Kinda over it

[ScarlettRose]

Hello
So, lately I have been feeling pretty out of it in relation to going to church. The reason being that for the past few months, whenever I go the only people that end up hanging with me before/after services are the youth kids (I'm 21 & one of the youth leaders) & nobody my age. There are other young adults at my church, but we just don't "click" & admittedly they are very "cliquey"...know what I mean. And the people that were my age & that I clicked with/ were great mates with have left my church. Sure, I love my church, my entire family goes there & I have tried to get to know the other young adults. I just miss having those close friends of my age at church every Sunday.
I have been seriously thinking of joining a church of the same denomination only down the road from my current church where my best friend goes to. I have been there a few times before & the teachings are great & I really click with the young adults there. But I am not sure...yes, I've prayed about it all & am kinda confused...the reason being that the 'answers' I got were contradicting... (ie: stay where you are planted & go where I send you) .

Thoughts & help will be much appreciated! Thanks!

 

[RobertMerton]

i would say spiritual fellowship with people on your spiritual maturity level is important.
very important.

i would invite your friend to your church

 

[ShadowsChild]

I kinda know what you mean. Back when I was really trying to get into the whole christianity things i had the HARDEST time. Everywhere I went, it felt like I wasn't welcomed, wasn't wanted. But the only things I can really tell you from that experience is this......

If you do not feel like you are welcomed and safe, you will not allow yourself to be challenged and grow. If that means you have to leave the church where your family goes - then do it. It's THEIR church, not yours.

 

[JESUSIAM]

"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. Be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." -John 16:33

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, because He has anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed; to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord." -Luke 4:18,19

THE PRAYER OF FAITH -The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. -James 5:13-16
THE POWER OF PRAYER -It's up to the individual what is the source of his strength. "IT WORKS" !!!

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water --It'll be alright !!!
I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Brokenhearts become brand new
Now, that's what faith can do !!! --song by KUTLESS

" BE BLESS " !!!

IN HIS NAME,

JESUS

 

[ImperialPhantom]

I would either start going to that new church, or start trying out that new church, maybe attending each church every other week, switching on and off each week. No reason you can't do that.

 

[april_eric_always_forever]

I agree that their needs to be some level of connection / feeling of belonging within the church you go to. No one should have to dread going to church because of the people. I've been there before. Try out the new one, and give you're family the option of joining you where you end up on some Sunday.

 

[ScarlettRose]

Hey, thanks for the replies & all. I have invited friends outside of my church before, but admittedly they weren't really welcomed by other young adults either :/ Aaaand...something has kinda come up (only last night actually)...I've been asked to, I guess u can say, step up another level as a youth leader. I haven't really responded as of yet. But now I'm a little more unsure. Do I stay for the youth kids & continue experiencing the cliqueiness of the other young adults? Or do I start going to my best friends' church?
I must say tho, I liked the idea of going 1 week to my best friend's church & another week to my current church...

 

[Hishandmaiden]

Hey, thanks for the replies & all. I have invited friends outside of my church before, but admittedly they weren't really welcomed by other young adults either :/ Aaaand...something has kinda come up (only last night actually)...I've been asked to, I guess u can say, step up another level as a youth leader. I haven't really responded as of yet. But now I'm a little more unsure. Do I stay for the youth kids & continue experiencing the cliqueiness of the other young adults? Or do I start going to my best friends' church?
I must say tho, I liked the idea of going 1 week to my best friend's church & another week to my current church...

I think christian ministry always involved a sacrifice. The christian missionaries are not always welcomed by the people around them. I think it will be great if you can stay on for the younger kids and guide them to God, if you are strong in your faith in God, and can continue to worship Him even when you are lacking from Christian companies. But if you really feel weak and need the christian companies, then try out the new church.

I just think that you sound like someone who really loves God, and it will be good for you to bring younger teens out to be on fire for God like you. Every missionary afterall suffers in one way or another. The early missionaries to China definitely also suffer from lack of christian fellowship in a pagan countries, but their efforts and sacrifices pay off, because through their services, many people come to know and believe in God.

Ultimately, make your choice and no matter what choice it may be, do not regret it. Regardless of whether you want to sacrifice for the teens or move on to enjoy godly christian fellowships!

 

[mahlalie]

If I'm in your shoes, I'd want to try to be there for my kids but surround myself with other good Christian friends outside of that church to whom I can relate. Remember, the church is not your church; it's all Christians. Obviously, you know that, having said your best friend goes somewhere else. Hang out with your friends more outside of your church. When you attend your church, view it as being there for your kids rather than being there to fellowship with other people.

