Keep on!

[marcb]

Hello all,

I just wanted to share an experience with you, hopefully to encourage us all to continue to "fight the good fight."

As many of you know, I went off my meds for a while. I thought (problem #1 ) that it would force me to deal with this problem and not avoid it. Well, let's just say it was ok for a while, then it blew up and I was back in the pit .
This experience made me realize how REAL ocd is .
So, with God's strength, I went after it hard. I got a psychiatrist, a great psychologist, who specializes in intrusive thoughts, got back on meds, and began exposure therapy. Things were hard at first, then after a couple of weeks, I began to feel much better. I felt like I was really under grace, and I was able to see myself as a new creation in Christ, which I think we all struggle to do. I started to see the thoughts as harmless symptoms.

Well, the past few days my ocd has been getting the better of me. Looking back, I think what has started to happen is, I felt better, so I expected more of myself and then the thoughts were a disappointment. I may have let my guard down and began to once again fight the thoughts, and thereby heating up the battle. I also started to feel a bit "spiritually dry," which I think is just a mood more than a reality. Maybe I am over-rationalizing, but when the thoughts accompanied the "dryness," I became upset over them and ocd began "putting points back on the board." Does anybody know what I mean?

In my mind, this leads me to realize tree things:

1. OCD is chronic, and almost seems to "mutate," so as to catch us off guard.

2. Victory or success may have led me to more self-reliance, and I began to place myself back in that self-judgement seat -- where God, not me, belongs.

3. I must keep focused on what God is doing, not what I am thinking.

This is a marathon, not a sprint:
Keep on, keep on, keep on!

 

[kaykay637]

Praying for you, Marc. Thanks for the encouragement. I do know very much what you mean. I have also had the experience of the OCD struggles "sneaking up on you!" That can definitely happen and it has to me too.

 

[ObsessedButBlessed]

Marc you should be proud of yourself for all the hard work you've done!

I agree that OCD tends to morph or twist. It also seems as though the longer we have a particular obsession, the more twisted it gets. It's OCD's nature to come up with a new argument once we think we have something figured out.

And, I also know what you mean about OCD trying to argue for your "spiritual dryness." It seems as though even if I'm doing well and keeping my obsessions at bay, and then something comes up where I find myself obsessing or feeling anxious, OCD's the first to say "see, I told you so," and then begins the whole argument of "Is it real or is it OCD?"

Just last night I was thinking "how many similar stories have I read about my types of obsessions, and yet, I still doubt it's OCD?"

Remember... same story, different characters. OCD is predictable in that sense. I read some great advice once - someone posted on another message board about not being surprised when OCD reared its ugly head. I think it is a hard pill to swallow, sometimes, that OCD is chronic indeed.

 

[renewedmind]

hi marcb. I'm new to this forum . I posted my struggle with ocd a wk. or so a ago, under my story. What i wanted to add is that even christians w/out ocd shouldn't trust thier feelings. our feelings aren't always reliable.This is a faith walk "for we walk by faith not by sight".It just so happens that believers w/ ocd struggle more because of this disorder.I 've even heard it called the doubting disease.

 

[jc9992]

1. OCD is chronic, and almost seems to "mutate," so as to catch us off guard.

2. Victory or success may have led me to more self-reliance, and I began to place myself back in that self-judgement seat -- where God, not me, belongs.

3. I must keep focused on what God is doing, not what I am thinking

Once again marc, I was thinking about this very same thing this week.number 1 is very true and we have to accept that a new obsession could come along at any time.

numbers 2 and 3 are good because we do tend to sometimes think about what we are doing instead of what God is doing.

 

[wiggsfly]

It sounds like you've come a long way in your journey. I understand the concept of OCS mutating. For me this has been the case pretty much my entire life.

 

[stacii]

Hello all,

I just wanted to share an experience with you, hopefully to encourage us all to continue to "fight the good fight."

