Last Minute Dinners

[ImaginaryDay]

How do couples typically settle on what do eat for dinner?

They typically agree on a menu. However, for me and VG, sometimes what we plan on isn't what actually happens for dinner. We might decide early on, but forget to take out what we decided on, so something else gets made.

I typically buy the same groceries and cycle through a list of meals.

Absolutely reasonable. Does he have input into this 'cycle of meals', or do you decide what to have?

If we come across an interesting recipe, I'll make that instead. Usually the following day. Sometimes my husband will crave something specific, and I'll usually accommodate that.

The use of "usually" here is where I get tripped up. When you say that, what kinds of things does he request?

But this week he has had random cravings every day, right after work, and they require ingredients I don't typically have on hand. So I have to run to the store for this and that. And today I just did not want to.

Okay, still with you. He made an unreasonable request.

He wanted nachos. I don't want nachos at all. That just seems like a really absurd dinner plan, like a last-minute idea when you come home really late and didn't plan anything.

Was it absurd because "you didn't want it at all" or because it was "a last-minute idea"?

My husband was being a big baby wanting me to go buy chips for it. I told him to go buy his own chips this time, and I took a bath.

So you both reacted instead of responded?

He didn't go buy chips - or even defrost the chicken I asked him to take out of the freezer. So dinner got started pretty late. He just sat in our room the whole time, sulking that he wasn't getting nachos. He didn't even eat dinner, because it wasn't nachos.

I'm going to suggest at this point it wasn't even about chicken, or nachos, or dinner any longer. You had what you wanted, he pouted (although he COULD have gone to McDonalds or anywhere else, in spite of you "putting a stop to" a grown man doing whatever he wants to), and now it's a matter of different values in the home. There's disrespect of both of your needs and desires on both sides it seems.

I am trying to figure out the proper way to respond as a wife. I think I am going to make meat loaf all week (his most hated meal). I wonder how many days one can sulk in a bedroom before starving?

As many days as it takes to realise he is a grown man who will eat what he likes in spite of you fixing meat loaf or anything else just to be spiteful.

 

[Annessa3]

ya know ordinarily that guy above this post is well reasoned and ...

OK. YOU want something to eat that YOU are not going to prepare for?
Restaurant!

 

[ImaginaryDay]

Ah, but there's the rub. I am more than happy to prepare a meal that both my wife and I agree on. However, If I got the meatloaf all week treatment (which I don't see in my own marriage, but if I did...) I would discuss first, and if there was no resolution except more meatloaf, then McD's it is!

ETA: VG DOES make a mean meatloaf!

 

[ValleyGal]

I would discuss first, and if there was no resolution except more meatloaf, then McD's it is!

And I would not "forbid" it. I will not dictate what my husband will or will not eat. We typically agree on our meals, and late in the day if one of us has a craving, we are both quite prepared to accommodate. Nachos for supper? A new idea! Yes! Let's have FUN with this! Easy to prepare, quick to "cook" - what, 30 seconds in the microwave to melt the cheese? and fun to eat! My kinda meal.

I suppose it matters what people consider stress. I would by far rather run to the store to get some nachos, go home, shred some cheese and dice peppers and tomatoes than have a destressing bath after a long day at work, then get out of the tub only to have to prepare a whole chicken dinner. Nachos it is! And tomorrow we can try waffles for supper, and Friday night we can go to 4 different restaurants to share an appy at each one for supper.

It's okay to get adventurous with dinner! And it's okay to accommodate a spouse if you can.

 

[akmom]

Absolutely reasonable. Does he have input into this 'cycle of meals', or do you decide what to have?

Yes and no. When my husband plans a meal, it's steak with a side of buttered crab with a side of fried chicken. If he goes to the grocery store, he'll spend $100 on ingredients for one dinner. We've experimented with taking turns like that. There's no common sense when he plans meals. That's okay for a few days, but I'm more interested in our long-term survival, so he is not in charge of meals. However, I absolutely let him pick ONE protein, as well as the vegetable(s) and the carb, if he wants. Preferably in the morning, so I don't have to start thawing it all out at 5:00. Yes, it may sound petty to tell an adult what to eat, but when you are married to a carnivore who hates the other food groups, you have to start taking health into account.

