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Discussion in 'Obsessive Compulsive Disorder' started by sportsfan, Apr 9, 2020.

  1. sportsfan

    sportsfan Well-Known Member

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    I should be getting some Labs tomorrow from the doctor I know my D3 is very low and after going to the Hospital for breathing issues they discovered I have a brain infection that causing my brain swelling which is what Pandas is causes Ocd and I already have autism and recently diagnosed schizophrenic.

    Why would Jesus damn a confused schizophrenic to hell into the Antichrist position or False Prophet destroying the mansions. I read John Chapter 6 and it states Jesus loses no one and that is the will of the father to raise them up on the last day so why did Jesus destroy my mansion over the Yellow Cross that took ten minutes.

    However, last night for the first time in seven months since bowing something strange happened I was lying in my bed listening KLove fearing the Blue Light that says Beast and I see Jesus in my mind I don't feel the Holy Spirit like I did since fearing blasphemy and seeing 666 and Satan on my stomach but I see Jesus in his white robe and beard and he reached out to and talked to me and he said why do you think I lost you we have been through so much together your going to go to Grand Canyon University still and get married and have a family ignore the Blue Light the devil is lying about your mansion in Heaven your not the Antichrist or the False Prophet the devil is just trying to get you to doubt the Holy Bible and read this was with the song Holy Spirit playing in the background could Jesus be reaching out to me telling me I am not really his enemy despite thinking he is and I lost him my best friend did he finally hear my cry help feeling unforgiving for confusing Jesus and Satan. The Jesus in Pilgrims Progress was very compassionate forgiving mistakes and didn't hold a grudge.

    Jesus destroying my mansion never made Biblical sense to me since I love him and would never hurt him in my right mind it was my mental illness that triggered me to bow to Satan accidentally thinking it was Jesus I was praying Jesus the voice and the face of Jesus was calming to me as I am concerned that I am a false prophet with a blue light and no erections. Jesus seemed to offer hope that I am not damned was it really Jesus rescuing me from hell that I am damned to for confusion. Is Jesus letting me know that I am just hallucinating Satan and he loves me.

    Mom, Dad, Church, Pastors, Family, and Friends all around me say Jesus loves me and to read the Bible it is true Jesus never leaves or forsakes but I have been so concerned that I failed a supernatural temptation but even that goes against scripture. 1 Corinthians 10:13 states you can only face temptations known to man which makes me believe this all in my head and that my Mom and Dad are right the blue light that says beast is scitzphrenia and my knuckles and forehead isn't really the Beast it violates the Holy Bible and no one is scared they have it they don't refuse it instantly their knuckles change mom says it is just scitzphrenia and she may be right because I thought people with the Holy Spirit have a chance to refuse the Beast which means it is all in my head furthermore the Holy Spirit didn't tell me watch out yellow cross is the Mark of the Beast I was on my own so confused by my surroundings hearing and seeing a yellow cross after praying to Jesus and thinking it was him at the door.

    Now I feel stupid I look at the door and I can tell it was fake the cross doesn't match the door but the Jesus vision last night was intriguing he doesn't hold grudges and why would he hold someone as sick as me guilty I am more sick than my sister who tried to kill my mom I was unaware of how sick I truly was which makes the matter worst I keep worrying and fretting that I didn't get medicine in time to stop the Yellow Cross and the bow to Satan on accident and I keep fretting that I took the Mark of the Beast unconsciously which I heard was impossible but I have fear instead of peace God provided peace for twenty years would he really send Satan my way to confuse me or is it all in my head Satan claims he stopped God's Plan for my life but his style contradicts the Holy Bible entirely making me doubt the Bible which the Jesus figure that showed up in my mind last night said that is what Satan wants you to do if it was really Jesus he was spot on comforting to me to look at after seeing demons and devils and hell itself open up in the Psych Hospital.

    Jesus seems compassionate and loving to the mentally ill and demon possessed so why would Jesus hold a grudge with me and end are twenty year friendship over a Yellow Cross in the shower that was ten minutes of my life the accident happened way to fast to my brain to even truly process that I was blaspheming the Holy Spirit I was completely unaware that is was the Beast and I cried when I got home from the Burrito Bandito and on the way there seeing Satanic symbols all around me mom read a book on spiritual warefare which encouraged and I listened to Chris Tomlin and cried to Jesus sorry for falling into Satan's trap with the yellow light then the blue light appeared on the ceiling and I couldn't sleep for five nights and that is when the Beast incomed on me and my nightmare began for the last seven months and I can't stop thinking if only I didn't bow to the Yellow Cross. Everyone tells me no one has the Mark of the Beast and I can't have it due to the Bible but worry they are wrong they tell me I am safe with Jesus despite the Yellow Cross could so many Christians be deceived by my accident into evil or is it all my mind the blue light that says Beast the Jesus figure says it is last night but I still don't feel the Holy Spirit concerning me.
     