As many of you know, I went off my meds for a while. I thought (problem #1 ) that it would force me to deal with this problem and not avoid it. Well, let's just say it was ok for a while, then it blew up and I was back in the pit .
This experience made me realize how REAL ocd is .
So, with God's strength, I went after it hard. I got a psychiatrist, a great psychologist, who specializes in intrusive thoughts, got back on meds, and began exposure therapy. Things were hard at first, then after a couple of weeks, I began to feel much better. I felt like I was really under grace, and I was able to see myself as a new creation in Christ, which I think we all struggle to do. I started to see the thoughts as harmless symptoms.

Well, the past few days my ocd has been getting the better of me. Looking back, I think what has started to happen is, I felt better, so I expected more of myself and then the thoughts were a disappointment. I may have let my guard down and began to once again fight the thoughts, and thereby heating up the battle. I also started to feel a bit "spiritually dry," which I think is just a mood more than a reality. Maybe I am over-rationalizing, but when the thoughts accompanied the "dryness," I became upset over them and ocd began "putting points back on the board." Does anybody know what I mean?

In my mind, this leads me to realize tree things:

1. OCD is chronic, and almost seems to "mutate," so as to catch us off guard.

2. Victory or success may have led me to more self-reliance, and I began to place myself back in that self-judgement seat -- where God, not me, belongs.

3. I must keep focused on what God is doing, not what I am thinking.

This is a marathon, not a sprint:
Keep on, keep on, keep on!

i can't stand that disappointed feeling. It ruins it for me like, every 6 months or so....

 

[gracealone]

Hello all,

I just wanted to share an experience with you, hopefully to encourage us all to continue to "fight the good fight."

As many of you know, I went off my meds for a while. I thought (problem #1 ) that it would force me to deal with this problem and not avoid it. Well, let's just say it was ok for a while, then it blew up and I was back in the pit .
This experience made me realize how REAL ocd is .
So, with God's strength, I went after it hard. I got a psychiatrist, a great psychologist, who specializes in intrusive thoughts, got back on meds, and began exposure therapy. Things were hard at first, then after a couple of weeks, I began to feel much better. I felt like I was really under grace, and I was able to see myself as a new creation in Christ, which I think we all struggle to do. I started to see the thoughts as harmless symptoms.

Well, the past few days my ocd has been getting the better of me. Looking back, I think what has started to happen is, I felt better, so I expected more of myself and then the thoughts were a disappointment. I may have let my guard down and began to once again fight the thoughts, and thereby heating up the battle. I also started to feel a bit "spiritually dry," which I think is just a mood more than a reality. Maybe I am over-rationalizing, but when the thoughts accompanied the "dryness," I became upset over them and ocd began "putting points back on the board." Does anybody know what I mean?

In my mind, this leads me to realize tree things:

1. OCD is chronic, and almost seems to "mutate," so as to catch us off guard.

2. Victory or success may have led me to more self-reliance, and I began to place myself back in that self-judgement seat -- where God, not me, belongs.

3. I must keep focused on what God is doing, not what I am thinking.

This is a marathon, not a sprint:
Keep on, keep on, keep on!

Thanks for sharing your experiences Marc.
It is important to recognize that for many of us OCD is indeed a Chronic condition that waxes and wanes. That fighting it is a two steps forward one step back thing. That we must accept the bad days and not beat ourselves up about them or look at them as "a sure sign that we are failing in our therapy". (OCD thought).
But mostly we have to realize that OCD puts us in a unique position of total reliance on God's grace and love as there will be times when we cannot find a shred of emotional evidence to bolster us in our faith. This is the dryness that you spoke of.
Amazing - isn't it though - all you are learning about the wonderful nature of God that perhaps you may not have ever considered without this affliciton. This for me has been the greatest thing about having OCD.
God Bless you Marc.
Thank you for your encouragment to keep on keeping on.
Mitzi

 

[janetdean007]

i've read all the response to marc and enjoyed them all. i also suffer from ocd and my current med (paxil) i believe is not helping. been on approx. 8 yrs. does anyone have a suggestion of new med. that could help me?