Kissing

[lil_god_lova]

i've kissed guys before but i've made that commitment now...

 

[MagicStar723]

I love kissing, I don't aggree with that. I do think however that it does make temptations harder.

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

Kissing for the sake of kissing, so you can brag to friends, show off, etc is stupid. Kissing because you care for the person a great deal, I don't see a problem with.

 

[omerese]

good for you all. i am in a long distance relationship and can only send kisses by mail. i hope its a real one soon. ha ha

 

[Glamgoddess]

I'd just like to know why some people think it's better to not kiss at all during dating?? I mean, how do you define if you are more than just friends or not??

I knew my BF for about 5 months and was with him a lot, and I always told myself that I'm not interested in him like that, and it's just a friendship I want...but then when he kissed me for the first time (my first kiss ever too!!) I knew straight away that he was way more than a friend, and that I really wanted to be with him.

Kissing isn't a contract for sex, you know, I can't understand fully how there are some people who think a kiss on the lips is ultimatly going to lead to full blown sex.

I've even passionatly kissed my BF, and we've never gone close to having sex. We know the boundries, and we know that neither of us will break them, and the boundries aren't open for negotiation...so for us there is no problem.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, how do you REALLY know you feel something stronger than friendship for them if you aren't going to kiss?? In my opinon it seem a bit silly...but whatever floats your boat.

 

[William Nunn]

If it took a kiss for you to realize that he was the one, then that relationship probably won't work. Any relationship founded on anything physical isn't built on a solid foundation. If you couldn't see hime as someone you could be with, but then changed your mind after he kissed you, you are letting your physical appetites rule your judgement.

You may think it's silly, but I find it almost rude to say it like that. Any true loving relationship can be built without so much as a hug. In fact, I had never kissed the woman I'm engaged to right now before we began discussing marriage (and had basically agreed on it). We had contact almost excusively through the phone, mail, and internet for almost two years.

And I don't want to be rude in saying this glamgoddess, but you are being a bit naive here. If you can't see that kissing is a gateway for other activities, then you need to observe other relationships or take advice from others who have been where you are. I'm not saying that you and your boyfriend kissing will definitely lead to sex, but most people don't just jump straight to sex, it usually starts more innocently. And this is your first real kiss? Don't you think you should wait until you have a little more experience in this field before calling other's opinions on the matter "silly"?

 

[Glamgoddess]

Oh boy....here we go...

"If you couldn't see him as someone you could be with, but then changed your mind after he kissed you, you are letting your physical appetites rule your judgement. "

This sentence is so interesting, and ironic in my case, because if you actually KNEW my r'ship with my BF, you'd know that we very rarely touch, apart from holding hands, so I don't see how holding someones hand can blur someone's judgement..can it?? I've been with him for 10 mths, and all we've really done is hold hands and occasionaly kiss, and guess what?? We've never once been tempted to have sex, or thought about it...

Give me a little credit, because I actually DO have a fair bit of self-control, you know...and even if I was tempted, I know that God is there to help me fight it. Does it not state in the bible at 1 corintians 10:13, that God will not give you so much temptation that you can't fight it??


"I had never kissed the woman I'm engaged to right now before we began discussing marriage (and had basically agreed on it). We had contact almost excusively through the phone, mail, and internet for almost two years."

Uh-huh...and your point is....??

You know, just as well as I do, that every r'ship is different, and what worked for one person in their relationship, may not work for the next person...isn't that true??

So, before you tell me that my relationship won't work becuase it was "founded on something physical", I think you should realise that I'm different to you, and you can do what ever you think is right, just as I will..ok??

I wasn't trying to be rude, people who are rude just show off how they lack tack and manners, and why would I do that to myself? I personaly just think that for ME, not kissing untill marrige is a bit extreme, ok?? If not kissing works for you, great..I'm not knocking that, I'm just interested as to why some people seem to think it's a sin??

Like I said at the end of my last post, whatever floats YOUR boat, just please don't rock mine.

 

[William Nunn]

*This sentence is so interesting, and ironic in my case, because if you actually KNEW my r'ship with my BF, you'd know that we very rarely touch, apart from holding hands, so I don't see how holding someones hand can blur someone's judgement..can it?? I've been with him for 10 mths, and all we've really done is hold hands and occasionaly kiss, and guess what?? We've never once been tempted to have sex, or thought about it...*

But, you said in your other post that there was no consideration on your part of a real relationship, only a friendship. To decide that because of a kiss is dangerous, especially your FIRST kiss. If you couldn't have seen yourself in a commited relationship with him BEFORE you had kissed him, then it's obvious that you are letting a physical feelig (i.e., the kiss) rule your judgement.

