Kissing

[mercyztestimony]

I have read Boy Meets Girl and agree with a lot of what Josh says (but not everything). But, anyways, my boyfriend, of 18 months, and I have decided to wait until engagement and most likely marraige to kiss. I have never kissed anyone before and he has but I just really wanted to save that as something special for my husband and I to experience. I just think that it would be really sweet if we stay together forever, to share that first kiss with him. It will feel so important to me that I saved it and gave it only to him and so special to him that I saved it only for him. Even though it is not something that I feel is wrong before marraige, it is just something that is special to me and that i want to save to experience with only one person. Whatever you do, pray about it and make standards...there are different kinds of kisses, ya know...my boyfriend and i still kiss one another on the cheek, I personally dont feel that that leads to anything that is wrong...so you may want to make more specific standards rather than ALL kissing in general. Just trust God with it...He'll let you know!
I'll be praying for you!

 

[plymouthmuscle]

I have have read the book too. And I think it's way extreme. I mean it even has rules for hand holding. Give me a break. I know sexual tension can be there but geez it's just hand holding.

I've been dating my current girlfriend for about a year and half now. She is my first real girlfriend outside of camp flings and such. We have been each others first kiss. Now we kiss all the time. Now we can't hardly keep our hands off each other. The problem is that we've kind of hit a limit between what a "boyfriend, girlfriend" couple can do and what a "married couple" can do. We now find our selves trying to back off our rapid pace in our physical relationship. Our affection for each other comes from the fact that my parents have no affection for each other. It's almost like they're brother and sister. And it bothers me. I've decided that I will never let this happen to me and my wife. I just don't understand how a couple could love each and not want to hold each other. My girlfriend lives in a single parent home with just her mom so she feels much the way I do.

But heres how it got that way. We hooked up just before we left for different colleges. For the most part our relationship is long distances excpect for weekends and breaks and such like that. So we don't get to spend much time with each other. So when we are with each other we feel we have to make up for lost time.
My question is once you hit that barrier how do you stop. We are both commited to not having sex. But it's all those things that lead up to sex that I'm worried about. You can get lost in the moment.

 

[Ampmonster]

im engaged. and we make out and it i get ..er...,up.. but no clothes fly.

is that to much

 

[plymouthmuscle]

im engaged. and we make out and it i get ..er...,up.. but no clothes fly.

is that to much

But do you find it difficult to keep the clothes on. I know I sure do.

 

[P3nguin1]

My fiance` and I have not always been as obedient as we are now. We have decided to abstain until the wedding but for the past 2 1/2 years have had a very sexual relationship. We have a dauther together as well.

It is VERY difficult to know where to draw the line, especially when for such a long time there was no line.

The hardest part is I refuse to pray to have the desire quenched, just to have the strength to stand strong.

It is also difficult to hit the brakes when we have previously had such an intimate relationship. We are just trying to find other ways to explore intimacy that do not violate Gods Word.

I will never claim that it is easy, but I really feel that us being forced to find different ways for us to express our feelings is bringing us closer together and stregthening our relationship.

And it brings us closer to God, which is the best part

That being said I still find my self keeping track that it's only 88 more days until we are married and we can get back to the "good old days"

I even find myself annoyed that next year is a leap year. We are geting married on March 1st and that adds one more feraking day to the wait.

 

[plymouthmuscle]

Another problem is that our marriage is scheduled for the fall of 2005. Thats a long freaking time to wait when I've already hit that line.

 

[He put me back together]

Sorry, but you can't compare Old Testament courting paterns to those of modern days. I agree that the Old Testament is very applicable, but we must remember this is a different society and such. The Patriarchs had not even received the law against incest and other forms of current day sexual immorality. I wouldn't use the relationship between Jacob and Rachel as your guide to dating.

Oh, so now the Jewish cultures AREN'T model for courting? I wish you guys would make up your mind

 

[He put me back together]

*a* model

 

[He put me back together]

This is in reguards to the scripture quotes from the Old Testament. If you want to get technical about what the bible has to say about kissing then look also at the New Testament, Judas kissed Jesus on the cheek on the night of Jesus betrayal. My point is try to look at the context of the scripture your quoting, scripture taken out of context can be tricky at times.

The point is, this culture (well, we're talking about the guy who would BECOME Israel, but was not named Israel at the time) was fine with this kind of affection--even among those who are compatable for marriage, but were not married. Jacob was not in error when he kissed Rachel. To say that the Hebrew culture, or any other culture in the scriptures for that matter, prohibits the kiss between single men and women who are available to one another for marriage, is absurd. They were more mellow about that than we are. To say that it is wrong to kiss or hold hands before marriage is absurd. To say that denying such things represents a greater commitment, and a better marriage, isn't even well supported. But to say that it is best depends on the situation--it all falls under "if your right hand offendeth thee..."

