fact that a married couple share the same last name does not necessarily mean that there is unity in the relationship. Nor does it necessarily mean that the household is based on biblical principles. Also, just because they share the same last name does not mean that the wife took her husband's name - maybe it was the other way around, or they somehow created a new name together.

Again, I have known married couples that have the same last name (the husband's), yet the husband is not the head of the home for whatever reason. Now I am not saying that I agree with this; it is just something that I have witnessed.







God Bless!!
Dawn
Shining brightly for Jesus

 

[Cordy]

I think its a little wrong that we automatically assume women who don't want to change their names don't love their husbands or haven't become one. No one on here is doing that, its just that we have been taught this tradition for so long that we can't understand why someone wouldn't want to follow it.

I think people do sometimes assume what you said, JillLars

Both my husband and I hyphenated our names. Other Christian friends of ours have done the same. Several Christians won’t acknowledge our hyphenated name because they deem it wrong.

The reason we decided to hyphenate is this.
When the woman marries, she changes her name to show that she is no longer the same single woman; she is now united to her husband. I think this is great! I love to tell the world “Hey! I am so happy that I am now united with this man for life!!!” I am under the impression that many women feel this way as well when they have a new married name.

But what about the man? There is traditionally no name change for him. His identity is the same as when he was single. Why can’t the man be proud of his wife and being joined to her and her family heritage in name as well? I think it is great that my husband’s name celebrates our unity – our own family identity.

By hyphening, my husband and I are united in name. We are honouring each other and each other’s heritage by adding the other’s name to our own. We both changed our names to form a new married name, honouring our unity and our individual heritages as one.

I appreciate hearing all your perspectives on this. I thought I would share mine as well.

 

[William Nunn]

I have no problem with women taking their husband last names, I was just pointing out that it is a tradition of society, not something biblical, maybe it is representative of two becoming one for some couples, but it isn't biblically required, that's the point I was trying to make. Sorry if it came off harsh.

I will be very proud to take my fiance's name, but just because someone doesn't or because someone hyphenate's their name doesn't mean they aren't proud of their spouse. I think its a little wrong that we automatically assume women who don't want to change their names don't love their husbands or haven't become one. No one on here is doing that, its just that we have been taught this tradition for so long that we can't understand why someone wouldn't want to follow it.

Yeah, like Charligirl said, I wasn't being judgemental of others who don't share their last name, but just saying that when I'm married, I want people to KNOW it. I want to be able to say Jared and Kristen Nunn, people will know right away that we are married (unless the aren't that quick and they start wondering if she's my sister or something!))

I don't assume that women who don't change their names don't love their husbands. And I know it's not a biblical doctrine to change names. But it's a tradition I've always loved - the start of a new family, the new Nunn family in my case. If it's not for you, that's all good.

 

[Yitzchak]

My wife took my last name when we married. For her is was quite an emotional thing which she had looked forward to since childhood as part of the joy of finding her soulmate and marrying.

Myself, I would have been just as happy taking her last name or hyphenating or whatever so long as we both ended up reflecting that we are now one family.

 

[SomeRandomGuy]

. . . the start of a new family, the new Nunn family in my case

I think I fail to see how this is a new family. This seems to be a continuation of the husbands family, not a new one. How is it new?

 

[William Nunn]

Because it's my family and her family. The Nunn family. Sure, other relations of mine have the name Nunn, but this will be OUR Nunn family.

 

[FBI78]

I took hubbys cause for one its tradition two i was proud to take it saying lookie here im married lol you know how you are when you first get married. Plus i want my kids and me and hubby to have all the same last name it makes it alot easier. Plus when you get married you become one so why not have the same last name.

 

[IslandBreeze]

I've stated this several times on other threads, but if I were a man, I would NOT marry a woman who refused to take my name. I believe with all my heart it's part of "two becoming one" and submission for the woman to take the husband's name.

 

[Cordy]

I've stated this several times on other threads, but if I were a man, I would NOT marry a woman who refused to take my name. I believe with all my heart it's part of "two becoming one" and submission for the woman to take the husband's name.

Sure two because one. I don't think anyone on this thread has said otherwise.

So why should a man not marry a woman who doesn't take his name, if that is not directly scriptural?
Why do we place the cultural limitations on women who have been freed in Christ?
I think that that is part of the religious legalism that we should be avoiding.

 

[msjones21]

I am divorced and if I ever remarry I will hyphenate my name for professional reasons.

 

[IslandBreeze]

Sure two because one. I don't think anyone on this thread has said otherwise.

So why should a man not marry a woman who doesn't take his name, if that is not directly scriptural?
Why do we place the cultural limitations on women who have been freed in Christ?
I think that that is part of the religious legalism that we should be avoiding.

I believe it IS scriptural for a woman to take her husband's name. The Bible tells women to submit to their husbands. IMO, a woman taking her husband's name is submission, and is therefore scriptural, not legalistic.