*Give me a little credit, because I actually DO have a fair bit of self-control, you know...and even if I was tempted, I know that God is there to help me fight it. Does it not state in the bible at 1 corintians 10:13, that God will not give you so much temptation that you can't fight it??*

Because we never THINK we are so weak that we will fall to temptation. And if you think it never happens, well, just look at other posts in the forums here regarding sexual temptation and virginity, etc. Who knows, perhaps your situation is completely different, but everyone thinks that at first. "I'm strong enough not to let it go to far, we've set boundaries and there is no way we'll ever break them,", etc. But that is just where it starts soon you may get bored with just kissing (I know, it doesn't seem possible does it?), and want to go just a LITTLE bit further, and it just snowballs from there.

*Uh-huh...and your point is....??*

My point was that a strong relationship is not founded on a kiss, or physical contact of any kind. If you think it can be, then you have a lot to learn about relationships - again, something you can find out from reading some more posts in these forums.

*You know, just as well as I do, that every r'ship is different, and what worked for one person in their relationship, may not work for the next person...isn't that true??

So, before you tell me that my relationship won't work becuase it was "founded on something physical", I think you should realise that I'm different to you, and you can do what ever you think is right, just as I will..ok??*

Yes, every relationship is different, but one thing is true of ALL of them - if they are based on physical feelings they don't work. The more I read what you wrote the clearer it becomes that you just are sheltered from relationships or something, because it seems so obvious. How could you decide that you loved somebody from a kiss? That's no different than saying you love someone because they are good in the sack, because they are both reactions to PHYSICAL feelings.

*I wasn't trying to be rude, people who are rude just show off how they lack tack and manners, and why would I do that to myself? I personaly just think that for ME, not kissing untill marrige is a bit extreme, ok?? If not kissing works for you, great..I'm not knocking that, I'm just interested as to why some people seem to think it's a sin??*

I never said I didn't like it, or that it was a sin. But I know from experience, that kissing someone arouses certain feelings in you, the same as a touch, and that CAN cloud your judgement. Perhaps this man is perfect for you and you will have a wonderful life. But if you were really in love with this man, you would known before he kissed you. Love isn't that gushy feeling you get when someone kisses or touches you - again, a lesson many around here have learned the hard way. And if you decide you don't want to hear it, that's your perogative. But to just close your eyes and say "I don't care what happens to everyone else, it won't happen to me?", is irresponsible and can lead to things you regret later in life.

 

[GivingMyAll4Him]

my girlfriend and i have made the commitment not to kiss...

so far it is working great, and there are advantages beyond "not going to far" and "avoiding lustful feelings." first, it shows mutual respect...the relationship is not physical, you are not after something physical. second, it shows that the relationship is more than a simple physical attraction, you are not with this person to kiss. third, it forces you to become creative...date ideas change when you are not physical. movies are not for kissing, they are for a movie. the top of the hill really is to look at the stars. and new ideas are necessary to replace the things that are leading (to a kiss).

this is all an opinion, do what you want with it, but i love not kissing, it is awesome.

 

[omerese]

can i ask if we are talking of lip to lip, kiss on the cheek or fore head or other parts of the body, this may make us agree on limits.

 

[renaistre]

Love isn't that gushy feeling you get when someone kisses or touches you...

Amen to that!


I've still never been in a close enough relationship with a girl for the possibility of a kiss to even come up, but I'm pretty sure I want to wait until my wedding day for the first one.

I think of it this way: Until I am married, there is no assurance that any girl I am with will be my wife. When I am married, I think it would be so special to be able to say to my wife that she is the only woman I have ever kissed.

Of course, in this case, I am talking about a "romatic" type of kiss, not kissing grandma good-bye on the cheek. I think it is pretty clear that there can be a difference, and I don't think I could kiss a girl I like and just have it be "friendly" or somthing like that. Am I making any sense?

-Evan

 

[William Nunn]

Amen to that!


I've still never been in a close enough relationship with a girl for the possibility of a kiss to even come up, but I'm pretty sure I want to wait until my wedding day for the first one.