The use of "usually" here is where I get tripped up. When you say that, what kinds of things does he request?

Steak. Fried chicken. Buttered crab. Why do you ask? I pretty much always have beef, chicken, pork and fish in the freezer. I cook them different ways. If he has a preference, I'll cook it that way. Chips and nacho cheese isn't something I am just going to have lying around.

Was it absurd because "you didn't want it at all" or because it was "a last-minute idea"?

It was absurd because nachos does not a dinner make. Apparently no one on this board shares that sentiment. It would be like asking for a bag of M&Ms for dinner, I guess. Dinner is protein-vegetable-carb. We decided on that years ago when we first started to do something about our weight gain. That is how we always eat.

I'm going to suggest at this point it wasn't even about chicken, or nachos, or dinner any longer. You had what you wanted, he pouted (although he COULD have gone to McDonalds or anywhere else, in spite of you "putting a stop to" a grown man doing whatever he wants to), and now it's a matter of different values in the home. There's disrespect of both of your needs and desires on both sides it seems.

I think it really actually was about nachos.

As many days as it takes to realise he is a grown man who will eat what he likes in spite of you fixing meat loaf or anything else just to be spiteful.

As many days as it takes who to realize? I realize that a grown man can eat what he likes (theoretically). He seems to think he can only eat it if I make it for him.

I would discuss first, and if there was no resolution except more meatloaf, then McD's it is!

Haha, you make it sound like I am just going to make him eat meatloaf forever, no matter what he says or does! Geez, one day I don't feel like running to the store and making nachos and now I am somehow perpetually unreasonable. The thing is, we did discuss it. I just wasn't willing to do that one thing that one time, and he wasn't willing to let up this one time.

Another aspect that I think some people are forgetting is that we have young kids. We don't have the same freedoms in terms of eating out on a whim. One of us still has to cook for the kids. So... we might as well eat the same thing.

 

[mkgal1]

It was absurd because nachos does not a dinner make. Apparently no one on this board shares that sentiment. It would be like asking for a bag of M&Ms for dinner, I guess. Dinner is protein-vegetable-carb. We decided on that years ago when we first started to do something about our weight gain. That is how we always eat.

Nachos for dinner isn't like asking for a bag of M&Ms for dinner. Nachos have protein & vegetables (which are also carbs). I make "chips" out of a mixture of cheeses & seasoning.....so the unhealthful ingredients are cut out. I just had to say that.

I do understand the absurdity of that being thrown at you at the last minute (and the lack of understanding as to why that was impractical---especially with no efforts on his part).

 

[akmom]

Ah. When my husband asks for "nachos," he means corn chips plus a jar of cheese. It's pretty minimal in terms of protein. If he wanted something with vegetables or some kind of health chip, I'd take it seriously as a meal.

I think what you're describing is what we call taco salad. I do like those. I make whole wheat tortillas, bake them into a bowl shape, and fill them with lettuce, a blackbean-garlic-tahini spread, homemade guacamole, crème fraiche, shredded cheddar and cherry tomatoes.

 

[mkgal1]

And that's the only thing that would curb his craving (the corn chips and jar ---wait...jar?--of cheese)?

Well.....I wasn't really talking about taco salad (although the ingredients are about the same). Just those cheese chips.... topped with hamburger or ground turkey.....guacamole.....peppers....grilled onions......tomatoes...olives.....cheese....sour cream.

 

[akmom]

Now that's a dinner.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

It was absurd because nachos does not a dinner make. Apparently no one on this board shares that sentiment. It would be like asking for a bag of M&Ms for dinner, I guess. Dinner is protein-vegetable-carb. We decided on that years ago when we first started to do something about our weight gain. That is how we always eat.

Not to be contrary, but nachos are a fairly regular dinner offering in our house. I'm a purist so I like just chips and cheese (and it's 5 points on Weight Watchers), but when I make it for the kids I top it with chicken or taco meat, cheese, then tomatoes, onions, and Greek yogurt. If they want less, then I'll do the chips and the cheese, but they have to eat a fruit on the side. That's not an overwhelmingly unhealthy thing, especially if you don't go crazy with the chips or cheeses.