 

[He put me back together]

im engaged. and we make out and it i get ..er...,up.. but no clothes fly.

is that to much

Ok...er um...sensitive topic now. But since it's open, we're all adults here--we can keep things decent and still discuss sensitive things.

This is the fact of the matter: If you're male, and you're functional, married or not, whether you kiss, hold hands, or sit stiffly (please, dear God, let no one pervert my words), put on a blindfold, and not look at anyone your whole life--you will get an erection. It's going to happen, whether you like it or not. It's the way God made us. Getting an erection is not equivalent to lust. It's a natural function--just like attraction is. Being attracted, finding another person pleasing, is not lust. Getting an erection while you think about your girlfriend is not lust. LUST is the desire for sin in your heart. Lust is committing sin in your mind and in your heart. Don't worry about what is natural--worry about Satan's use of what is natural. Be on guard about what is in your heart, not what is in your pants.
If kissing causes you to lust, you should calm down. Incidently, it's probably a good idea to calm down anyway, whether you're in lust or not, when you go so far as to get excited like this. Is making out before marriage a good idea? --eh, well, that's all debatable. But if it causes you to lust, there is no debate. Tone it down. Just know what lust is, and don't mistake something else for it.

PS Hewit your smilies rock!

 

[Jesus_Freak4]

I tell you, some of you younger folks really impress the daylights out of me.
Makes me ashamed of my lack of control in younger years.

nothing in the world wrong with waiting.
I'd say if you manage it, it'll probably be worth the wait.....

It's hard to control sexual desire. I know I haven't kissed my girlfriend, but I felt that we were taking it too far physically with things that could potentially cause lust and temptation. Compared to most young people out there, our physical relationship is nothing at all. The rest of the world judges us on how far we have gone physically, and thus, as I found out today, we are moving at Snail's pace.

We are drawing the line at kissing, but we want to have a gradual build-up to that (physically). At some stage later in our relationship, a kiss may be essential for us to strengthen our relationship, but if not, we can do without it until marriage, and make it all the more special.

Here's how I see it. The longer you wait, the harder it is, but the more special it is. You need to work it right so that it won't be too hard to wait, but still really special as you have waited.

 

[P3nguin1]

Ok...er um...sensitive topic now. But since it's open, we're all adults here--we can keep things decent and still discuss sensitive things.

This is the fact of the matter: If you're male, and you're functional, married or not, whether you kiss, hold hands, or sit stiffly (please, dear God, let no one pervert my words), put on a blindfold, and not look at anyone your whole life--you will get an erection. It's going to happen, whether you like it or not. It's the way God made us. Getting an erection is not equivalent to lust. It's a natural function--just like attraction is. Being attracted, finding another person pleasing, is not lust. Getting an erection while you think about your girlfriend is not lust. LUST is the desire for sin in your heart. Lust is committing sin in your mind and in your heart. Don't worry about what is natural--worry about Satan's use of what is natural. Be on guard about what is in your heart, not what is in your pants.
If kissing causes you to lust, you should calm down. Incidently, it's probably a good idea to calm down anyway, whether you're in lust or not, when you go so far as to get excited like this. Is making out before marriage a good idea? --eh, well, that's all debatable. But if it causes you to lust, there is no debate. Tone it down. Just know what lust is, and don't mistake something else for it.

PS Hewit your smilies rock!

Excellent post!

I have had similar discussions on many occasions. It is possible, normal in fact, to find someone attractive or be attracted to them without "lust" being the motivation.

If you see an attractive person walking down you street and you say to yourself "Wow, she is beautiful" you have not committed the sin of "lusting after her in your mind" as some would like you to belive. That sin only comes later if you allow it to go further (something along the lines of picturing yourself doing things with her you ought not to be doing). Attraction and even affection are NOT lust, but they can lead to it if you aren't vigilant.

 

[Galadriel]

Hmm,
I agree we have to be careful. I suppose if you know yourself, and that kissing will *not* lead to other things, then its okay. But if you have trouble keeping yourself under control, and wanting to go further than what is allowed not-married couples, then you shouldn't.

Hmm, also then we get into the different kinds of kisses, (on the hand, cheek, lips, ect...) but I suppose it really does depend on the couple. I mean if you know that you yourself would have trouble, then it would be best to wait.
I am not quite sure how it would play out for me and my significant other but I guess we see as we go.

