Knowing about, understanding, and pastorally caring for asexual persons

[PloverWing]

I have a couple of young-adult friends who identify as asexual. One of the things that has emerged in conversations -- something I hadn't thought about before -- is that our family groups are mostly organized around sexual bonding. A man and a woman are sexually attracted to each other, marry, and form a household, often with children. Now that same-sex marriage is legal, maybe two men or two women do the same thing. But what if you're asexual, and you don't want to live alone? What kind of household do you form? Marriage lets you make a commitment to stay with someone for life; it also lets you easily own property together with inheritance rights, make medical decisions for each other, and have health insurance that covers your spouse. Can you and a friend, or a group of friends, form a household that has the permanence of a family?

Some of these issues arise with people who are single for other reasons (by choice, never found the right person, etc.). Maybe if we figure this out for one group, we'll have it figured out for the other group too.

I don't know what to say for church policies or activities. Be nice to people, obviously, even if they're in an unusual family arrangement. I think my church does that already, but that's not exactly a positive, more the absence of a negative.

 

[Paidiske]

PloverWing, when I was in college, four of my fellow students wrestling with exactly that question - What kind of household can I live in if I'm not married but don't want to live alone? - experimented for a couple of years with living in an "intentional community." From what I saw from the outside, it had a lot of potential but didn't work well because there was some significant conflict between one person and the others. But if it had been just the other three, I could well see that it might have lasted longer and been a really interesting and vibrant way to live.

Maybe small monastic-type communities might offer us some things to resource our thinking here?

 

[SkyWriting]

I have a couple of young-adult friends who identify as asexual. One of the things that has emerged in conversations -- something I hadn't thought about before -- is that our family groups are mostly organized around sexual bonding. A man and a woman are sexually attracted to each other, marry, and form a household, often with children. Now that same-sex marriage is legal, maybe two men or two women do the same thing. But what if you're asexual, and you don't want to live alone? What kind of household do you form? Marriage lets you make a commitment to stay with someone for life; it also lets you easily own property together with inheritance rights, make medical decisions for each other, and have health insurance that covers your spouse. Can you and a friend, or a group of friends, form a household that has the permanence of a family?

Some of these issues arise with people who are single for other reasons (by choice, never found the right person, etc.). Maybe if we figure this out for one group, we'll have it figured out for the other group too.

I don't know what to say for church policies or activities. Be nice to people, obviously, even if they're in an unusual family arrangement. I think my church does that already, but that's not exactly a positive, more the absence of a negative.

Communes were popular for a while and they were not sex parties. People just chose to live together.
I've been to one such place. It was an apple farm.

 

[Dave-W]

Maybe small monastic-type communities might offer us some things to resource our thinking here?

I would think that would be ideal for someone who is asexual.