I think of it this way: Until I am married, there is no assurance that any girl I am with will be my wife. When I am married, I think it would be so special to be able to say to my wife that she is the only woman I have ever kissed.

Of course, in this case, I am talking about a "romatic" type of kiss, not kissing grandma good-bye on the cheek. I think it is pretty clear that there can be a difference, and I don't think I could kiss a girl I like and just have it be "friendly" or somthing like that. Am I making any sense?

-Evan

You are making plenty of sense. And I tell you, if you can pull off your goal of not even kissing anyone until marriage - that would be AWESOME! Dude, not only because I just wish I could ever say that I was that strong - but because that will be another way you can show your wife that she is the ONLY one you want. Oh man, that is really cool Renaistre, really cool indeed. I wish you the best in saving yourself for that lucky woman!

 

[koppee1]

During one of my relationships (gf-bf not marriage), I actually discussed with the girl what our limits would be. We decided that we weren't going to have sex. We eventually experimented with kissing and fondling. Later on, we already saw each other naked and experimented with oral sex. We kind of felt guilty about oral sex so we decided we would have none of that. But it came to the point that I "missed" it so much that I had another talk with her and we both decided that it wasn't "sex" so we continued to do it.

What's my point? Before we experimented with kissing, our dates composed of movies, talking, going out, etc. But after we started fooling around, our dates would have sessions in the car, sneaking and locking our rooms and other stuff like that. They weren't dates anymore. They were more like necking sessions. And the times we couldn't do it, we...or I at least, felt irritated or cheated. I now wanted to go out with her for the pleasure, and i wanted to do it as much as possible.

I used to wonder how our dates would have turned out if we hadn't had that first kiss. Would I have gotten to know her much better? Would I still be with her? (I'm now married and with someone else). I'd love to brag on how strong my willpower was in doing everything BUT "sex/penetration", but I realize I was actually weak since I wanted the pleasure as much as possible. I was actually weak as we changed our limits to suit our desires.

So I think everything started with that one kiss.

 

[Jesusfreekwanabe]

id just like to say william Nunn i compley agree with all u have to say on that matter my words exaclty

i have never kised no body , and dont plan on it

 

[Sam the Record Man]

I disagree with William Nunn ... I know plenty of relationships where kissing hasnt led to sex. I think ppl just need to understand that it really depends on the couple, because some couples will be fine kissing and going no further, and some wont. The challenge is figuring out which you are

 

[SelfProtect]

There is a VERY good book out called "Boundaries in Dating" by Christian Counselors: Cloud and Townsend.

 

[Icystwolf]

I'd just like to know why some people think it's better to not kiss at all during dating?? I mean, how do you define if you are more than just friends or not??

Because kissing is only allowed in a relationship, and a relationship starts when you get married.

Which is why the term used is "boyfriend", not "pseudo-husband" or "almost-hubby"....

A boyfriend is a friend, you will have a deep friendship, but not a relationship... intimate touching of the skin is lust....Jesus raised the bar on those rules......

I knew my BF for about 5 months and was with him a lot, and I always told myself that I'm not interested in him like that, and it's just a friendship I want...but then when he kissed me for the first time (my first kiss ever too!!) I knew straight away that he was way more than a friend, and that I really wanted to be with him.

Need you say more?

It's a stragedy from the male side, I was told that in yr10, highschool, if you know a girl who has never kissed, the first kiss, no matter how bad it is, will instantly make the girl your girlfriend. It worked on all my friends who tried it....I made a pass on that because, as a Christian I thought it was a disgusting scheme....my friends wern't Christian in highschool.

Kissing isn't a contract for sex, you know, I can't understand fully how there are some people who think a kiss on the lips is ultimatly going to lead to full blown sex.

What is then? a handshake?

What leads to sex then?

I've even passionatly kissed my BF, and we've never gone close to having sex. We know the boundries, and we know that neither of us will break them, and the boundries aren't open for negotiation...so for us there is no problem.

Oh give me a break, oh no, infact give me a holiday.

Please don't use something that is so obviously not true, to prove your argument. Unless your some divine sent from heaven, or that you're single for life....

We're all sinners down here, whether you like it or not. Your telling this thread that you have never thought about sex...

I'm not jealous, I just find that comment almost impossible, esspecially when you fell for a simple trick used by guys, from the first page on "how to seduce a chic"....