But even just chips (carb) cheese (dairy-based protein), and copious amounts of salsa (vegs), you don't have an unhealthy meal necessarily.

Another aspect that I think some people are forgetting is that we have young kids. We don't have the same freedoms in terms of eating out on a whim. One of us still has to cook for the kids. So... we might as well eat the same thing.

I'm stumped on this one... Why do you have to cook for the kids if you go out? We have 3 young kids, I've never cooked a separate meal for them if we eat out. We order food for them there...

Actually, I've never cooked a separate meal for them period. That'll make you crazy. They eat what the adults eat, be it steak, salad, nachos, or something fancier/exotic.

 

[ImaginaryDay]

Yes and no. When my husband plans a meal, it's steak with a side of buttered crab with a side of fried chicken. If he goes to the grocery store, he'll spend $100 on ingredients for one dinner. We've experimented with taking turns like that. There's no common sense when he plans meals. That's okay for a few days, but I'm more interested in our long-term survival, so he is not in charge of meals. However, I absolutely let him pick ONE protein, as well as the vegetable(s) and the carb, if he wants. Preferably in the morning, so I don't have to start thawing it all out at 5:00. Yes, it may sound petty to tell an adult what to eat, but when you are married to a carnivore who hates the other food groups, you have to start taking health into account.



Steak. Fried chicken. Buttered crab. Why do you ask? I pretty much always have beef, chicken, pork and fish in the freezer. I cook them different ways. If he has a preference, I'll cook it that way. Chips and nacho cheese isn't something I am just going to have lying around.



It was absurd because nachos does not a dinner make. Apparently no one on this board shares that sentiment. It would be like asking for a bag of M&Ms for dinner, I guess. Dinner is protein-vegetable-carb. We decided on that years ago when we first started to do something about our weight gain. That is how we always eat.



I think it really actually was about nachos.



As many days as it takes who to realize? I realize that a grown man can eat what he likes (theoretically). He seems to think he can only eat it if I make it for him.



Haha, you make it sound like I am just going to make him eat meatloaf forever, no matter what he says or does! Geez, one day I don't feel like running to the store and making nachos and now I am somehow perpetually unreasonable. The thing is, we did discuss it. I just wasn't willing to do that one thing that one time, and he wasn't willing to let up this one time.

Another aspect that I think some people are forgetting is that we have young kids. We don't have the same freedoms in terms of eating out on a whim. One of us still has to cook for the kids. So... we might as well eat the same thing.

Okay, now I get they gist of everything. Not that you don't already, but sometimes you really might just have to grit your teeth and respond "whatever you'd like, honey", and let him have his sulking party. If the kids ask, then tell them "daddy chose..." however you want to finish that sentence.

Sometimes, to men, having a 'refined palate' means getting the quarter pounder with bacon instead of just the cheeseburger. It takes a while to train us that other things are good for us besides what we ate when we were single - not that all of us did. I had a pretty good menu of things that I was able to cook before I married, so it wasn't too much of a shock that VG wanted "real" food.

 

[Inkachu]

Wow. Usually in your "don't be a sucky wife or your husband will hate you" stories, you sneak something in there about how he's driven to an affair. So props to you for branching out from your normal routine. Also like how you used the conflicting "nice meal" and "greasy spoon" in the same sentence. Don't get me wrong, I love greasy spoons, but I'd never call them a "nice meal."

Meanwhile, in my house, if I put out cold cuts and crackers out and told my husband to help himself, he'd be over-the-moon and wonder what the special occasion was. My husband is a meat-and-cracker with cheese and dip fiend. He could have it every day, all day, and be thrilled.

That said, in this charming little tale or the original post, I'd think my husband was being a baby. Husbands aren't the title holders on hard days and earning a break. If I make something he doesn't like, he is welcome to make something else or if he wanted something else, to buy all the ingredients for it on the way home and we can eat it tomorrow. If he were to be like the man-child in this story, he would come home to a dessert helping of "what the heck is wrong with you?" and I'm still going to put out what I'm able to put out for dinner. If he doesn't like it or wants something else, he can go about telling me like a man and my husband, or he can act like a baby and go to McDonalds and enjoy a very quiet rest of the evening.

