Hello everyone!
I just needed some sound christian advice. I am 28 years old and have been single my whole life. I have had men that I have had situations with but never made it to us being in a relationship. As of late, I have really been desiring a relationship that will eventually lead to marriage and children. It's so bad that I find myself navigating away from what I truly want in a godly man to just settling for anything that comes my way because of impatience and loneliness. I know what I truly want in my husband, but it seems that the only men that come my way are the complete opposite. I know everyone says to enjoy your single life and make the most of it, but I still want that companionship. I feel that I am getting older and becoming fearful that it won't happen for me until I am much older. I don't seem to understand why I haven't met anyone. Being honest, it is tough waiting and I don't know what to do. Help!
Your sister in Christ
Hello sister.
So I'm assuming you are dating, and looking, and have people setting you up on blind dates, and making sure people know you are available.
Also I assume that are you making yourself known in a place that actually has Christian guys. I only mention that because I meet girls who say they can't find a guy, and I ask how many single guys are in their church "none", and I'm thinking to myself that public schools must be doing terrible job, because that's a math problem. What version of math do you get one from zero?
So if you are doing everything you need to do, then I have to ask about the comment on "what I truly want". Now I need to be careful... because when you say you are deviating from what you 'truly want' that can mean a ton of different things.
To some people, 'what I truly want' means this massive laundry list of perfections. He's got to pray 15 times a day, and speak with heavenly angels, and have this barely visible halo over his head, and so on.
I'm not saying that you are doing this, but I have met women who have this completely unrealistic list of expectations. No man will fit their demands. Then they complain they can't find a guy. No they have found dozens of guys, they just are too picky.
Some men do the same thing. The only difference is, a man's sex drive will usually push them to figure out their expectations are too high quickly, and they end up finding someone perfect for them sooner. Some women will end up in their 50s, still waiting to find the white knight in shiny armor.
If that is what you mean by not having the man you truly want, then I think that is ok. I think in general, women need to lower their expectations. Men, are generally.... just men. Their underwear stinks, they burp, and praise G-d at the same time. Being Christian, doesn't make our armpits smell good on a hot summer day.
On the other hand, some women start trying to settle for a guy that isn't even a Christian. If that is what you mean by what you truly want, you need to hold on. Find a man that loves G-d.
Do not go chasing after a pagan guy, because he paid attention to you. Wait for a good Christian man.
Now by 'wait' I don't mean sit at home hoping someone punches in the wrong cell phone number. By wait, I mean you keep dating everyone that asks you out, and pray that G-d will make your search successful.
By the way, keep your first dates with any guy, simple short, and easy. You meet them someplace public, have a good time (as best you can) and go home. You are not obligated to stay. If the guy turns out to be a creeper, leave.
In the mean time, I assume you are seeking first the kingdom of G-d. Meaning I assume you are volunteering at your church or something. If you are doing nothing for G-d, that could be why he hasn't been helping you in this matter. Not saying sign up for 20 year mission in the Congo. One night a month even, is something where you are serving G-d. Pick something at your church, and do that.