 

[ShadowsChild]

See, I disagree...I mean staying there for the younger youth is a great idea and all...i mean, I wouldn't be alive today if someone hadn't done that for me.....but at the same time I think there needs to be a point where you are actually selfish in your faith.

Yes, I know that scripture says that you are to remain selfless and sacrificing, but if you can't grow in your own faith - how are you to help others grow in theirs? I know that when I was younger a mentor of mine had to step back for quite some time. To grow and understand themselves.

I don't see why you couldn't step away and go to that other church. I mean if there is a few youth that you really connect with as a leader - see them on your own time. There is nothing wrong with that. A whole big brothers, big sisters thing. As for the pastor (I am assuming) who asked you to step up....I would be wondering where the head is. If they can't see that you are excluded in your own social demographic and yet are asking you to commit more to the younger - I don't know. It just seems wrong to me.

 

[SwissMiss]

If I'm in your shoes, I'd want to try to be there for my kids but surround myself with other good Christian friends outside of that church to whom I can relate. Remember, the church is not your church; it's all Christians. Obviously, you know that, having said your best friend goes somewhere else. Hang out with your friends more outside of your church. When you attend your church, view it as being there for your kids rather than being there to fellowship with other people.

Mahlalie has a point here. You should stay for the kids. They need good, strong leaders in the church, more now than ever. Alot of "Christian" parents don't spend time with their kids, and they need someone to be there for them and listen to them.

I do empathize with you on feeling like a lone ranger in church (been there myself), but if you are needed there, and there's no major problems in the church or something unbiblical being taught (which there was at my old church), I think you should stay. But like Mahlalie said, you can still fellowship with Christians outside of your church. And maybe you can bring friends to church and hang out with them....even if there's some snobby young adults, you can be the 'cool one' that makes people feel welcome HTH

 

[mahlalie]

Yes, I know that scripture says that you are to remain selfless and sacrificing, but if you can't grow in your own faith - how are you to help others grow in theirs? I know that when I was younger a mentor of mine had to step back for quite some time. To grow and understand themselves.

See, I think you're missing the point. Why should you be unable to grow in your faith because of where you hang out on Sundays and Wednesdays? Why should you feel as if you have to hang out with people you don't get on with that well? I'm saying to try not to look at the church you attend as your source of fellowship. If you meet some cool people there, more power to you. If not, there are other Christians in the world that you will enjoy.

 

[ScarlettRose]

Thanks for the responses! This Sunday I am visiting the other church that I mentioned before where my best friend goes to. I'll then be fellowshipping with other friends from another church in te evening. I think I will stay at my current church & visit the other one every so often.
Blessings!

 

[Hishandmaiden]

Thanks for the responses! This Sunday I am visiting the other church that I mentioned before where my best friend goes to. I'll then be fellowshipping with other friends from another church in te evening. I think I will stay at my current church & visit the other one every so often.
Blessings!

I am glad to see you had come up with your own decisions regarding the situations. And God bless you!

 

[Rose of Eden]

Hi ScarlettRose
I hope things are getting a little easier for you with your church and your friend's church! While I do agree with a lot of the people here that you should stay helping out with the youth at your church (especially if you feel that this is where God wants you for the time being), I also think it is so important to make sure to have some regular fellowship with Christians your own age as well! I have a similar issue at my church. I've been going there since I was a teenager with my family. I'm involved on the worship team, in my church's dramas and musical productions, and I help out with the teens sometimes as well. My issue is that there isn't even a group my age at my church (or at any church within about 45 minutes of my church; there's simply not a lot of young people where I live, period). What I started doing was getting involved in a college/young adult Christian group in another church (even though it's a bit of a drive). I still go to my church on Sundays and Wednesdays and am just as involved, except that I also go to another church once on Thursday nights for their young adult fellowship and go to their young adult small group Bible studies on Tuesdays. I'm involved in my church still and also met some new people my age and I fellowship with them on a regular, weekly basis. It's great!

I'm glad you decided to stay at your church and visit your friend's church and their group your age, but could you try to do more than visit? I think it's so important to have regular (preferably weekly, if possible) fellowship with your Christian peers that are your age (and who are friendly, welcoming, and inclusive!). It's good for you! Does your friend's church have a college/young adult weekly meeting or service on a different night of the week that you could go to regularly? Or what about a weekly small group Bible study with them? If they don't have that, maybe you could start one? (Since you're a leader in your church's youth group, you'd probably be a great person to start a Bible study with your peers!) That way you could stay involved in your church while still regularly meeting, fellowshipping, and growing with some people your age that you click with!

Hope my story or something I said helped! I'll pray for you!