Ahhhh, I love this post lol.

 

[ChristianGolfer]

Ah. When my husband asks for "nachos," he means corn chips plus a jar of cheese.

That's not nachos. That's chips and dip.

Also... I think making nachos in the microwave is doing it wrong.

Chips, cheese, seasoned ground beef/chicken, or diced seasoned chicken or steak. Cook in the oven so the cheese is bubbly and the chips get extra crispy. Top with salsa, guacamole, olives and maybe some sour cream.

 

[Inkachu]

Just had nachos for dinner, in fact Fresh baked chips, grilled chicken, tomatoes, onions, sour cream, and a little BBQ sauce. NUMMY.

 

[ValleyGal]

I go with meatless nachos and use cheese, tomatoes, onions, maybe some peppers, and serve with salsa. Mmmm. I might just have to make those for dinner tomorrow - yes, oven is better, but on hot days or in a rush, who wants to turn on the oven? Tonight, it's maui pork chops with Jasmine rice....hubby is cooking, which makes it even better!

 

[PassionateOne]

I think I am going to make meat loaf all week (his most hated meal). I wonder how many days one can sulk in a bedroom before starving?

That's what I would do, if my husband behaved that way!!

 

[LinkH]

I think you should have asked him really nicely and respectfully to pick up some nachos and cheese at the store while you took a shower, and had it with the meal. I definitely think you should make peace rather than meatloaf, in this case.

Btw, I used to hate meatloaf, so I can empathize with your husband. The kind with cooked ketchup and a strong onion flavor wasn't good to me. But I tried a variety of it in Indonesia with a brown gravy that was delicious.

My wife's hobby is cooking and she's worked recently as a pop up chef. So the way we handle meals is she cooks and I eat. Occasionally, I'll cook something, but it's usually something simple. If anyone actually makes nachos out of tortillas, its me, if we end up with a stack of corn tortillas that no one has eaten for example. If I cook, like a weekend lunch for the kids or a meal when she's gone, I'll cook something like pre-stuffed pasta.

Sometimes my wife is enthusiastic about cooking and wants to try some new cuisine. I gladly eat it. If she's tired of cooking, I'm fine with some left-over curry or some other simple meal.

My wife cooks Indonesia food. That's time consuming, so it's an occasional thing, and we like so many other cuisines. One quick easy thing she makes from Korean cuisine is a sauce to go on vegetables, made from sesame seed oil, a little fish sauce, sugar, and maybe some salt (and Korean red pepper if you like it a little hot). I'm not sure the quantities of each. We do it to taste. We started using it on boiled bean sprouts and spinach (strained and water squeezed out, respectively). It's delicious, as you know if you've tried these side dishes at a Korean restaurant. Then she started putting it on choisum, broccoli, and other vegetables. One simple side dish is to pour the sauce over raw chopped cucumbers.

Our kids really like spinach and bean sprouts. It's a good way to get them to eat their vegetables.

 

[Autumnleaf]

A Coke and Peanut M&Ms is my last minute dinner.

 

[LinkH]

A Coke and Peanut M&Ms is my last minute dinner.

And 'dat's why you're too sexy for your wife.

 

[LinkH]

And that's the only thing that would curb his craving (the corn chips and jar ---wait...jar?--of cheese)?

Well.....I wasn't really talking about taco salad (although the ingredients are about the same). Just those cheese chips.... topped with hamburger or ground turkey.....guacamole.....peppers....grilled onions......tomatoes...olives.....cheese....sour cream.

Looks good. I think turkey would be better than hamburger, but how about some strips of grilled chicken instead of the ground stuff? Mmmm.

My wife's not too much into cooking Mexican food. She had enjoyed some of the steak and seafood dishes served at Mexican or Tex Mex restaurants, but can't stand the Taco Bell variety of Mexican food and isn't too thrilled about tortillas, so she doesn't cook Mexican much.

We just had Korean 'glass noodles' with beef and vegetables, my wife's variation of 'chop chay', a Korean Chinese dish. In her country they have 'chop chey' an Indonesian Chinese vegetable stir fry dish without the glass noodle served with rice, and it's cooked differently. That's good, too. I think both of them are named after the number of vegetables they are supposed to use.