Ladies looking for husbands....

[Argent]

You've probably all heard of Boundlesswebzine, the pro-marriage website. Have you read this article there about getting a husband?

http://boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001220.cfm

I'm just curious how agressive, determined, persistent, whatever you want to call it, you are at trying to marry.

1) Are you really trying, or do you feel that it will "just happen"?

2) What do you think of the author's take on pursuing marriage?

 

[covenantwmn]

I liked the article a lot. I would say if I saw someone I was interested in I would really try. Where I live there's not too many guys around my age available, and the one I was beginning to take notice of began seeing someone. I like what the author said, while I definitely am not into manipulation or being a pest or anything like that, I do know you can't just sit and wait for things to come to you. If the LORD opens a door, walk thru. Thanks, enjoyed the article.

 

[~HopeFloats~]

Not trying...

I think when you are ready and actually trying finding a spouse should be fairly easy, if you are looking in the right places and have a good outlook on the whole thing.

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

People "trying" to get married scare the crap out of me.

marriage should't be a goal, it should be a partnership towards a common goal.

 

[septemberskies]

That's an interesting article...
1) Are you really trying, or do you feel that it will "just happen"?
I would have to say at this point i'm definitely not trying... seems like when I do it backlashes somehow so i'm leaving it alone for while... not that I don't want it, just that i've dealt with enough heartache as is.

2) What do you think of the author's take on pursuing marriage?
I think its good. I agree that women do have to play their part in finding a suitable partner. In sense I think the article was basically saying that women need to place themselves in the position (and frame of mind) to interact with men who are potential marriage material.

 

[Justin1]

I stopped trying, becuse it's clearly not time yet for me.

I really like the author's ideas, though. It's incredibly frustrating to be plugging away with a girl and getting no reaction. Like she said, nuture, don't just respond.

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

The article is more sexism against men. This quote says a lot about how the author views men and encourages women to view men:

"It's an old cliché but no less true today than when it was coined: men don't buy a cow when they're getting the milk for free. If you're having sex outside of marriage, you're diminishing your sexual power and your ability to find a good match...Men having their sexual needs met casually have fewer reasons to sign up for all the responsibilities of marriage."






​

Sorry, but if that is the way that a woman, Christian or otherwise, views me, then I am better off without a relationship with her. If that is the way that all women view men, then I will be better off as a lifelong solo single.

On one hand the author tells women not to manipulate. But on the other hand the author encourages women to use their "sexual power".

A woman should treat a man like the unique individual that he is. And a woman should relate to a man as the unique individual that she is. Ultimately, that is who one will go to bed with, file joint tax returns with, share child rearing duties with, etc.

If one relates to stereotypes, prejudices and other social constructs when looking for a partner then she is going to end up spending the rest of her life mostly relating to those stereotypes, prejudices and social constructs and missing out on the unique individual that she has bonded with, I would say. But maybe that is the way that a lot of people like it. I don't know.

More importantly, if one relates to stereotypes, prejudices and other social constructs when looking for a partner then she limits her choices. For example if a woman approaches men like they "need" sex and she has "sexual power" over them then she will likely build barriers that men who give sex low priority are not motivated to try to break through. Consequently, she could miss out on a lot of good potential marriage partners.

 

[Wisedove]

Isn't it funny sometimes? Girls are looking for guys and guys are looking for girls, but for some reason there are so many singles who 'can't' find someone. I think there are a few things singles can do to meet their special person. First, they need to accept themselves (easier said than done). No one is perfect and everyone has flaws. I know that most people have insecurities because we live in a very superficial world. But it's important to be healthy before going into a new relationship. For the ladies, I want you to know, as a guy (and most guys are the same), I think almost every girl I meet is attractive. You don't have to look like Britney Spears or whoever to find the affection of a man. So please don't beat yourself up on your looks. Ok, the second thing I think would help in finding someone is to accept failure. A lot of people probably think of failure as something they've failed at. Don't think that. Just accept it as God's will. And if there is a lesson to be learned, then learn it and then move on. Don't dwell on it. It happens to everyone... I promise.
Third, don't be desparate. I think this probably applies more to guys. Don't just take anyone who gives you the time of day. Really consider who this is. Are you equally yoked??? That's the most important question. And you better consider it carefully. We are always in such a hurry to fill that need we have, that we accept anyone. That is playing with fire and you're going to get burned. And I don't want to see that for you.
Well, I hope this little bit of advice helped someone. I don't claim to be an expert, but I've learned some hard lessons so I speak only with experience.
WD

 

[~HopeFloats~]

People "trying" to get married scare the crap out of me.

marriage should't be a goal, it should be a partnership towards a common goal.

why would that scare you? or better yet what would not scare you

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

For the ladies, I want you to know, as a guy (and most guys are the same), I think almost every girl I meet is attractive. You don't have to look like Britney Spears or whoever to find the affection of a man. So please don't beat yourself up on your looks.