If you can fall for just a kiss, how are you going to even describe to anyone, that you're strong enough to resist sex.....

I guess what I'm trying to say is, how do you REALLY know you feel something stronger than friendship for them if you aren't going to kiss?? In my opinon it seem a bit silly...but whatever floats your boat.

The Bible doesn't prove your stance, however the jewish call this sort of love, libitunal(did I spell it right?) energy. Which is spiritual. Spirituality takes at least a year, before you can feel it.....and it requires the mind and flesh to be truthful.

To be honest with you, I see that as all chemicals.....

typical response, typical explanation which has no Biblical basis, you haven't even told us whether your relationship is "Christian" and how it's a "Christian" relationship...


Lets face it, what you experienced is Chemistry!

 

[Icystwolf]

I disagree with William Nunn ... I know plenty of relationships where kissing hasnt led to sex. I think ppl just need to understand that it really depends on the couple, because some couples will be fine kissing and going no further, and some wont. The challenge is figuring out which you are

Maybe because the couples breakup before they even had a chance to override their guilt feeling for sex.....

The challenge is not figuring out what you are, it's about obedience.

Since your a teen, it's very easy for everyone to test the waters....

To be honest with you, I'm sick of answering questions from teens, because they think oral sex is ok. Well it's not!!!

When you get to my age, your mind will mature and see the way I see things. I was a teen once....

Kissing is a worldly influence of lust....it's as much as the influence of materialism, commercialism, liberalism....etc

 

[William Nunn]

id just like to say william Nunn i compley agree with all u have to say on that matter my words exaclty

i have never kised no body , and dont plan on it

Whoa brother! It's absolutely awesome that you haven't kissed anyone yet, but don't say never, you may meet that woman who makes you beg the Lord for her hand in marriage. And kissing THAT woman will be SOOOO fantastic. THAT will be feeling love when you kiss. But yeah, saving that kiss for that one woman will make it that much more amazing when you meet her!

 

[Sam the Record Man]

Maybe because the couples breakup before they even had a chance to override their guilt feeling for sex..... [/quote

The couple that i was thinking of when I made my comment are still together. My parents, who have been married for 25 years, and never had pre-marital sex are a good example.

To be honest with you, I'm sick of answering questions from teens, because they think oral sex is ok. Well it's not!!!

I'm still a teen (barely) however I completely agree that oral sex is wrong. It is a form of sex and does nothing but feeds your lust. I am after God's heart, and I have committed time of reading, thinking and prayer to this issue, and I have felt that this is something that is okay for me.

Kissing is a worldly influence of lust....it's as much as the influence of materialism, commercialism, liberalism....etc

I think that you are referring to kissing outside of marriage, but if you're referring to kissing in general then i would have to say you are way off base. Take a look in the bible, especially Song of Songs and see what it says about kissing

Oh give me a break, oh no, infact give me a holiday.

Please don't use something that is so obviously not true, to prove your argument. Unless your some divine sent from heaven, or that you're single for life....

We're all sinners down here, whether you like it or not. Your telling this thread that you have never thought about sex...

I think he means that of course thoughts have passed through his mind, but that he has never dwelled on them, and he has never felt inclined to push his boundaries, and if he didnt mean that, well I do. Because I kiss my girlfriend, but I go no further than that, and I have no desire at all to do anything more than that until my wedding night.

What is then? a handshake?

What leads to sex then?

kissing is a sign of affection to the one you love, at least the way that I look at it. When I am kissing her i am thinking about how wonderful she is and how much i love her. Personally, i find it to be like that, just as a hug is another way to show someone that you care about them.

what leads to sex then?? I'm not quite sure because i have no experience. I am inclined to say your wedding day, but I know that answer will not suffice. I think a lot of it depends on your self-control and what the couple thinks they are comfortable. I won't deny that some ppl have had kissing lead to sex, but i personally believe its because they didnt have the self-control, or the solid footing to fend off temptation. Also, deep down that they both wanted to do it.

Because kissing is only allowed in a relationship, and a relationship starts when you get married.

Which is why the term used is "boyfriend", not "pseudo-husband" or "almost-hubby"....

A boyfriend is a friend, you will have a deep friendship, but not a relationship... intimate touching of the skin is lust....Jesus raised the bar on those rules......

I'm curious as to what makes you think that it is only a relationship if you are married, cause I don't agree and have never heard that perspective before. so i am curious to know where that comes from