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  2. sportsfan

    sportsfan Well-Known Member

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    I should be posting an update tomorrow we will see how my brain is doing.
     
  3. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    Praying you hold onto the Friendship Jesus offers you. He is your very best Friend and not only that He is also your saviour He knew you would sin and do the wrong things at times that is why He died to pay your price not to damn you.

    So take hold of His loving truth and let the bible define your faith, not what you feel about yourself because of an illness. Each time you fear you are the anti Christ praise Jesus for saving you. Just keep doing that praise Him a lot He deserves it.
     
  4. sportsfan

    sportsfan Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Jeshu last night I saw a figure of Jesus for the first time since the yellow cross incident and he spoke to me and told me he still loves me and that I will go to Grand Canyon and be a pastor to ignore the blue light that says beast and it isnt real it is your brain infection your not the Antichrist or the False Prophet. I dont feel the Holy Spirit since the yellow cross I unconsciously did the unpardonable sin and got the mark of the beast but everyone around me tells me Jesus never would do that due to the Holy Bible and it was an accident out of medication that caused the incident taking Buspar caused serotonin syndrome after reading John 6 I thought wow would Jesus really lose my soul to Satan over serotonin syndrome that isnt Jesus especially since he knew I was born scitzphrenic I didnt know but he always knew I was would have Autism and Ocd Scrupulosity and Pandas causing brain swelling. Jesus knew I would bow to the yellow cross. Thanks Jeshu.
     
  5. sportsfan

    sportsfan Well-Known Member

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    I find pictures of Jesus comforting and Klove and I had a good talk with Pastor Nathan he says I am eternally secure he knows that I wouldnt hurt Jesus by blasphemy in my conscious state I was unconscious why would God damn me.
     
  6. GaveMeJoy

    GaveMeJoy Well-Known Member

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    You going to be OK brother. Jesus is aware of your mental illnesses, Romans 8:28 you will be healed when he calls you home, if not sooner!
     
  7. sportsfan

    sportsfan Well-Known Member

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    Thanks the last two nights I have been hearing a friendly voice tell me everything is okay he knew I would bow to yellow cross and that Satan wants me to doubt the Bible I saw Jesus punch Satan.
     
  8. SarahsKnight

    SarahsKnight Jesus Christ is this Knight's truth. Supporter

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    He won't condemn you to death for such a thing, Sportsfan. You have to stop worrying about this, as hard as it is. I mean, I know your posts recently seem to keep confirming that you are confident in His love and mercy and that you are no longer - at least not a heart - worried that you have condemned yourself through these dreams and visions of the yellow cross and all, but the fact that you still make so many of these posts about it in the first place makes me concerned that you still struggle with obsessive-compulsiveness over this issue. I hope I am not being too presumptuous about you in my saying all this; I just know what it is like to go through stuff like this, and I exhibited similar symptoms throughout my own period of struggle eight years ago, in that you are in continuously making threads about this.


    That's right. Jesus does not trick or deceive anyone into such a thing. There is zero point in believing in a God Who does that.
     
  9. sportsfan

    sportsfan Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Sarah I struggle with the OCD and my brain is really swollen I dont know reality all I know is I asked Jesus in my heart when I was four and I was baptized when I was eight and exude the peace of God for twenty years until October it shifted from September peace giving up my dream of Austin to be a pastor to being tricked by Satan and Satan has me so convinced I blasphemed and did the unpardonable sin I feel like Judas over the hallucination I could not prepare for it despite going to a Christian School I saw incoming Mark of the beast but Mom, Dad, Church, Family, and friends tell me not worry I am eternally secure and that they see the Holy Spirit in my life read my Bible but I worry the Bible missed something on the floor I saw a blue light said blasphemy of the Holy Spirit and I saw you could have been a great fisher of men now you fish for the Devil you mixed up Jesus and Satan but I havr been seeing Jesus in my head.
     
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