Kinda strange relationship question..

[solagratia]

I'm new here and I'll try to make this as concise as possible..
Got married when I was 19. Spiritually immature, married a guy who was either spiritually immature too, or not a christian (not sure). He dated while we were married, never admitted it, never repented, he filed for divorce. (I did go through counseling w/ my pastor throughout that time)
A couple months after we were divorced, ex-husband got a girl pregnant and married her. That was 1995.
In 2003 he called me from out of the blue to admit that he had cheated on me, that it wasn't my fault, and that he was sorry and asked forgiveness. (which I had given. - I forgave him years ago, even though we'd had no contact.)
I asked what prompted the call after all these years and he said that his wife was chearing on him, that they'd never had a good marriage b/c he had never gotten over me, etc.
We talked about his relationship w/ God and over the next few months he became a Christian (or returned to his faith, depending on if he was a christian before - nit picking, I know)
Over a year later, his wife has left him and moved in w/ her boyfriend of a year+, and she is filing for divorce. (she is decidedly NOT a christan. Hostile to the message)

My Question:
What do you think, spiritually, is even allowed in this case?
I struggle with whether it is sin for me to even talk to the ex, b/c that could be impeding any chance of reconciliation between him & his wife. (they have a kid)
He definitely has biblical grounds for divorce in my understanding of scripture, but where we go after that is grey area.
(I've never remarried, been single since the divorce)

Would remarriage be an option for us, or is it null and void b/c of the his 2nd marriage?

Thanks for reading this incredibly long post!!
I have a hard time talking to friends/family about this b/c they are very biased against him.
SolaGratia

 

[StAnselm]

Thanks for posting this SolaGratia. This is quite difficult...

I guess in making decisions, there are a series of questions to work through. You need to ask, is it lawful? - but even if it is, you still need to ask yourself, is it wise? And my gut feeling is that it wouldn't be wise. At least, not yet. Not for quite a while.

In any case, he still is married to another woman, so you shouldn't be entering into any sort of intimate relationship with him, anyway...

 

[Johnnz]

This is an issue you need to talk through with someone from your local church. There are many factors to consider, and you will need good advice and counsel as you work through each one.

John
NZ

 

[rogsr]

Hello,

Your post was not long at all

Are you expieriencing any "once bitten twice shy" feelings?

On the negative side if I were in your shoes I would consider things like trustworthyness, desperation, lonliness, etc. On the positive side I would consider things like greater maturity, expierience, love, etc. Regardless, I would definately take it slow and pay very close attention to see if I were dealing with a new person or the same old person. Words without actions are worth their wieght in gold.

Peace-

 

[Evangelical Pastor]

Ever since Ronald Reagon started the divorce revolution when he was governor of California,the nation has been in turmoil due to the break-up of marriages this man and his quick and easy divorce law created.With the ruining of marriages,Reagon did something even worse;he created an emotional demand for re-marriages which Jesus taught are acts of adultery.To remain popular,many churches offer re-marriage ceremonies thus turning what used to be a house of worship into a house of adultery.

In spite of your complex problem,there are biblical teachings to direct your course of action.It is totally irrelevant if your husband was or is now a Christian.It is also irrelevant if your husband will make a good marriage partner.From God's point of view,what is relevant is that you keep your marriage vows providing that your husband did not divorce a first wife to marry you.

The fact that your husband has re-married is one important reason to restore your marriage so you can get him out of adultery.Hey I have terrific news for you.The Holy Spirit just told me your husband has become a Christian.THANK YOU GOD! All the more reason to restore your marriage.

The bottom line is that contrary to the beliefs of divorce-happy pleasure seekers in our society,God wants us to keep first marriages intact.

 

[forgivenmuch]

you are going to have to realize.. that if you did have him back.. it would Never be the same as before.. hes got a child now. you seem pretty open to all answers. just be VERY wise here. it seems to me..that he comes to you.. because he needs someone. you are not the person he needs right now.. he needs God. if you take him back are you ready for another affair and a divorce? im not saying it would happen but it could. you need to realize that you and him are different now. you have grown in God.. i think you know the answer more than anyone. it seems that you want him back..to even ask. but you are going to have to make that choice. but if it was me.. i would give it time. never jump into something your not sure of like this. i would be really concerned of what he done to my life once.. and how it could change it again ..if he was not serious. is it worth the chance to you. if you love him..and you forgive him and want to take that chance..then go for it.. but do it wisely. give him time.. dont get intimate with him.. be friends first..and then see where it goes. keep God first in your life..and if its not Gods will ... you will know. i will pray for you.

 

[oworm]

Solagratia !! Welcome to CF i can see from your faith icon that you are Reformed . You know we have our own forum here where you can come for fellowship and solid biblical advice, faithfull prayer and a non judgemental atmosphere follow the link below

http://www.christianforums.com/f366

 

[bliz]

I do not doubt for a second that God can totally transform a life. At the same time, I also know that everyone who claims to have had a transformed life hasn't necessarilly had one and/or hasn't worked on the problems they had that may have contributed to their actions in the past.

I don't know what to say on the Biblicalness of you eventually having a relationship with your X sometime in the future, but I think it is way, way, way to soon for you or him to have any realistic idea of if he has changed or not. Give it a couple of years. I'm serious.