 

[OhhJim]

I think that is an excellent article! I especially liked this part:

"Too often we overlook men in the "just friends" category because we're not "attracted" to them. (My roommates and I were guilty of this.) Instead of asking who you're attracted to, start asking "Of my friends, who would be a godly husband, strong partner and good father?" Looking at men this way, you might be surprised who you're attracted to!"

In my experience, the things that women find attractive when they meet a man, are not the same qualities they want after 10 years of marriage to him. Women will complain that their husbands don't have certain qualities, when they knew all along he didn't have them, but they ignored the reality. I think it's wise to consider a spouse objectively.

 

[California Dreamin']

I've given up.

 

[Blank123]

there are some good points in the article, I think. But I generally don't bother with anything Boundless has to say because they tend to be very legalistic about the need to get married. Not everyone is meant to be married and those that aren't shouldn't be made to feel guilty or that there's something wrong with them for being single.

all that being said I would like to get married one day, but I'm not trying to find a husband. I want to go where God wants me, and if that means I'll end up getting married then I'm not to worried about whether or not I'll find the right guy.

 

[Diane_Windsor]

I have been trying and I have had no luck whatsoever. I'm trying to resign myself to the fact that I will never be married or even meet my first boyfriend.

Too bad I wasn't born into a society that arranged marriages

DIANE

 

[mina]

I didn't read this article. I think I have read it before. I really dislike Boundless. For me personally, after much prayer about this, there is no one in my life right now, friend or otherwise that would qualify as potential anything. So , I wait. I do not want to push myself into anything that God does not want for me. I do not want to manipulate or trick a man into loving me. If there was a man who was a friend in my life and I prayed about it and felt that God wanted me and him to be more than friends then I would take it slowly and wait for God to also tell my friend the same thing. I don't think God only tells one person about an important relationship. I think He is gentleman enough to let both people know.

 

[JPPT1974]

I pray and wait myself
Just let the Lord lead me
No matter what occurs
He will be there as I need to be content in and with Him!

 

[Justin1]

The article is more sexism against men. This quote says a lot about how the author views men and encourages women to view men:

"It's an old cliché but no less true today than when it was coined: men don't buy a cow when they're getting the milk for free. If you're having sex outside of marriage, you're diminishing your sexual power and your ability to find a good match...Men having their sexual needs met casually have fewer reasons to sign up for all the responsibilities of marriage."


​

Sorry, but if that is the way that a woman, Christian or otherwise, views me, then I am better off without a relationship with her. If that is the way that all women view men, then I will be better off as a lifelong solo single.

On one hand the author tells women not to manipulate. But on the other hand the author encourages women to use their "sexual power".

A woman should treat a man like the unique individual that he is. And a woman should relate to a man as the unique individual that she is. Ultimately, that is who one will go to bed with, file joint tax returns with, share child rearing duties with, etc.

If one relates to stereotypes, prejudices and other social constructs when looking for a partner then she is going to end up spending the rest of her life mostly relating to those stereotypes, prejudices and social constructs and missing out on the unique individual that she has bonded with, I would say. But maybe that is the way that a lot of people like it. I don't know.

More importantly, if one relates to stereotypes, prejudices and other social constructs when looking for a partner then she limits her choices. For example if a woman approaches men like they "need" sex and she has "sexual power" over them then she will likely build barriers that men who give sex low priority are not motivated to try to break through. Consequently, she could miss out on a lot of good potential marriage partners.

Yeah, I thought the same thing when I read that, but forgot about it by the time I was done reading. The author makes it seem like her husband was completely clueless about their relationship. She also doesn't give Christian men any credit when it comes to sex, probably because she hasn't experienced the kind of temptation that men go through daily.

 

[vibrant]

i always mean to send boundless a little letter every thursday, expressing my dismay that they are: asking for money, reusing old articles, acting as advice gurus, using less and less of the Bible in their articles, and turning on singles instead of encouraging them as singles in their studies and walk with God -- because that's not how they were at first. then i, figuratively, roll my eyes and get on with what i'm doing.

 

[mina]

bout 2 years a go, I wrote Boundless a response to some dumb article they had. The article was about how singles probably are sinning if they want to be married and are not. It was totally unBiblical. The "editor" wrote me back and said he could see my point. Apparently they forwarded my e-mail to the author and she wrote me back. It thanked me for reading the article and responding. She said something like I see you have very strong opinions, but she never really addressed what she wrote in the article and what it had to do with the word of God. I stopped reading Boundless after that. I have looked over their Zine every now and then; I see that author is no longer an author there anymore; but their articles still remain very judgemental and not always Biblically based. They do recycle the same old stuff over and over. It's sad because they have a position to really be a ministry to all young adults, not just the ones that fit a certian mold.

 

[Miles]

I started reading Boundless when I was 23, but stopped keeping up a few years ago. At the time, it seemed a bit too "slick" for my tastes, and as such I couldn't quite relate.

That said, I think they are in a great position to be both positive and effective if they keep things a little more biblically based, and try harder not to alienate their target audience.