Lady In Waiting

[Beauty4Ashes13]

Hello everyone!

I just needed some sound christian advice. I am 28 years old and have been single my whole life. I have had men that I have had situations with but never made it to us being in a relationship. As of late, I have really been desiring a relationship that will eventually lead to marriage and children. It's so bad that I find myself navigating away from what I truly want in a godly man to just settling for anything that comes my way because of impatience and loneliness. I know what I truly want in my husband, but it seems that the only men that come my way are the complete opposite. I know everyone says to enjoy your single life and make the most of it, but I still want that companionship. I feel that I am getting older and becoming fearful that it won't happen for me until I am much older. I don't seem to understand why I haven't met anyone. Being honest, it is tough waiting and I don't know what to do. Help!


Your sister in Christ

 

[EastCoastRemnant]

Blessings sister...

As difficult as it is, wait on he Lord. I know these platitudes are sometimes hard to hear, especially when we are being tempted.

You didn't say what your criteria was for your future spouse, if they are all Godly or maybe some personal wants as well. None of us knows what the Lord's perfect plan for us is and it may well be not what we imagine. I always find that when we stop focusing on what it is we want and are in complete surrender to Him, sometimes the things we were praying for manifest themselves in amazing ways.

Again pray for patience and dedicate yourself to doing His work, ministering to others as He leads. Remember, we are never alone and there will never be an earthly relationship that will even come close to the one we can have with Christ Jesus. Focus on Him being your all in all.

Edited to add: study Proverbs 31 and emulate those traits of character to attract the right Godly man into your life. If nothing else, it will be pleasing to God

 

[Roidecoeur78]

Yes, waiting can be the most difficult discipline to develop a knack for. Not being a woman, I can only empathize with what I've heard and observed about the female biological clock; and the overwhelming impulses it is the source of, especially as a woman approaches the age of 30. I imagine the fear-based instinct of fight or flight transmutes easily to an anguished 'now or never' suspense which can last for far too long for many (a decade or more?). I once asked a married older friend of mine if she ever regretted not having children, she replied that there would always be that 'what if', but that after the strong urges did finally subside she realized she was free to unconditionally love and treat anyone as her child; and that she ended up with way more children that way than she ever could have done otherwise.

Maintenance of the body has always been a chore to me, so I have always viewed any of its additional urges for pleasure with skepticism. That's not to say I haven't caved to temptation on far too many occasions, but one hardly gains discipline or dignity by succumbing to bodily urges, because giving in is the easiest way out. That being said, the difficult way out is often ridiculed or dismissed by human nature, likely because so few humans are capable of it- it becomes weird and suspect by the standards of the majority.

Long story short, I'm sure you'll be okay, in the long run, whether you end up getting what you want or not.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Take Heart]

@Beauty4Ashes13
Hey sis, just want to encourage you to hang in there! I know it can be frustrating and lonely at times but it is so, so worth the wait. Settling for just anybody is honestly one of the biggest regret I've heard from so many people I've spoken with. Some have settled for those who are not believers, some have settled with someone who claimed to be a believer but their fruit/actions said otherwise. You want to wait for someone who is a born-again believer, who makes an effort to pursue Christ despite our imperfections.. who will respect and cherish your purity because you are worth waiting for until you both get married. A lot of women i have personally talked to have said they wish they would have waited because now they're dealing with the consequence of settling and not waiting for God's best. So wait for him. Dont pursue men. Men should be the one to pursue. It's "He who finds a wife", not she. Make sure you share the same values in Christ otherwise there will be conflicts and compromises down the road. It is so worth waiting for.

 

[Beauty4Ashes13]

What do you want in a husband? What types of things do you enjoy doing? Wait for the right guy that will steal your heart and treasure it.
If you start dating the wrong type of men now, then you could miss out on a really neat guy that you'd fall in love with. He could be just around the corner in your life, then you give up and settle for someone that is not really a great partner for you. The better guy sees you dating the other guy, so he does not ask you out.[/QUOTE

I want a born again believer. A man that respects me, my family, culture and also respects his own family and himself. I want someone who will love me as Christ loves the church. A guy that is fun, kind, romantic, thoughtful, prays and spends time with God, attends church, financially responsible, and lot of other attributes. It just seems impossible to find someone like this.

 

[Beauty4Ashes13]

@Beauty4Ashes13
Hey sis, just want to encourage you to hang in there! I know it can be frustrating and lonely at times but it is so, so worth the wait. Settling for just anybody is honestly one of the biggest regret I've heard from so many people I've spoken with. Some have settled for those who are not believers, some have settled with someone who claimed to be a believer but their fruit/actions said otherwise. You want to wait for someone who is a born-again believer, who makes an effort to pursue Christ despite our imperfections.. who will respect and cherish your purity because you are worth waiting for until you both get married. A lot of women i have personally talked to have said they wish they would have waited because now they're dealing with the consequence of settling and not waiting for God's best. So wait for him. Dont pursue men. Men should be the one to pursue. It's "He who finds a wife", not she. Make sure you share the same values in Christ otherwise there will be conflicts and compromises down the road. It is so worth waiting for.