 

[Agapelove]

Have any of you read any of Josh Harris' books ("I kissed dating goodbye" or "Boy meets girl")?

An interesting point he makes is that he waited until he was married to even kiss his wife.

Anyone else here who is prepared to make such a commitment?

I know for my current relationship, we haven't made that commitment, but have waited and are still waiting nonetheless for a kiss - when the time is right it will happen, but I'm in no hurry. If we did manage to wait until marriage, that would be cool.

Yes, I have read his books and from experience, I cannot even kiss a man or my desires eventually carry me further than I ever intended. I have tried to keep it at kissing in relationships in the past but eventually ended up igoing further than I ever intended to. I love the verse "How can you expect to walk on hot coals and not get burned" and "Why do you think that you can walk on slippery ground and not fall"? That's me! I walk on the hot coals and eventually fall. Once you start tempting your mind and your flesh, it is very hard to get your mind back on track. I don't think men are the only ones with this problem, I think us women struggle just as much.

 

[Living4Him03]

Yes, I have read his books and from experience, I cannot even kiss a man or my desires eventually carry me further than I ever intended. I have tried to keep it at kissing in relationships in the past but eventually ended up igoing further than I ever intended to. I love the verse "How can you expect to walk on hot coals and not get burned" and "Why do you think that you can walk on slippery ground and not fall"? That's me! I walk on the hot coals and eventually fall. Once you start tempting your mind and your flesh, it is very hard to get your mind back on track. I don't think men are the only ones with this problem, I think us women struggle just as much.

AMEN

 

[Hidden in Christ]

Well, I am not going to say whether kissing before marriage is wrong or not. I honestly think it's one of those gray areas. But I do, however, believe that the Spirit of God can show each individual what is right for them in this area.

One thing I feel I cannot stress enough is that if a couple is dating, (both Christians hopefully) and one of them has even slight reserves about whether kissing is OK, that couple should not kiss.

Let me give an example. Say a couple has been dating a few months. The guy decides he would like to kiss the girl. He believes it is fine--after all, they waited a few months, so it's not like they're rushing anything. He's ready, and he thinks she should be too.

However, the girl has reserves. She doesn't necessarily think kissing is wrong, but she thinks her guy is moving a little too fast. He keeps asking her for a kiss and tells her all the reasons why it's OK. She is hesitant and keeps saying "I need a little more time to think about it." That in itself should be an indicator to the guy, if he has any wisdom at all, that she is having doubts and that he should relax the pressure. But he continues. So instead of listening to her own feelings, she listens to him. Thus, he becomes the determiner of her convictions rather than the Spirit of God.

So my advice is, if you have any doubts, DON'T DO IT, even if the person you are dating tries to persuade you. And if you are the one doing the persuading, BACK OFF. Respect the person who is having doubts. Maybe God is giving the person you are dating doubts because He knows neither of you can kiss without lusting. Maybe that person is more in tune with what God is saying than you are when you think you can handle it.

 

[Empirion]

Uhm... No thanks. Kissing is good.

 

[msjones21]

Kissing is good.

One of my childhood friends told me right after he enrolled at seminary that he was really urging his cousin to save her kiss. He said to me, "I told her it's wonderful to save sex for your husband, but imagine how precious it would be to save your kiss".

Kissing is good. Kissing outside of marriage can be good. Kissing withing the confines of a God-centered married is beautiful.

 

[purringkitty]

My fiance` and I have not always been as obedient as we are now. We have decided to abstain until the wedding but for the past 2 1/2 years have had a very sexual relationship. We have a dauther together as well.

Simliar experience... yet different.
Being as young as I am, I unfortunately allowed pressure to let myself wander away from God for a little while in my past. My boyfriend and I have had a very sexual relationship as well during our first 5 months... it wasn't exactly consensual, though. I gave in through pressure and just continued while my conscience kept telling me not to. He's not Christian, as I am, so he didn't feel the least bit guilty... I couldn't take it everytime and made myself feel so bad afterwards and prayed for forgiveness... I still don't understand what I was thinking. Anyhow, I continued to realize my wrongdoings, and often brought up the positive aspects of waiting. He kept saying he'd wait because he knew how much it meant to me... it didn't come into effect until now though. So now we've agreed upon doing what I feel is right, and though not sooner, I have let God into my life once again. It's difficult but I turn to God and follow my heart everytime. It seems harder for my boyfriend, though, and he often pressures me, but he's trying.

However, as you said as well... it's <i>so</i> much harder now to hold back since we once had such an intimate connection before.

 

[Breetai]

it's so much harder now to hold back since we once had such an intimate connection before/

That's for sure.