Thanks sis!!

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Andrew77]

Hello everyone!

I just needed some sound christian advice. I am 28 years old and have been single my whole life. I have had men that I have had situations with but never made it to us being in a relationship. As of late, I have really been desiring a relationship that will eventually lead to marriage and children. It's so bad that I find myself navigating away from what I truly want in a godly man to just settling for anything that comes my way because of impatience and loneliness. I know what I truly want in my husband, but it seems that the only men that come my way are the complete opposite. I know everyone says to enjoy your single life and make the most of it, but I still want that companionship. I feel that I am getting older and becoming fearful that it won't happen for me until I am much older. I don't seem to understand why I haven't met anyone. Being honest, it is tough waiting and I don't know what to do. Help!


Your sister in Christ

Hello sister.

So I'm assuming you are dating, and looking, and have people setting you up on blind dates, and making sure people know you are available.

Also I assume that are you making yourself known in a place that actually has Christian guys. I only mention that because I meet girls who say they can't find a guy, and I ask how many single guys are in their church "none", and I'm thinking to myself that public schools must be doing terrible job, because that's a math problem. What version of math do you get one from zero?

So if you are doing everything you need to do, then I have to ask about the comment on "what I truly want". Now I need to be careful... because when you say you are deviating from what you 'truly want' that can mean a ton of different things.

To some people, 'what I truly want' means this massive laundry list of perfections. He's got to pray 15 times a day, and speak with heavenly angels, and have this barely visible halo over his head, and so on.

I'm not saying that you are doing this, but I have met women who have this completely unrealistic list of expectations. No man will fit their demands. Then they complain they can't find a guy. No they have found dozens of guys, they just are too picky.

Some men do the same thing. The only difference is, a man's sex drive will usually push them to figure out their expectations are too high quickly, and they end up finding someone perfect for them sooner. Some women will end up in their 50s, still waiting to find the white knight in shiny armor.

If that is what you mean by not having the man you truly want, then I think that is ok. I think in general, women need to lower their expectations. Men, are generally.... just men. Their underwear stinks, they burp, and praise G-d at the same time. Being Christian, doesn't make our armpits smell good on a hot summer day.

On the other hand, some women start trying to settle for a guy that isn't even a Christian. If that is what you mean by what you truly want, you need to hold on. Find a man that loves G-d.

Do not go chasing after a pagan guy, because he paid attention to you. Wait for a good Christian man.

Now by 'wait' I don't mean sit at home hoping someone punches in the wrong cell phone number. By wait, I mean you keep dating everyone that asks you out, and pray that G-d will make your search successful.

By the way, keep your first dates with any guy, simple short, and easy. You meet them someplace public, have a good time (as best you can) and go home. You are not obligated to stay. If the guy turns out to be a creeper, leave.

In the mean time, I assume you are seeking first the kingdom of G-d. Meaning I assume you are volunteering at your church or something. If you are doing nothing for G-d, that could be why he hasn't been helping you in this matter. Not saying sign up for 20 year mission in the Congo. One night a month even, is something where you are serving G-d. Pick something at your church, and do that.

 

[Joined2krist]

I'm 37, the truth is he may never come. I was exactly like you 9 years ago, I was tempted, I was desperate, I prayed hard, I went out. I travelled, I tried online, I took every advice I was given, I bought many books too. Here's my advice; live your life in such a way that you won't regret spending so many years anxiously waiting. Let the peace of God which surpasses all understanding keep your heart and mind, God bless

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Sketcher]

I just needed some sound christian advice. I am 28 years old and have been single my whole life. I have had men that I have had situations with but never made it to us being in a relationship. As of late, I have really been desiring a relationship that will eventually lead to marriage and children. It's so bad that I find myself navigating away from what I truly want in a godly man to just settling for anything that comes my way because of impatience and loneliness. I know what I truly want in my husband, but it seems that the only men that come my way are the complete opposite.

Well, what do you want in a man, and why do you want it? The men you say you are moving to, how exactly are they different?

 

[ripple the car]

I'm 37, the truth is he may never come. I was exactly like you 9 years ago, I was tempted, I was desperate, I prayed hard, I went out. I travelled, I tried online, I took every advice I was given, I bought many books too. Here's my advice; live your life in such a way that you won't regret spending so many years anxiously waiting. Let the peace of God which surpasses all understanding keep your heart and mind, God bless

Yes. Marriage is a gift, and can also be an incredible cross. So can singleness. Trust in Christ, follow Him, be holy, strive upwards, and no matter what, you'll be within God's Will.